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Linsey, Kitty's mommy
40 years old
Gender Not Set
Yakima, WA
Born Mar-15-1979
Cats, dogs and animals of all Kinds. We have a 5 month old puppy named Chewie (a girl, and appropriately named I might add), and an 8 year old cat named Buddha (boy). We also have a arabian mare named Candy, and she's 22.
Joined: 12-September 06
Profile Views: 428*
Last Seen: 25th March 2007 - 09:10 PM
Local Time: May 19 2019, 08:11 AM
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Linsey, Kitty's mommy

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19 Sep 2006
Thanks so much to all of you, especially Furkidlet's Mom, for all of your support and kind words. You have all been so wonderful and reading your posts helps me get through the day. I can't remember who wrote it in here but someone said that friends are supportive for a few days but drift away when they can't deal with the magnitude of your grief. That is very much the case with me and I am so blessed to have found this site and all you wonderful people. There are tear drops on the desk below my keyboard that fall and dry there as I read everyone's stories and type responses. All of you truly do understand and I love you all for it. I feel bad that I don't have time to type more.

During the work week I get into my normal routine (as much as I can), get up, go to work, come home, make dinner, watch a little TV and go to bed. I don't look at the posts here much during my work week (Wed-Sun), but on my days off, I think my brain has designated those days for me to be a fairly useless, blubbering, grieving mess.

It has been almost 2 weeks since Kitty left me, and it still hurts so very much. She used to insist on sitting on my lap while I sat on the back porch. She'd sit on the deck next to my chair, put her little paw up on my leg and meow her little broken meow. Since she was a kitten, her meow was always more of a squeak than a meow. I think the meow was just a warning because she would just jump into my lap whether I was ready or not. She'd sit on my lap with her paws on my chest and cuddle with me every day. I miss cuddling with her. Last night, I was outside sitting on the back porch and I looked over at Kitty's resting place in the corner of the yard. I felt her presence so strongly that I just knew she was sitting on my lap wanting to be cuddled. Anyone looking might have laughed or thought me crazy, but there I was, stroking and talking to a non-existent cat on my lap. I even laughed a little myself. happy.gif

Buddha is missing her a lot I think. He is much more needy than usual and doesn't go outside very often anymore. He LOVED being outside with Kitty. He used to sit by the sliding glass door and meow every morning to be let out. He would sleep with us for a couple hours at night but always needed to be let out. Now, he sleeps with us the whole night through, follows us through the house and meows, sits with to us on the couch and cuddles. Sometimes he'll just sit there and look up at us and meow when we open the door for him to go outside. We give him lots and lots of love, but he doesn't seem to be getting better. Does anyone know how long an animal's grieving process takes?

As for my grieving process, most of the hysterical crying, screaming, sobbing fits are over. I still shed a tear or two now and then, but most of the sharp pain has given way to a dull, throbbing sadness. It takes it's place as a rock that sits on my chest where she used to sit. I can see her face and her blue eyes as clearly as if she were sitting with me now. There I go petting the air again. And there goes another tear. I miss her so much.
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12 Sep 2006
I know this will probably end up being a long story, but I feel I owe it to her to let others know how wonderful she was. My Kitty was special, and I miss her so very much...

I didn't know what was wrong. She was fine the day before. She just kept panting and looking at me with her beautiful blue eyes saying "Help me Mommy, something's wrong. I'm so scared. I know you can make me better."

When I was a senior in high school (10 years ago), I went to see a friend's litter of kittens that were 4 weeks old. That's when I first saw her, my beautiful Kitty. She was white with grey tabby points and the most gorgeous blue eyes you've ever seen in your life. I knew Mom would never let me have a cat so decided to bring her home and say I found her. The instant she saw her it was a done deal. She had many names over the years but none of them really stuck, none of them fit her personality. It ended up being just “Kitty”. Her favorite place to sit was on my chest while I scratched her ears and her neck. She would sit there contented for as long as I would let her, purring, giving my hands little kisses and looking right into my soul with her beautiful blue eyes. She slept on my pillow next to my head every night.

I don't know how long she waited for me to find her lying by the front step. I just know she knew it would tear me apart if she disappeared. She waited for me to get home. She wanted her mommy to make her better. I took her to the vet as fast as I could. The passenger seat was too far away from her mommy, she had to sit on her lap even though it hurt her mommy to feel her struggle to breathe. When we got there I picked her up and held her like a baby against my chest and shoulder. She gripped me with her little claws and let out a long scared meow.

"Where are we Mommy? I don't know this place. I'm so scared." I tried to hand her off to the tech.

"No! Don’t let me go! I want to stay with you!" She wouldn't let go of my shoulder. They gently lifted her claws off of me and took her away. After only a half hour of x-rays, oxygen and tests, the vet called me into the examination room.

"She's not going to make it." The words hit me like a punch in the stomach. "Would you like to see her?" I walked into the x-ray room to see my baby lying on the metal table with a brown towel wrapped around her. An oxygen mask was next to her face. She let out a little gasp as she tried to breathe. Her beautiful blue eyes stared into nothingness.

"Her heart is still beating, but just barely." I gathered my poor girl into my arms and rocked her while her little heart beat it's last. I closed her eyes for her and held her close. She just wanted to be with her mommy. I so wish I could have been there with her the whole time. Had I known that would have been her last hour and there was nothing they could do, I would have held her and comforted her the whole time. She just wanted to be with me, not made to lie down on a cold hard table and sit still for an x-ray while she was panicking to breathe. Not to lose consciousness and not know her mommy was there rocking her while she passed on to the bridge.

We took her home and decided her final resting place would be in the yard, a spot next to the fence in the back yard. She liked to sit on top of our wooden rail fence and look out into the pasture. We let out other cat, Buddha say goodbye to her before we laid her to rest. He sniffed her little head and laid down next to the cardboard box that would be her casket. We left them in peace there together for a moment. After I filled in her grave and was walking back to the house, my husband called me back over. Buddha was lying on his side across the place we buried her. We went and sat next to him as he purred and rolled around on the fresh dirt. He sat there for a good 10 minutes even after we went back inside.

It hurts so much. I can't stop thinking about September 7th, 2006, when I lost my baby girl. I'm so sorry to rant on as long as I have but I had to get it out. My husband understands my pain but always tries to make it better. I can't talk about it without him trying to make jokes or change the subject, bless his heart. He just wants to help. Sometimes I just need to cry uncontrollably. I had no idea it could ever hurt this bad. I miss you so much baby. My life has been changed forever. Mommy loves you for now and always.
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