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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum _ Death and Dying Pet Support _ Reality Bites

Posted by: notoriouskitty Oct 5 2011, 08:51 PM

Hi everyone...it's been some time since i posted here last but to be honest....iv'e tried to put my loss in little box and lock it away. Well that little box found its way out of its hiding spot!

About 4 weeks ago (yes so soon) i put a deposit down on a new kitten. I couldnt bring myself to own another Siamese so i decided on a Ragdoll. Well everyday i have waited and waited for the kittens to be born and happily they arrived a couple of days ago. You would think i would be over the moon...well i was to start with but now reality has hit...its not my Romeo coming home. Oh i know how idiotic that sounds....of course its not my cat..my cat died...its impossible. But for some reason i guess my brain wanted me to believe he was being reincarnated or something like that. So now the sadness has taken hold and ive honestly for the first time realized he just isn't coming back. I really am looking forward to spending my life with another cat but im also frightened that i won't bond with him..is that crazy? I chose a bred opposite to the Siamese for fear of comparing the new kitten to my Romeo. A couple of people told me to wait but i have this HUGE hole in my heart that needs to be filled. Am i selfish? or are these thoughts normal? I just wish he would visit in a dream to let me know he is alright..every pet ive owned (and people i've lost) have always appeared in a dream and has put me at ease..but not this time...sometimes i think he's angry with me and that's why he hasnt been back.... anyway enough of my ramblings. Hope everyone here is doing well.

***

Posted by: leejaye Oct 6 2011, 02:37 AM

Hi notoriouskitty, About 6 weeks after I lost my Mischief girl I found a little boy kitten to welcome into my life - like you, I deliberately chose someone very different to my girl so there would be no mistake in my mind that this little guy is an individual in his own right, despite that, I still had jitters and worries and some guilt when I brought him home - I had a chat with him to tell him how special he is and that I love him for himself, he is not a replacement (impossible to replace our lost children), slowly we have formed a bond and i looked at him the other day and thought "we belong to each other". Just give yourselves some time and be easy on yourselves, no way is Romeo angry with you - he'll visit when the time is right. Sending you some good energy tonight, Leejaye

Posted by: notoriouskitty Oct 6 2011, 03:01 AM

Hi Leejaye...Thanks for responding to my post. I am going to take your advise on board and have a talk with my new baby when i get him, i just love idea. I know in my heart that Romeo is still with me it's just the not seeing him thats the hardest. It's such a physical ache as you know. I think that voicing my concerns and fears on this forum help to ease the pain even for a little while. And am very grateful to everyone here! Like you said its going to take awhile for the ache to subside to a bearabel level so i have to stop torturing myself with what if's and why not's. I really do hope to have the same bond with the new kitten as i had with Romeo....and i have to remember that the bond i had with him didn't happen over night. I so want to let myself get all excited over a new kitten but i find myself thinking i'm letting the old one go. Thankyou again for your words..they really do mean alot ***

Posted by: leejaye Oct 6 2011, 03:10 AM

Hey notorious kitty, I struggled with that one - will Mischief fade away or feel less loved if I love my new boy? The answer is no - the human heart is amazingly elastic, you will be able to love the new one with all your heart and all those feelings you shared with Romeo will still be there, your new love will not diminish the old one. That ache, I still have it at times, some little thing sets it off, no matter how much we love our new kids, our love for the one that came before is separate - so, wierdly, I can ache for Mischief but love Purszival at the same time, I don't know if this helps... I hope you have a peaceful evening and that Romeo visits you when the time is right, Leejaye PS My mum's neighbours have a ragdoll - she's gorgeous to look at and has a really lovey personality, all purry and snuggly whenever I meet her! I just know you'll be fine with the new baby, making new memories and sharing your life, just like you did with Romeo, please let us know how you go with the new little one if you feel like it.

Posted by: Gretta's Mom Oct 6 2011, 12:35 PM

Hi Notorious kitty.

I went through the same things you're describing when my Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) passed almost exactly 6 months ago and three weeks later I adopted another rescue dog, Rufus. I totally get "empty arms". I'm at work now, but my posts about Rufus start with one called something like "DO we ever get this right?" Moonbeam and Tom's dad asked some very hard but needed questions. Flash forward - Rufus and I are still together!!

I'll write later, but hang in there - you're 1100% normal - AND - things will turn out right with your new Ragdoll.

Blessings,

Gretta's mom

Posted by: moon_beam Oct 6 2011, 03:39 PM

Hi, notoriouskitty, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing and the wonderful news of bringing home a new furbaby. Both leejaye and Gretta's Mom have offered you wonderful counsel and encouragement that is also in my heart - - so please read their responses frequently, and know that I say "ditto".

I wish you and your new furbaby a lifetime of Happy Trails. Please know you and your precious new companion are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for the both of you whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: BonniesMom Oct 7 2011, 11:16 AM

I am so very sorry for the loss of your dear pet. And I completely understand the need to get another pet because our homes are so empty without them!

When my sweet toy poodle boy died at the age of 15 in 1999 I soon put down a deposit on 2 female Yorkies. I could not stand coming home every day to a dogless house. Having a completely different breed helped but it was sort of a shock and and adjustment getting used to 2 new puppies with completely different personalities. For a while I missed my little boy even worse because they were so different from him, but I soon fell overwhelmingly in love with them. You too will enjoy and love having your new little pet so much. And please don't feel guilty as though you are replacing the pet that passed on. I think all our pets who have gone on are actually happy to see that we are giving wonderful homes to other animals. Our pets love us and would never want us to be so broken-hearted that we could not bring new pets into our lives and love them too.

Again, my sympathy for your loss. I lost one of my Yorkies at the end of July and the grief is still new, so I know and sympathize with the feelings you are having. Hoping for better days ahead for you.

Posted by: Gingerella72 Oct 7 2011, 02:27 PM

Moonbeam said something in a post to me the other day to not to be afraid to bond with my new dog - who incredulously we got just 4 days after our dog Ginger died - because perhaps it was Ginger sending her to us. It's been hard adjusting to a new dog so quickly, while still seriously grieving over Ginger, but I would rather grieve over Ginger with Sasha there than not. Don't worry, Romeo will understand.

Oh yes, and don't beat yourself up if you find yourself comparing the new cat to Romeo, because it's just human nature to do so. It would be impossible NOT to compare. One of the worries I had about Sasha coming into our lives so soon was that I was afraid I would resent her for not being Ginger. Truthfully I did have a few of those feelings at first, but they're lessening with each passing day. It is quite an adjustment, so go easy on yourself. You'll get to love this cat for being this cat.