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> Afraid To Love Again, Lost childhood pet/recently adopted two kittens
Ashley85
post Jun 15 2013, 07:27 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 3
Joined: 15-June 13
Member No.: 8,014



I lost my childhood cat at 18 last year. I barely knew what life what like before him. Losing him was the hardest thing I've ever been through. I thought if I could survive that, I could survive anything.

So, 8 months after losing my beloved furbaby - I adopted two kittens. I expected this to be such a happy time. Granted it's only been two weeks, but the fear of losing them is overwhelming. After knowing how hard it is... giving your heart away again is scary. Also, doing all of the things for them that I did for my cat who passed away, just remind me more and more of him.

The relationship I had with my cat was unlike anything else... we grew up together, I called him my kitty soulmate. I know there will never be another him... and I will never feel the way I felt about him for any other. It's hard, just so hard. How do I let go and just enjoy the moment? I'm an anxious person already, and this has been hard to deal with.

I feel like maybe I didn't fully allow myself to grieve the loss, because initially I was so thankful he was no longer in any pain. But the past few days have been brutal... so depressed, anxious, and just crying... I feel so awful for feeling this way, because these kittens deserve the best, my best. And I feel so down that I'm afraid I can't give them what they need. I even considered giving them back or rehoming them tonight. But I feel like I would feel this way even without them... maybe they just triggered something deep inside I was trying to keep locked up...

Any advice/support is welcomed.
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janika
post Jun 16 2013, 04:47 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 12-September 09
From: UK
Member No.: 6,120



Dear Ashley

First of all let me say how sorry I am for the loss of your beloved kitty last year. 18 years is a long time and in my experience we never 'get over' losing our beloved pets. Our memories of them alter from being painful, causing us to cry and feel absoloutey bereft and heart broken, to thinking of them with happiness and even making us smile.

Your darling new little kittens will bring back all of your memories of your kitty. It's a very normal reaction. Comparisons are to be expected, we all do it, and we all have sad moments along with the joys of our new fur babies. I'm sure that these new babies will help you to heal, and to realise how lucky we are to be able to share our lives with these wonderful companions. Of course the dreadful downfall to all that joy is that one day we have to say goodbye to them.... we wouldn't have been without them for the world. The grief is unbearable, I have known it many times now as I am in my 60's. I have been blesssed with wonderful fur babies, all of my life. 3 weeks ago I lost my beloved Pixie, our Akita who we rescued just 3 years ago.. She died so suddenly of heart failure and was only 5 years old. So I am in that dreadful period of grief once again.... it never gets any easier, but I have to remember everything that Pixie brought to my life, and I know that because of that I will get through this. again, somehow.
Please try and live in 'this moment' with your little baby kitties. I bet they'll be keeping you busy. What have you called them? I would love to see any photo's you have of them and your beloved soulmate Kitty.
Please give them a big hug from me, and I send one to you too. Your love and how you cared for your kitty all those years will ensure that you and your new babies will have a wonderful life.
Hugs
Jan x
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DannysMom
post Jun 16 2013, 02:26 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Ashley, I'm sorry for your loss. I've lost my two precious fur kids within 4 months of each other. What you are going through is normal. Working through grief takes time. I've adopted my Mindy very shortly after I lost Danny and she helped me a lot. She would sometimes put her paw on my face and snuggle with me when I was crying. She understood. It takes time to build a new relationship and to develop a new bond with a new furry friend. My advice would be: keep the kittens. It will all be worth it, and there will be happy moments with them to balance out the grief.


--------------------
Danny: March 4, 2001 - December 28, 2011
Tina: October 27, 1997 - April 28, 2012


To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die.
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moon_beam
post Jun 17 2013, 03:07 PM
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Hi, Ashley, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved kitty - - and my congratulations to your new forever companions. Janika and DannysMom have shared with you what is in my heart as well, so please read their responses frequently knowing that their responses also come to you from my heart.

As both Jan and DannysMom have shared with you, it does take time to build a relationship with new companions. Each relationship we have with each of our companions is unique because each companion we share our lives with are uniquely individual. No relationship can ever be the "same" as we currently have or have had in previous years. Sometimes there is an "instant connection" when we look into the eyes of our new companions - - and sometimes the "bond" forms with the day to day routines gently softly becoming one in heart, mind, and soul - - until one day you look at your new kitties and know that you have enduring love.

So, hang in there with your new precious companions, Ashley. I hope today is treating you and your precious companions kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved kitty's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious new companions are in my thoughts and prayers, and I look forward to knowing how you and your precious kitties are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Ashley85
post Jun 17 2013, 08:12 PM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 15-June 13
Member No.: 8,014



Thank you for your responses, they do help.

I think aside from missing my cat Biff... which is so difficult. I think I feel guilty for not instantly loving these kittens the way I instantly fell I love with Biff. Maybe because he was my first... or maybe just because of the connection we had. I know I'll grow to love these kittens, I already am... but I fear never in the way that I loved Biff. We are soulmates. I feel it isn't fair to them. But I can't help it. :/

Thank you all again for your responses. I appreciate it.
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