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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum _ Pet Disease and Sickness Support _ My Sweet Lab And Lymphoma Cancer
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 7 2015, 12:09 AM
I know what I should do but I am still holding onto my 12.5 year old lab. People say "you will know when it's time." I think I do but I don't. I know but I don't want to. Yes, someone should kick me. I'm not ready but I should. I can't keep showing up at work with swollen eyes from crying myself to sleep. So pathetic.
So this creature of mine that I love so very much is Anka. She was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer 4 weeks ago after we noticed heavy panting and lumps around her neck, shoulders and stomach. And then we received the dreaded news. I cried for days and haven't really stopped when I'm at home. I'm pretty sure she feels worst. Unable to breathe properly. We put her on steroid medication and she was back to her old self for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the medicine is no longer effective. Her breathing is heavily labored, all the time especially when she is sleeping, stopped eating, lost weight, goes for short walks only and lately snorts/whimpers. She doesn't eat her food but eats cheese and treats.
I scheduled at home appointment to put her down this Saturday. It was a hard decision, I went back and forth on it for what seems like a million times. I can't and don't want her to suffer. But each time she seems like her old self, comes in for snuggles and eats her food, I feel hopeful again. Sadly there are more bad than good days. I'll miss you my dearest sweet Anka. Mommy loves you forever.
I need the courage to see this thru. I had no idea this would be so very hard.
Posted by: LittleGirl'sMommy Oct 7 2015, 10:41 AM
Dear Anka's Mommy,
My heart goes out to you with so much empathy at this horrible time.
It must be so, so difficult to make this decision. It is very understandable that you want to hold on and have as many more "good" days as you possibly can! The labored breathing sounds like the symptom that will make the decision, and possibly Saturday will be just about the "right" time. 
It is wonderful that you have someone coming to your home for this.
Do you have good support from people around you? I hope co-workers are at least somewhat understanding as well? I have been in situations where I had to work around people who thought this was no big deal ! It was very, very difficult. Know also that we will be there to support you through all phases of this heart-wrenching journey.
After Anka does pass from her physical form, she will still be with you, and, when it's your time to pass on, you will be fully reunited. So remember that this won't be the end.
I will be looking for any updates from you. I'll be sending prayers and comforting thoughts your way. 
Hugs and warmth,
Kathy
So this creature of mine that I love so very much is Anka. She was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer 4 weeks ago after we noticed heavy panting and lumps around her neck, shoulders and stomach. And then we received the dreaded news. I cried for days and haven't really stopped when I'm at home. I'm pretty sure she feels worst. Unable to breathe properly. We put her on steroid medication and she was back to her old self for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the medicine is no longer effective. Her breathing is heavily labored, all the time especially when she is sleeping, stopped eating, lost weight, goes for short walks only and lately snorts/whimpers. She doesn't eat her food but eats cheese and treats.
I scheduled at home appointment to put her down this Saturday. It was a hard decision, I went back and forth on it for what seems like a million times. I can't and don't want her to suffer. But each time she seems like her old self, comes in for snuggles and eats her food, I feel hopeful again. Sadly there are more bad than good days. I'll miss you my dearest sweet Anka. Mommy loves you forever.
I need the courage to see this thru. I had no idea this would be so very hard.
Posted by: moon_beam Oct 7 2015, 02:30 PM
Hi, Anka's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest condolences on the diagnosis of your precious Anka. Anticipatory Grief is a journey filled with its own nightmare roller coaster ride. Please know you and your precious Anka are in my thoughts and prayers as your journey approaches Saturday. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Please know your precious Anka is eternally grateful to you for all the things you have done for her during her earthly journey, and for your unselfish love in releasing her sweet Living Spirit from her now frail, failing, painful physical body.
I know all so well how painful making this decision is, but have found comfort in knowing that my companion is no longer struggling to endure through pain and suffering that is irreversible. Please know you and your precious Anka are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 8 2015, 10:24 PM
Thank you so for your kind message. I'm doing it again, back paddling on my decision. I need to remind myself it's the right thing to do.
My heart goes out to you with so much empathy at this horrible time.
It must be so, so difficult to make this decision. It is very understandable that you want to hold on and have as many more "good" days as you possibly can! The labored breathing sounds like the symptom that will make the decision, and possibly Saturday will be just about the "right" time.
It is wonderful that you have someone coming to your home for this. Do you have good support from people around you? I hope co-workers are at least somewhat understanding as well? I have been in situations where I had to work around people who thought this was no big deal ! It was very, very difficult. Know also that we will be there to support you through all phases of this heart-wrenching journey.
After Anka does pass from her physical form, she will still be with you, and, when it's your time to pass on, you will be fully reunited. So remember that this won't be the end.
I will be looking for any updates from you. I'll be sending prayers and comforting thoughts your way.
Hugs and warmth,
Kathy
Posted by: moon_beam Oct 10 2015, 12:18 PM
Hi, Anka's Mom, thinking of you and your precious Anka today as your earthly journey together transitions to a different dimension - - the dimension of eternal love. Please know we are here for you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 10 2015, 07:33 PM
Anka passed away peacefully today at 250 pm surrounded by her human family embraced with hugs and kisses. Love you eternally, baby.
So this creature of mine that I love so very much is Anka. She was diagnosed with lymphoma cancer 4 weeks ago after we noticed heavy panting and lumps around her neck, shoulders and stomach. And then we received the dreaded news. I cried for days and haven't really stopped when I'm at home. I'm pretty sure she feels worst. Unable to breathe properly. We put her on steroid medication and she was back to her old self for 2 weeks. Unfortunately, the medicine is no longer effective. Her breathing is heavily labored, all the time especially when she is sleeping, stopped eating, lost weight, goes for short walks only and lately snorts/whimpers. She doesn't eat her food but eats cheese and treats.
I scheduled at home appointment to put her down this Saturday. It was a hard decision, I went back and forth on it for what seems like a million times. I can't and don't want her to suffer. But each time she seems like her old self, comes in for snuggles and eats her food, I feel hopeful again. Sadly there are more bad than good days. I'll miss you my dearest sweet Anka. Mommy loves you forever.
I need the courage to see this thru. I had no idea this would be so very hard.
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 10 2015, 07:51 PM
Thank you so much. Putting her to sleep at home was the best decision for our family. It allowed us to say goodbye as a family in peace. Thank you.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: moon_beam Oct 11 2015, 10:33 AM
Hi, Anka's Mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Anka. Your beloved companion's sweet Living Spirit is now embraced in the company of the angels and all the residents of heaven's perfect garden enjoying the freedom you have given her from her failing, frail, painful physical body. She is eternally grateful to you for this great gift of unselfish love, and although she is no longer in this physical realm, her sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a heartbeat close to you - - because of love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space.
I know all too well from first hand experience that when we are navigating the deep grief journey there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.
Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Anka with us. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Anka's Mom, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 13 2015, 06:29 PM
Here she is. 
Posted by: moon_beam Oct 15 2015, 03:39 PM
Hi, Anka's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us this wonderful picture of your beloved Anka. She is soooo beautiful. It is obvrious from the expression in her eyes and on her face that she KNOWS she is loved.
I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anka's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: Ankababy Oct 20 2015, 09:05 PM
Dear moon beam,
Thank you for your support. The first week was super tough. Leaving and coming home to memories of being greeted by Anka. Filling up water bowl only to be reminded that she's gone. Staring at spaces where she used to lay around the house. Taking walks without her seems so empty. So I started running, it was refreshing but my knees are aching. Lol.
On Monday, Anka's ashes were returned to us in a beautiful wood cherry box. I am so happy. I am going to hang on to it for now. My 7 year old, on the other hand, is still trying to cope with the loss. We are spending extra time and showing extra attention to her as she goes through the motion. Recently she cried and told me that Anka was the one who taught her how to be brave and not be scared. We had several talks comforting her. I think with time, it will make things easier. I never imagined it would be this hard. And I pray for love and strength to anyone else who have had or going through this experience.
Have fun in heaven, Anka. Love eternally.
Mommy
Posted by: moon_beam Oct 21 2015, 08:41 AM
Hi, Anka's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your daughter are doing. Indeed, getting our beloved companion's ashes back is a two sided coin: the one side can be very comforting having them back home where they belong yet the other side is yet another "reality check" in that they are no longer physically with us in the form that our hearts and arms long for them to be. This is one of the "first without adjustmenst" that is part of this grief adjustment journey.
Clinical professionals recognize that children grieve differently from adults. There are several books on grieving the physical loss of a beloved companion that are written for children which you and your daughter might find helpful. It's just a suggestion - - for however helpful it may be to you.
I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anka's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
Posted by: Ankababy Nov 1 2015, 04:45 AM
Dear Moon Beam,
Happy November. Thank you for your support and kind words. It's helping me tremendously through the grief. My heart still aches when I think of her, my furry baby. I am having an artist include some her ashes into a pendant so I can wear it close to my heart and take her with me everyone. I'll post a photo when it's done.
Any book recommendations are welcome for my daughter. She is adjusting better these days. Keeps asking for another dog but we don't have plans to adopt one anytime soon. It's selfish but I don't even want to think about going thru the same loss again. It's so heart wrenching. But perhaps with time, I will change my mind.
Have a wonderful day. And many thanks.
Posted by: moon_beam Nov 1 2015, 11:44 AM
Hi, Anka's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your daughter are doing. How wonderful you will have a pendant necklace including some of your beloved Anka's ashes to wear. I will look forward to seeing a picture of it whenever you are able to share it with us.
There is a link on the home page to this forum for book resources on grieving, and you can also do an internet search by looking for books on grieving for children. I hope you are able to find a book or two that will help your daughter, and you, with your grief adjustment journeys.
One of the many difficult adjustments we find ourselves facing is "re-inventing" our daily routines that no longer require the physical care of our beloved companion - - fixing their meals, taking them for walks, playing with them, cuddling with them, taking them for veterinary check ups, - - and on and on. When we know that it was time to do something with / for them we find a huge void and ask ourselves "NOW what do I do?" And our hearts break anew because our beloved companion is no longer physically with us. Clinical professionals recognize that it is important for you, and your daughter, to take your time to grieve for your beloved Anka.
I can truly understand how you feel when you share with us "I don't even want to think about going thru the same loss again. It's so heart wrenching. But perhaps with time, I will change my mind." Embracing a new companion after a loss is a very individual and personal decision - - so please let me try to reassure you that you are NOT being selfish. It is better to wait until when / if you feel ready to embrace a new companion into your heart and home than to adopt a new companion only to come to find you feel you have made a horrible mistake and come to resent the little soul that is now totally dependent upon you for their physical and emotional well being. Some people never adopt another companion after a loss - - for various reasons - - and their decision is the "right one" for them. If at some point in time you find yourself ready to embrace a new companion, rest assured that your beloved Anka will be guiding your path to that moment in time when you see a furry face eagerly anticipating a Forever Home and you will know beyond all shadow of a doubt that he / she is the "right" companion for you - - that it is the "right time". Whatever decision you make, Anka's Mom, will be the "right one" for you.
I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Anka's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.
Peace and blessings,
moon_beam
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