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> One Year.
Cheesy
post Jul 21 2008, 07:30 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 44
Joined: 12-January 08
From: Wisconsin
Member No.: 4,246



Well, here it is. July 21st 2008. Cheddar has been gone one year.
I am just....I don't know the word for this feeling. It is numb, but I feel things. It is very scary. I havn't really broke down yet. That scares me too, I can feel it under the surface, kinda slowly turning just under my skin. I am scared that I am really gonna loose it. I am not afraide of greife, or mourning him, I am afraide that I am gonna loose my mind. I didnt sleep last night, and I havnt slept today. The sun will be going down soon, and my husband will go to bed, and I am gonna be alone here. I have been alonne all day, and Rick wont be home for another hour. when he gets home he will eat dinner, and have to go to bed a half hour later. He has mandatory over time at work right now, so i am spending a lot of time alone. I am scared I wont sleep tonight. Lack of sleep is contributing to all of this alot. and it is gonna get worse, if I dont sleep.
I miss cheddar so much. I miss my boy. i miss him so much, and I can really shed a tear. I get close and it backs off. I miss him more right now thanI did the day after we lost him. My arms ache cause they cant hold him, my head hurts. I cant even find a smile when I think about all the good times, and funny things he did. I can't even call it despaire. It is somthing unknown, somthing dark.
I am sitting here, infront of my computer, in this place, that means so much, and am having a hard time not just deleting my writing, and turning it off. I know I need to be here, but i just want to isolate, and just hide. I know that for me that is dangerous. I am here, and I guess that has to be enough right now.
I wanted to pay tribute to his life, and spirit today, but I guess that will have to be another day, cuase I am selfsh and self absorbed, and I just cant.
I cant type anymore right now.
please pray for me.
cheesy.



--------------------
[FONT=Optima][SIZE=1][COLOR=orange]Cheddar:September 2 02, my world got brighter, cause I brought you home. July 21, 07, I thought my world dimed because you left it. The light that you brought me lives on, thru me, in my heart you can never dim.
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geese
post Jul 21 2008, 07:58 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 71
Joined: 20-July 08
Member No.: 4,862



Dear Cheesy,

I am a new member, and I just posted a new topic. If you want read, it's Just lost my little man.

Please don't be afraid to cry. It's only been 3 days for me, and I cannot stop feeling the pain.. I have cried alot, and I tried not to today at work, but when I got home I looked at my favorite picture of him and played "How can I live without you?" and just let it out until I was sobbing. It helps me to cry, but I am a crier anyway. Letting it out helps cleanse your soul, maybe feel some relief.

Don't hold back........
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Duncan-MyBuddy
post Jul 21 2008, 09:37 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 39
Joined: 23-May 08
Member No.: 4,758



Good evening Ms cheesy!
Whatever you do, don't isolate and hide...keep listening and posting here as there are really compassionate people here who have gone through what you're experiencing.
I have to ask, after a year of grieving, have you considered adopting another pet? I think this would be in no disrespect to your long deceased Cheddar but instead would be honoring him in some respects. What got me through the grieving period of my buddy's passing rather quickly were my surviving dogs. They needed more attention than ever after Duncan's passing which gave me a new purpose in life.

Keep coming back here and take care,
-Ken
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Furrys Mum
post Jul 22 2008, 01:32 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 63
Joined: 17-February 07
Member No.: 2,577



Dear Cheesy,
I understand your pain - it will be 2 years tomorrow since my Furry passed away. I think you should do whatever you feel you need to do & if that is shutting out the world then that might be best for you. Sometimes we can't just be positive, but want to say "why me? & that it isn't fair. Life isn't fair. You will always miss Cheddar, but I know that after 2 years the pain does ease, not all the time, but sometimes.
Judith
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ann
post Jul 22 2008, 01:42 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 650
Joined: 8-July 08
From: Mass
Member No.: 4,838



QUOTE (geese @ Jul 21 2008, 09:19 PM) *
That was beatiful. I know your pain. I have written a few myself and it's only been 3 days.

Geese
Hi Cheesy, Think I had an oops on your name in another topic. Sorry about that. Don't hold it in, just let it go. It's been 45 days since I lost my Arthur. I cry everyday, and more than once. It doesn't seem real that they are gone. But it is. You, me and everyone hear is struggling to deal with that. I've isolated too. I have no desire to do the things I once loved. I can't talk to people at work, cuz they just don't care. I can't talk to my boyfriend, cuz all I get is,
"I just change my daily routeen so I don't think about him. " Why can't it be that easy for me. I got a sign from him(a few actually) if you read my orig forum Can he really hear me I finally got some photos in at the bottom of it. You know the otherday I picked up his ashes and kissed it. (as I do everyday) And I just cried so hard. I heard a meow, I heard his meow, I kid you not. It was right behind me. For a split moment I forget he was gone, for a split moment I forgot I was crying, I just turned and said (as if he was there) "what is it poops?"(my nickname for him). I AM NOT CRAZY. It isn't even wishful thinking on my part. I want him to be at peace. But I know what I heard. It wasn't anything from the outside. I think loosing a pet is the hardest. They are just to loving and inocent. It's been a year for you, maybe you should check out your local shelter and see how you feel after a visit to adopt. If you don't feel it, than it's not time yet. AND THAT'S OK! I just hate it when people tell me to get another cat. It's not that easy. With me it's the same. The day I put him down sticks in my mind like glue, and I cry. Then I think of him and how happy he was, and cry. People talk to me, but I don't hear them, I just see my Arthur, and yeah you guessed it, I cry. Does it make me feel better? Not sure. I think I stopped cuz it gives me a headache. The tissue companies need more cash I think, so grab a few and get them wet. You've come to the right place. It's one big shoulder to lean, and cry on. Take Care..Ann(and Arthur)
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goliath
post Jul 22 2008, 07:19 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,153
Joined: 10-January 08
From: Michigan
Member No.: 4,239




My prayers of comfort have been with you. Cheesy is still alive and well within your heart. Always remember that. Your sweet loving boy's spirit is connected with yours forever. Nothing can ever sever the bond between you. Feel the warmth of the love he has for you and you for him now and always... for he will never leave your side. Bodies perish but loving spirits never die because they are eternal. wub.gif

May you be blessed with joy and give thanks in remembering the loving life you shared with Cheesy. smile.gif May his sun shine in you and all round you. The time will come when you too will take the step into the hereafter where Cheddar will greet you. Never again will you feel separated for the two of you will be reunited in a world that is timeless and lasts forever. biggrin.gif

Much love from my heart to yours,
Beth



--------------------
Topics that include Goliath are:
Death of my Furry Baby Boy Chihuahua
Heartfelt Letter to my Goliath
Goliath and Gidget Pics
Happy Birthday Goliath
Goliath's Blessings
Bouncing Baby Browser (Goliath & Gidget's New Baby Brother)
Browser Is Missing!
Goliath Aloysius 1/25/1997 til 11/6/2007
My Gidgie Girl
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Cheesy
post Jul 23 2008, 01:18 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 44
Joined: 12-January 08
From: Wisconsin
Member No.: 4,246



Hello every one.
Thanks for all the kind words, and support. Monday was a really bad day. I am doing a little better now, though I am still kinda stuck in it. I had a good cry last night, I havnt cried like that in a long time. My hubby and I had a long talk about cheddar. We talked about how funny and sweet he was, the joy he brought us, and how very much we miss him. After he went to bed, I took down cheddar's urn, and held it for a while. I know he is not in there, it just holds the ash of his body, but it made me feel better to have him in my arms. He is always with me, but sometimes I just need to be with him. Hazy, my husbands cat, actully came up and sat in my lap as I held cheddar and cried. It was sooo sweet. I held them both, and just cried. In that moment I knew she missed him too. She still looks for him to come in to room when we say his name, and though not as often, she still sleeps where he fell. She and the kitten are getting close, but i know, she misses her big brother.
I finally got some sleep last night, well it was so late it was actully this morning. Things seemed clearer after that. I have been an insomniac since I was a kid, and it has always made some situations worse.
It is gonna take while, but I know I will get v back to where I was in the griving process. one step back, two forward like they say.
That is about all for know.
Thank you all again for being there,
love Cheesy.


--------------------
[FONT=Optima][SIZE=1][COLOR=orange]Cheddar:September 2 02, my world got brighter, cause I brought you home. July 21, 07, I thought my world dimed because you left it. The light that you brought me lives on, thru me, in my heart you can never dim.
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openhearted87
post Jul 24 2008, 11:48 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 226
Joined: 8-July 08
From: Bronx NY
Member No.: 4,836



QUOTE (Cheesy @ Jul 23 2008, 01:18 AM) *
Hello every one.
Thanks for all the kind words, and support. Monday was a really bad day. I am doing a little better now, though I am still kinda stuck in it. I had a good cry last night, I havnt cried like that in a long time. My hubby and I had a long talk about cheddar. We talked about how funny and sweet he was, the joy he brought us, and how very much we miss him. After he went to bed, I took down cheddar's urn, and held it for a while. I know he is not in there, it just holds the ash of his body, but it made me feel better to have him in my arms. He is always with me, but sometimes I just need to be with him. Hazy, my husbands cat, actully came up and sat in my lap as I held cheddar and cried. It was sooo sweet. I held them both, and just cried. In that moment I knew she missed him too. She still looks for him to come in to room when we say his name, and though not as often, she still sleeps where he fell. She and the kitten are getting close, but i know, she misses her big brother.
I finally got some sleep last night, well it was so late it was actully this morning. Things seemed clearer after that. I have been an insomniac since I was a kid, and it has always made some situations worse.
It is gonna take while, but I know I will get v back to where I was in the griving process. one step back, two forward like they say.
That is about all for know.
Thank you all again for being there,
love Cheesy.


im glad you got through the night and are still here writing. i have insomnia too. i cant sleep until around 6am since i lost my baby acorn one month ago. its my summer vacation so i can sleep late. its hard to wake up too. its hard not to just sink into a depression. i think its a defense mechanism to protect our heart. you are not selfish. you are going through things that you should get out and acknowledge. your words are helping others feel less alone. you are taking care of yourself. i always tell myself to celebrate acorn's life but i cant think of happy times without taking a deep breath and choking back tears or just letting them pour out. i think celebrating their life comes in tiny pieces and gets bigger with time. i'm here for you.

with love corina and her angels
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Cheesy
post Jul 31 2008, 01:00 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 44
Joined: 12-January 08
From: Wisconsin
Member No.: 4,246



hello every one,
just an update on the one year state of the house.
I am doing a lot better. On the anivesery of adopting our kitten, I was happy. I really celebrated her, and found joy in her. in all that i could finally smile for my boy too. I could at last rejoyce for him too. That he was with us, and taught us such a love, and that because of him we could open our home and heart to nori.
My hubby is not doing so well, he is really having a hard time with the one year mark. I think it hit him harder than he was expecting. He repressed alot of his griefe, and I don't think he realizes that it is a process and that there will be times that are harder than others. And that one day you can be just fine, and the bnext you feel like you did the day after. I have been giving him all the love, support and words of wisdom I have gotten from here.
I ahvnt been around much, I have had company, and such.
I hope that every one is finding comfort and peace here.
And I pray for you all.
Love,
Cheesy.


--------------------
[FONT=Optima][SIZE=1][COLOR=orange]Cheddar:September 2 02, my world got brighter, cause I brought you home. July 21, 07, I thought my world dimed because you left it. The light that you brought me lives on, thru me, in my heart you can never dim.
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