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Kaill64
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Last Seen: 14th April 2004 - 05:45 PM
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Kaill64

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10 Feb 2004
An Early Valentine

As my husband and I will be out of town for the next week, I am posting this now.

This will be my first Valentine’s Day without Trixie and I know that many of you will be facing this day without your babies for the first time in a long time, as well. I wish everyone who reads this a peaceful February 14th and a day filled with happy, cherished memories of the ones you have loved and lost.

You all have made a difference in my life and the lives of countless others, I am sure. And that is a deed to which few can lay claim. Thank You for listening, for giving advice, for commiserating, for understanding, for crying, for celebrating, and for mourning along with me and everyone else who posts here. I wish I could say all of this in person and give each and every one of you a big hug. Instead, I’m going to re-post the words that have given me so much hope and comfort from the beginning – I hope that you receive at least a little of the same…….

Peace and Love,


Kai

A parable of Immortality

by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of
beauty and strength and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a
speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with
each other. Then someone at my side says, "there she goes ".

Gone where? Gone from my sight...that is all. She is just as large in mast
and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear
her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size
is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"there she goes", there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "here she comes".
15 Jan 2004
Well,

I just got back from picking up Trixie’s “cremains” (that’s what they call them, I guess) at the vet. I was very apprehensive about going, mostly because I thought I wouldn’t be able to get through it without bursting into tears. Nothing wrong with tears, but I have been so physically and mentally drained over the last week and a half. And once I start it takes a long time to stop. I tried to get my husband to go but he works across town and the clinic closes at 5 – he never would have made it in time and I wanted her back today.

So, off I go. The oncologist’s office is only about 10 minutes away from my house but I haven’t driven in that direction since Trixie’s last visit. The last time I was there, I left in tears and I didn’t want to do that again. I walked in and, thankfully, there were very few people around and things were very quiet. I tried to ask for Trixie’s ashes very quietly. I saw that there was a woman and one couple in the waiting room with some very concerned expressions on their faces. I remember how upsetting it was when someone came to pick up ashes while I was there waiting with Trixie. It sent my mind and emotions in undesirable directions and just made me want to hold onto her very tightly. I didn’t want to do the same thing to other people.

They brought out this really small black rectangular cube thing and that turned out to be the temporary urn. I don’t know what I expected, maybe a box or something like that. They also gave me a little certificate from the place she was cremated. I was a little worried because they just called today to have me pick up her ashes. I thought that maybe he body had been just lying around somewhere for more than a week and didn’t like the thought of that. Her cremation date turned out to be the date I thought though. January 9th.

I left the office and did so very calmly and with only a slight watering of the eyes. After the way I left last time, I needed to go back there again and face the place with courage and calm. I think I did that.

So, one last time, I brought my baby home from the doctor’s, down the same road we always took and with me holding onto her carrier to steady it – different carrier, same baby. Now she’s sitting in her usual place, by the window in my office. And, oh hell, here I am in tears again.


Thanks for listening,

Kai
10 Jan 2004
I hadn't realized how fragile and thin she had become until I found some pictures from last Spring.

Kai
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5 Jan 2004
Greetings All,

Just two hours ago, my cat, Trixie, was put to sleep in our home. After a 5 month battle with multiple myeloma and 12 years as my best baby girl, she went quickly and more peacefully than I could have hoped for. My heart is breaking, though, and the following, written by Henry Van Dyke, has helped me much over the past few months. My hope is that perhaps it will help some of you, as well.

Kai in AZ



A parable of Immortality

by Henry Van Dyke

I am standing upon the seashore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails
to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of
beauty and strength and I stand and watch until at last she hangs like a
speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to mingle with
each other. Then someone at my side says, "there she goes ".

Gone where? Gone from my sight...that is all. She is just as large in mast
and hull and spar as she was when she left my side and just as able to bear
her load of living freight to the place of destination. Her diminished size
is in me, not in her. And just at the moment when someone at my side says,
"there she goes", there are other eyes watching her coming and other voices
ready to take up the glad shout, "here she comes".
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12 Oct 2009 - 18:03

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