Hello, I'm so glad I found this forum. I lost one of my dogs earlier this week and the grief is so overwhelming. I know this pain from when I was young but haven't suffered it in many years. I am finding it very difficult to cope. He was only 8 years old, and he had a heart condition. During the vet at a procedure to remove fluid from the area around his heart, his heart stopped and they could not bring him back with CPR. I am shocked and devastated. He was my little baby boy. I promised him I would always take care of him. I thought the pain would be less each day but it seems to be getting worse. I know there are people here who have gone through this and I know people survive it but right now it feels like I cannot ever know how I will move on. My heart has been ripped out.
Thank you for any words that will help me, right now I feel so lost.
Tracey

Hi, Tracey, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the loss of your beloved companion. Losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we have been blessed with the privilege of their company.

Unfortunately there are always risks associated with any medical procedure. When you are anticipating a good result only to be faced with the reality of loss as a result of the procedure despite the best efforts of the medical team this is very rightfully very devastating.

Tracey, what happened is not your fault. You gave your permission to have this procedure done with the very best interests at heart for your precious companion. Without the fluid removed he would surely have died. You were giving him a chance to have a quality of life in the midst of a very serious medical condition. None of us have the benefit of foreknowledge, and I'm sure your vet is equally devastated about what happened, or at least I hope he / she is. Your precious baby boy knows that you would do everything in your power to move heaven and earth to protect him, to give him a healthy and happy life with you. Rest assured he is looking at you from heaven's perfect garden with only love and admiration in his heart for you.

Tracey, this grief journey is one of the most traumatic experiences we will have in this life to endure. Unfortunately there is no easy way through it. It's a one day at a time journey filled with emotions that are so unpredictable from one day to the next, from one moment to the next, particularly in the early stages of the deep grief. One of the many things to remember is that you are not alone in your journey. Each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Tracey, we would love to know more about your baby boy - - what his name is, memories you would like to share with us, pictures you would like to share. I know right now that words are inadequate in comforting a shattered heart, but I hope somehow you will feel comforted in knowing that you are in my thoughts and prayers, and we look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Tracey, I am so sorry for your loss. I too would love to hear more about your precious boy when you are ready. We are here for you.

Many hugs to you my cyber friend,
Brutus' Mom

Thank you very much Moon Beam, I appreciate your reply and kind words. I know there is no easy way through it, and it is one day at a time. I am grateful for all of you and finding this wonderful place to help me go through this.
Tracey

Thank you Brutus' Mom, when I first came to this site today I read Brutus's post first. I read through the posts and replies. My baby boy's name is Mr. Sluggo. He was a tough little guy, very strong and he was the mommy's boy of the bunch. I have two other pugs. This condition started last Oct and we went to the vet for tests and they determined that it was not caused by a cancer but of unknown cause. The condition receeded for 5 months and we thought we were over it, but then it returned and going back to the vet for medications and rechecks. We went to a cardiologist vet who gave us a surgical option and we were there to discuss it at the time. The condition is common in Golden's, it's called pericardial effusion where fluid builds up around the heart. We were going in to have the fluid drained for the 2nd time and probably go ahead with the surgery shortly after. I wasn't given that chance and I know that maybe it was God's intervention taking this choice from my hands, for maybe he would not have done well with the surgery, some dogs don't survive it and some dogs live only months after this surgery. But it was all inside of a 1 week period of time that I was given a diagnosis and prognosis, but before we could even prepare, he was taken from me. It does not seem fair and while I am grateful that his suffering is over, there is such a hole in my heart, an emptiness in this house. We miss him more than words can say.
Here is a photo of him with his best friend Grant who we lost in August 2008. I hope they are together now.

hi tracey,

what moombeam says is right about not second guessing your medical treatment. dire circumstances force you to make risky calls quickly and clearly his condition was grave enough to require treatment. i've had to do the same thing each and every time, but even with a poor prognosis, i always said we wouldn't go down without a fight and i would exhaust the possibilities because to do nothing was worse. the sorrow and scars are enough to endure, so try to not beat yourself up about making a decision based on love and hope.

i'm very sorry for your loss. come here often, this week i just lurked and didn't want to talk but reading other stories was comforting in their similarities. i wish i had the right words to help but i can at least say your story of not even getting enough time to mobilize is a hallmark rings bells in many if not most of our stories. in fact, i find myself wondering 4 days later if it even just happened...

take care,
sarah

Mr. Sluggo...what a great name for a great dog. Love the pic of him and Grant. They are definately together again.

Hugs,
Sonya

I'm so very sorry for your loss. I've not been around here for a while as I'm eight weeks into my grief journey and still having a hard time but it's getting a little easier each day. I read your post and just felt I had to reply, as it hit home with the condition your baby had. I've lost two to the same thing and I can understand how you're feeling right now, although the circumstances are a little different. I felt as though I'd let my baby down big time just because I took him to the vet, now I'm seeing things a bit clearer I can see that just wasn't the case. My baby was not well so I took him in and had him x'rayed, bloodwork, diretic shot I even asked them to cut his nails . They said he wasn't in good shape, he was nearly sixteen years old and his time was coming but I'd no idea that his time would come just ten minutes after arriving home from that visit.

Being positioned for x'rays had caused the fluid to move and reach his lungs. So my first reaction was that if I hadn't taken him in that morning he'd still be here. We just can't know.

One thing I've come to realize is that we and the vetenarians don't have complete control over our little one's bodies. We can only do what we think is best at the time. I'd NEVER have put him through having his nails cut (which he hated) if I'd realized that he was actually in the process of dying. My first baby who had this condition went on to live another year after being diagnosed with meds I guess I'd expected the same scenario this time around.

I think I was in deep shock for the first couple of weeks and blamed myself and everyone but the gatepost. I now see that he would died even if I hadn't taken him in that morning, maybe another few days or weeks but the end result would have happened and your baby would have been the same, the fluid would have eventually increased and moved until it took over his little body. You mustn't blame yourself because you did exactly what you thought would help him, it was decision made from love, protection and care. I told my little guy that morning before we left for the vet that we were going to get medicine to make him better, which I truly believed was going to happen. Sometimes it's just out of our hands. Mr Sluggo and Grant are adorable and will be together and watching over you forever.

Take good care of yourself, you're in my thoughts and prayers.

Hi, Tracey, thank you so o much for your wonderful picture of Mr. Sluggo and his best friend, Grant. They were certainly a pair!!! And rest assured they are together now keeping a loving vigil over you.

Yes, there is an emptiness in our hearts and lives and homes when we experience a loss, even when there are other beloved companions still in the home. Every living being has an individual "energy" that is shared within the group in which he / she lives. When an individual's "energy" is no longer present - - for whatever reason - - there is a definite physical and emotinal reaction to this loss. Grieving a loss is both emotional and physical, Tracey, and that is one of the many reasons why it is such a painful journey to endure. All of the ones who are remaining in the group must now re-define their lives and how they belong within the remaining group.

Unfortunately our society in general does not understand that the grief journey for the loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. Our beloved companions give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them completely without reservation. When they precede us from this side of eternity they do take a part of us with them - - the better part of us that belongs only to them. And this is another of the many reasons why coping with their loss, particularly in the early deep grief, is so painful, both physically and emotionally.

Contrary to what our society in general believes, the goal of the grief journey is not to "move beyond" or to "forget" our beloved companions. This is impossible to do for they were, are, and always will be a very integral part of our lives. This grief journey is rather a period of "adjustment" - - a very difficult adjustment - - to re-defining the relationship we have with them now, and I hope in time you will be comforted in knowing that Mr. Sluggo's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you in your heart and memories. His sweet Living Spirit is no longer confined to the physical laws of time and space that we are confined to on this side of eternity. Therefore he is still actively sharing your life as you continue with your journey - - wherever you go and whatever you do. Your relationship with him has only temporarily transformed to a different dimension.

Tracey, thank you again so much for sharing Mr. Sluggo with us. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you all so very much for replying, thank you. I can't tell you what it means that people out there will take the time to write thoughtful and caring words, and share their story. Everything helps at this point, anything and everything. It seems like this pain and darkness will never end. My older pug T-Bone who has been with Sluggo his baby brother since he was born is greiving now, I know it. I am trying to remain a strong pack leader and maintain his schedule because I don't want him to feel insecurity. Our other little rescue girl pug Lexie is doing ok, we have only had her just over a year. But the boys were so bonded. Yet I'm so thankful we have her so TBone is not alone. Does anyone have any advice on the best way I can eas the loss for T-Bone?

Hi, Tracey, the best thing you can do is try to spend as much quality time with T-Bone as possible, reassurinig him that he is loved and how proud of him you are for being the best brother to Sluggo anyone could ever hope for. I know what you're going through. I'm in a similar situation with my little boy, Noah. He is now the sole surviving furchild in a household that used to have four furkids. The latest loss was his baby sister, my precious beautiful girl Abbygayle (Abbygayle's Journey).

Make sure that T-Bone is eating okay and being able to take care of his personal needs. If he stops eating and drinking water, not drinking water is the most immediate essential - - take him to the vet as quickly as possible. Some companions can grieve themselves to the point of serious illness, even death.

I hope this helps you, Tracey. I do know what you're going through. I truly wish there was an easier way through this grief journey, but knowing that we have each other for comfort, support, and encouragement is a blessing. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Tracey, and please do let us know how you're doing and how things are going.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Tracey,

I just want to say that I'm truly sorry for your loss. I know how difficult a path it is, facing life without our beloved little companions, but I have to believe that as time goes on we will heal accordingly. I must believe that each day will bring us closer to normalcy, when our days aren't so completely dominated by the sadness that follows such a traumatic event. I'm trying to accept that our grief is vital in its own way. Allowing ourselves to grieve as much as we need to is important. As painful as it is, let yourself experience it and don't feel like there should be a time when it's supposed to stop. I've come to learn that it has a life of its own. Each day will bring us a tiny bit closer even when we don't feel we're making progress.

I truly am sorry for your loss. My thoughts are with you.

Be well,

John