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j4lorn
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j4lorn

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5 Mar 2006
It's been a year and a half since my sweet Jakeybug died, and I seem to have hit a bump in the road.

It started bothering me a couple of months ago, hanging over me, thinking it was *almost* a year and a half -- I was doing pretty good, I miss him every single day but I was doing pretty good. Had to even stop to actually count the months and be sure. I can't believe it's been this long. Life without Jake.

But this awful feeling has slowly been growing, coming back - the grief, not quite as sharp as at the beginning, but almost as bad. He's really gone gone gone. I loved him so much and I can't get him back. He was devoted to me, followed me from room to room, sleeping at my feet under the desk when I was working there, woooooooo-ing me from the front window whenever I came home from somewhere.

We have two new young dogs, one about a year and a half old, and one 9 months old, but they are bonded more to each other and to my hus than to me. They hang out together, they focus more on my hus because he takes them out running and mountain biking. They're happy, they play all day together and I love watching them be happy, but it's not the same. They don't wooooo! They don't care about me!! I know that sounds so stupid. I miss being loved by my sweet Jake. Maybe you understand.

I wish I could do better, but some days (today) I am just dragging myself on because we have to go on, there is no choice. But I'm going on without my Jake and I feel so diminished. I don't think I'll ever be the same for the rest of my life. I miss his love so bad. I miss loving him.

What can I do. nothing.
Boy I hate this.
:(
23 Aug 2005
Hi you all,

We had to put down our old cattle dog Spike today, this morning, she was 16 1/2 years old. We had rescued her from the pound when she was 3 months old, she had been returned for snapping at somebody's child. It was really nothing, she was a puppy and that is what they do... we gave her a full, long life but sadly today was the day she had to die. She was just simply old, and actually if we had not put her down today I am positive she would have died on her own by this evening - so we gave her every last second we could. She lived long, and still this is hard and very very sad, we will miss her so much. She saved my life once by scaring off a mountain lion while we were out fishing, she thought she was invincible - those darn cattle dogs! they think they own the world.

This is so strange too: it is exactly one year to the day today that we lost our other dog, the love of my life, my Jakeybug who is my avatar. One year exactly today, and today Spike was actually dying on her own, we didn't plan this, it was just her time today of all days. What is so weird also is that a day ago I had just run out of her special kidney diet dog food, and also I had just given her her last prescription arthritis pill -- and I had given a neighbor a random number of pills from my bottle so she could try it on her old dog a few weeks ago -- but it worked out that what we had left was EXACTLY the number we needed before Spike went into a sharp decline night before last and could not eat or drink or rouse anymore.

One year to the day that my other dog died, and exactly at the end of her bag of special diet and her medicine....

I think somebody was calling her home.
19 Dec 2004
This will win the downer thread of the day, I'm afraid.

I feel horrible. My Jake died back on August 24th, after an awful grand mal seizure that struck out of nowhere. He was 11... he actually lived a week after but in a bad state, with brain damage and constant pacing, it was horrible. The whole thing was such a traumatic shock to me, he seemed healthy up until that happened. I really loved my Jakey and he loved me, he was by my side 24 hours a day, he was devoted to me. My hus was never much interested in Jake, we have another dog, a cattle dog who is his dog (they are one person dogs pretty much) and she is now 16 and still doing pretty well except for arthritis.

We also got a new puppy, same breed as Jake, and he's about 5 months old now. We got him a month after Jake died, I really wasn't ready but I knew I didn't want to wait too long either. I've accepted him, he's a real sweetheart and cute as pie, but I still really miss my Jake and this dog of course will never be Jake.

I was doing better but recently I seem to be backsliding, or more accurately, my grief is morphing into bitterness. I'm mad that our cattle dog is still alive and doing so well, esp now she is on new meds for her arthritis -- she actually chases the puppy around a little bit!! I always thought I was safe with Jake as long as she was alive, she is 5 years older than him. My hus has gotten 5 years more with her than I got with Jake.

And the new puppy... we named him Peetypua, which is an Indian word for 'sweet pea', which he truly is, he's stolen PART of my heart. well, alot of my heart. He's the same breed as Jake but face it: he's a different personality, bolder, doesn't need ME, and he's very much a puppy still -- chewing everything, constantly needing to be watched and trained etc.

#3 problem is my husband is really trying to make himself alpha dog with this puppy, it's almost like he's competing with me for the pups affection. It sounds strange, I know, but I know my hus felt really bad that he had not attached to Jake during his life, and also he realizes our cattle dog is on borrowed time basically.. so I think he is overcompensating with the puppy. My hus also thinks I should be "over it" by now.

So here I am, I feel so alone without my sweet, mature, loving, devoted Jakeybug; and I feel bitter that he's gone. AND I feel bad that I feel bitter!!

what an awful mess. :(

Sorry for being such a drag, I just had to get it out. It's that "deep inside sadness" as someone here called it (was it you Marcia?) and no one understands. I know it will go away, I figure it's gonna take a year at the very least. I really loved my dog. Why do they have to die so soon....
27 Nov 2004
OMG, look what I just came across on the web!! I'm not sure if I like this idea or not!!!

You can have a synthetic diamond made from the ashes of your loved one, they only need 8 oz, and :

Can you do this for pets?
At LifeGem, we understand that people love their pets like children. We take that into account and, of course, offer our services and products to pet owners as well.

http://www.lifegem.com/
7 Sep 2004
Tears in Heaven <-----CLICK


Tears In Heaven
by Eric Clapton

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven.

Would you hold my hand
If I saw you in heaven?
Would you help me stand
If I saw you in heaven?

I'll find my way
Through night and day,
'Cause I know I just can't stay
Here in heaven.

Time can bring you down,
Time can bend your knees.
Time can break your heart,
Have you begging please, begging please.

Beyond the door,
There's peace I'm sure,
And I know there'll be no more
Tears in heaven.

Would you know my name
If I saw you in heaven?
Would it be the same
If I saw you in heaven?

I must be strong
And carry on,
'Cause I know I don't belong
Here in heaven
.
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