Hi everyone, just joined your group for a bit of support and hopefully to support others. I lost my darling 3 yr old boy, a gorgeous black and white cat called Ulriich 6 months ago. He was killed on the road in the early hours of the morning. I was awake and heard him cry out when he has hit. It was just the second time I hadn't been able to find him to put him inside. We live on a farm and there is hardly any traffic at night, but the one lousy car that did go past hit him and it's just not fair. I was grief stricken, sought help and felt a bit better for a while, but now I am relapsing into depression again and I don't know why. Can anyone give me any advice?

madi

Hi Madi
Can't really help as the pain is so bad. Lost both of my darling Sammies now, Tasha 3 years ago and Noushka just 2 month ago. Some days are slightly better but that constant sadness is always with me, and I believe thats what you are still feeling.
That was such a sad thing to have happened to your darling Ulrich and you must have suffered such shock.
My Noushka seemed to go very quickly too, as she seemed so well just a few days earlier. Its sometimes harder for us to cope when it happens like that.
Your Ulrich would want you to go on and not let his passing make your life sad and unbearable. Remember how much he enriched your life, and you his. Thinking these thoughts about my sammies are what keep me going. They hated it whenever I was sad and I'm sure Ulrich would be the same with you.
Sorry I can't help more, but I am sending love and just wanted you to know that you must never feel alone.

Thinking of you
Jan

Thank you for your very kind words Jan. I took a look at your photos of Tasha and Noushka, what beautiful dogs they were. I know what you mean about the sadness, I just hope it gets easier for both of us as time goes on. My grand daughter has lived with me for the past 3 yrs and she adored Ulriich and he adored her. He used to wait for the school bus every afternoon and he always knew what time it would arrive and always be there. The kids would call out to him and wave from the bus, everyone loved him. My grand daughter is a brave little girl, braver than me, Ulriich died on her birthday this year and unbelievably her dad died on her 5th birthday 3yrs ago, but she has this amazing ability to cope, as kids often do better than us adults.

madi xx

Hi Madi

Thanks for those kind words. Yes my girls were very beautiful. Sammies are known as the smiling dogs and they always got admiring looks and comments wherever we took them. Lovely friendly nature too, just love being with people. My grandchildren loved them so much and miss them. Little granddaughter only knew Noushka as she is only 20 months old, but 5 year old grandson knew Tasha as well. He tells me that they are both fine and playing together in heaven, bless him. As you say children are very resilient and its amazing how they can cope so well. We have to try and be strong for their sakes.
I hope that you are having a better day today. Keep thinking of those happy times with Ulriich. He sounds to have been such a character.

Keep in touch.
Love Jan xx

Oh no. Please accept my deepest condolences. I perfectly understand what you mean about depression getting bad then worse then better and so on. It's been two years since my loss. At first, I was treated for physical shock which is different from emotional shock. The only other time in my entire life that I'd gone into physical shock was when the September 11 attacks were happening. Days then months passed after my loss. I was inconsolable and that is a great understatement. The daily, incredibly loud wounded, tortured primate or canine screaming and crying hysterically. Oy.

I'm much better now, but I'll ever get over losing Alex. It's different from all the other beloved pets I've lost over these many years. And I truly loved them with all my being. Heck, I grieved a surprisingly short time for my late husband Kenny and he was the most wonderful man to ever walk the planet. Word. He's not just a difficult act to follow. He's an impossible act to follow. Still, I grieved for a while, then after that and to this day, I have only the fondest memories one can imagine. How blessed I am for that. But, when it comes to Alex, those fond memories or any memories at all only serve as hurtful reminders. I hope I explained that well and know that others go through the very same as myself and you, too.

We need to find some way to cope and find that Healing Path. Here are some links to information that proved very valuable to me. I pray it helps you too, Madi. Please click on these links ...

Your Fur Child Loss Devastation - You Are Not Going "Insane" Emotions and Behavior Caused By Pet Loss

Grief & the Loss of a Pet


This Web site gives phone numbers and times of day to call and speak with live professionals. The names of the states are up at the top. Click on them to get the information I just mentioned ...

Pet Bereavement Support Groups

You may want to try this. It works and helps millions of people ...

How To Heal When You Have Lost A Pet: Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT) Healing Sessions

Definitely go here and check this out, Madi. Okay? Okay ...

Light A Candle Online. It Is Free. Please Read.

If and when I find anything more that can be of help to you, I'll be sure to come back and post it for you.

Many Comforting Rainbow Bridge Hugs!

Always,
Angel xoxoxox

Thanks for the kind words Angel. I too have lost lots of dearly loved and beautiful pets over the years, but Ulriich was different and I can't explain it. I simply adored him, he was my life. I think also the fact that my son wanted to take Ulriich interstate with him, but reluctantly left him with us at the last minute because he loved his home and he thought he would be safer here, devastated me even more. The worse thing I have ever had to do is tell my son, I really let him down and although he never blamed me I hated seeing him so upset. I have lost many, too many, family members over recent years, including my beautiful young son in law, but when I had Ulriich to come home to I always coped. It's the first time I have had to take medication to cope with a loss. I just want to turn him upside down and cuddly him one more time and I can't.
I am so sorry for your loss of Alex, I really can, as most people on this forum can, empathise with you. This forum truly saved my life!!

madi xx

Hi, Madi. I'm going type this out as though we're having a conversation since that's easier for me. I always express myself so much better when using photos, images, songs and the like. So, I'll copy your post above, break it down and reply to each thought. Here goes ...

Madi: Thanks for the kind words Angel.

Me: You're most welcome, madi. I only wish I could offer you more comfort and give you more answers as to the why you're taking this loss so much harder than your past losses. And, I'm going to do my very best to help you understand the why as well as how you can begin to forgive yourself and find that Healing Path.

Madi: I too have lost lots of dearly loved and beautiful pets over the years, but Ulriich was different and I can't explain it. I simply adored him, he was my life.

Me: There are many reasons that one particular fur kid leaves deeper foot prints in your heart, soul and life than the others you've loved so much. When that pet dies, your world is shattered! Many times, the manner in which your fur kid died makes it even far more devastating, unbearable and some people even react in what appears to be a bizarre manner. But, no. Their reactions and behaviors are normal. It's explained in a couple of the links I provided for you and if you wish me to post some short snippets, please let me know. Okay?

For now, I'll share a little about why losing Alex shattered my world since we have those "what ifs" and feelings of guilt in common. I'm going to locate a post I made some time ago and copy and paste it here. Yes, our circumstances are different, but it happened on my watch. I could have stopped it and none of this would have ever, ever happened. I failed my feather kid and the guilt is ... I have no words. Oh, I'll share those snippets later. So next ...

Madi: I think also the fact that my son wanted to take Ulriich interstate with him, but reluctantly left him with us at the last minute because he loved his home and he thought he would be safer here, devastated me even more.

Me: Madi, what I'm hearing are a couple things here. "If only Ulriich had gone on that trip, this would not have happened. He'd be alive and with me right now." That's what I'm hearing. No, I am not hearing you place any blame on your son. However, I am hearing you place blame on yourself. I am hearing that you feel somehow responsible because Ulriich didn't go with your son, you kept him home, he was out at night and you didn't find him in time as you did on that one other occasion. I hear you thinking if only Urrich had gone with your son, this would never have happened. Madi, these "ifs" will eat you up and spit you out. Those "what ifs" will make your life unbearable, and it appears to be doing just that. It's similar to survivor's guilt but not quite.

I hear you expressing a bunch of guilt, blaming yourself and feeling responsible for something of which you had absolutely no control. Madi, kitties love wandering around in the outback and will come home when it suits them. They're not like doggies in that regard. At least most kitties are very independent and do pretty much what they like, especially ones like Ulriich who are lavished with love, affection and cared for so much by you and your family. I'm certain this will come as no comfort to you, but Urrich's last moments were most likely blissful, playful, joy. He most likely didn't see what hit him and it was over in a nanosecond.

I am so sorry this is causing you so much pain and I weep with you. Truly I do. I've been there. I'm still there at many times, experiencing the same as yourself. I had every opportunity to stop what happened to Alex, Buddy dog and Styx kitty. There were so many red flags screaming in my face that it was going to happen. Excuse me. Tears. Sorry. Fact is that it happened on my watch and I could have stopped it.

Madi: The worse thing I have ever had to do is tell my son, I really let him down and although he never blamed me I hated seeing him so upset.

Me: You said: "The worse thing I have ever had to do is tell my son, I really let him down." There's the guilt again, but pertaining to your son. Still, it's regarding what happened to Ulriich.

Madi: I have lost many, too many, family members over recent years, including my beautiful young son in law, but when I had Ulriich to come home to I always coped.

Me: "There are certain circumstances which can intensify the grief. If a person has recently suffered other losses, feels responsible for the death, or has never fully grieved an earlier death, the grieving process is often more complex. (Note: This is possibly not applicable to you: If the pet died of a disease similar to one which the owner or a loved one currently has or has had in the past, the grief can also be compounded.)" Also, if you live alone or if a child has grown and left home. If you've become ill or disabled. If you see that this special fur kid somehow represents a lot of the child within yourself. And so much more, and so much more ...

Madi: It's the first time I have had to take medication to cope with a loss. I just want to turn him upside down and cuddly him one more time and I can't.

Me: Most of us wish upon wish upon wish that we could have just one last cuddle from a cherished loved one who has died, especially when it was most sudden and unexpected. We had no time to prepare ourselves as we do in those instances where we are aware that time is short which gives us the opportunity to say our farewells. Still, it doesn't make it any easier cuz dang!

Madi: I am so sorry for your loss of Alex, I really can, as most people on this forum can, empathize with you. This forum truly saved my life!!!

Me: Thank you so much, Madi. This forum saved my life, too. You bet! Here are some things I do that really help me a lot. The following is a copy and paste from another site ...

Help and healing

It has been shown that when grief can be expressed, the time needed for healing is often less. Similarly, if the expression of grief is restricted or withheld, the healing process may take much longer.

In addition to talking with others, to do something often helps us work through our grief. By doing something positive during this time of sadness, we expand our focus by celebrating the life of the pet. Activities which may help include:

Planting flowers or a tree in memory of the pet
Making a charitable donation
Holding a funeral or memorial service
Drawing a picture, making a clay sculpture or doing needlework of something that reminds you of your pet (you could do this yourself, or have it done by a professional)
Placing your pet's nametag on your keyring
Writing a poem, song, or story
Composing music or a song
Creating a memorial photo album or scrap book
Writing a letter to your pet
Framing a photograph
Volunteering your time

Me talking again, Madi. I find that writing poems, songs, creating images on my computer help a lot. Also, I did create a memorial Website a couple months ago or so for Alex. It was free so heck yeah! I also come here (and to Alex's Website) and make posts where I'm speaking with him. In my heart of hearts I know that he hears me, too. I'm not just saying that. My word to you. What seems to help me most of all is to do my best to help others who are going through what we are. Do you have any photos of Ulriich that you could share? If so, I would be honored to enhance it as I've done for so many here at Lighting Strike. People take great comfort seeing their beloved Rainbow Bridge Fur Kids transformed into Angels with gold, glittering wings and halos as well as other pretties. Just think on it and take your time to let me know.

I pray I've been of some small help and we can continue talking until we're blue in the face. You bet. Everyone at LS is here for you, Dear One. You are a Wonderful Fur Kid Mommy!!! Please never forget that. Okay? Okay.

Many Comforting Hugs and Love!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Thanks Angel, i buried Ulriich in one of the lovely spots where we all used to sit and play together and my husband planted a small tree on his grave. My dogs and cats live so well together, it's unbelievable really how well they get on. I still can't bear looking at Ulriich's photos though, I did for a while, but now I'm a bit upset when I look at them, that's why I don't have a photo on the forum yet, but I suppose that will happen one day. Thanks again for all the information, I think I do have a guilt issue adding to the loss.
Can you please tell me what happened to Alex?

madi xx

Oh Madi, how wonderful that you laid Ulriich to rest where he would love so much to be. Simply lovely. You do know that the small tree your husband planted on his grave now possesses "properties" of your Fur Kid in a special way, don't you. If you wish me to explain, I'll be glad to, but the fact is that Ulriich's essence lives on in that tree. Isn't that something? You bet!

As far as not being able to look at Ulriich's pictures yet, it makes sense because, at this point in your time of grieving, those photos may serve as hurtful reminders that you can't reach out to pet him, play with him, watch him frolic as you did when he was on this earthly plane.

It takes a whole lot of time for many people to even go places, do things and even eat foods they shared with their fur kids. Why is that? Again, all those things serve as hurtful reminders that he's not there now. Take all the time in the world, but I do assure you that eventually you'll have only the fondest of loving, funny, cute and caring memories.

Baby steps, madi. Take tiny baby steps and allow yourself to feel and express what you are feeling. The more you do that, the faster you'll surprise yourself by having so many happy moments reminiscing about your fur kid. In your memories, there is solace, Dear One.

Madi, I'm not sure you're up to hearing what happened to Alex. Not a good idea at this point in time. Perhaps later. Okay? So, please do not read any of my thread in the Pet Loss Support forum. Promise me that. I'm trusting you. However, all my posts to Alex in the Tribute forum are lovely. So, sneak a peek when you feel up to some awesome images, poems, videos and more. Sort of like a virtual vacation.

Please stay in touch when you're up to it. I do feel quite concerned about you, Madi. Okay? Thanks! I'll keep the roses fresh, fragrant, and the candle burning brightly within a beautiful heart for you and your precious Angel Fur Kid Ulriich.



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Madi,

Here are a bunch, but not all, of the videos I was telling you about.
Please pardon any CAP letters cuz I copied and pasted the titles as they appear at the top of each video.
Enjoy!

Dog Falls for Cat!

I especially love this one because the song lyrics match so perfectly with the cat's and dog's actions. Also, it's so wonderful!!! Please turn up your volume and here's your moment of Ahhh!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ytedC1heY_8

Next: Cat Adopts Rabbit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=04RZrf3-Mgo

Next: Cat Adopts Baby Squirrels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ADuSnt6PFn8

Next: Ya just gotta see Nora the piano playing cat. Read all it says to the right of each video. Wonderful!
1. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ860P4iTaM
2. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0zgQAp7EYw
3. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmdnA2LbRo0
4. Nora Calls The Piano Tuner.
Madi, this is captioned and so funny!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r6-ZgeoulFI

Next:
Dog Adopts Baby Lion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1niudLi45gw

Next:
Dog And Lion Are Roommates
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d30RUgAZz1E

Next:
Chimp Adopts Tiger Cubs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DuzUigpHjMU And ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W-VBooViwiI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3jzHfibgEhU
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Bh2wyj29fMM
Anjana the Chimp with Baby Puma Friend Sierra ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E8RiM_iBliU
Continuing: Anjana and the white tiger cubs ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mu1GHU-1oEI
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WL_Yp2VoSY0
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7KQ_OkHB8tk

Next:
Pig Nurses Tiger Cubs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWrON85O_SY

Next:
Mother Tiger Adopts Piglets!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xqkzJoRua5U

Next:
Dog Adopts a Panther Cub
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Kjk-nXvZ9M

Next:
Dog adopts two albino tiger cubs
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jgr1yDg0OOs

Next:
AMAZING! PitBull Dog Sharky, Cat and Tiny Baby Chicks!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UcU1OsDMWBQ
Look at that one chick sliding down the dog's back. So adorable! And all of them lined up on his back. Awww! Lined up on top of the cat's back, too. So wonderful and lots of kisses to the tiny chicks. Awww!

Next:
Dog adopts orphaned baby bunnies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KidaY9JtYrc

Next:
Dog Adopts Baby Squirrels
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j34wvzmnAwE

Next:
Mom Dog Princess Nurses Puppies and Adopted Squirrels as her own Just Too Sweet For words!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k8ZGlijcJsE

Next:
Dog adopts adult duck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=96xRToUdzD0

Next:
Adult dog and baby duck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ficwZQYmRLE

Next:
Baby Duck & Puppies
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R6CvzUDsOFQ

Next: Madi, I love this one! Awww!!!
Duck following puppy (Cute video!)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LbOOPKBg0iA

Next:
The Duck and The Puppy Swimming Together! Here's how it began ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5hCXxtXSV4
Then LOL ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Dxom9euWrA

Next:
Rescued magpie and many cats,1990 - The orphaned magpie bird was successfully weaned and released. Awwww!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dgdA3LQIKcw

Next: Monkey adopts kitten - So Cute!!!
This is just one of many I have of monkeys adopting kittens
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fhHVMKYzG_s

Next: Madi, those dogs look a lot like baby or miniature Samoyeds to me. What do you think?
Dog Adopts Monkey - Awesome!!!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QKSMxdsw_ZU

Next:
Bengal Cat Fighting for the Exercise Wheel
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDwZfhdkA3M

Next:
This Doberman dog Loves this Water Slide. LOL!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BOv-2HzNPaA

Next:
Doberman Protects baby by setting up protective perimeter around baby.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZXCrmrcQnU4

Next:
Dog and deer in love!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8xU5h1paYQ0

Next:
Dog Adopts Fawn!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IHsU4CgnpeA

Then ...
Great Dane and fawn bonding
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDZJ_Dz7aZs

Next:
Baby Deer and Dog Playing (Love Is In The Air)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5K-CTyvNE04

Next:
In this latest installment of CBS News Assignment America, Steve Hartman visits an animal sanctuary where a dog and an elephant have formed a very lasting, and unusual, friendship. This is absolutely amazing! Please watch the entire video so you'll know there is a happy ending.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cBtFTF2ii7U

Next: I can't recall if I posted this one yet so sorry if it's a duplicate ...
Kitty Loves Bunny
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=x9-T-9ZKNk0

Next:
This little mouse runs a very long,complex, difficult agility course. It doesn't make even one mistake and the owner only put a hand in for a brief moment when the mouse got to the cactus plant. I've never seen anything like it! Yeah, mice are easy to train in agility but nothing like this. Amazing!!! Here's the You Tube link and there is sound ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=txq_BogA1NM

Next:
I just happened upon this by pure chance.
That tiny little turtle loves the cat! I am serious. Ain't no doubt about it.
Dangest thing, cute as heck and so unheard of ...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fJr2evLANsE

Next: I chose this last one because I laughed so hard and long that I made myself sick.
"Molly the cat meets the printer."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fK1ujbPgLgo

Well, those will keep you busy for a while and I have so very many more.

Take care and please talk more about Ulriich when you're up to it. Okay?

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi
Love Molly the Cat. The videos are awesome, haven't watched them all yet , I have to admit.
Dottie, the little dog with the monkey is a pomeranium, they are like miniature samoyeds, much, much smaller.

I watched a lovely video of huskies and polar bears< i don't know if you've seen it. I have a pic a good friend sent me that you might like. Think it is the Husky that is chained by the way. I will try and upload it .

Love Jan xx

Jan, you took the words right out of my mouth, "awesome" I have watched about half now, well up to the miniature pomeraniums anyway and as soon as I saw them, I thought, "I bet Jan loves this one". I love the photo of the polar bear and the husky, amazing stuff, polar bears are known for being extremely vicious. Thanks Dottie, you make me smile and thanks for that. I have sent a photo of Ulriich, hope you get it so you and Jan get to see him.

madi xx

Hi Jan! I love the photo of the doggie and polar bear hugging so much! Madi is right about polar bears usually being vicious. But, not with that doggie. Great bear hug. Awww! Oh, it's a Pomeranian caring for and carrying the monkey on its underside. I knew that was too small to be a Samoyed. So sweet, though. Awww! I have tons more to send ...

Hi Madi! I'm so pleased that you and Jan are enjoying the videos and they made you smile. I got your emailed photo of Ulriich and sent you two separate responses. Please read them both, especially since I have questions for you in the second or "PS" email. Okay? Okay.

Jan, I'm off to make a quick post at your thread then reboot this antiquated PC, do maintenance and more. Arg.

Talk atcha both real soon. Love to you both and your Fur Kid Angels!!!



Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie, It's 1.15am here and I have just watched "the cat and the printer" clip and I can't stop laughing, it's hilarious. I should not be watching these clips at this hour of the morning. Jan, have you watched that one yet?

madi xx

How is Styx going Dottie?

Hi Madi
Yes I absolutely love that clip it's hilarious. Good on Dottie for finding us something to make us laugh again. She is an Angel !!!
Hope you managed to get off to sleep ok after all that laughing.

Love and hugs

Jan xx

Hi Madi and Jan!

I'm just thinking about "Molly the cat Meets the Printer" and laughing so hard that I can barely type. Hahaha! Most kitties would get freaked out and run away. But, not Molly. She sure does jump every time she hears that printer click though. What a riot. LOL! I did try to warn you how funny it was. Hehehe! So glad you both loved it as I do. I'll fetch some more videos.

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Dottie you are an angel, there is not doubt about that, I love what you've done with Ulriich's photo and you didn't have much to go on, it was such a small photo. My son said that I have to put my photos on a web page and then upload them form there. Don't know if I can fathom out how to do that, I may have to wait until he comes home for Christmas. Poor boy, (man) he'll only be here for 3 days and everytime anyone sees him they bombard him with their computer probelms.

Glad you like the videos too Jan, I'm still laughing, I'm showing everyone.

madi xx

{{{{{Madi}}}}} I'm so glad you like it. Now, please say hello to Sister Mary Catnip ...



Hehehe! I just love that one and have some better ones I know you'll love.

I hope you're doing well, Madi. How are you holding up?

Please know you and Ulriich are in my thoughts and prayers.

Many Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox

Hi Madi, I was thinking you might want to use the enhanced photo of Ulriich as your avatar.

Here are some samples, just in case you'd like to see how they'd look ...

Reduced in size >>>>>

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/M...h_Enlarge-6.jpg

Same reduced size and sharpened again >>>>>

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/M...h_Enlarge-7.jpg

Animated and cropped size A >>>>>

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/M..._Cropped_An.gif

Animated cropped and reduced much smaller in size B >>>

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/M...h_Cropped-1.gif

Of course, if you use an animated photo as your Avatar, the animation will stop like mine did >>>

http://i226.photobucket.com/albums/dd291/M...iginal_Size.gif

It's still lovely.

More Comforting Hugs!!!

Always,
Dottie xoxoxox