IPB

Welcome Guest ( Log In | Register )

Profile
Personal Photo
Options
Options
Personal Statement
kaycee71 doesn't have a personal statement currently.
Personal Info
kaycee71
52 years old
Gender Not Set
South-western, NJ
Born May-10-1971
Interests
gardening, reading, writing, birding (I breed smaller domestic birds & love wild bird watching), painting & other artsy craftsy stuff, helping others with lupus & chronic pain, & as of most recently, trying to cope with the loss of my Manhattan Choobah Choobah Baboo, but you can call him Manny or Choobie, either way he'd have greeted you with a raucous purr & a chirpy meow.
Statistics
Joined: 25-September 05
Profile Views: 487*
Last Seen: 28th September 2005 - 09:06 PM
Local Time: Mar 29 2024, 04:40 AM
1 posts (0 per day)
Contact Information
AIM KayCee71
Yahoo kaycee71
ICQ No Information
MSN No Information
* Profile views updated each hour

kaycee71

Pet Lovers


Topics
Posts
Comments
Friends
My Content
25 Sep 2005
[FONT=Optima][SIZE=7][COLOR=purple] It is now 33 hours since I had to say my goodbye to a very sweet & dear friend & beloved puss, my darling boy, Manny Choobah Choobah, & I sit before my computer, angry at God, & grieving very hard for his lost life. You can call him Manny or Choobie, either way, he'd have greeted you with a raucous purr of acknowledgment & a friendly, chirpy meow. My Manny put up a hard fight & albeit that his time was too short for my liking, his passing was kind, easy & much more gentle than it could have been.
3 weeks ago, my husband & I realized that he was hiding & missing from the gang, & after a long arduous search, he was found hiding in the back of a closet, looking severely dehydrated & just too darned skinny. I took him to our vets' office where he was x-rayed & fondled, yet managed to avoid the usual poking & prodding with needles, because we, as in the vet & I, saw that he was chock full of hairballs, from gut to gullet, on the films. He was given an enema, a good bolus of subcutaneous fluid, a tube of Laxatone & was able to come home. Seems simple enough, huh? Eh, it was to prove to be a trying time. Here's where things got ugly:
During our wait while he was being goosed & gassed up, I spoke with the self proclaimed "office manager" & had asked her if we should go home & return once he was ready to go, as maybe the techs needed more time to give Manny his needed treatments & I didn't want them to feel rushed. The not so nice lady acted as if I had just asked her to shave herself bald with a rusty razor & to then bathe in alcohol. I heaved a sigh & went to sit with my husband as time dragged on. After 2 hours wait, I had realized that in my haste to have Manny seen for this emergency that I had forgotten my checkbook & credit card, & was in fear that I wasn't going to be able to pay the full amount due. I sauntered up to the front desk & quietly mentioned to the woman that I was unsure if I had enough money in my account to cover this emergency & needed to go home for my checkbook & to see what we had left in our bank account. In front of many anxious pet owners, this woman made me feel as if I was nothing but a lowly scuzzball, who shouldn't even have the privilige of owning a pet by speaking to me in a bothered tone & then she went on a shpeil of how I should have mentioned that I wanted to go home in regard to the money situation & ranted on about how the vets' were to be paid as services are renderred & "squawk squawk SQUAWK!" Being treated like this was just plain awful & because of my history with this vet office & the one I used previously, it was always sort of understood that if we were billed, there was NO worry of payment, as we take this seriously & fully understand that NOBODY works for free & that our usual vet is someone we regard very highly. I figured explaining this to her, with a captivated audience would prove useless, so I held by tongue, & my breath & sat back down. When Manny was ready, we stuffed him gingerly back into his carrier & upon seeing that I was able to cover the bill in full, I told Mrs. Squawks-a-lot that I would either come back with cash in hand or could call with credit card info to pay. Ol' Squawks shut her yap & agreed to my calling with card info, but insisted that I do so RIGHT AWAY!
OK, sick kitty tended to, card info called in the minute I got him settled, I figured, this scene ends. Tragedy averted & the world spun on. But something was again amiss after a few days time. I'd realized that Manny was not getting better. He had taken back to hiding in the closet once again & avoided his usual routines with his siblings & friends. I kept at him with water & food, which I would force on him with a syringe procured from a nurse I had befriended from my all too frequent visits to the local hospital's ER. I was in fear that he was not doing well & wanted to see if I could at least try on my own to bring him back to the food dishes & back up to snuff, as I was so disheartened by my treatment at the hands of Ol' Squawky when it came to my lack of finances. I wanted to do all that I could to restore Manny to the epitome of vim & vigor that he possessed all his life. In just under a week, he decided it was best to come out of hiding, but I knew for sure he was not nearly up to par. Although he drank with gusto, when I would offer him food, even the much loved canned Iams & a cat's "Heaven's Manna" of Beechnut Turkey Baby Food, he would retch & gag so hard. I refused to give in as I figured that maybe with my help of being force fed, his appetite would be stimulated & he'd surely come back to the food bowl without my coersions.
Alas, this was not to be. After seeing him shrink before my eyes by the minute, I decided to call the vet office Friday at midnight, & left a message about Manny & choking back sobs, asked that something be worked out with billing as we had great references to this fact & the nature of this situation being of a grave emergent matter. I made sure to calm down enough to be clear with my name, pet's name & telephone number & asked that I be called as soon as the office opened even if it was just to get advice. I didn't hear anything on Saturday, & since Manny was out of hiding & faked us out by being caught at the food bowl by my husband early that morning, I figured maybe he just needed my patience & woe be unto the idiot at the vet's office if they ever called! I sat & stewed over Mrs. Squawks & the financial situation with the vet, but figured that poor ol' Choobah surely had to be getting better & just needed some more time & a little mineral oil to help him pass all that hair that was clogging his bowels. I would persistently force food & water on him every few hours. This was tough on both of us as I felt so bad for causing anything that Manny would perceive as negative & his gag reflex would be fierce, but he kept it down, so I kept at him, begging his understanding. I had false hope. I knew something was terribly wrong & finally, this past Thursday, September 22, after being up all night fretting over my beloved puss, I drove to the vet office & walked up to Ol' Squawks & demanded to have Manny's chart & x-ray films be given to me so that I could take him to a vet that would be all too happy to have my business, regardless of having to accept staggered payments. This caught the attention of both my favorite vet & the REAL office manager. As I sobbed from embarrassment & from the sheer fear of Manny's demise, I was led into a room & asked about what was going on both with Manny & about the financial situation I had brought up. I addressed the fact that Squawky decided to dress me down in front of a full waiting room with many an open ear on my initial appointment with Manny's current illness & how I was made to feel like I was nothing but something stuck to her shoe after expressing both my concern over the bill & having forgotten my checkbook or card. I told of my ignored midnight phone call asking if Manny could be seen on Saturday & having some sort of billing done as he was in dire need of more attention than I could offer & my never getting a return call, & with a painful sob, I explained how poorly Manny was doing & how I knew this was now a life & death matter. I went on to let her know that if nothing was to be worked outwith future payments, I was going to need his records & would appreciate the x-rays so the next vet could see them & compare with new ones if need be for his treatment. This woman's jaw was on the floor by the time my rant was halfway through, so by the time I had finished, all she could do is utter apology after apology & with kindness, assured me that the vet would certainly work out billing with us, especially due to the nature of this situation. I was told to go get Manny & bring him right back but only if I was able to calm down, as she didn't want me to put my own life in jeopardy by being so overwrought with emotion. I assured her that I was fine & that time was of the essence & left to go home. I go home, gathered up my ever weakened baby boy, & went back to the office. Unlike his usual self, Manny laid before the vet tech as if he had no bones. He was a puddle! My favorite vet came in & saw the wreck of my beloved Choobah in front of him. He looked to me with sheer compassion & understanding & remarked how bad Manny looked, as he was fit as a fiddle during his last visit in July & being such a hammy fellow, he stuck in my vet's mind for easy recognition. He checked the chart & remarked that Manny had lost over 8 pounds & was back to looking not only dehydrated, but plainly emaciated. As I am able to reflect now, Manny had looked as if he were already one paw in heaven as he lay forlornly on the table, all strength sapped away & no more putting on a brave face to keep me calm. This caught my attention & sent up bad feelings because while at home earlier, he had put on his "game" face & went through the motions of staying out where we expected him to be & faked us out by being standing to greet a friendly petting session & some love. I now realize that my darling Choobie had been trying hard not to show his suffering, probably because he didn't want me to worry (probably as well as due to my constant pestering with a cat food loaded syringe to force feed him) & perhaps he knew his time here with the world he loved was short & wanted to be amongst us & spend time with his brother & sisters & the rest of our furry gaggle. As he lay before the vet & the tech, my hopes were sapped & reality slapped me hard as I realized that this may prove to be much more gruesome than I'd thought. Manny was immediately taken to the hospital section & started on IV fluids & was given V.I.P. treatment by my shocked vet. He asked me to give him a few hours to do bloodwork & more assessment into Manny's health & if he didn't call me, to call him in an hour.
Feeling as though I was under water from shock, worry, & lack of sleep, I called my mother & simply became unglued. We talked about our cats that she & my father had the horror of having to put down once they became too ill. I was blissfully spared having to witness their being helped into heaven, so I felt the need to address it during this call because I knew all too well that this may be an all too viable option in my near future. My mom comforted me as best as she could. We talked about how hard it was to say goodbye to our precious princess Lala, & bestest buddy L.G. when life was too painful for them to endure. She explained how the euthanasia medication worked & explained that although it was hard to have them being ushered into death, how knowing that their suffering would be that much harder. We talked about how Manny's father Chowder (Big Daddy C) had spared me of having to do this by sharing his final night with us in good spirits, sleeping next to my husband that night & cuddling with me the following morning. It was only after I let him be by himself that he "gave up the ghost" & went on, away from the illness that bogged his proud body down, sparing us from his appointment set for later that day to put him down. We talked at how things may be looking bleak for Manny then, but to try to keep some hope that he may be spared & be restored to health, only time was to tell & my mother tried hard to keep me this side of sane by keeping me on the line for over 2 hours. I finally let her go & after we hung up, I sat at Chowder's grave & prayed hard. I finally had to face the music & called to speak with my vet.
My favorite vet is a feline fanatic & trust me, cats know this & are quite comfortable with him during their exams with him. He is just one gem of a guy & truly worth his weight (& that of his truck) in platinum, gold, diamonds & emeralds. He told me of Manny's problems, & with a heavy heart explained how things were really looking bad. Manny's kidneys were barely functioning, his liver was showing some ill omens, & after another x-ray compared to the first batch, there was an odd mass (which I had felt myself a few times) by his left kidney. His bowels were not working. Things were looking very bleak, but he wanted to try some things & medicines to see if we could keep Manny alive & give him a strong chance to recover. I brought up my past discussions with ol' Squawky & the billing fiasco & again I was met with astonishment & apologies. I asked him to be extremely honest with me & to let me know if things were futile, I implored with him not ever to let Manny suffer, & I asked him to try all that he could if he thought there was a chance. He assured me that I could have faith in him, & he consoled me for my own guilt & suffering with trying to care for Manny because of the financial rag session with Mrs. Squawks. I hung up feeling a little bit more assured that Manny had a greater chance of coming back into the glory that he once was. I again went out to Chowder's grave & prayed. I begged for the courage to see me through this, & tried to bargain with God to have Manny spared from this malady. Something in my heart & soul told me to brace for the worst. I was left dwelling on the mass in Manny's gut. I cried hard & after scraping myself off the ground, found my way inside & up to bed. I tried napping, to no avail. Time inched on.
I called to get the evening report from my vet. He got on the line with me & told me the ups & downs that were then Manny's health situation. While things in his kindeys were somewhat better, his liver was showing signs of fat involvment & he still would not eat. After consulting with the other vets in the office, they feared the mass in his tummy was a cancerous lymphoma. His bowels were still not doing their part & although he was not doing great, he was looking better. My vet & I were left with doing nothing but praying for things to get better. It was a tough situation, but sometimes nature can be tricky to guess. We talked about my other pets & while we did so, Manny's brother Leo (who is deaf & has always relied on Manny) decided to go looking for his brother, while screaming at the top of his lungs. This left me feeling very disconcerted & I broke down like a paper airplane caught in a tornado. The vet & I had sort of both melted down & I felt bad for bumming him out, as he really does take his practice of caring for animals very seriously, so after he choked a few more lines of encouragement to me, I felt it was only fair to let the poor man go home & to be spared of this drama. I apologized for taking up so much of his time, thanked him profusely & let him go.
My husband had worked late & came home to find me in a state of plain hysteria. I told him of the days transpirations & explained Manny's situation. I apologized for not making dinner. We cried together. I was too weary to do much else than to give into sleep. I slept hard & long. I dreamed of Manny's Daddy, ol' Chowder Puss. In the dreams he seemed unhappy. Usually in my dreams he comes to me with a great leap & meows up a storm. In these dreams, he just stared at me. He seemed not only sad, but even sort of angry. Why was he angry? Could it be that Manny was suffering & his Daddy wanted me to know that enough was enough? I then dreamt of peaceful things. I really needed this sleep & I went for a marathon.
I woke up Friday at around noon, & after getting up the courage, called to see how Manny was doing. My call was answered by Squawky. She didn't say much, just asked me to hold on. A few minutes later, someone else picked up the line & advised me that my vet was on the other line speaking to someone else & asked me how I was doing? I told her that I was a mess & expressed my worries for Manny. She told me that she thought he was an absolute sweetheart & that she saw him earlier & that he was sleeping comfortably. She was going to have the vet call me back, & just before we were to hang up, my vet was done with the other call & he got on the line directly. We wearily went through the motions of greeting each other & he told me of how Manny was not doing too well & how things were getting uglier. Manny's liver problems were worsened. Manny was not holding his body temperature & needed warming. He still did not eat & his bowels were still silent. His lab values were so tricky, while things looked better here, things looked way worse there. The mass in his belly was almost 100% positively cancer, & although he was too sick now for surgery, the vet feared that if they did go in, that things could be worsened & Manny would be all the worse for it. The vet asked me to give him 4 more hours to see if the medicines he wanted to try would brings things up & get Manny on track to getting better. This doctor is truly big-hearted & top notch. He wanted me to assure him that he was doing the best for my baby & I told him that I trusted his judgment intrinsically. I told him that although it seemed silly, I felt everyone should know Manny's nicknames, Choobah or Choobie. (The vet called out Choobah, Choobie & Manny perked up his ears & meowed back to him. I found this too cute!) I thanked him & let him go about his business. I felt a bit better knowing that he sort of had hopes in these news meds. I was able to remain in bliss for a while. I tried to think positively. I tried to keep my chin up, but then I had a really bad feeling set in. Being that I have lupus, & anyone with this rotten disease can tell you, lupus & stress don't mix well, I was feeling physically wreckish. I had a fever & terrible headache. I resigned to taking pain medicine & making myself lay back down. I snuggled with Manny's sister Dottie & fell into a nice nap.
I woke a few hours later feeling panicked. I checked to see if the vet had called back & saw he didn't. It was just a little after 5:00 & I went & grabbed Manny's favorite blanket from the clean laundry & rubbed my scent on it. Something told me to get myself to the vet & let Manny know that I had not abandoned him. I was surprised to see my husband at the front of the car, trying to change a headlight. I asked if he was going to take long & he replied with asking me where I was off to in such a panic & that he would be just a few minutes. I told him to forget it. I NEEDED to go see Manny. I explained that I had a terrible feeling & that Manny needed to see us. He balked & blurted that he didn't want to go. I then had to address the badness that I was feeling by speaking it & calmly explained to Joe that I think the vet was afraid to call & that Manny was in need of "just going to sleep." I told him that this may be our last chance to be with him & said that it would be best of we were both there if this were the case. He quietly resigned & got in the car. I drove to the vet sort of freaked out, but remained calm until we got there. When we got up to the desk, I was the epitome of sorrow. I asked if I could see my cat? I told the receptionist that I had an awful feeling & wanted Manny to know that I hadn't abandoned him & that I had his blankie. They had a tech come & walk my husband & I to the back where the hospital was. We waited while they got Manny set up for a visit.
We were let in & Manny lay on the surgery table wrapped up in a big blue blanket with his IV whirring in the fluids that he so badly needed. He lay there looking so sad until he heard my boisterous "CHOOBAH!" He greeted Joe & I with his signature purr & quite a few meows. He was too worn out to stand. He was so sick. He fought so hard to keep his head up for us. I knew what was to be. My vet came in & with tears in his own eyes & his voice cracking every few syllables, started explaining that things were really quite bad. I thanked him for all of his hard work & told him I knew what had to be done. Joe was given a form to sign to euthanize Manny. I just held Manny & talked to him with tears just pouring out of me. The vet tech was about to come into the room & being that this goodbye was to be something I needed, I asked for some more time. Both the vet & tech understood. I told them that the vet should go to his next appointment & then come back. Although I wanted forever with my baby, I knew I was just being greedy & that Manny didn't deserve to suffer any longer than I could spare. Joe & I pet Manny & I talked to him. I told him that he was conceived on a beautiful day in late May. He came into this world on July 27, 1997 at 11: 37 P.M. & was the pride of his Mama & Daddy. He was a very dear brother to Leo, Dottie & L.C. & a good friend to the rest of our gang. I begged him to understand that I couldn't be greedy & keep him fighting for life & suffering in pain any longer. I told him I loved him a billion times. I held him & sang our little song (which is to the tune of "You Are My Sunshine" but with just variations of his nick name, sorta' goes like this: You are my Choobie, choop chaoopah choobie, choop choppah choobah, choop choppah choo...) He purred for me the whole time I was with him, from the moment he heard me, until his injections were started. I am sure that he will know into eternity how much he was loved. I rambled on about certain milestones in our lives together & thanked him for helping me through my bleak moments of horrible illness & mental darkness. Joe could do nothing more than stand across from me & pet his back & let the tears flow. The vet came back after probably a half hour later & gave Manny the first injection. Poor Manny must've felt the hot feeling that sedatives are known for when given into a vein & flung his little paw back & let out a little rowr. I reassured the vet & my husband that this way OK, I brought Manny closer to me & tried to shut his eyes as best as I could while again professing my undying love, then the second injection was started & halfway into it, I felt Manny go. With a small sigh, his last breath was expelled. With his last breath, something chipped off of my soul. I let out a painful howl & cried hard. It was 6:32 p.m. on September 23, 2005. The vet checked to make sure Manny's struggling had ceased. He reassured me that we did the right thing. I thanked him for everything & he helped me with the task of shrouding Manny with his favorite blankie. I carried my baby for the ride home.
On our quick ride back home, Joe & I talked about how hard this was while I tried to remain calm. He had a very bad experience with euthanasia involved & this helped him come to better terms with it. I guess since I've written a novel already, why not explain Joe's bad deal? When he was a fine, young stud, he had a doberman pinscher, Shadow, that was trained to be HIS dog. Being that these dogs are easily fine tuned with specific training, she took to being HIS dog & was fiercely protective of him. The dog would growl at his mother when she would come into his room while he slept & was not overtly friendly toward her or other people. This was something that did not sit well with his mother. Over a few years of this sort of animosity, his mother grew to loathe this dog & while Joe was at work one day, had gotten his older sister to help take the dog to a vet & because of her hatred of this animal, had the dog euthanized without Joe's knowledge. This is something that has always plagued Joe's thoughts & I swear that even though he claims forgiveness (especially since his mother is now the equation of a pooping houseplant because of late stage Alzheimer's Disease) I feel that he carried horror & resentment because of this. Even though I am outraged at how any vet would kill a healthy animal simply because of some animosity, I wanted Joe to know that Shadow did not suffer & went peacefully. Even though Manny was ill & was in need of release, I feel that it was imperitive that Joe see how things work with euthanasia. Although I am having horrible moments of crying jags & lamenting the lost life of my dearest friend, I know that this was right & I will come to terms with it & I know that Joe is all the much wiser now.
Joe & I were there when he was conceived, we were there rooting him on when he was born, we were calming him & loving him as he slipped from this world. We loved his very essence from start to finish. Even though I am feeling exposed, chapped & worn through right now, I know I will someday be grateful for having this sweet, kind, friendly kitty from start to finish. Right now I feel gypped, I am just a tad angry & a whole lot sad. My Manhattan Choobah Choobah Baboo chose me as his & we loved each other famously. He was very dear & admired by both humans & animals. We buried him with ceaseless tears & held each other afterwards as I fell apart in his arms. Manny was a precious gift & a very dear friend. I'll always think of him with everbounding love. I just hope that when I am dispatched from life that he will be there to greet me. It will be then that I know I had made it to heaven.
Thank you for reading this. It was as long as Manny's life was short. I welcome any responses, as I am feeling very alone in this grief. Please remember to be kind to your pets & always let them know how special they are to you. If you are facing having to euthanize a pet & need some help to come to terms with it, please write to me. I can assure you that it is certainly the BEST thing you can offer to a sick friend who is probably clinging to their life to make sure your pain is not too great. These furbabies have come to know us & love us unconditionally. They know that even if it is hard for them to even keep breathing, that you find comfort in their being with you. Although your burden is great, you should release your friend from the things that are bogging them down & robbing them of happiness. It will not be easy & although you may not have the courage to be there when they are being injected, I found great peace in holding Manny while he left. I know he was happy to have both Joe & I there. He was released from pain & illness with love & devotion. That is a great gift, no matter how awful it seems to us. Being with your pet until there last moment will be something you can find comfort in. It's just getting over the loss that is not easy. We do go on, even when it seems like it's impossible, we eventually rise above the pain & will be able to love without hurting. I am here for anyone who needs me. I hope to find support as well. I am attaching a wonderful picture of my Manny if you would like to see him in all his glory.
Attached image(s)
Attached Image
 
Last Visitors


9 May 2008 - 23:49

Comments
Other users have left no comments for kaycee71.

Friends
There are no friends to display.
Lo-Fi Version Time is now: 29th March 2024 - 04:40 AM