Maybe I Could Use Some Advice Options

[Lenny]

My name is Lenny and I'm about to turn 40. I'm a dad with a beautiful girlfriend who I love. She does not live with me. I'm a professional. I have about 200 employees under me.

I lost my dog Kai yesterday. She got into my neighbors back yard and his dog killed my dog. I have been crying basically non stop since yesterday afternoon. I had no idea this would be so hard. She was only a year and a half and I keep seeing visions of her laying there when I blink hard. It's my daughters 7th birthday today and I'm doing everything I can to hold it together. I'm not sleeping or eating. Is there any advice for me to get it together faster. I basically cried all day at work and I'm worried it's not going to be better tomorrow. I'm normally not one to cry or show tons of emotion.

Thank you,
Lenny

[LittleGirl's...]

Lenny,

I am so very sorry that your precious Kai passed from her earthly form yesterday! There is nothing so heartbreaking!

Could your daughter's birthday celebration be somewhat delayed this year? Still celebrate some today, but because there was a huge loss in the family, I'm thinking it would be okay---even healthy---to show some emotion/sadness in front of your daughter. Maybe it would be an opportune time to talk about losses being an inevitable part of life... but yet emphasizing there are happy times too? And it might be reassuring for your daughter to see that sadness doesn't mean it's the end of the world; that people do survive, even though it hurts a lot right now.

Growing up, it was good for me to see my Dad's emotions at times like these. It showed me his humanness. It somehow also made him feel more approachable.

Good luck with this very difficult situation. Let us know how things go !

Happy Birthday to your daughter. And again, I'm so sorry for your loss.

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lenny, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Kai. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so tragically intensifies the grief.

Lenny, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey - - there are no fast forward or delete buttons we can press to speed up the process or make it automatically disappear. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure.

Clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the loss of a beloved companion is identical to the physical loss of a human family member or friend. They also recognize that children grieve differently from adults. There are many good books / articles about grieving that are specifically written for children that you may want to look into. There is a link to some of these resources on the home page of this website, and you can also do an additional search on the internet as well. Some parents who have come to this forum have found the books they purchased for their young children also helpful for them.

Although you are experiencing very deep grief right now and the adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Kai is overwhelming, there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond you and your beloved Kai share. Love is eternal, Lenny - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. I hope in time you will find comfort in knowing that your beloved Kai's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all so well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Kai with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of her with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your daughter are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Lenny]

Thank you both for the advice. I am still having a very difficult time. I did have my daughter's birthday celebration the day before the incident and she also got to celebrate with her mother's side of the family. I have a great group of friends who have given me tons of support. I also have a very loving girlfriend who also lost a dog recently to an act of violence. I helped her through her tough time as best as I could and she is definitely her for me too. It's very hard for me in the mornings and I'm just about terrified to get in my closet. Kai had made herself a bed in there where she could watch me sleep. I am just now starting to feel like things can get better. I do however get bad fits of anxiety when I catch a vision of her laying there. I have never really experienced anxiety before.

There is another situation I want to talk about. Kai came from a litter of puppies and a drug addicts house. I knew the addicts cousin. Well the owner of Kai's mother kept one male puppy. They are half dautsun, and dautsuns kind of attach to one person. The addict has recently abandoned Kai's brother. I visited him at his foster home and you can tell he's sad and lost. I see Kai's face in him and I feel like I need to rescue him. He's up to date on shots and is fixed. I am told that I am more than welcome to have him. I am pretty sure I will take him. I am just giving it until the weekend to make sure I'm not just making an emotional fueled decision.

Thank you again for the support,
Lenny

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[LittleGirl's...]

Hi Lenny,

Thank you for the update. The journey through this grief is very difficult, to say the least. I'm very thankful to hear about your supportive circle of people!

About Kai's brother. Just my personal opinion: I think Kai would be very honored for you to take in his sad and lost brother. And while the brother is of course not Kai, it just seems extra-special that he comes from the same family and that he, too, might be lucky enough to be adopted by you.

Hang in there, and keep us posted! Beautiful pictures!!!

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lenny, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. As our forum friend Kathy has offered her support of you adopting Kai's brother, I also wish to offer my support in this as well if you decide to adopt him. I know your beloved Kai would be very happy to see her brother in your loving care.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief when you share with us that you are having some moments of anxiety. This is one of the many emotions that is a part of this grief adjustment journey, but I assure you it will pass as your deep grief eases. It's just a matter of taking things one day at a time and giving yourself the opportunities you need to openly grieve for your beloved Kai as you feel the need to do so. And like our forum friend Kathy I am also very glad you have good support of friends and loved ones to help you through this journey. Please also know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your beloved Kai with us. She is sooo adorable. I hope today is treating you and your daughter kindly, Lenny, and that you will have peaceful evenings blessed with your beloved Kai's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Lenny]

Thank you both

You are both so kind. I cry a little every morning and now I'm feeling like that's healthy. Kai had a tiny little cave under my bed that I cleaned out yesterday. There was some small toys and items she hid from me. It was hard. I believe this weekend I am going to make a permenant head stone. I really miss her so much.

I am going to take Kai's brother Pepper. My close friends and family believe it would be a good idea also. i think I will pick him up Friday after work so that we can take all weekend to get to know each other.

Thank you both, it really helps to read such kind words. I could possibly think I was going crazy without all the support I get from here, my friends,family, and my girlfriend.

Thank you,
Lenny

[LittleGirl's...]

Congratulations, Lenny, on Pepper's adoption!!!!!!!

Very glad to hear of that. And remember---we all need support, especially at times as difficult as what you are going through. I'm glad you found us on this site, and I hope you continue to keep in touch. Looking forward to seeing a picture of Pepper, and, if and when you want to, possibly a picture of precious Kai's headstone.

Sending you prayers of healing, and hoping for a spirit of celebration tomorrow when Pepper comes home with you. Kai will be very pleased.

Kathy

[moon_beam]

Hi, Lenny, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and please permit me to add my sincerest congratulations on your new family member Pepper. It sounds like the both of you need comforting, and in comforting your precious Pepper you will also be comforted. Whenever possible please feel free to share a picture of your precious Pepper with us.

Scientific studies prove that the tears we cry are literally healing tears for they literally cleanse our bodies from the toxins that build up in our bodies from the stress of grieving. So crying is very healthy both physically and emotionally, and it is important for your health to allow yourself the opportunities you need to openly grieve for your beloved Kai - - even if you need to find a private place away from others to do so.

The head stone for your beloved Kai sounds wonderful, and hopefully will bring you some measure of comfort and peace to your heart.

Thank you again so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Kai with us, and your wonderful news about your new family member Pepper. I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Kai's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam