Baby Kelvin Cat

Yesterday my little orange tabby cat, Kelvin, was hit by a car and killed. I am just devastated.

Kelvin was adopted from the shelter when he was 4 months old, but b/c he was so small they thought he was only 2-3 months. He must have been the runt, and only grew to 8 lbs. He was my little baby, and such a lover. He would snuggle and purr so hard when we held him. I only got to have him for 4 short wonderful years. He left behind me, my husband, and his companion cat, Timmy.

Because of the sudden and tragic accident I have been floating between denial, anger and grief all night. I feel as though my heart has been ripped from my chest. It does not feel real yet and I keep expecting to see him come around the corner and meow. I feel a large amount of guilt b/c, while I did not allow the cats to wander away outside, he made it into the alley behind our house and was struck. I should have been able to protect him.

To make matters harder, Timmy (our other cat) is grieving as well. We were able to show him Kelvin's body for a brief time, but he keeps looking for him all over the house and the yard. Every noise he hears outside he runs to the window to check if it is Kelvin. I wish it were.

I feel like such a bad cat-mommy for allowing my baby to get in a situation where he was hit by a car. And I don't know how to help my Timmy who is so lonely. Does anyone have experience with a grieving cat-companion?

I know one day the pain will ease, but I feel as though I will never be happy again.

Thanks in advance for any advice.