Dealing With Grief And Loss After Forced Rehoming Options

[gem]

Good morning,

I found this website after looking for resources that dealt with grief after the loss of a pet. My circumstances are a little different as I haven't lost a pet but I was recently in a situation where I was forced to rehome 2 of my cats.

A little back story:
I lived in Greece for nearly 5 years teaching English and after seeing the distressing situation there of so many thousands of stray animals I decided in my personal time to rescue cats and kittens I found on the street and rehome them. It was very difficult and and traumatising but rewarding when I was able to successfully rehome them. Through this process I kept 3 cats myself at home, all from being kittens. One boy (Boofy) was rescued from a pet shop, another boy (Sweet Pea) from someone who didn't want the kittens her cat had and the other, a girl, (Angel) from under a rubbish bin at only 1 day old. I hand fed her and her two brothers (who were rehomed) She had Cerebral Hypoplasia and was a special needs cat. They had their own balcony/sanctuary and were my life and my babies and my closest family in Greece.

Unfortunately my nearly 5 year relationship ended (he cheated) and I wasn't given time to move out properly and my ex suddenly decided right from the start to inform me he didn't want the cats in the house, which was huge and had plenty of space. I was mortified as not only did I have to move myself out and back to the UK alone, I couldn't arrange in time to take the cats on the plane with me due to finances. He gave me unspecified time to take them or was threatening to rehome them. Moving out suddenly left me with no money and no help and he then eventually agreed to keep the cats short term until I could take them in the UK. Unfortunately I couldn't get a job for three months and in that time he found a home for two of the cats (Sweet Pea and Angel) who were the two best friends. He told me they would be going to a home with a family and living indoors. I had been fighting from the second I had to leave that I would get them back.. I fought and fought for them. At this point he had started refusing to help me get the cats to the UK. He wouldn't take them to the vets, buy the correct carry cases for the plane, take them to the airport.. nothing. I was left helpless. He then basically didn't leave me with any choice and gave them to this family he had found. I asked for proof of where they had gone, the contact details of the family, photographs of their new home etc. Anything to give me an idea of where they were or how they were. The bottom line is I wanted the best for them and even if that was going to a secure family and me losing them, I just wanted them to be looked after properly. He promised me he would send me all the details, photographs, contact details and updates and this was my only condition that they go. Otherwise I was fighting every day for him to keep them a little longer so I could take them.

They have now been in this new home for just over three months and I have never received any proof, contact details, or updates of how they are. More than anything I want them back and not only have I been devastated I had to leave them temporarily but now I feel I have lost them forever. I feel guilt every day as to how they must feel and my heart is torn apart not knowing anything about them anymore. I have days where I just can't sleep or stop crying. My ex kept one of the cats for himself at home and the only update I have been given about him (Boofy) is "he's fine". I don't know how to move on and I feel like I have let them down, even more so because I rescued and raised them and I feel like there should have been something else I could have done to get them back. I don't know how to live with myself for not having the money to go back to Greece and get them and bring them back to me. Now they are supposedly in this new home I feel there is now no chance for any updates or ever seeing them again. I feel absolutely devastated.

I'm sorry for the very long message. I was just hoping someone may have some advice for me in any way. I understand this forum is for people with pets have passed away but I feel like I am grieving too.

Thank you for reading,
Gemma

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gemma, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the re-homing of your precious Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel. Even though they are with other caregivers, it is perfectly normal for you to grieve for the loss of not having them with you.

Gemma, you did the very best you could under the circumstances. It doesn't surprise me that your ex-partner is not forthcoming with the information you desperately want - - because he KNOWS it is important to you and this is one way he is controlling you to deeply hurt you. Sadly, there is probably nothing you can do at this point to force him to provide you the information you want. What is important now is for you to try to find a peace in your heart. Please know your precious Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel KNOW you would not abandon them, and they know you left under circumstances that were beyond your control. The love bond you and your precious Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel share is eternal, Gemma - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel will ALWAYS be YOUR precious companions, and YOU will always be their Forever Mom.

I know these words probably do very little in offering you comfort right now as your heart is grieving for them to be safely returned to you. But hopefully in time you will come to know they are always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Gemma - - they are always and forever a heartbeat close to you. Wherever you are, whatever you do, they are always and forever with you.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel with us, Gemma. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[gem]

Hello

Your words are truly lovely and it means a lot that you replied to my message.

Unfortunately I think you are right when you say me ex partner knows how much I want the information and for sure I am aware he holds no importance in giving me any peace of mind. I can only hope they have found love and care in their new home again. I just wish that one day soon I can believe they didn't think I left them because I didn't love them anymore. I remember the look on Pea's face as I was leaving and he knew I was going. He followed me out of the door and his face was so empty and sad and I had never seen him look that way before. That look to this day breaks my heart as it's imprinted in my mind.

It's one of those times in life where I wish I could go back and change things but you are right that there needs to come a time where i can find peace in my heart. I think the hardest part is loving them and feeling like a mum to them and not having them by my side. I will keep reading your message as it really is comforting to think that way.

Thank you again for your words and your time and I wish you all the best,

Gemma

[moon_beam]

Hi, Gemma, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I can so relate to how you're feeling about your precious Boofy, Sweet Pea, and Angel. Many, many, many years ago when I was a very young girl two stray kittens showed up on the doorstep. One was a male we named Rocky, the other was a female we named Snowball. They were the sweetest kittens, but they were kittens -- very rambunctious and mischievous. I loved those two little kittens, but my parents didn't like their mischief - - so they gave the kittens away against my protests. They didn't care about my broken heart - - so assured that I would "get over it."

I never did - - I remember to this day so many decades later now in my senior years how heartbroken I was then, and feeling now the heartbreak in my memories - - pleading with my parents to not give them away - - to please let me keep them - - but not having my voice, or heart, heard.

So, I DO understand how you're feeling, Gemma. There are circumstances we experience that are beyond our control, and sometimes the only thing we can do is keep the treasured memories as we continue on with our earthly journey. Since those very young years I have been blessed with several other precious companions who I love with all my heart even though they are now in the company of the angels - - and my love includes the two little kittens of so many years ago who briefly touched my life - - Rocky and Snowball. I am blessed with one remaining precious feline companion - - my precious Noah - - who, because of my age, will be my last companion on this side of eternity.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Gemma, and that you will have a peaceful evening knowing that your and your precious Boofy's, Sweet Pea's, and Angel's hearts are eternally united. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Gemma, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam