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MyMeiko
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Joined: 21-May 06
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Last Seen: 28th August 2006 - 04:07 PM
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MyMeiko

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6 Aug 2006
Well, it has been almost 3 months now since I lost my beautiful Meiko and I still hurt so badly inside when I think about everything. I have found that if I do not think about it so much, it doesn't hurt so bad. I had a dream last night of losing him all over again, waking up crying. I think I may have had it because I feel guilty that I am trying not to hurt so bad anymore. Even to this day when I think about him, losing him and knowing that I won't be able to hold him I cry so hard. It is even hard to type now as I have to stop to wipe my tears.

I have been thinking a lot about heaven and that whole situation. I know that I am a Christian and in my religion, there is no wiggle room for the answer. Pets supposedly do not go to heaven according to the Bible. This is not what I feel in my heart. I can't imagine a God who could put animals here for us to love, and love us, only for us to never see them again. I found this website and it made me feel 100 times better about this topic. It doesn't help with my pain but it reassured me that what I feel is right.

http://www.emmitsburg.net/tumc/pastor_wade/2005/pets.htm

It basically says that the Bible is written for humans since they can choose right from wrong. The Bible is our so-called rule book. Since animals can not "fall" or sin they do not need to be part of this book.

I do not want to forget Meiko and I know that I won't. I can still feel the coolness of his fur as I pet him. I can still hear his coo for me to turn on the water. But it hurts so bad knowing that I won't be able to hold him again. I can't help the tears from flowing now. The only time it doesn't hurt is when I am not thinking about him and I feel guilty when I do that and I get scared that I will forget what he feels like. I can still remember how soft his fur was as if he were sitting here with me now. I know that eventually I will come to terms with my grief as I slowly am doing. I am sure some of this may not make sense since everyone feels differently. I just don't know how else to cope with my pain right now. It has been almost 3 months and I still feel as though it was yesterday that I found out. I have never felt love and sadness like this before which is weird to say because I have a wonderful family with a loving husband and 2 beautiful children.

Some days I feel almost relieved that I am starting to accept it and others I feel like I can't live anymore.
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23 Jul 2006
Well it has been a little over 2 months since my precious Meiko crossed Rainbow Bridge. I felt like my life was over and that there was no reason for living anymore. I tried to get another cat about 2 weeks later and it was just too hard so we took him back. My other cat started to get sick so we knew that we had to get another one whether we were ready or not. I searched and searched and finally found on that touched my heart about 6 hours away at a shelter. My husband thought that I was crazy but he went along with it anyway. The kitten kinda looks like Meiko which I was worried about a little bit but in the end I think it helped me. It has been about a month now that we have had the new kitten and I can say that he has helped open up my heart again. I still obsess over losing both of my cats now but I think that is to be expected. The new kitten wasn't to replace Meiko, but to be a companion for my other cat, Sasha. She had a hard time accepting him at first but now they chase each other all over the house. There are still many days that I will sit by myself and cry because it does still hurt tremedously. I think in my heart I have accepted it. I still do not think that it is fair that he is gone and when I think about the whole situation and that dreadful day I get really depressed still and cry but I think that is just part of the mourning process. I can still remember him just as if he were still here. I can picture him perfectly and I can still feel the softness of his fur. That horrible day when I lost him, I thought my life was over. I can say to everyone that is feeling that horrible pain that it does get better. The pain will never completely go away I don't think but we learn to accept was has happened and teach ourselves to live life without them. My life changed forever the day that I lost Meiko because now I realize that you can't take any moment for granted and think that they will always be there. Treasure every moment that God gives us with our loved ones because we never know when he decides that it is time. I now feel that there is something to live for and that I can keep Meiko's memory alive by his pictures and talking about him. I have enough love in my heart to share with our new kitten (we still haven't thought of a name yet...any suggestions??) and Sasha. Things will get a little better....there is hope. happy.gif
18 Jul 2006
Hello, I lost my cat 2 months ago so I worry all of the time about my other cats being okay. I live in the southwest where it is really hot and we just had an outbreak of ants. I thought it was from my daughter throwing her juice cup or dropping food but when I found a bunch in my downstairs bathroom I knew that wasn't the case. I guess they get bad when it gets hot out no matter what you do. Here is the problem. I have 2 cats and since losing Meiko I am extremely worried about having someone come out and spray. I called and talked to a pest control place and they said that there chemical is diluted by weight so it is safe for children and pets. I am still worried though. Has anyone had anything happen and do you think that it will be okay? I freak out at the smallest thing that has to do with my cats because I am so scared of losing another one. Any advice would be much appreciated. smile.gif
9 Jun 2006
I got Meiko's ashes today and I feel the newness of losing him all over again. I feel like I am going to go crazy. I know in my heart that he is gone but I can't accept it. It is just not fair. The realization has kicked in now that he isn't coming home from the vet, he is gone. How can I live without him? My heart is hurting so bad, I can think straight. I have cried oceans of tears, they just keep coming. When does the hurting stop? I see his beautiful face everywhere I go, I can hear his coos. I feel so empty inside, my life has changed forever! I just want to crawl in bed and never get out. I feel so alone.
7 Jun 2006
I lost my baby on May 12. I still hurt so bad and cry all of the time. I feel so selfish because I have two beautiful children and a wonderful husband but I can't find happiness now. I also worry about my other cat all of the time. I am worried that she is going to die too and I am finding myself obsessing about it. I don't think I could handle losing both of them. I know that it is suppose to take time but I do not know if I can handle it anymore. He was like one of my children. I can't imagine my life without him and I am having a hard time accepting that he is gone. I have to fight so hard everyday to get out of bed and put one foot in front of the other. It almost seems like someone who has a drug addiction, if they could just get through one day at a time.
I got another kitten for my surviving cat because she started to get sick. I am not sure if she is going to accept him or not because it isn't Meiko. She wakes my up at 4 in the morning (every morning) to play with her. Her and Meiko use to wrestle around and play through the night. I get up and play with her because I know that her heart is hurting probably more than mine, which I can't imagine. He was my friend, my companion, my constant. Somedays I think if I could just die, I would be with him again, but that isn't fair to my family. I have had a million animals, but none have EVER touched my heart the way he has. I went into a petstore one day just to look at the animals and there he was. He was missing his back foot and the lady that worked there said she would sell him to me for $150.00 since nobody wanted to take him. His was a pure bred Maine Coon. Without a second thought I told her yes. I brought him home and immediately fell in love with him. I can't stop thinking about all of the what-ifs and I-should-haves. He was still so young. It isn't fair that God took him from me. I try and hide my pain from my kids and husband so I spend a lot of time alone, crying. His ashes are going to be ready soon, I dread that phone call. I have this pain in my heart, thinking I want him back. I know that no matter how much I cry and want him he will never be with me again. This thought kills me and is driving me crazy. I am having a hard time typing.....
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