My Rufus Has Gone Home, My heart is breaking Options

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello all my LS friends

I am here for the second time. After only 21 months together, and when I am on a cross-country trip to help my very sick sister, my Rufus showed a few symptoms during the last two days. He was staying with the woman who had fostered him while he was waiting for adoption. We always said he was a lucky dog b/c he had two mothers who loved him.

It ended up he had a mass on his spleen (a very aggresive and quickly fatal cancer) and a mass on the right side of his heart (probably a metastasis of the spleen tumor. The pericardial sac around the heart was dangerously enlarged (5X its normal size) and it was compressing his heart, causing a thready, rapid pulse. When the Univeristy of Minnesota Vet school doctor told me all that I knew she couldn't possibly make it through. it was his time. So I gave the OK for the "pink shot" and asked someone to be sure to hold him and tell him how loved he is while he was going over. Just at the time his sould would have been ascending to the Perfect World, I got a sign from him - a puff of his breath on my elbow.

Right after I found out this awful news I felt like my heart was empty, that it had no more love to give. But a few hours later, when my miraculous vet called me to see how I was and to tell me to keep my spirits up, I asked him, as I had after Gretta passed, if he would keep an eye out during his work for rescue societies for a big old dog who needed a home and some love. This time I have to wait a while because I am recovering from a smashed ankle.

Hi Rufus and Gretta! I know you found each other the instant Rufus arrived. Thank you for coming into my life. Thank you for loving me and accepting my love for you two. All of us are soul-mates - we each carry a part of one another's souls. Please help you mommie by sending some strength rays to me today. Rufus, I'm going to order you a soft pillow like the one we had for Gretta. You guys are safe. You are in a place where there is no more sickness ro suffering, where the sun is always warm, the shade always cool, the water always clear and fresh, and friends are plentiful and lots of fun. Someday we will all be together again in this Perfect World.

I love you Rufus - and your sister Gretta.

Your mommie with leaking eyes.

Rufus's mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rufus' mom, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Rufus. As you are all too aware, losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Rufus' mom, you have been through a great deal within a short period of time, and I know your heart is shattered with grief enduring yet another physical loss of a beloved companion. The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that you know that the love bond you and your beloved Rufus share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - and if you had any doubt of this before, your beloved Rufus reassured you through his sweet Living Spirit giving you a gentle breath on your arm.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the deep sorrow in your heart, but I hope and pray that somehow in some way you will find some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope in the words I share with you.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Rufus with us. I hope today is treating you kindly, Rufus' mom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Gretta's Mom]

Thank you ever so much Moonbeam. You're always there - for everybody. It's particularly hard since I haven't seen Rufus since Jan 23. That morning we went for our early AM walk and I fell on the tiniest piece of ice and "smashed" my ankle. This happened directly across the street from a rather parge private college so some people were out and about at 5:30 like we were. They called an ambulance for me, took Rufus back to my apartment and returned to the ER with my keys. That afternoon I had a friend drive me and rufus to our vet so that his former foster mother could come and pick him up and that was the last time I ever saw him.

The thought just occured to me that maybe he went back home to allow me the long time it will take until I am ready to walk 44 blocks a day on this smashed ankle. I have 14 pins and two large plates in the ankle and am in a "moon boot" but with no weight bearing. can you imagine ho long it's going to be before I'm ready to walk another big old dog who need a home and lots of love! Maybe he knew that too and he just decided to help me by going to the Perfect World a little ahead of schedule and not making me feel guilty and bad and separated from him for such a long time on this earth, where both of us can feel pain, physical and emotional.

I have to say, though, that with Bobbie's situation and having to place my dad in a temporary nursing home while he waits for his number to "come up" at the Veterans Administration home where he wants to be permanently and now not being able to see my baby Rufus, it's hard. It's so sad knowing that I'll never again pet his great big newfie ears. That he'll never again snuffle to wake me up in the morning for his walk. That he'll never again nudge me under the elbow when I'm at the computer, ever harder until I get up and take him for a walk - even a short one. Or see him lying completely upside down on the couch, head hanging over the edge and feet straight up in the air. I guess I'll have to take seriously the words I've written to so many others here on LS - that Rufus is still on his job, he's right here beside me - I just can't sense him. Our love is forever. The ache in my soul comes from the missing piece of it that Rufus has taken - and there might be just a little quesiton mark i his mind sometimes, even in the perfect World about the little tiny pang he feels now and then.

Thank you for being such a loving and supportive friend - to everyone here - and especially me and Bobbie.

Rufus's mom

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rufus' mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. In many ways I can so relate to how you're feeling, to what you're experiencing, and I truly feel your deep sorrow.

As you know, my friend, we live in a physically oriented world. So it is very, very normal for you to feel deeply the physical and emotional separation now from your beloved Rufus. This is a HUGE adjustment to make - - even when we know that our beloved companions are now restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels in heaven's perfect garden. No matter how many times we have experienced the grief adjustment journey, it NEVER gets easier - - which is one of the many reasons why each grief journey is unique because each relationship we share with our companions during their earthly journey is individually unique.

Rufus' mom, I truly am very, very sorry about all the many challenges you are enduring all at one time - - each one intensifying the deep sorrow of now no longer having the sweet precious physical presence of your beloved Rufus to help comfort and sustain you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Rufus' mom, and please let us know how things are going for you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[LoveMyMickey]

My Dear Friend, Gretta's and Rufus's Mom,

Well, you know how I feel, I can't stop crying for you. You are going through so much and I am sending all the love and strength I have to you. You are always in my thoughts and prayers. God Bless You!

Hugs,
LoveMyMickey


Dear Gretta and Rufus,

Send your mommy all the love, strength, and encouragement rays that you can find. You all have a wonderful mommy. Keep sending her signs that you are right there by her side.

I love you sweet babies,
Auntie LoveMyMickey

[Gretta's Mom]

Thank you so much Love My Mickey and fellow Musketeer.

Yes, I am devastated. Only 21 months together and baby Rufus had to go home. It turns out he was in a terrible medical crisis - a spleen tumor, which is almost always a mass of newly developed blood vessels on the outside of the spleen. Touch it wrong and the dog exsanguinates. When this cancer metasticizes (sp?) it goes to the right artium of the heart and forms a similar mass. Then it bleeds into the pericardium until it smothers the heart. Rufus was at the point where his pericardium was five times the normal size. He could have bled to death at any instant. Even though I was putting a spear through my own heart, I gave the OK from 1800 miles away for the U of MN vet to send her home. My dear, dear, vet, Dr Ernest Hinson, transported Rufus to the U (40 miles from his office) and conferred with the docs there. Later he even called me to see how I was doing and to tell me to keep my spiritts up.

When it was first "over" my heart felt dry and empty - as though I had no love left to give to anyone else. But when Doctor Hinson said that, I asked him to keep his eye out when he was doing his work for rescue agencies for a big old grey-faced dog who needed a home and lost of love. I'm a sucker for a grey muzzle!

Right now I feel like Job - every time I get news it's worse than the last. Finally he turns his face to the wall - a signal that he has decided to die. But after some horrible friend and an even more horrible wife give him some "advice", he sits up and resolves to keep serving God. And in the end he prospers 10-fold. I'm at the new news is bad news stage. I have to keep my mind on the "propers ten-fold" ending.

Thank you, Musketeer LMM.

Gretta and Rufus's mom

[Jake'sGrandpa]

Gretta's Mom, so sorry to hear of Rufus' passing. Jake, Gretta, Trevor, Jenna, Mickey and all the other furbabies from here have welcomed him into the Perfect World, and they will keep him company until you can meet him and Gretta there. Be strong; this world is indeed a vale of tears, but there will be none in the next world.

With love,

Jake'sGrandpa

[Gretta's Mom]

I'd forgotten about that expression: a vale of tears. And it certainly is. And you are so right - an old spiritual called "Soon and very soon" has a verse that goes "no more cryin' there, We are going to see the King." There is an old hymn or spiritual for every situation. These songs sustain me. When I get back from taking me dad to see Bobbie and theen to the airport to fly back to his home town, I'll loook up a good link for the song and send it to you.

Thank you for being with me, Gabe. I think Jake is a wonderful man. He and Rufus will become fast friends I know - can you imagine all the mischief they'll get into. And in the Perfect World you never get scolded!

Gretta and rufus's mom

[LoveMyMickey]

Dear Gretta's & Rufus's Mom,

Again, I am soooo sorry you had to lose sweet Rufus. You are indeed a Job, and I believe you will prosper 10-fold when things get back to normal (whatever that is). It might take awhile, so keep the Faith. You are a strong and loving lady......You probably will find an old gray faced doggie that needs you. Gretta and Rufus will guide you to the right one.

Take one day at a time, my friend, and my thoughts and prayers are always with you.

Love and Hugs,

LoveMyMickey (one of the Musketeers)


From Rufus:

Dear Mommy, Mommy,
I always wanted to sing you a sweet song,
But I had such a short time to be there
And a long time to be gone.
But no sweeter song can be written,
Than the LOVE you have for me.

[Gretta's Mom]

Oh Love My Mickey

Thank you SO much for the sweet, sweet song from Rufus. He's a guy's guy, so a sweet song like this from him goes straight to the heart.

I miss him more and more. (of course)

Him Mom

[Gretta's Mom]

Darling Rufus, Rufie-doo, Rufa-doo, Rufie - any name that fit,

Your mommie misses you so much that her heart is made of stone and acid. I know you know that it had to be, but I still feel so terrible about not being there with you. Please remember the times I DID hold your giant head. Please think often of the many times I DID stroke your big newfie ears. Please know in your whole heart and souls that you ARE a good dog - and that is a supreme compliment. Good. Good dog. It means so much even though the words are short. And most of all, remember that you ARE loved - the same as when you were here beside me. Before I fell on the sidewalk that day and you stayed right there to guard me, to make sure I was OK. And then you went peacefully along with the two women who helpd us back to our home. And then on to Dr Hinson's and LE's, where you had a few good weeks to play with your buddy Penelope. To be a country dog again.

And then lightning struck. We found out that inside you were two BIG dangers and that there was nobody who could help you - even our beloved Dr. Hinson. Thank you for going with him to the big animal hospital. I don't think you were ever there before. And thank you for being a good dog - a really good dog - when you suffered in silence through all those X-rays and ultrasounds. Finally they told the story of what had grown inside you and was taking your life. Thank you Rufus for being a brave dog and going peacefully - alone - to the Perfect World from which you came. I know your big sister Gretta was right there to take you in and show you where to rest.

Please play and eat and sleep and roll in the grass as much as you want to. Sit with your sister and talk about our house and our neighborhood. And then one day your mommie will appear at the gate and we will jump into each other's arms and never be apart again.

I love you Rufus - forever and always.

Mommie

[Gretta's Mom]

Good morning Baby Rufus

Every time I think of you or remember your name, tears come to my eyes. I'm still too gripped by sadness to list all the things you are to me, all the things I miss about you, and how much I love you. But you can see into my heart and I feel you lying on the floor here beside me as I work on the computer.

Oh how much I love you, Rufus. Thank you for being my dog.

Your mom

[Gretta's Mom]

Words to Rufus

Oh Rufus, Rufus I'm so sorry
That I was very far away
When you most needed me to be there
On your last earthly living day.

Oh Rufus, Rufus listen to me
You are a dog that I call GOOD.
To be a good dog is an honor
I promise to remember that as I shouid.

And Rufus, Rufus even more dude
You had my full and complete love
Please have a perfect life with Gretta
I'll join you in the world above.

I love you Rufus, my life and my light.

Your sad, sad, mom

[DannysMom]

Gretta's Mom, that is a wonderful poem to Rufus. He knows you would have been there if you could have. He knows. It's so hard the first days and weeks into the grief journey. You have my deepest sympathy. I know full well the overwhelming sadness and the deep ache in the heart. Take good care of yourself.

[gravessa]

Hi Gretta's mom
Please accept my heartfelt condolences. I agree with all the other posts that the poem you left for Rufus - such loving words from a loved one to someone who is beloved. Going through the same overwhelming grief for Simba, as all on this site, I have been very grateful that this site exists & everyone understands each others grief & pain. I try never to use a past tense because it seems so cruel especially when referring to a beloved member of the family & like my Simba, I am sure Gretta & Rufus are watching over you their beloved Mom.

you are in my payers & big hugs
Gravessa

[moon_beam]

Hi, Rufus' Mom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. Tears are in my eyes as I feel your heartache and heartbreak in your deep sorrow for your beloved Rufus. I know what you are going through, and I know how difficult it is for you to find the time to grieve when you are also very much involved with the daily needs of family members.

Please permit me to try to reassure you that your beloved Rufus was not alone during his transition journey from his earthly physical body. Please know that he was embraced in your love reaching to him across the miles, and was surrounded by the loving presence of the angels as they accompanied his sweet Living Spirit into eternal joy. Still, I know this is not the same as YOU being there with him - - because we live in a physically-oriented world nothing on this side of eternity can ever replace the physical contact we have with our beloved companions.

But for now, my friend, you DO have the comfort in knowing that love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And you have the promise that one day at your appropriate time you and your beloved Rufus, and Gretta, will be reunited for all eternity. I hope and pray that somehow this will brings some measure of comfort to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Rufus' Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Rufus' and Gretta's sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello my baby Rufus

I'm going to tell you one thing every day that I miss about you (it'll take me the rest of my life to tell all of them, my friend.

I mis your tail thumping on the floor, thump thump, thump, as you were lying down while I got ready to take you on a walk. Thump, thump, thump ... just like my heart. And every thimb of my heart is for you and Big Sister.

I love you, my Rufus.

[xxForeverxx]

Sending my love to you Gretta's Mom. I know how hard this must be for you and especially coming back here for a second time. I am so sorry.

xxForeverxx

[Gretta's Mom]

Thank you so much xxForeverxx

Good afternoon Baby Rufus

About this time you would be taking a nap - between your noon walk and our evening stoll.

Rufie - Another thing I miss about you is your huge ears. Dr Hinson told me that was how he could tell you are part Newfie. If I put my two thumbs together and my two middle fingers together, they're not even as big as your velvety ears. Even with those big soft, drooping ears you never once got an ear infection. I'm sorry I had to put ear cleaner in your ears every once in a while. I know you didn't like it but you were so patient - just flopped your head and we went on about our business.

I love you Rufus - more every day. And your Big Sister Gretta, too.

MOmmie

[Gretta's Mom]

Oh My Doxie and Me

Thank you so much for the beautiful poem about Rufus and Gretta. I hope the cage that Rufus was in was his earthly life, in the cage of his physical body. At home, he never once went into that huge crate I'd bought for Gretta. With his foster mom, he was free in the house and played outside with the other foster dog living there. The foster mom sent me some pictures of the two of them playing. He was only outwardly sick on Wednesday night when he threw up and then Thursday when he wouldn't eat. By that time his pericardium was already so enlarged it was compressing his heart. He literally died of a borken heart.

Oh Rufus, you SO didn't deserve that. I wanted you always to know that you are a GOOD, truly good dog. And that is the supreme compliment. And I wanted you to know how much I love you. That you weren't a substitue dog after Gretta died. You were you, sweet, lovable you. And now you're invisible. You can see me but I can't see you - even through the tears that come so easily. So very often I feel there is a dog lying on the floor on my left side as I type on this computer. I look down and don't see one of these cocker spaniels - then I know it's you. Thank you for coming to see me so often. You know how much I miss you so you come to lie beside me to c omfort my heart.

Rufus, beautiful Rufus, I miss you so much. I love you so much. Stay healthy and happy in the Perfect World and someday, soon or late, Mom will come to join you and we'll never be apart again.

Sleep well tonight, my Rufus.

Your mommie