My Best Friend Is Gone Options

[rustysmum]

two weeks ago, i took my rusty on his usual morning walk, he went right along as usual, was eating and drinking normally. rusty , a border collie mix, had always been a healthy happy dog. he was only 10 years old, i guess that is considered senior. the afternoon of that day, he started throwing up. at first, i wasnt too worried but when it continued for a couple of hours, i called the vet. he said to give him half a gravol and bring him in the nest day. went to bed as usual, rusty had pretty well stopped throwing up, got off the bed, unusual, and seemed to go to sleep on the floor. when i got up next morning, he was just laying there. he got up and went into the bathroom and laid down, i immediately called the vet and he came right over to the house. he put a stethoscope on rusty and looked at me and said, hes not going to make it. i was totally shocked and told him, he just need to be rehydrated, ta\ke him in. rusty looked up all of a sudden, gave a little shudder and died in front of, just like that. i couldnt believe it, and still cant believe it. he had lost no weight, wasnt in great distress and yet he died. the vet did a post mortem and found he had numerous liver tumors and a couple had ruptured. somehow the blood was no longer clotting properly and he bled inside while i slept peacefully. even though the vet said he didnt suffer pain, only uncomfortable from throwing up and if i had brought him in the night before, they would have done exploratory surgery and recommended i eutthanization anyway, due to his age and liver disease, i stilll feel i let him down. he had been doing a funny retching , but bringing nothing up, for two months prior to his death. i took him to the vet and he said acid reflux or possibly collapsed trachea but just said to keep an eye on him and if he was not eating, ect. bring him back. he was eating and then mostly drinking, the night before he died. i have had many pets die in the past but this one, i am almost sick over. my husband died 5 years ago, rusty has been my companion since then. i guess, they are all mixed up together in my mind. my life is REALLY empty now. the price of loving is pain.

[DannysMom]

Rustysmum, I am very sorry for the loss of your Rusty. Our furry companions are so good at hiding pain that by the time we notice something's wrong the illness is usually quite advanced. My heart goes out to you, and I don't quite know what to say as there is little I can say to make it better. Do you have friends or family you can talk to? Perhaps calling a pet loss hotline might also help. The grief journey is so hard and it takes a lot out of us and wears us down. Please take good care of yourself and try to to get enough rest.

[moon_beam]

Hi, rustysmum, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Rusty. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so traumatically intensifies the grief.

As DannysMom has so comfortingly shared with us, unfortunately our companions are very adept at disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer do it. This is a survival behavior they inherit from their wild cousins. Any sign of weakness, injury, or illness makes them easy prey. Unfortunately this is little consolation to us - - their human caregivers. By the time they can no longer disguise how they are feelings, the illness / injury has already taken ahold of their physical body. Sometimes veterinary medicine can restore our companions so that they can continue to enjoy a good quality of life. And sometimes, as the case with your beloved Rusty, the illness is so advanced that the only thing we can do is try to provide them a peaceful transition home to the angels. Your beloved Rusty's departure from his earthly journey happened in the place he loves the most: his home where he was surrounded by the sights and sounds and smells of you and his home.

This grief journey is filled with so many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time. One of the emotions we all experience is guilt, and it is one of the hardest of the grief emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from looking back and trying to make sense of all the things that didn't make sense at the time of the events when they occurred. Our hearts and minds are consumed with all the "if onlys" and "what ifs" and "why didn't Is" and on and on and on. I hope somehow you will be able to find peace in your heart that you did everything that was in your power to give your beloved Rusty a happy, healthy earthly journey. The most difficult part of our journey with our companions is having to make the painful adjustment of continuing on with our lives when they precede us to the angels. This is a very painful adjustment, both emotionally and physically, and it is one that can only be made one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time.

Grieving does bring to the surface all different types of emotions and memories that we thought were long resolved, that we thought had little significance in our lives, and experiences that continue to be a recurring challenge for us to deal with. This is normal, for grieving makes us very vulnerable so it is very understandable when you share with us: "i have had many pets die in the past but this one, i am almost sick over. my husband died 5 years ago, rusty has been my companion since then. i guess, they are all mixed up together in my mind. my life is REALLY empty now."

Rustysmum, I promise you that one day when you least expect the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart will ease. The emptiness that is in your life will begin to transition to feeling a "new beginning" for you. But getting to this moment will take time. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

And among the many things you need to remember is that the love bond you and your beloved Rusty share is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Rusty's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will, for your beloved Rusty is forever a part of you - - he is forever in your heart and your memories - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will bring you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Rusty with us, rustysmum. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, rustysmum, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[rustysmum]

moonbeam, you have no idea how much you helped me, thankyou so much for those kind words and also thx to anyone else who replied. i will attempt to put a picture of rusty in here if i can figure out how. i had a better day today, i tried to focus on what a good and happy 10 years rusty had and not the last pitiful night. i cannot allow his death to make it scary to get another rescue someday. i know he would want me too. thx again.

[moon_beam]

Hi, rustysmum, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. If you have "technical difficulties" posting a picture of your beloved Rusty, I know the L S Administrator will be very happy to help you. I hope today is treating you kindly, rustymum. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing your treasured memories of your beloved Rusty.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam