Hi Guys

I can't remember the last time I really cried...probably when my mum died back in 2000. My dog Bruno got ill last November 25 2010 and my dad and I tried everything possible to get him better. We saw lots of vets and made Bruno as comfortable as possible.

I must admit that while Bruno was ill it caused me to sink into a deep depression which obliterated any happiness over the Christmas and New Year period.

I now feel the 'black cloud' I've been suffering is at last drifting way from my mind. Today's the first day I haven't full-on cried (I certainly have had tears in my eyes on several occasions when I get a happy flashback of Bruno) so I'm hoping that my no longer crying is a sign that I will now be able to bounce back from my sadness and get on with my life again?

I made this video tribute for Bruno if you would like to see it. From approx 3 mins in there is some nice HD footage I took of Bruno and my dad on a beach one Christmas Day a few years ago.

Take care

Peter

Peter, I am so sorry for your loss of Bruno, but I'm glad you are having happy memories and are feeling better. It's a long road. It has been over a year for me and I still have times that I cry for my Brutus. There is no time limit..it is different for everyone. There were times I thought I had come to acceptance only to slide back all the way to denial and anger and have to start over again. Just know that whatever you are feeling, this is a great place to come and share, everyone here understands. We know how important Bruno was to you.

I started watching your video and Bruno was such a beautiful happy dog. I couldn't watch much (I don't have highspeed internet at my house), but I will be sure and watch it in it's entirety when I get back to work next week. What a lovely tribute of your boy. I always wanted to do a youtube of Brutus, but am clueless to how to do any of that stuff, you are very talented.

Hugs to you and your furangel Bruno,
Sonya

Hi, Peter, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved Bruno. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Peter, this grief journey is filled with so many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. As Sonya has already so compassionately shared with you, our hearts will always yearn for our beloved companions who are now with the angels, and some days will be easier than others to adjust to their physical absence. So, in adding to Sonya's wise words, you are among friends here who do understand what you are feeling on any given day at given moment. We are here for you for as long and often as you need us. We are here to share your ups and downs, and your wonderful memories of your precious Bruno. We are here to share with you whatever is in your heart that you feel comfortable sharing with us.

Thank you, Peter, so much for sharing your precious Bruno with us and this wonderful tribute you have made in his memory to your earthly journey together. Hopefully in time you will know that your Bruno's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you wherever you go and whatever you do, that he is still sharing your life just as he always has and always will.

Peter, please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please do let us know how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thanks Sonya and moon_beam for your beautiful posts

Yeah I can already see how grieving for a beloved pet will be a long road. The regular flashbacks of Bruno being in and around the house are heartbreaking and make my eyes brim with tears, but often I get memories of happy moments that make me chuckle, or at least smile. I'm glad I found this forum. It is so sad to read other peoples' accounts of losing their pets but it is heartening to read the words of experience and encouragement from other lightning-strike forum friends.

Making the tribute video for Bruno was my way of paying him the best possible tribute I could think of. I had read somewhere online that when a pet dies it can help to create something to remember them by from the bottom of your heart, so the video was the best I could think of.

Bruno's ashes are downstairs now in our warm livingroom and I find it comforting that he is with us. Whenever I've felt really sad these last couple of days I've walked into the livingroom, had a little happy 'chat' with his ashes box, and given it a little kiss. It helps me a lot to do that.

It was difficult for the first few days after he passed to feel like he was with me. Perhaps that had something to do with his body being at the crematorium at that time, or maybe I just had this enormous sense of devastation that made me feel desperately lonely and sad. Now that his ashes are back I feel a lot 'warmer' inside now about his passing. Maybe it's just time that has enabled me to feel this way. I really do feel that he's with me again. Occasionally I get flashes of his final days which make my heart break, but then I think about some happy times, and try to let the happy thoughts flood across the sad thoughts.

I am so sorry for your loss. I watched your video ... what a beautiful tribute to your beloved Bruno. There is so much joy and love on his little face - it's hard not to smile seeing him so happy.

Again, I am sincerely sorry for you loss.

Thanks so much for your comforting words Christina. I am so sorry to read about the loss of your little Spooky too. I hope you're keeping okay.

Big hugs,

Peter

Hi Peter,

I hope today is a little better for you. I lost my best friend Sassy Dec 13th and in many ways I don't think we ever get over the loss of our pals, but like you I have had a few days where the pain wasn't so visceral that I wanted to curl up and die.

Your relationship with Bruno is a special one, defining the relationship we have with our friends is difficult, but it explains why their loss is so excruciatingly painful, the devotion we share is unmatched. Can I ask how long you had Bruno, he had some very distinguished grey around his nose, a fine gent!

I don’t know what to do with the hole Sassy left in my heart, the ashes are comfort, I carry her from room to room throughout the day and evening and she spends the night in our bedroom next to me, it’s a close as I can get to having her back with me.

Take care of yourself, your tribute to Bruno is wonderful, I like the carwash footage!

I wish I had take video of Sassy. I have written a blog, this helps me remember her as this was one thing I feared most.

And take it one day at a time and do whatever you need to get through the day

Hi, Peter, getting our beloved companions' ashes back can be very comforting, and I am glad you found this to be true for you. I know what you mean about making the video. Projects like this help us to focus on the good life our beloved companions shared with us during their earthly journey, and this is how they want us to remember them. I am so glad you are feeling your precious Bruno's sweet Living Spirit close to you now. He is forever a part of you, Peter -- your precious Bruno is forever a heartbeat close to you.

Thank you so much for sharing with us how things are going for you, Peter. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Cryss your blog is a lovely tribute to Sassy. The photo of her on the bike is wonderful. A gorgeous personality.
Bruno was 16 fast approaching 17 when we lost him. Yep he certainly was a distinguished gent with his white muzzle! Thanks so much for your supportive words they mean a lot to me and my dad.

moon_beam thanks again for your kind, comforting, words. I have been showing my dad your posts and he really appreciates them as much as I do. Thank you.

Yesterday I played the Bruno video on DVD in the livingroom (where his 'box' is kept) and cried for ages. By the time I finished crying I was exhausted and fell straight to sleep in an armchair for three hours. I feel a little better today and will try to be as active as possible.

Hi, Peter, I can relate to how hard it was for you to watch your Bruno's video. I made videos of my Oslo and Abbygayle, and I still can't watch them without sobbing. But when I remember them in my heart, this brings me much comfort.

I'm glad your dad is finding comfort from all the wonderful people here, and thank you for sharing my responses with him.

It is good that you are trying to be as active as possible, Peter, but be sure not to push yourself beyond your endurance right now. Grieving takes a toll on our physical bodies as well. It diminishes our natural immune system which makes us more susceptible to the "whatever" is circulating in general public. So just do what you feel up to doing - - the other stuff will still be there when you're feeling stronger to do it.

Peter, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your dad are doing. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how things are going for you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Peter,

I just watched your video. It's beautiful and brought tears to my eyes. It's clear to see that you gave Bruno a wonderful and happy life, and in turn he gave you the same. Your love for him is moving. He will always be with you.

Take care of yourself and just take it one day at a time.
Cheryl

Hi moon_beam I'm glad your happy memories of Abbygayle and Oslo give you comfort. Sometimes I find a really specific happy memory can perk me up. Yes my dad really appreciates your responses. He simply can't believe that there are so many kind-willed and understanding pet-lovers out there in the world at the touch of a button. This is mainly because, as a pensioner, he hasn't really got the grasp of the technology we're using.

Yeah well to stay active I'm currently planning a blog in Bruno's memory that will have lots of links to charities, this site, and any site or organisation that can help animals. Will post a link when it's done. I have stopped swimming but hopefully will start again soon. When Bruno was ill and my anxiety levels were sky high due to worrying about him I found swimming every day helped me unwind a little.

Hi Cheryl thanks for your kind comments about my video for Bruno. I really appreciate your post. I hope you're keeping okay and also taking care of yourself.

Hi, Peter, bless your dad - - I can only handle so much of this "high technology" myself. I'm not quite a pensioner, but I can so relate to how intimidated your dad must feel by it. "Retirement" is out of the question for me. I have been trying to change jobs but employers now want someone who knows every computer program in existence, and I just don't have that capability. When I balance my checkbook I still use the good old fashioned pad, pencil, and calculator. And I go by the good old fashioned saying, "if it ain't broke, don't fix it" - - "whatever works, don't mess around with it" -- and "progress is not always better."

I will look forward to seeing your blog when you have it set up. Swimming is an excellent way to exercise. In my much younger years I took ballet lessons, and this discipline helped me through my recovery and rehabilitation years later. But the exercise I enjoyed the most was horseback riding, but unfortunately because of my injuries I can no longer do that. I'm fortunate that I can still do the basic homeowner chores, but all out "exercise" is beyond me now.

Peter, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please know you and your dad are in my thoughts and prayers, and will look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Just want to say that I am thinking of you today. You have been a big help to me.

Hi Peter,

What a wonderful video of your dog Bruno; it brought tears to my eyes. He looks like the happiest dog on earth! He was lucky to have you in his life. Truly a great tribute.

Your story touched me very much as I also lost my beloved dog Bruno a few weeks ago, on January 4th. I rescued him 16 years ago. He was my first dog and also my best friend. He was recently diagnosed with oral and bone cancer and was losing weight rapidly. I could not bear to watch him suffer any longer and had to make the most dreadful decision ever - to have him euthanized. I'm not sure how I got through the first 10 days without him.... I felt incredibly empty and lonely. I sobbed at home and at work and could barely function. I'm slowly pulling myself together thanks to my 2 remaining wonderful dogs (who lick the tears off my face when I'm crying!)

I look at photos and videos of my Bruno every day - from when he was a handsome young lad at 6 months to when he was a handsome, old, sick but very stoic dog who still managed to do a little dance every day when I got home from work. I've noticed that I am no longer just crying when I look at him; I am also able to smile and think about all the wonderful things we did together.

I feel your pain and sincerely hope that every day gets a little better for you like it has for me. Our Bruno dogs are probably playing together in the dog park in the sky!

Take care,
Saskia

I've attached a picture of Bruno on the day before his death; we were in the car on our way home from his favourite vacation spot - Long Beach on Vancouver Island.

Hi moon_beam thank you for your kind post. Yeah it's unbelievable the way computers have seemingly taken over the world. Thank God, however, that as pet lovers some of our greatest joy comes from hugging or remembering our wonderful pets. A warm physical embrace or rich, happy, memory is always better than any old computer monitor! Yeah basic home chores can actually be really good exercise, and the advantage is that instead of arriving home in a sweaty tracksuit, you can run a hot bubble bath to unwind knowing your home is spick and span after your endeavors! Fantastic!

Hi Saskia your photo of your Bruno is absolutely beautiful. Such a lovely wee face and eyes I could swim in. I just want to reach out and hug him! Thank you for your kind comments about my tribute video. Aww that's wonderful your two other dogs are looking after you. I'm not sure if it's fact, but I think dogs can tell when we are sad. It's so lovely that you can give your guardian angels a big hug when you are tearful. Do you have any photos of them also you could post?

It's lovely Saskia that you are able to recall are your happy times together. That's really beautiful. You were very brave in taking him to the vet and he will be forever grateful. I would want someone to do the same for me. Yes our Brunos are definitely playing together in the sky, along with all the other little friends they've met on the way from both here and elsewhere.

Here's a 2 min 'animation' I drew with a mouse starring my dad and my Bruno, called Big Fitzy and the Oul Lad. I recorded Bruno barking for this

Hi Joanne

You are a big help to me also. Thank you for sharing your feelings and I hope you can look forward to a relaxing weekend.

Take care


Peter

Hi Peter,

That photo of my Bruno is also on the desktop of my laptop, so every time I open it he looks at me. I often find myself talking to him or kissing him on his head...if anybody saw me they'd probably think I'm some sort of nutcase kissing her laptop.

I agree with you that dogs are very intuitive and can tell when we're sad. My dachshund is especially sensitive to my moods. He's the one who licks the tears off my face when I'm sad. It's very sweet. I've attached a few pictures.... the dachshund is my 10 year old guardian angel named Louie, and the whippet is my 8 year old guardian angel named Frankie. She just had a small but malignant tumor removed from her leg :-( Supposedly it's a tumor that does not metastasize, but after losing Bruno to cancer I'm on high alert.

Your animation video is cool, I especially like the drawing (and sound) of Bruno barking at Fitzy. I hope this didn't happen for real?! I also watched Bruno's tribute again, it makes my heart melt. It also makes me wish I had more videos of my Bruno. I have loads of pictures, but only a handful of very amateurish short videos. You've inspired me to video tape my other dogs a lot more!

I hope you have a good weekend, do something nice for yourself - you deserve it!

Take care,
Saskia

Hi Peter,

Thanks for your response. I immediately went and watched your video. I never took many pics of Kota, I just was in the present with her when we were together and I didn't think about the future and her leaving me. Bruno sure looks happy, energetic and attached to you and your dad. I know the quote you stated, from Rocky when he was lecturing his son out on the sidewalk. In that movie, he also said to the boxing commission, "The older I get, the more things I have to leave behind." I can remember the many times I used to take Kota kayaking at a nearby lake, summer after summer, and how proud I felt to have her standing in the bow of the kayak. But I can't seem to find smiles or remembrances of happy times. I am so lost without her. All the pain of all the breakups of all my old girlfriends, added together, doesn't even come close to the sadness I now have. I'm at a loss for words. You sound and look like a good dog-dad. Here's to Bruno.

Dennis

I'm a bit late in responding, thanks for the earlier nice words about Sassy. I like to think that through the blog as many people as possible get to know how special she was.

About you watching the DVD, I think we all do what we need to do. I have been talking to someone professionally about my grief and I have compared myself sometimes to a close friend who not long ago lost her dog after having him 14 years. She put everything away and basically cleared the house of his presence. I however am the opposite and have looked at photos and trinkets, her ashes, her fur, I cry a lot, I miss her a lot. He says each person experiences grief in different way. He said a professor that he studied under said that the grief felt at the loss of a friend was directly reflective of the love that we had for them. SO based on your extreme grief I would say that your love for Bruno knew no bounds.

I often think about the saying “better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” the jury is still out on that one …. Also I thought if I wasn’t mourning her loss that I was forgetting her and doing her passing an injustice by “getting better’ but I realized that I am starting to live with this hole in my soul and that a life tinged with a little sadness will now become my norm.

Have you experienced this kind of loss before? I haven’t so for me this is a wakeup call, I can expect more sadness in my life, so that now plays on my mind too, losing my best friend has opened up many other feelings that I hadn’t acknowledged before.

Hope you are doing ok and doing what you need to do to stay safe and secure.

Take care of yourself