I have been visiting this site over the past month reading posts and it has been helpful to read that others share so many feelings. I thought that one day I would share but wanted to get my thoughts together first. Today I need to write, thoughts together or not. I am having a terrible day. I need to share my story. We lost our beautiful dog Woody, aka Woodyman the best boy on September 26th. He was killed on the highway a couple miles away. It was a friday night late and I wanted to let the dogs out for their last potty before bed. My husband had already gone to bed. Woody bolted off in the back woods barking, not unusual. We live in a country setting bordered by acres and acres of woods. Well this time he took a while coming back, he usually showed up with a single bark at the back patio door. Still this was not so unusual, he never ran away, explored a bit, always came back. I waited and waited and then began to worry that he got tangled with critters. Well all through the night I was sure he was coming back, then I began to drive around looking, but it was near morning, still too dark to see anything. Once it became light enough my husband finally found him dead a couple miles away along the highway. He had been hit and killed. I had still hoped, but I knew something bad had happened otherwise he would have been home. We don't know when it happened, his collar and ID tags were missing, I expected a call from someone, but that never happened. So the mystery of when and how and if I could have found him had I gone out looking earlier haunt me. I expect he was killed instantly and I hope it was painless. I cannot bear my baby boy being in pain. I feel so guilty and awful. like I killed him myself. I should have anticipated the dangers, that he could run further and might get out to the highway. Yet for most of his 10 plus years he ran about our property and explored the neighboring woods never running away. I think this gave us a false sense of confidence. I know this was a preventable accident and I feel so guilty. I read the article on guilt and the difference between justifiable and unjustifiable guilt. I feel it was my fault for not understanding the risk, for not going on a search for him sooner. I remember feeling so paralyzed as the time went on, surely he was going to show up. Our other dog has been doing Ok, my husband seems OK, but I am still in pieces. I just cannot get past the what ifs and replaying what I should have done. I was doing better for a while, but today feels like it was just yesterday that it happened. I have been crying my eyes out off and on all day. Then I came here to this site and saw that Dottie had made a link to a song that was my special song with my dogs, "Have I told you lately" I have the original Van Morrison version and would sing it to them so much. Other people would think I was nuts to say I have a special song with my dogs. But I just love them so much. Woody was the one who cuddled and loved. He was a lover boy extrordinaire. I remember many nights looking at him and saying out loud "oh my beautiful baby boy, what will I ever do with out you." Now I know, hurt beyond belief. I have lost other pets, a cat and dog to old age and a pup due to complications from surgery. I have lost good friends, but this is the worse grief I have ever experienced. Thanks to all of you reading this, to Steve K especially who knows what missing a dog named Woody means. To all of you who so bravely are enduring your own grief thanks for being here and letting me share,
annf

I am so sorry about your boy. A terrible tragedy. It always seems to hurt extra when shock of its quickness comes with it. Dealing with grief no matter what happened is so very difficult. But it is still crying that helps at first. And dealing with it all one day at a time.

The what-ifs can come but they really don't help us heal...they just make the pain worse and our best friends would never want us in pain.

It may help to just write more of your thoughts and feelings and sometimes just knowing you are not in pain alone....helps so much. We all have that pain you are going through. With time, for some of us it is not as intense as the first days but for all of us...no matter how much time has passed....there will be a day when the tear floodgates open again. That's because the pain of missing them will never go away because we will miss them forever.

Hugs and we can cry tears together...for we know each other's pain as it belongs to us too..forever.....

Judy

I am so sorry to hear about your loss. I know you miss your precious Woody beyond words. I've lost many pets over the years, but when you blame yourself for the loss of your beloved pet, there seems to be no grief that compares to that.

If only we could take it back we would, but we can't. That is what makes it so much harder to accept. Know that we share in your pain of loss, and some of us share the same pain of guilt. I know that as terrible as some lessons are to learn, we will not make these same mistakes again.

I think that by sharing how we feel and our experiences that this is the best way to start down the road to healing. Let us cry together, remember the good times and be encouragers to each other.

My very best to you.

Allanna

I'm so sorry for your loss of Woody. After reading your story and what the others have posted, I realized something. I don't know why I never seen it b4. When you said you've lost others, pets and friends, but this was the worst. it goes with what Judy said, "it always seems to hurt extra when the shock and quickness comes with it". There are so many people here, including myself, who don't blame themselves. It happend, and we have to gather up the stregnth and move on without them and it's so hard. We blame ourselves 'cuz we care for the them and love them and protect them and we feel like we failed them somehow. I understand your broken heart. ..Hugs.. Ann

I am very sorry for your loss. I lost my beloved Missy last Saturday due to bloat/torsion. It hurts today as much as it did the day she left me. I wish I knew what to say to you, but I am feeling a lot of guilt myself. If I had only taken her to the vet sooner. The signs that she showed me were nothing out of the ordinary, but instead of ignoring them and thinking it was just another upset stomach, I should have acted. There is nothing we can do to bring our precious babies back. It is going to take time and eventually, it will get easier and instead of feeling guilty, we will be happy that Woody and Missy were a part of our lives and they will always be with us.

I think that is very sweet that you sing "Have I told you lately" to your dogs. I think that is the sweetest thing I have ever heard. Your dogs are very lucky to have you as their mom.

Hugs...

Kristin

I am so sorry to hear about your beloved Woody. I've had a dog killed by a car and it is very difficult to get over the self blame. It also made me be very protective of the next dog. Some family members thought I went overboard but we'd had 2 dogs killed by other dogs as well as the one that was hit. Fortunately the last dog lasted over 17 years.

It took time to get over each tragic death but you will also in time be able to not have the overwhelming feeling of guilt that you now have. I know we feel we are here to protect them forever. When something like this happens you feel you have failed them. He was with you for 10 years so you did not fail him. Somehow it was his time to go ahead of you to wait at the Rainbow Bridge.

You telling about singing to your dogs reminded me of a small dog we had when I was very little. Skipper, a Rat Terrier mix. Hadn't thought of her in years. I knew she was sick, didn't know from what, but somehow I knew she was very, very sick. I laid down beside her & sang "Beautiful, Beautiful Brown Eyes" to her over & over. That is actually the first dog I remember having. I was heartbroken then & have been many times since but the love they give is completely unconditional so I guess I will too................. as long as I'm able to care for them.

You will recover. It takes time. How much time is an individual thing. Don't rush or feel pushed into "getting over it". Take care of yourself and try to remember all the wonderful times you & Woody had. That's what he is doing right now.

Ginger

I am sorry to hear of the loss of your loved boy. It must be very comforting to read what others have shared with you. Your painful story brought back memories for me of a feline I had who, many years ago, slept outside at night. That had been the way of it in my family and so I did the same with him. Although neutred he decided that he would go away - I was beside myself. He did return only to go away again. I contacted the vet and he said that when he came back he would give him an injection of female hormones to keep him more settled and stop roaming. However this time he did not come home. I never found him. He had been gone 3 days. The neighbour told me he had seen Fee Fee hit on the road and had put him in a box and taken him to the rubbish tip. I was appalled and devated. My Mum and I went to the rubbish tip to try to find him, and I took a flower and threw it onto the rubbish pile. It was awful. I hoped against hope that he really had just found another home where someone had kept him inside and he couldn't get back.
The suddeness indeed is cruel and the guilt you feel is real, but your boy had come back all those other times, you had no reason to think he wouldn't this time. It was a routine action you did.
No matter what the cir%%stances of our loved one's departure, it seems we all feel the guilt and the anger. It just is.
I used to sing to my boy Magion - his recent departure bringing me to this website. I used to say he was the only person in the world who appreciated my singing. I used to sing to him when he had a brush in the morning as he moochled on his cat spa. When he was on chemo years ago I would make up other little songs for him - they just happened - to help cheer him up when he wan't feeling the best.
When he was so unwell at animal emergency and they said he wasn't going to make it - I sang all his songs to him, over and over again.

A grief counsellor said to me a few days after he went to sing his songs and I said I couldn't, they were our songs together. But in a while, I found they just happened and I found myself singing one of his songs for him, for us.

Keep singing. It's good to do - I sang lots when my Mum went - those wide vocal ranging songs of Kate Bush. Sing now - he is with you.

Peace.

Wendi.

Thanks to all for your support and concern. It helps to know that others truly understand. I haven't read all your personal stories yet. I will. Thanks for sharing. I just miss Woodyman so much, it is so sureal, I just cannot believe he is gone. Weekends are the worst because I am not distracted by work. Thanks for all your support.
annf

I can associate with that surreal feeling. Nothing is the same, so empty without that special someone. And the disbelief - it is 10 1/2 weeks since my boy went and I still don't believe he is gone. He can't be, just can't. Many years ago he went with his step brother up to my Dad's when I had to go to Tasmania on a placement for study. Now I think 'he is just up at Dad's. He'll come back.' And a friend of mine said - he is - for a few days after Mage went I felt his Essence with that of my Dad's - that they were together. My Dad passed away in 2002.

It is indeed hard to be in the place where they were with you, the places you shared.

Peace.

Wendi.

Woodyman I am missing you so much tonight. I wish I could be like some of the others on this site and feel your presence with me, I close my eyes and try but all I feel is the empty hole. I just cannot believe you are gone. You were my joy every day, I couldn't wait to see you every morning and every day coming home from work. You were the one always waiting for me wagging your tail. I love you forever and ever my best boy.

Like your note to Woodyman.

I am sure he IS there with you.

I have gotten one sign from my Sissycat. It wasn't long after she had passed, but nothing since.

Be patient maybe it will happen soon.

Hugs to you!!!!!!!!!!!!

Woody finally came to me in my dream. After my last post he was on my mind as strong as ever when I was falling asleep. In my dream I was out in our garden with my other dog, we were looking at strawberry plants just poking through the ground. I was amazed as I had not planted them and there were so many. Then I looked up and saw Woody, it was his face his body color all the markings but his body was in a shape of a deer. He ran off into the woods, I woke then. I have been thinking of the significance. I wonder if it was a message of how he was lured so far off. If he was chasing a deer that would be the one likely way that he would get so far off. He had to cover a lot of ground to get out such a distance to the highway, through barriers as underbrush ravine and fences that run all along. It also started me pondering on my error of thinking. When we have pets in our lives and homes, they do become like people to us. We forget sometimes that they have natural instincts that are driving their behaviors, like hunting or sniffing to follow a scent. I assumed that when I sent the dogs out to do their potty they would do so and come back in to bed, because that is what the routine was. That they would want to come back in to be with me. I forgot that their was another drive that could call him away, that was the instinct to chase a scent, and chase it to the end, rather than stop to think, oh oh too far from home better get back. I cannot say that it helps with any guilt I feel, but it is helping me understand how he ventured away so far. I miss him so much. I wish I would have been smarter to anticipate how he could have been in danger. I have never before lost a pet due to my own negligence, It increases the complexity of the grief. I just wanted to share today. Peace and love to all of you grieving the loss of your loved ones.
annf

Ann,

I just read your recent posts. I'm so happy for you that you had a dream about your Woodyman. I might have mentioned previously that we had three "signs" from our Woody a while ago but nothing recently. I still miss my Woody Boy very much although the pain is not as severe as it was a few weeks ago. I still have his ashes in the bedroom and I talk to him each morning and night. Like you, I still can't believe my Woody is gone. I always had to remind myself that Woody was a dog and likely to do doggy things. As I said before, he never ran into the street before and I must have told him a thousand times that we had to wait for the cars to pass before we crossed the street but my Woody was a dog and like you mentioned, dogs do doggy things. I hope that you get more signs from your Woody and may he come to you again in your dreams. I hope that your heart continues to heal and that thoughts of your Woodyman start to bring you some smiles along with the tears.

My best to you.

Steve K.

Thanks Steve for your response. Missing Woody has become my life. Our son was home over the weekend and he walked into the kitchen and my husband and I are just standing there with tears and he looked at us and I said just having a Woody moment. I do better during the day but the nighttime is so hard still. Woody was always sitting and looking at me. He would just look at me with those soulful eyes and I would just melt, then I'd give him a hug and ear rub and kiss and he would just lie down in one of his favorite spots, always nearby. I would like more signs from him, Our first sign was a bird flapping wildly at the patio door like it was trying to get in, this was shortly after Woody died, we both thought it was a sign. Other than my dream that has been it. Steve thanks and hope you are doing OK

Ann,
My prayers and thoughts are with you. As I read your story, I felt a tug in my heart. The guilt, the unexpected death, and just plain missing him. As of yesterday, it has been 5 weeks since I lost my Min Pin Penny. You spoke of it feeling surreal, and I hear you. And you also mentioned your life has become missing him. Those are all the same emotions I've been grappling with. Although I never stop thinking about her, there are times I keep myself busy, and then "re-remember". For now I've just decided to accept that. When I feel angry with myself...allow myself 5-10 minutes to think about the day she died, or when I just miss her, allow myself time to just sit with her urn and cry, and talk to her. I also wrote a post about feeling upset because everyone spoke about their messages from their pets, and I hadn't had any. But it was when I just let it all go...just allowed myself to breath, and allowed myself to smile when I thought of her, that I felt her again.

And like Steve said "dogs do doggie things". My dog ate something outside that made her sick and her body couldn't fight it. It was the one day I let her venture more than 5 feet from me. But she was doing what she always did...running around, sniffing, chomping everything. I can't continue to beat myself up about it. I like to journal to Penny. It helps a great deal. I started out doing this 3-4 times a day, and now it's about every other night. The biggest thing for me is allowing myself to be sad and not fighting it. I know it will subside in time, but grief, anger, mourning, confusion all have a purpose and let yourself go through the cycle and don't question it. I just make sure that if I've been obsessing for more than 10-15 minutes, then I place my attention elsewhere. Woody loved you as you loved him. Whether you feel him there or not...he's there. He's had a huge impact on your life and undoubtably who you are. Embrace that -- our dogs can be the best teachers for us humans:)

I like to imagine all of our passed pets running freely together...lounging in the sun, eating endless treats, and being bestest buds. When I hear these stories of how wonderful everyone's pets were, it gives me comfort knowing Penny has such wonderful friends now:)

My thoughts are with you and your family,
~Shannon

Hi Ann,

It's been awhile, but I decided to touch base with you. . We have 137 acres that my Moyia, whom I also called my "best girl", had free run. She never left our property, she would run the fence line to the road, but always stayed off the driveway. Its almost three years, and I have more dogs, but I still miss her desparately. She was my shadow, sidekick, my third "half". And she was killed right out in my yard by an idiot driving too fast!!! Go with your grief, it really does help to release it (tears). Talk to people who understand what you're going through and forgive those that don't. And as the grief lessens it's hold on you , you'll remember and appreciate all the great things about Woody. Your husband is probably not as O.K. as you think, but you might not be able to see that yet. That was my mistake.

Take care to both of you,
Velma (Moyia's Mom)

I feel your pain, truly.

My cat Keoki was an outdoor adventurer - couldn't keep him inside. I was a bit anxious, but not too much because he was my "street cat". I liked knowing he had his own private kitty adventures.He did his thing, I did mine and we met for long periods in the middle to love (and fight!)

I always felt at the back of my mind that I should keep him inside, but he always won me over and I let him back out.

He left last time last Friday and even by Saturday afternoon I wasn't worried. I still went looking for him. the deal was that he would miaow and I would pull him out of wherever that little bugger had gotten himself stuck. On Saturday, I didn't hear anything.My boyfriend and I looked in his usual spots but no. My boyfriend said that we should expand and look further than our block but I said that he never went that far, so we didn't either. He ended up being hit the block over.

I can't believe someone took the collar and tags off your dog. How can people hit an animal and then not stop? And on top make them un-identifiable? From the angel that took my cat to the emergency vet, people had been standing over my cat, including a policeman, for over two hours watching him suffer - and he had a collar on with my telephone number.

I was trying to make this post about you, but I guess I diverted into my grief.

I hope that this post find you better and able to think of good memories with a smile

xxoo - C