Hi everyone,

This afternoon, I had to put my sweet dog Zusha to sleep. She was a beautiful, huge-hearted 14 year old Samoyed who loved life immensely, even with her arthritic old-girl pains. Other than that, she had been feeling good and was happy (she passed her senior wellness exam with flying colors just last month), but something happened to her overnight last Wednesday. Her illness came on very suddenly. It wasn't until this morning that I realized that there was nothing more we could do for Zusha without causing her to suffer. It was just so hard, because she was so alert & happy to see us this afternoon and I wavered. My vet (who is the most compassionate vet I have ever met) asked me to think about the last memories Zusha would have of us, and us of her. She didn't want us to regret prolonging Zusha's life if it would cause her pain. She assured us that they had exhausted all the resources they had to help Zusha without causing her additional discomfort. I could not bear to put her through any more. My husband and 13 year old son are sick about our loss. I'm heartbroken. I wish I had seen this coming but either she didn't tell us or we missed the warning signs.

I've been an LS member since 2006 but have not visited recently until now. Please take care everyone, my prayers are with all of you.

Hi, kimm, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Zusha. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Kimm, it doesn't matter if our grief journey is the first experience - - or thousandth. This grief adjustment journey is always uniquely painful both emotionally and physically because our individual relationships with each of our companions is unique. Sadly our companions are so adept at disguising how they are feeling until they can no longer do it. By the time they let us know that they are indeed not feeling well the illness / injury has already begun to take a toll on their physical bodies. Sometimes veterinary medicine can help restore a good quality of life for our companions, while sadly as the case of your beloved Zusha the only thing left for their veterinary practitioners and caregivers is to compassionately and lovingly ease their journey home to the angels. I hope your heart will be comforted in knowing that your beloved Zusha's sweet Living Spirit continues to be with you in your heart and your memories. She continues to share your earthly journey just as she always has and always will. She is forever a part of you, kimm, - - she is always a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart. I can only hope that the words I share with you will bring some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your family travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Zusha with us, kimm. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of her with us but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hello Kimm

Please let me lend my heart and love to you on the home-going of beautiful Ms Zusha. Samoyeds have always been the dogs I've thought most beautiful on this earth. Zusha's story is a lot like my Gretta's (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) - 14 months ago. Old, but getting along, going on walks, eating, playing "Who wants to be a wolf?" She crashed in just one day - just like Zusha. it was a Saturday so my wonderful vet wasn't working. We have an excellent university Vet School with a small animal hospital so I brought her there. We'd gone on our morning walk at 6 AM - slowly, but otherwise as usual. By 3 PM she couldn't even stand up. She spent the night at the vet school and next morning I called them and asked them the fateful question. Like you, I went over there, held her in my arms, wept my heart out, and held her some more, telling her how much I loved her. Then they wheeled her away, but I just couldn't let her go without one more look at her beautiful face and give her one last kiss.

Kimm, I really think that your zusha and my Gretta made their passing as easy as possible for us (even though it is THE hardest thing I've ever been through in my life). Unlike so many other people here whose loved ones have lingered on and on getting sicker and sicker and in more and more paind. or, even worse, have lost their earthly lives in some kind of accident or purposeful crime. You and I didn't have to spend days or weeks always wondering if today was the day. Even though my heart is shattered, I thank Gretta for doing me this extraordinary kindness - the same one Zusha did for you.

Zusha has not "gone" - she has just changed form. You can't see her or hear her or pet her any more (for a while). But she IS right there beside you, just like she always has been - guiding you, watching over you, and most importantly of all, loving and being loved by you - just like always. Our babies came from the Perfect World (sometimes we call it heaven), live withus and love us here on earth, and then return towhere they came from - loving us all the time and awaiting the day when we WILL be reunited in their Perfect World. Meanwhile, when you feel a little nudge in a certain direction, or a thought comes to you suddenly, or a tear drops from your eye - it's Zusha on the job.

For the first few days or weeks, your heart will feel like it's constantly being shot by a high-powered rifle and you're bleeding to death from the heart. During these days, just breathe in after you breathe out .... that's all you "have to" do. Whatever you have to do for yourself to express your heart's agony - scream, pound pillows, curl up in fetal position - just do it. I made a pillow out of two of Gretta's snowsuits (which she hated) and slept for a week on her big orthopedic dog bed.

Please be assured that Zusha lives - and loves - YOU!!!

Blessing for now,

Gretta's mom

Hi everyone,

So sorry it took me so long to visit again. I had posting issues & gave up for awhile, but now I'm back.

Moon Beam,

Thank you so much for your words of comfort. I do absolutely know that I will be reunited with my angel girl someday. I also believe that, where she is now, her arthritic hips & knees are healed and she is chasing leaves, butterflies, clouds, and everything else that catches her eye. I know that her beautiful spirit will always be with us, and that she is watching over us and waiting for us.

Gretta's mom,

I am so sorry for your loss of Gretta. I remember those morning walks I used to take with Zusha. She remembers them too, and so does Gretta. Please take comfort in the fact that she knows how much you loved her. Sudden illnesses like Gretta's and Zusha's are especially hard because we have so little time to think about the decisions that they need us to make for them. For 4 days I hoped Zusha would tell me what I should do, like my sweet cat Peaches did, but Zusha didn't. I had to figure it out for myself (with the help of my family and my vet of course).

I can't help feeling even worse about this because Zusha got sick while we were on vacation and she was boarding in a kennel. She had been boarded here several times before and she had always boarded well with them. They have a very good reputation and they called me with regular updates on her, so I know she was being monitored. Two days into our vacation, the owner's wife called me & said she was concerned because Zusha wasn't getting up & down well, and was having trouble moving around. She was eating & drinking well and was alert & in good spirits. I could kick myself now, but I figured this was her old girl pains kicking in, & I authorized them to start exercising her a bit every day (she really wasn't supposed to be putting too much weight on her hind legs, so I told them I wanted more just getting her up and moving around than actual walks) and to increase her pain meds (she had been taking 2 pills a day but I had them increase this to 4. The limit per the doctor was 6 per day so I don't think this was the problem). The update on Wednesday was thumbs up, she was in good spirits & seemed to be feeling better.

Then the call came on early evening on Thursday. Something must have happened to her overnight. By Thursday morning, she had stopped eating and could not stand up anymore, she seemed disoriented & her breathing was labored. The kennel wanted to take her to the emergency vets. I said absolutely, please get her there & make her comfortable. We decided to get some rest and head for home the next morning. Not an hour passed when the vets called......she was critical. Her temperature had spiked to 106 and her blood glucose was very low, and her elecrolytes were all over the place. They were not sure she would make it through the night. She needed us now, but we were 10 hours away from her. My husband, 13 year old son & I threw our stuff in the car & took off. This was 8:30 PM on Thursday.

Needless to say, this was the worst drive ever. On top of our worries about Zusha, and even driving through the night, we battled construction & traffic tie ups. We were so tired by the time we were an hour from home we thought we would have to stop at a hotel for a few hours & get some rest. I called the vet from the road to see how she was doing, and she was stable. We were relieved, and we made it home.

Friday morning after we had rested for a couple hours, I called the emergency vet. Things were not looking good for Zusha. They got her temperature back down to normal, but their main concern was that her blood sugar was extremely low and, while they were supplementing it with an IV, she was not producing it to the right levels on her own. She was still not eating & was still not able to stand up.

They didn't know what had happened to her, but did not see a good outcome. We went in to see her fully prepared to say goodbye.

We got there Friday afternoon & they put us in the grieving room. It seemed like forever until they brought Zusha in. Eventually they brought her in on a quilt & stretcher, and then the vet techs set her down in front of us. What a reaction we got from her!!! She perked up like you wouldn't believe!!!! She was totally alert, & talking to us in her little Zusha way we know so well. Based on her reaction when we came in, the vet felt it didn't seem like it was her time yet, & thought it might be a good idea to keep her there for another day or 2 & see if she makes progress. We said yes, as long as she's not in pain, let's see what can be done for her.

The next 3 days followed the same pattern. The nighttime vet would report that Zusha was not improving, in fact going downhill some, and there was very little else they could do for her. Every day we went in expecting this was our last visit with Zusha, and each time she improved by leaps and bounds in our presence.

But still.......she could not stand up, would not eat. We knew that something really bad had happened to her, that she was elderly for a dog.....and that our time with her was limited at best. What ever caused Zusha to get sick was a moot point now. All we wanted was for her to come home. She was such a homebody, she had us here, the place she was familiar with, plus her 3 cat friends (yes, she even loved our cats!) We would all be so relieved to find a way to somehow get her home, but the only reason she was doing OK with us was because of the supports she had at the hospital. I never thought she would ever come home.

But my vet had an idea. She would prepare Zusha for a short trip home on Sunday, get her sufficiently stabilized so she could come home for a few hours. If she did well at home after 4 hours, we were to bring her back to the hospital & they would pick up treatment where they left off. The internist would be in on Monday, so they would give her an ultrasound & do some more tests the weekend doctors couldn't do. If we didn't feel she was doing well at home, & she told us it was her time, I was supposed to call my doctor & she would come out to our home & euthanize Zusha. Those were our 2 options.

Well, as it turned out, Zusha had a great visit at home with us on Sunday. She was totally alert, hanging out with the cats, even ate a little roast beef (the first she had eaten anything since Thursday morning!) We were very encouraged by her reaction, & decided to send her back to the vets to keep her overnight & see what the specialists said the next morning.

Monday morning, the vets called. The ultrasound turned up nothing. None of the tests done on her did. The specialists were completely baffled. Having ruled out basically everything else, they could only conclude that something had happened in Zusha's brain. I almost fell over. That was the worst news I could have heard. The next step at this point, if we decided to continue treating her, would have been a neurologist........ but then what? No way was she in any shape to handle surgery, even the MRI would most likely have required anesthesia, which was way too risky for Zusha in her condition. We headed over to the vets. I was sure, after all these ups and downs, finally it was time.


We had the best visit with Zusha Monday afternoon. She was completely alert & so happy to see us, and again I thought, how could it possibly be her time??? She's so happy!!! The doctor reminded us, at this point, yes, she's comfortable now, but she's alive due to the supports she has at the hospital. She said if we took her home, she might be OK for a day or 2, but without the IVs and monitoring, her body would sooner or later give out & then she would truly be in pain. I did not want this to be her last memories of us, or us of her. I could not bear to put her through anymore. We said goodbye to Zusha on that warm, sunny Monday afternoon. My precious, happy girl passed away in my arms, with her head in my lap. We went home & sat out on the deck for the rest of the evening, talking about our memories of Zusha, laughing a little & crying a lot.

Over a week has passed, & we still acutely feel the loss of our girl. Our house feels like an empty cave without her. I just love her so much.

I know this was a long post, and I thank you for listening. Over the years, I've seen LS members come and go, but we all have one thing in common.........our forever love for our furbabies. Take comfort in knowing that you've come to the right place to share your feelings. Even if you don't want to post, or are not ready yet, just visit. It truly does help.

My prayers are with all of you. Take care, everyone.

Oh Zusha's mom

My heart goes out to you in the excruciating up and down experience ofZusha's return trip to the Perfect World. Gretta's sudden final illness was never really diagnosed - even at the wonderful U of M Vet School I took her to. Hers was neurological, too. I know she and Zusha are twins in the Perfect World. Tell me that Zusha is the kindest Samoyed who ever lived - and I'll know for sure. Gretta is the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived. You and your family gave her everything - EVERYTHING - and more: a wonderful life, safety, warmth, good food, loving family, everything a dog could wish for in her wildest dreams. And you had the courage - the strength of love beyond measure - to hold Zusha in your arms, where she always belonged while she was on earth, and give her her last earthly memories of love, family, warmth ..... everything she had on earth and now has in the Perfect World. She waited for you to come back from vacation so all of you could be together. This is both the saddest and most loving thing you could have done. SOmetimes I think that our special spirit-animals teach us so much while they're with us on earth, and then when THEY think we're ready (and we NEVER are) they put us to the ultimate test of love - we have to knowingly, eyes and hearts open, welcome the worst pain there is on earth in order to love them enough to help them on their home-going to the Perfect World. It's like gold - it starts out mixed with dross and has to be refined and purified in a fiery furnace. You've come through ythe fiery furnace, Zusha's mom. So has your family. You're pure gold now. And deep inside you (and me and everyone who has had to go through this with their spirit-animal) is etched part of that fiery furnace - which I think we'll carry with us - and shed tears over (like now, when I'm posting) - until we're reunited in the Perfect World, never to be parted again.

In admiration and caring,

Gretta (and now Rufus's) mom