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> My Sweet Princess Theresa
Tom's Dad
post May 28 2016, 10:33 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Dear LS friends,

It is with a heavy heart and deep sadness that I must tell you I had to help my baby girl Theresa transition to the Rainbow Bridge to be with Angel Tom. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make. But Dr. Mills assured me I was doing the right thing. For those of you that may not have read about her illness, it is here:

http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=7409 and her journey with us here: http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.php?showtopic=6896

Dr. Mills said the tumor had pretty much consumed her entire tongue, that it would continue to grow and she would never get better or even stabilize. We had our final goodbyes in the room while Dr. Mills went to get what was needed. She did something that she had not done in weeks. She reached up with both paws to my chest to "hug" me and touch my nose. In her eyes I could see she was saying "It's OK daddy, I know it's my time" I told her she was going to be with Angel Tom now. Now she is Angel Theresa.

Se went peacefully and gently on the thick fleece blanket they provided. I have cried, but also tried to keep it together for her sake. The uncontrollable sobbing will come later I'm sure sad.gif They will call me when her ashes are ready. I never got to do that for Tom or properly say goodbye to him.

I made a video of her just under 2 years ago enjoying the sunshine on the balcony. This is how I want to remember her. Here is the link because I unfortunately I don't know how to embed it.

https://youtu.be/QZglV7hanvM



Warm summer sun,
Shine kindly here,
Warm southern wind,
Blow softly here.
Green sod above,
Lie light, lie light.
Good night, dear heart,
Good night, good night.

Mark Twain at his daughter's funeral. I thought it appropriate for my baby girl.

Before the appointment she went out to the balcony all on her own and enjoyed the sunbeams for several minutes one last time. I'm sorry if this post seems a bit "ham handed" but I'm still in shock, and this is the first time I have ever had to make this kind of decision. Thank you all for reading.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 28 2016, 12:28 PM
Post #2


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My dear friend, Tracy, please permit me to offer you my deepest and sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved princess Theresa. As you know so well, losing a beloved companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

My heart is aching with yours, my friend, and tears are in my eyes as I'm writing to you sharing in your deepest sorrow. Indeed, our companions know when it is their "time" to transition from this earthly realm, and your precious baby girl was doing everything in her power to try to make it easy for YOU - - for she knows how much your heart was breaking at the prospects of losing her precious physical presence. The "last hours, days, minutes" will be with you but am comforted in sharing your news that you will try to focus on the many good memories you have of her when she was in her "prime" of good health - - for this is how she wants you to remember her.

I know your beloved sweet girl is with your beloved Sir Thomas - - he was at the gates of the Rainbow Bridge to greet her and welcome her into eternal joy. She had no fear for she heard his voice calling to her leading the way for her.

I'm so very glad Dr. Mills was with you for this very difficult time in your life, my friend. It may take several days for them to get your beloved girl's remains back, but yes - - they should call you when they are ready to be picked up.

As I say to others who are beginning their grief adjustment journey, so I share with you - - I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you and your precious Tang travel your grief journeys.

The blessing in your sorrow is knowing that the love bond you and your beloved Theresa share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. And now along with your beloved Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirit, your beloved princess Theresa's sweet Living Spirit will always be a part of your heart and memories - - she will always be a heartbeat close to you.

Tracy, thank you so very, very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved princess Theresa with us. I hope you and your precious Tang will have a peaceful day and evening together blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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MannaPaws
post May 28 2016, 02:12 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 7-May 16
Member No.: 8,843



Dear Tomís Dad (Tracy),

I want to offer you my heartfelt sympathies to the loss of your precious, sweet girl Theresa. I just read your words and watched the video of Theresa basking in the sunlight 2 years ago. My heart is moved beyond what words can describe. The poem by Mark Twain is a beautiful poem and describes this loss so well. I am grieving with you, and my tears havenít stopped, as I continue to write these condolences to you and to your precious Tang.

I know this is the hardest thing youíve ever had to do this side of Heaven. I believe that Theresa was trying to make it as easy as possible for you, for she knew how you were struggling in making the right choice, and how you didnít want to lose her. What you shared about her reaching up to your chest to hug you with her paws and to touch your nose was so poignant and touching. There's no doubt to me that she was telling you it was time, and that she loved you in this life and would continue to love you beyond this life. Itís as you said, you could see it in her eyes, and she was saying, ďItís OK daddy, I know itís my timeĒ.

I can relate to what moon_beam said and agree completely: ďEuthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.Ē Precious Theresa went peacefully, and you were there to help her over the Rainbow Bridge, and Tom was waiting on the other side. I love that she is now Angel Theresa. And like Tom, she is now restored to her former youthfulness.

You were such a loving father to Theresa, and she was blessed to have you and still have you as her Forever Dad. She was clean from your bathing her last night, and she also enjoyed sunbeams on the balcony this morning. You made her feel loved and comfortable, and you did everything you could for her. And I know that she was grateful to you and loved you with all her heart.

Once again, I am so sorry for the physical loss of your beautiful girl Theresa. Please know you and Tang will be in my thoughts and prayers as you grieve through this loss.

Warmest regards,
MannaPaws
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LittleGirl's...
post May 28 2016, 03:07 PM
Post #4





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From: Maine
Member No.: 274



Dear Tom and Theresa's Dad,

So very sorry to hear of the physical loss of your precious Theresa! sad.gif

She lived a lucky earthly journey with you, that is for sure. I watched that delightful video of her basking and bathing in the sunshine on the balcony, relishing her amazing life. wub.gif

Angel Theresa and Angel Tom are fully reunited---and yet still right there with you. This is absolutely precious: She reached up with both paws to my chest to "hug" me and touch my nose. In her eyes I could see she was saying "It's OK daddy, I know it's my time" I told her she was going to be with Angel Tom now. Now she is Angel Theresa. wub.gif


Sending you prayers of peace,

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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Tom's Dad
post May 28 2016, 03:26 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



moon_beam and MannaPaws:

I thank you both for your kind words and condolences. Reading your responses has allowed my own tears to flow more freely.

While Dr. Mills and Katrina (the vet tech who was teary eyed herself) were of great comfort, so too were the ladies up front Christina and Cindy. I told Cindy I was especially thankful to her as she was the one who introduced us to Tang when I brought Theresa in to get on a plan and get her first check up. I commented that I felt bad making her wait so long as I was dealing with all of Tom's health issues, and the irony in that I got her as company for him; and now she would be all alone. If not for her (Cindy) I would have been coming home to an empty apartment.

Tang has been very comforting and I have seen him looking around for his sister. I explained that she has had to go to join Tom at the Rainbow bridge. I told him it's just you and me now little man.

https://youtu.be/gWA8QpqFlIQ

It's heartbreaking that I had to let her go on this holiday weekend (and only a week after Tang's anniversary) But appropriate that's it's a holiday of honoring and remembrance. I lost Tom 2 1/2 weeks before Christmas of 2010. So now I will have 2 holidays that will be touched with sadness.

We will go on, but it will be difficult with a Theresa sized hole in our hearts and souls. But as the saying goes, she's not really gone as long as we remember her. Paraphrasing Dr. McCoy's words at the death of Spock. And Admiral Krik's: Of all the souls I have encountered in my travels....hers was the most...human.

I want to thank you both again for your kindness and heartfelt words of condolence. Blessings.

TT...and T Gone (from her earthly journey) but never forgotten.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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Tom's Dad
post May 28 2016, 05:06 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



QUOTE (LittleGirl'sMommy @ May 28 2016, 04:07 PM) *
Dear Tom and Theresa's Dad,

So very sorry to hear of the physical loss of your precious Theresa! sad.gif

She lived a lucky earthly journey with you, that is for sure. I watched that delightful video of her basking and bathing in the sunshine on the balcony, relishing her amazing life. wub.gif

Angel Theresa and Angel Tom are fully reunited---and yet still right there with you. This is absolutely precious: She reached up with both paws to my chest to "hug" me and touch my nose. In her eyes I could see she was saying "It's OK daddy, I know it's my time" I told her she was going to be with Angel Tom now. Now she is Angel Theresa. wub.gif


Sending you prayers of peace,

Kathy


LittleGirl'sMommy

I'm so sorry I didn't include you in my thanks to moon_beam and MannaPaws - I only just now saw your post. I swear it wasn't there when I posted that. Thank you for your kind words and condolences.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 29 2016, 09:56 AM
Post #7


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Group: Moderators
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From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious little Tang are doing. Your reference to Capt. Kirk's euology for Spock is so touching. I completely and totally share your sentiments about our precious companions.

I know from first hand experience with my precious Noah searching for his big adopted kitty brother Eli when he did not come back home from his final trip to the vet (only a week later in ashes). He grieved deeply for his big brother and it broke my heart to see him in such pain. I know you will do everything in your power to comfort your precious Tang's grieving heart, for in comforting him you will also be comforted.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tang kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post May 29 2016, 11:25 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you for checking in on us and your kind words of support. At about 9:15 this morning I had an odd feeling and was compelled to look at the clock on the wall. I realized it had been just about 24 hours since my baby girl went to be with Angel Tom sad.gif

Last night I had what may have been my first "sign" from her. I was re-arranging my work pants and shirts I mostly hang to dry after laundry to get them to dry more evenly in the bedroom. No sooner had I walked out into the hall I heard a loud thump. I went back in to see plastic box containing yarn/string and other things for crafting on the floor opened. It had belonged to my then GF and has sat unmoved (by even a centimeter) on the top shelf of the closet since she left in 2004 blink.gif Also sometimes, when it's very very quiet, I hear a high pitched meow that is/was unmistakably hers.

Tang has been even more affectionate (even for him) today cuddling more on the couch with me and kneading my chest. We are struggling toward our new normal. Thank goodness I am off tomorrow for the holiday. Thank you again for your thoughts and prayers. Blessings.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 29 2016, 12:32 PM
Post #9


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Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious little Tang are doing. I am comforted in sharing your news of visits from your beloved princess Theresa, and Sir Thomas. There is no doubt she, and Sir Thomas, are letting you know they are well and forever with you and Tang. I know this is also comforting for you and your precious boy.

Again, my friend, I hope today is treating you and your precious Tang kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post May 29 2016, 02:22 PM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hi moon_beam.

Thanks for checking on us again. Something that's bothering me is I have not cried all day. I cried more before I had the make the decision than now. She was my baby girl, I loved her. So why can't I cry for her? Is it because I had control of the situation? Because she didn't just get ripped from my life like Tom did?

I just don't know. I am certainly feeling depressed. But instead of sleeping a lot like I usually do, I'm finding it hard to sleep. At this rate, I won't have to have a "work face" and that bothers me. Was I really that bad a dad to her? Questions, but no answers right now.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 29 2016, 02:48 PM
Post #11


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,059
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thought I would check in one more time before shutting down this technical whiz machine. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - insomnia, a "shutting down" of emotions, etc. Grief affects each of us differently, and certainly you are still in shock from everything your beloved princess Theresa and you went through in a short period of time from the moment you received the first news of her illness to yesterday's event of easing your beloved girl's transition home to the angels - - and now enduring the adjustment journey of her physical absence. Your inability to cry right now is NOT a reflection of you being a "bad dad" to your beloved girl. In NO WAY would your beloved Theresa ever think of you as being a "bad dad". And in NO WAY would any of us here think of you as being a "bad dad" to your beloved girl, or Tang, or your beloved Sir Thomas - - or ANY precious soul blessed to be in your care either in your home or in the community.

So please don't measure your grief by the amount of tears you cry, my friend. The ability, or inability, to cry is NOT a measure of the love bond you and your beloved princess Theresa share.

Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. And please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post May 29 2016, 04:15 PM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Thank you moon_beam for your kind words of support. As I said in the other post, comparing my responses now to when I lost Tom probably isn't fair. He was ripped from me with little warning (I don't say no warning because it was there, I just couldn't see it at the time)

It was a shocking discovery after working a full day and no time off after. I suppose this situation is the exact opposite. I had the warning and I was allowed to say goodbye t her properly. I also have time off after. But I think the real reason for this "shut down" is simple:

I know in my head and heart it was the right thing to do for her, and everybody from Dr. Mills, the Banfield personnel, you and MannaPaws agrees. But I still have to process and try to reconcile this. I stood there in that room and ordered her execution. Like I said, I know it was the right decision for her all considered. But a part of me can't escape feeling like some kind of war criminal sad.gif

I appreciate your support though and I will get through this somehow. But there will be a deep emotional scar for as long as I live.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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MannaPaws
post May 29 2016, 05:31 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 17
Joined: 7-May 16
Member No.: 8,843



Hello Tomís Dad,

I just read all of the posts on here, and wanted to address what you said about not being able to cry all day, and trying to figure out why you didnít cry for Theresa as you did for Tom. You said you felt it was the right thing to do to have Theresa euthanized, but that a part of you feels like you ordered her execution. I do think youíre processing all your thoughts and feelings, and that is all normal and healthy, including even feeling guilt and wondering if you were a bad dad to her. Not being able to sleep is all part of the depression youíre feeling as well, and the inability to cry is also part and parcel of some guilt you "may be feeling.

Since you are processing your feelings, trying to determine exactly what is going on, perhaps you may want to try this. Get a piece of paper, or use your computer, and make 2 columns. In one column, write down the reasons you think you should have held on to Theresa and, in the other column, list the reasons you felt you wanted her to be euthanized. Then compare the 2 columns. In another post, you mentioned youíre not one for journaling, but this is just a list to make in order to narrow down exactly why youíre feeling the way you are this time around.

Hereís one more thing to consider before you make that list. Theresa was suffering greatly from the tumor in her mouth, and it was spreading and causing her inordinate pain, difficulty eating and cleaning herself. Seeing her go through this, and knowing she wouldnít get better and actually get much worse as time went by, you did a very loving thing. You spared her from further pain, as well as anxiety and confusion as to what was happening to her. Unlike humans, our precious fur companions donít understand why they are suffering, and that can be all the more traumatic for them.

I so love your eulogy by Captain Kirk to Spock, that you carried over to Theresaís: ďOf all the souls I have encountered in my travels....hers was the most...human.Ē The Wrath of Khan was one of my favorites, although I love all the Star Trek movies, series and beyond.

One more thing Iíd like to add before logging off is something you may already know, but itís good to remind oneself of, especially after such a traumatic event such as losing your precious Theresa. Pamper, pamper and then pamper yourself some more. Curl up with Tang with one of your favorite movies tonight or tomorrow, and get out the snacks for both you and for your precious boy. Anything else you can think of to do that will make you and Tang happy, do so.

Other than that, I want to wish you a peaceful evening, and possibly experience more visitations from Theresa, such as when the box with the yarn fell down in your closet, and you heard high-pitched meows. And who knows, maybe Tom will be accompanying her, soon, to let you know that they are experiencing the time of their lives on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Blessings,
MannaPaws
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LoveMyMickey
post May 29 2016, 05:59 PM
Post #14





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,193
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From: Kentucky
Member No.: 7,071




Hi Tracy, I read here last night, but I just couldn't find the right words through the tears. But you know how I feel, we have been here five years and I have kept up with your little fur family. I am so sorry for your loss of Princess Theresa. I saw the video and she was so pretty and what an unusual marking on her head. Your poem suited her very well.

About not being able to cry, with my last two doggies I didn't cry much at first. I guess it was kind of a shock although I had been expecting their death. But later on I grieved and cried like crazy. And I still do.

Tracy give yourself time to grieve, get rest, give all your attention to little Tang before getting a new furbaby. Just a thought. You take care and get plenty of rest and give Lt.Tang a special belly rub for me.

Again both my hubby and I are sorry for your losing little Theresa. He loves animals so much.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.....God Bless....

May you find peace.

LMM


--------------------
"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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Tom's Dad
post May 29 2016, 06:13 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello LMM.

Thank you for your heartfelt words of support. Ironically, the only times the tears do come is when I read these wonderful responses.

Trust me, no other fur kids will get in the way of my spending quality time with Lt. Tang. It will be a first for us both now that I think of it. I will also be saving some money for when Angels Theresa and Tom see fit to bring another waif our way.

Our thanks to you and hubby for your compassionate condolences in this difficult time for us. Peace and Blessings.

TT and TT



--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 30 2016, 10:30 AM
Post #16


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,059
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us "I stood there in that room and ordered her execution. Like I said, I know it was the right decision for her all considered. But a part of me can't escape feeling like some kind of war criminal." I, too, felt that way after making the decision for my beloved canine companion Samson. I had made the decision before for two previous beloved companions without experiencing the "murderer" emotion, but with my beloved Samson I did - - even though it was perfectly clear beyond all shadow of a doubt that his physical body was rapidly failing and he was in much discomfort. This grief journey is fraught with all kinds of emotions and thoughts that can haunt our minds and hearts when we are so emotionally vulnerable. Although we intellectually know that we have done the right thing for our beloved companion, our hearts take time to catch up with the reality of the circumstances.

So as our forum friends MannaPaws and LoveMyMickey have shared with you, so I also encourage you to just take time for you and your precious little Tang to pamper yourselves and each other as much as you can through this grief adjustment journey. And I hope that in time you will find a peace in your heart that will help you to know beyond all shadow of a doubt that you are NOT a "war criminal."

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post May 30 2016, 03:31 PM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you for your kind and insightful advice about how I'm feeling about letting my Theresa go. Do you ever get past it? Or is it something we have to incorporate it into our being and try to reconcile it? To use another Trek reference, perhaps it's like when Kirk was split into 2 beings and the "good" half realized that without his "evil" half he couldn't make the hard choices.

Sometimes I guess we just have to let the "dark" part of us step up for the greater good. It's going to be a long time before I'm truly OK with the decision I had to make - if ever. It's the first time I have ever had to do something like this.

I will try to take all of your advice and just try to give myself time and space to try to heal. I appreciate you checking in on us as well as your thoughts and prayers. Peace and Blessing.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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Tom's Dad
post May 31 2016, 07:24 AM
Post #18





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



QUOTE (MannaPaws @ May 29 2016, 06:31 PM) *
Hello Tomís Dad,

I just read all of the posts on here, and wanted to address what you said about not being able to cry all day, and trying to figure out why you didnít cry for Theresa as you did for Tom. You said you felt it was the right thing to do to have Theresa euthanized, but that a part of you feels like you ordered her execution. I do think youíre processing all your thoughts and feelings, and that is all normal and healthy, including even feeling guilt and wondering if you were a bad dad to her. Not being able to sleep is all part of the depression youíre feeling as well, and the inability to cry is also part and parcel of some guilt you "may be feeling.

Since you are processing your feelings, trying to determine exactly what is going on, perhaps you may want to try this. Get a piece of paper, or use your computer, and make 2 columns. In one column, write down the reasons you think you should have held on to Theresa and, in the other column, list the reasons you felt you wanted her to be euthanized. Then compare the 2 columns. In another post, you mentioned youíre not one for journaling, but this is just a list to make in order to narrow down exactly why youíre feeling the way you are this time around.

Hereís one more thing to consider before you make that list. Theresa was suffering greatly from the tumor in her mouth, and it was spreading and causing her inordinate pain, difficulty eating and cleaning herself. Seeing her go through this, and knowing she wouldnít get better and actually get much worse as time went by, you did a very loving thing. You spared her from further pain, as well as anxiety and confusion as to what was happening to her. Unlike humans, our precious fur companions donít understand why they are suffering, and that can be all the more traumatic for them.

I so love your eulogy by Captain Kirk to Spock, that you carried over to Theresaís: ďOf all the souls I have encountered in my travels....hers was the most...human.Ē The Wrath of Khan was one of my favorites, although I love all the Star Trek movies, series and beyond.

One more thing Iíd like to add before logging off is something you may already know, but itís good to remind oneself of, especially after such a traumatic event such as losing your precious Theresa. Pamper, pamper and then pamper yourself some more. Curl up with Tang with one of your favorite movies tonight or tomorrow, and get out the snacks for both you and for your precious boy. Anything else you can think of to do that will make you and Tang happy, do so.

Other than that, I want to wish you a peaceful evening, and possibly experience more visitations from Theresa, such as when the box with the yarn fell down in your closet, and you heard high-pitched meows. And who knows, maybe Tom will be accompanying her, soon, to let you know that they are experiencing the time of their lives on the other side of the Rainbow Bridge.

Blessings,
MannaPaws



Hi MannaPaws. I missed this post yesterday as it was behind LMM's So sorry.

The making 2 columns idea is a good one. But I already know which one would have more on it sadly. I didn't want to see her suffer anymore especially since she didn't understand what was happening to her like you said. It's going to be a long and difficult process. And like the song goes "it's going to be a cruel, cruel summer" - without her sad.gif

Glad you were able to appreciate my Trek reference in my thoughts about her. I used another in a response to moon_beam about how I am trying to process that difficult decision.

I thank you again for checking up on us as well as your thoughts and prayers. Peace and Blessings be with you.

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post May 31 2016, 11:50 AM
Post #19


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Member No.: 4,861



Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Unfortunately there are no "easy answers" to the questions that arise in our hearts when we are grieving. You ask the universal questions that are a part of our responsibility as guardians of our beloved companions when it comes to the "hard choices: "Do you ever get past it? Or is it something we have to incorporate it into our being and try to reconcile it? To use another Trek reference, perhaps it's like when Kirk was split into 2 beings and the "good" half realized that without his "evil" half he couldn't make the hard choices."

Making the decision to assist our companions from this earthly realm is not meant to be an easy decision, my friend. But it is a decision that comes from the deepest and truest most unselfish love we have for them when we so desperately want them to continue to physically stay with us. We put THEIR needs first ahead of ours - - as Kirk used to say to Spock about being "human" - - "sometimes the needs of the one outweigh the needs of the many" - - or us as guardians of our beloved companion. So yes, from first hand experience I can tell you this experience of making the "hard choice" for your beloved princess Theresa you will eventually be able to reconcile it and find a peace in your heart when your heart can finally "catch up" with the knowledge in your mind that you KNOW you did the right thing for her. You will never "forget" this event, my friend - - but hopefully in time as you remember your beloved Theresa and recall those "final moments" you will be able to focus on her final gift of love to you in her physical body when she put her paws up to you and looked at you and clearly said to you "It's okay, Daddy - - it's my time." She loves you for this sacrifice you have made wanting to keep her physically with you for she is now restored to her former youthfulness in the company of Sir Thomas and all the other beloved companions who are in heaven's Perfect Garden. Both she and your beloved Sir Thomas are patiently waiting for your appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. But for now, my friend, you, and your precious Tang, are honored to her sole, and soul, heirs to her eternal love. And now as with your beloved Sir Thomas, you will find a way to honor your beloved princess Theresa as you and your precious Tang continue your earthly journey.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Tang kindly, my friend, and that you both will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved princess Theresa's and Sir Thomas' sweet Living Spirits to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Tang are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post May 31 2016, 12:10 PM
Post #20





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 4,033
Joined: 6-January 11
From: Louisville KY
Member No.: 6,946



Hello moon_beam.

Thank you so much for your kind and compassionate response to my universal questions. I know that neither you or anyone else really has any answers to them. I guess I just still need to "put pen to paper" as it were on here - to ask them aloud to see if it would help reconcile this dreaded and difficult choice.

I know I did the right thing and it helped she finally gave me the sign that it was OK. Because she sure raised heck in the cab ride meowing louder than I have ever heard (except when I took her in for the ear and resp infections) Especially since she hadn't meowed more than a croak in a while. But when the decision was reached and Dr. Mills went to get what was needed, she calmed down and almost had an aura of peaceful light about her. That's when she 'hugged' me and touched her nose to mine. I know I'm rehashing, but it helps me to cope.

I will always treasure the 9 plus years we had together. If nothing else, me, Tang and the community waifs have a new guardian angel in the heavens to help Sir Thomas. I thank you again for you support and kindness. Peace and Blessings

TT and TT


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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