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> 2 Weeks Ago Since I Lost My Beautiful Bengal Ari
kk0711
post Feb 7 2014, 11:10 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



Hello LS members,

It has been two weeks ago since I lost my beautiful Bengal cat Ari. He was young, would have been 7 in May. He was fine one day, stopped eating and drinking the next and we took him to the vet the day after that. After lots of tests and then 2 nights in an oxygen cage, lots of antibiotics he went into acute respiratory failure and had to be put down at the very end although by that time the vet said he was already so close.it was only 5 days after he first showed signs of being sick.Ari was our baby, my husband and I got him as a kitten soon after we moved in together. He was equally bonded to both of us and the absolute love of our lives. He talked to us in long conversations, greeted us at the door, asked for belly rubs and had to be in the same place wherever we were, following us around the house.

It was so sudden and unexpected and still not fully explained. I am in such grief and pain. My husband is devastated as well but I was the one with him at the end and keep relieving those moments. It still seems so surreal to me. I stayed in bed for 3 days after he died and couldn't eat. I am now functioning but feel like I am walking in a nightmare every day.

I just miss him so much, he was the one constant in my life and although I knew he would pass one day, I thought we had many more years with him. I am angry, disappointed and grief-stricken.

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Firehawk
post Feb 7 2014, 12:19 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 29
Joined: 28-January 14
Member No.: 8,220



Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can relate to those 'replaying thoughts' when you go through a shock of losing your pet. I lost both my black labs in the recent times (dec 20, 2012 Ruby, and Jan 27, 2014 Diamond), and both went very suddenly and very shockingly, ESPECIALLY Ruby. I woke up on Dec 20 around 7am to find her laying in the walk in closet which was odd for her to be in there, and she was facing toward the inner wall. I called to her and all she could do is wag her tail barely, but couldn't lift her head up. I didn't know what was going on, so I tried to help her up and she stumbled down the hallway then fell over. I freaked out, and it was a mad dash to the nearest ER vet (which was 15 min away of course). I knew she had died in the car about half way there, because I smelled a very strange poop smell, and I figured since she pooped her body just let go and gave up. I was hysterical but kept talking to her and as soon as i pulled into the VET i jumped out, grabbed her, took her in, but she was lifeless by then. No heartbeat. I couldn't even stand up and breathe because i was crying so hard. It was just a STUN. I had just had her at the vet for a checkup 4 weeks before that and she was fine.

Then I lost Diamond suddenly Monday morning around 1am. Both my wife and I woke up because of her breathing. She was breathing shallow and fast. When we peaked around the bed to see her, she was laying on her side, eyes open, breathing that way. I panicked because every bad memory came back to me from Ruby. My wife is more 'trained' to handle emergency situations being a special ed teacher, and she tried to keep me calm, but I was in fast mode, just telling her LETS GO LETS GO. I sat in the back seat with her all the way to the Vet and told her how much I loved her and to just HANG ON. She was very weak though and her breathing was starting to slow but it was still shallow. We got to the vet, rushed her onto the table, and she was still alive when I walked out, but 2 minutes later they came out and said her heart stopped and asked if i wanted CPR to be done. I SAID YES!!!! My God what kind of stupid question is that? They go back in and come back out again a couple minutes later and said that they believe she had a mass rupture on her spleen and had a lot of fluid in her belly area internally, and even if they got a heartbeat back, there's no hope for her. So I told them to just let her go.

Oh my God it was insane. But I still replay both in my head quite often, and if I go into a daze thinking about it, it still makes me cry about Ruby, and that was over 13 months ago. Just a horrendous way to end both their lives, but there were some good things about it. I didn't ahve to make the decision to put them down and slowly watch them deteriorate. I got to spend the last few minutes of their lives with them and tell them that I loved them.

SO I understand where you're coming from. With Ruby I think it took a lot longer for me to recover because it was the first time I had been through this, and between both my dogs, she was more my 'buddy' I guess, than the other, even though I loved them both equally. Ruby was the nosy one that was a bit more playful. Diamond was the more relaxed, 'pet me' type, but so precious. They had different personalities and I miss them both equally, though. When Ruby died, all of my love went to Diamond and it was hard in a different way when I lost her. I went from at least 1 dog to no dogs, and my routines were vastly changed, and it's still affecting me today. Every night when I walk by their urns, it makes me a bit sad. When I get up in the morning and don't hear Diamond's collar jingle to get up with me, or have to let her out, or see her watching me make breakfast every morning, it is very hard.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.
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moon_beam
post Feb 7 2014, 12:57 PM
Post #3


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, kk, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Ari. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

KK, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that has many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing are very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. When we are in deep grief, we are emotionally vulnerable which is why we have very little control over our emotions - - including our need to cry. There are also physical symptoms of grief that we experience - - lack of appetite, insomnia or the unrelenting feeling of exhaustion and the need to sleep, lack of appetite, inability to concentrate, lack of interest in everything, etc.. All of these, and more, are a very normal part of this grief adjustment journey. This is one of the many reasons why this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time with the reassurance that you are not alone - - for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

KK, you and your husband did everything in your human, and humane, power to give your beloved Ari a happy and healthy earthly journey. None of us know the how or when our earthly journey will end, and when we embrace a companion into our lives we do so with the antiicpation of having them with us for many years. If we knew ahead of time the circumstances that would eventually physically separate us, then we would be faced with making a decision that could deprive them of a loving Forever Home and deprive us of their unconditional love and undivided attention.

Love is not restricted to the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years that we share our lives with our companions. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. So even though your beloved Ari is no longer physically with you, I assure you that his sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, kk, - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Ari with us, kk. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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kk0711
post Feb 7 2014, 05:01 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (Firehawk @ Feb 7 2014, 12:19 PM) *
Hi,

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I can relate to those 'replaying thoughts' when you go through a shock of losing your pet. I lost both my black labs in the recent times (dec 20, 2012 Ruby, and Jan 27, 2014 Diamond), and both went very suddenly and very shockingly, ESPECIALLY Ruby. I woke up on Dec 20 around 7am to find her laying in the walk in closet which was odd for her to be in there, and she was facing toward the inner wall. I called to her and all she could do is wag her tail barely, but couldn't lift her head up. I didn't know what was going on, so I tried to help her up and she stumbled down the hallway then fell over. I freaked out, and it was a mad dash to the nearest ER vet (which was 15 min away of course). I knew she had died in the car about half way there, because I smelled a very strange poop smell, and I figured since she pooped her body just let go and gave up. I was hysterical but kept talking to her and as soon as i pulled into the VET i jumped out, grabbed her, took her in, but she was lifeless by then. No heartbeat. I couldn't even stand up and breathe because i was crying so hard. It was just a STUN. I had just had her at the vet for a checkup 4 weeks before that and she was fine.

Then I lost Diamond suddenly Monday morning around 1am. Both my wife and I woke up because of her breathing. She was breathing shallow and fast. When we peaked around the bed to see her, she was laying on her side, eyes open, breathing that way. I panicked because every bad memory came back to me from Ruby. My wife is more 'trained' to handle emergency situations being a special ed teacher, and she tried to keep me calm, but I was in fast mode, just telling her LETS GO LETS GO. I sat in the back seat with her all the way to the Vet and told her how much I loved her and to just HANG ON. She was very weak though and her breathing was starting to slow but it was still shallow. We got to the vet, rushed her onto the table, and she was still alive when I walked out, but 2 minutes later they came out and said her heart stopped and asked if i wanted CPR to be done. I SAID YES!!!! My God what kind of stupid question is that? They go back in and come back out again a couple minutes later and said that they believe she had a mass rupture on her spleen and had a lot of fluid in her belly area internally, and even if they got a heartbeat back, there's no hope for her. So I told them to just let her go.

Oh my God it was insane. But I still replay both in my head quite often, and if I go into a daze thinking about it, it still makes me cry about Ruby, and that was over 13 months ago. Just a horrendous way to end both their lives, but there were some good things about it. I didn't ahve to make the decision to put them down and slowly watch them deteriorate. I got to spend the last few minutes of their lives with them and tell them that I loved them.

SO I understand where you're coming from. With Ruby I think it took a lot longer for me to recover because it was the first time I had been through this, and between both my dogs, she was more my 'buddy' I guess, than the other, even though I loved them both equally. Ruby was the nosy one that was a bit more playful. Diamond was the more relaxed, 'pet me' type, but so precious. They had different personalities and I miss them both equally, though. When Ruby died, all of my love went to Diamond and it was hard in a different way when I lost her. I went from at least 1 dog to no dogs, and my routines were vastly changed, and it's still affecting me today. Every night when I walk by their urns, it makes me a bit sad. When I get up in the morning and don't hear Diamond's collar jingle to get up with me, or have to let her out, or see her watching me make breakfast every morning, it is very hard.

I'm sorry that you had to go through this. I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone.

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kk0711
post Feb 7 2014, 05:23 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



Hello Firehawk,

Thank you for your words of comfort and sharing your story. I am so sorry as well for the terrible loss of your wonderful black labs. The first dog I ever had was a sweet, patient and always loving black lab named Katie. I will never forget her. I am sorry that you had to go through the loss of your pets the way you did. It's feels very shocking and like you have been punched in the stomach when something suddenly happens like this. I have had all of my last three cats die in between 6 and 8 years old, relatively young considering theyawere all indoor cats with good care. And although I loved them all, Ari was the closet to me. Such an interactive cat, really more like a dog with slightly less maintenance..and only slightly rolleyes.gif

I am sorry your wife is letting you down in her respsonse to the loss and to your grief. My husband is as well for me even tho I know he loved Ari as much as I did, he grieves in a different way. That is why these message boards and support groups are so important. I have been to two grief counseling session 1:1's as well and it really helps if you are able to do that. You need to be able to keep telling your story until you work through it. Some people can do that in days and others in can take years. I try not to be tbe angry at my husband for not being there in the last moments because he could have been but he now tells me, "I thought I had more time" and I am sure is bearing his own guilt as I do.

Don't worry about not going out or "getting over" it. You can and will grieve in your own time and need to allow yourself to do so.

I am struggling everyday with those "last minutes" and also that I keep thinking, "This time two weeks ago, this time three weeks ago", on and on. I recommend the book, "The Loss of a Pet" by Wallace Sife. I got it the day after Ari died and I read it over and over, almost every day, it has helped.

Take care Firehawk and thank you for responding to my post,

kk

"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation"

-Kahlil Gibran








kk
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Firehawk
post Feb 7 2014, 08:06 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 29
Joined: 28-January 14
Member No.: 8,220



When Ruby died in 2012 I did the "this time last night", "this time last week", "2 weeks ago", "it's been a month already", "6 months", and "1 year". She's on my mind still, but it does lessen.

I've been remembering with Diamond in the same way. It's hard to believe but it's been almost 2 weeks already. Time just continues to move regardless.
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kk0711
post Feb 7 2014, 11:44 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 7 2014, 12:57 PM) *
Hi, kk, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Ari. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

KK, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that has many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling and experiencing are very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. When we are in deep grief, we are emotionally vulnerable which is why we have very little control over our emotions - - including our need to cry. There are also physical symptoms of grief that we experience - - lack of appetite, insomnia or the unrelenting feeling of exhaustion and the need to sleep, lack of appetite, inability to concentrate, lack of interest in everything, etc.. All of these, and more, are a very normal part of this grief adjustment journey. This is one of the many reasons why this grief journey can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time with the reassurance that you are not alone - - for each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

KK, you and your husband did everything in your human, and humane, power to give your beloved Ari a happy and healthy earthly journey. None of us know the how or when our earthly journey will end, and when we embrace a companion into our lives we do so with the antiicpation of having them with us for many years. If we knew ahead of time the circumstances that would eventually physically separate us, then we would be faced with making a decision that could deprive them of a loving Forever Home and deprive us of their unconditional love and undivided attention.

Love is not restricted to the minutes, hours, days, weeks, months, years that we share our lives with our companions. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. So even though your beloved Ari is no longer physically with you, I assure you that his sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, kk, - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Ari with us, kk. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

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kk0711
post Feb 7 2014, 11:58 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



Thank you Moon_Beam, your words are comforting. I just miss him so much and feel like I will never be happy again. I have lost several pets through my lifetime but this has to be the hardest. My two cats before Ari, Max and Kona also passed around the same age. It seems so unfair. I really thought Ari would be with us for a long time. I am thankful for the time he was here and know he loved us as much as we loved him and always will.

Here is a picture of my beautiful boy, he was such a character!
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kk0711
post Feb 8 2014, 12:09 AM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (Firehawk @ Feb 7 2014, 08:06 PM) *
When Ruby died in 2012 I did the "this time last night", "this time last week", "2 weeks ago", "it's been a month already", "6 months", and "1 year". She's on my mind still, but it does lessen.

I've been remembering with Diamond in the same way. It's hard to believe but it's been almost 2 weeks already. Time just continues to move regardless.



That's exactly how I feel. Time continues to move but for me it has stood still. Your girls were so beautiful I know I am reliving the grieving of my other 2 cats, Kona and Max right now too, who also died around the same age. I guess I thought if I was careful enough and vigilant enough, and when Ari got sick, spent enough money, it would turn out different this time. I know we did all we could for him but I still feel guilty.
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moon_beam
post Feb 8 2014, 01:12 PM
Post #10


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Group: Moderators
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for this wonderful picture of your beloved Ari. He is soooo handsome, and the expression on his face looks as if he could be asking, "hey, mom, where's my plate?"

KK, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions, and guilt / remorse is one of them - - and is one of the hardest of the emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't make sense at the moment they happened, trying to reconcile the "why did this happen - - I did everything I knew how, etc." It is situations like these that remind us that we are not omnipotent - - we do not have "control" over what happens, how it happens, and why it happens. We are programmed by society to believe that if we "try hard enough" we can basically rule our destiny. It is a traumatic event such as losing the physical presence of our beloved companions to make us realize how little "control" we have.

Fortunately, our beloved companions understand this. Their only desire is to share their earthly journey with us for as long as they can, knowing they have permanently and eternally imprinted their hearts onto ours. You and your husband are forever blessed to be your beloved Ari's sole, and soul, heirs to his eternal love, and he is forever blessed to have you and your husband for his Forever Mom and Dad.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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kk0711
post Feb 8 2014, 10:09 PM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 8 2014, 01:12 PM) *
Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for this wonderful picture of your beloved Ari. He is soooo handsome, and the expression on his face looks as if he could be asking, "hey, mom, where's my plate?"

KK, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions, and guilt / remorse is one of them - - and is one of the hardest of the emotions to reconcile. Guilt comes from looking back and trying to reconcile all the things that didn't make sense at the moment they happened, trying to reconcile the "why did this happen - - I did everything I knew how, etc." It is situations like these that remind us that we are not omnipotent - - we do not have "control" over what happens, how it happens, and why it happens. We are programmed by society to believe that if we "try hard enough" we can basically rule our destiny. It is a traumatic event such as losing the physical presence of our beloved companions to make us realize how little "control" we have.

Fortunately, our beloved companions understand this. Their only desire is to share their earthly journey with us for as long as they can, knowing they have permanently and eternally imprinted their hearts onto ours. You and your husband are forever blessed to be your beloved Ari's sole, and soul, heirs to his eternal love, and he is forever blessed to have you and your husband for his Forever Mom and Dad.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



Thank you moon_beam, you obviously know cats very well because that is exactly what he was saying, we tried to teach him manners but he was pretty insistent on getting his own way! Your words are comforting but I had a really bad day today when I realized that I accidentally deleted all my files and pictures from a storage site back in Oct when I changed jobs. I hadn't really paid attention and when I went to get more pictures of Ari today that go way back, they were all gone! So heartbroken .
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moon_beam
post Feb 9 2014, 01:40 PM
Post #12


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Group: Moderators
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am sooooo sorry about your pictures. I can just imagine how heartbroken you are feeling no longer having access to those pictures of your beloved Ari. I'm wondering if this is an online back up system? If so, perhaps the vendor has a back up of the pictures? It is "understood" that what is deleted on the computer continues to be on the hard drive and can be "rescued" if one knows how. Perhaps all is not lost - - perhaps a computer specialist would be able to help you retrieve at least some of the pictures. It may be worth the try???

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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kk0711
post Feb 15 2014, 10:59 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 9 2014, 01:40 PM) *
Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am sooooo sorry about your pictures. I can just imagine how heartbroken you are feeling no longer having access to those pictures of your beloved Ari. I'm wondering if this is an online back up system? If so, perhaps the vendor has a back up of the pictures? It is "understood" that what is deleted on the computer continues to be on the hard drive and can be "rescued" if one knows how. Perhaps all is not lost - - perhaps a computer specialist would be able to help you retrieve at least some of the pictures. It may be worth the try???

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


Thank you for your post moon_beam.Unfortunately the computer was wiped and recycled to someone else so I am afraid they are gone. The online back up keeps deleted items for only 30 days, so mad at myself for not paying attention. I have some pictures though still and am grateful for that. Tomorrow in the early evening, my husband and I will got to a beautiful park where I will set up three candles, representing our family on a table and I have put together a slide show of Ari with the pictures I do have on my iPad, I have poem to recite and then my husband and I will light three wish lanterns into the sky while playing, "somewhere over the rainbow". It will represent that we will always be together. It was three weeks yesterday that he left us.

I do better for a couple of days but then fall back into a well of grief. I am hoping our private memorial tomorrow will help heal my husband and I both some while letting Ari know that we honor him and what he brought into our lives.

Thanks you moon_beam for your lovely and always comforting words.


kk
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moon_beam
post Feb 16 2014, 03:38 PM
Post #14


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Group: Moderators
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Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your memorial serivce to honor your beloved Ari sounds beautiful, and I hope the weather is treating you kindly so that you and your husband can do this today.

Yes, this grief adjustment journey is not a straight one from "A" to "Z" but rather is one of many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. It leaves us feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted, so it is important that you and your husband do not push yourselves beyond your endurance levels for awhile.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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kk0711
post Feb 18 2014, 10:41 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 30
Joined: 6-February 14
Member No.: 8,230



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 16 2014, 03:38 PM) *
Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Your memorial serivce to honor your beloved Ari sounds beautiful, and I hope the weather is treating you kindly so that you and your husband can do this today.

Yes, this grief adjustment journey is not a straight one from "A" to "Z" but rather is one of many ups and downs, twists and turns, and turnarounds. It leaves us feeling emotionally drained and physically exhausted, so it is important that you and your husband do not push yourselves beyond your endurance levels for awhile.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



Thank you moon-beam. Our memorial was lovely and I m so glad I did it. The weather was perfect( I live in CA) and although my husband did not say anything during the memorial, he was very pleased afterwards for which I am happy as it was my intent to do something for us both. It did offer some peace. I still cry every day but have really started to focuss on memorializing Ari and truly mourning him as well as grieving. Thank you as always for your kind words.
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moon_beam
post Feb 19 2014, 02:41 PM
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Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I'm so glad your beloved Ari's memorial service went so well, and that the weather was ideal. When we are in deep grief our minutes, hours, days, weeks, months are measured by the physical absence of our beloved companions. But I assure you, kk, it will not always be this way. One day when you and your husband least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Ari and you will find yourselves smiling - - truly smiling - - and your hearts will feel the warmth of your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit once again.

But until this day comes, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us - - to share your not so bad days, your not so good days, and the days when the burden of your deep sorrow is more than you can bear.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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kk0711
post Feb 25 2014, 01:28 AM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
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QUOTE (moon_beam @ Feb 19 2014, 02:41 PM) *
Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your husband are doing. I'm so glad your beloved Ari's memorial service went so well, and that the weather was ideal. When we are in deep grief our minutes, hours, days, weeks, months are measured by the physical absence of our beloved companions. But I assure you, kk, it will not always be this way. One day when you and your husband least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Ari and you will find yourselves smiling - - truly smiling - - and your hearts will feel the warmth of your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit once again.

But until this day comes, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us - - to share your not so bad days, your not so good days, and the days when the burden of your deep sorrow is more than you can bear.

I hope today is treating you and your husband kindly, kk, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your husband are in my thoughts and prayers, kk, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


Thank you moon_beam. I went away for a few days to visit my mother. It was good to get away and I even had some days that I didn't cry. My mother has a cat though and I played with him and he sat on my lap a few times and it made me miss Ari, my baby boo cat so much. The worst was when I got home today. I flew home this afternoon so had to take a cab home and I honestly forgot for a moment when I walked into my house that he was gone. I used to miss him so much when we went away and always looked forward to seeing him when I got home. My husband was still at work and the house felt so empty. Sometimes I still can't believe he's gone. The worst is coming home from work and he's not there greeting me at the door and saying, "hi, Mama, I've missed you, now come play with me!". Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember how soft his fur was and how just beautiful he really was.
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moon_beam
post Feb 25 2014, 07:57 AM
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Hi, kk, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Indeed, the adjustment to not having your beloved Ari greeting you when you get home is painfully difficult. The sound of silence can be deafening. Sadly, all of this, and more, is a part of this painful grief adjustment journey. I promise you, kk, that it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself thinking of your beloved Ari and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Ari share.

But until this time comes for you, kk, please know we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

I hope today is treating you kindly and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Ari's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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jaspersmom
post Feb 25 2014, 10:53 AM
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QUOTE (kk0711 @ Feb 25 2014, 01:28 AM) *
Thank you moon_beam. I went away for a few days to visit my mother. It was good to get away and I even had some days that I didn't cry. My mother has a cat though and I played with him and he sat on my lap a few times and it made me miss Ari, my baby boo cat so much. The worst was when I got home today. I flew home this afternoon so had to take a cab home and I honestly forgot for a moment when I walked into my house that he was gone. I used to miss him so much when we went away and always looked forward to seeing him when I got home. My husband was still at work and the house felt so empty. Sometimes I still can't believe he's gone. The worst is coming home from work and he's not there greeting me at the door and saying, "hi, Mama, I've missed you, now come play with me!". Sometimes I just close my eyes and remember how soft his fur was and how just beautiful he really was.

Hello kk,
I read your post with tears of understanding, and I am so very sorry about the loss of your precious Ari. I had to say goodbye to my sweet cat Jasper due to a sudden illness just three weeks ago, at the young age of seven also. It is so hard to wrap my mind around this, and I keep asking myself, how can he just not be here anymore, and sometimes I think I see a glimpse of him in all his favorite places, but I cannot touch him or hold him like I want to. I used to love coming home from work because I knew that my boy would be waiting for me at the door for his belly rubs, now I walk in still expecting to see him there, but he is not, and like you, my house feels so empty now. I have another cat named Jingles whom I love so dearly, but our family is still broken, and I am not sure if these shattered pieces will ever fit together again. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone in your feelings, I only wish that I had the answer to ease your sadness, but I am so new to this and I am still trying to work through the pain, but it is the hardest thing I have ever done. I can only hope that with time, all that's broken will heal, hearts will be whole again, and we will be able to remember our dear kitties with a smile, and we will be able to embrace all the sweet, unconditional love they gave to us and still give to us every single day. Take care kk and know that you are going to get through this, one day at a time, one moment at a time, because your Ari is still very much with you every single day.
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Dodgers
post Feb 25 2014, 02:18 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss and the great pain. Today is day 18 since I lost dodger, my beloved dog of 14 years. I am waiting for 3 books to be delivered to my front door,each sharing confidence thT I will see my dodger again on the other side. I have to believe and it mAkes it totally joyous. But the painful journey continues. Crying everyday I'm sorry for the sidedness of your loss. Peace and blessings during our time of great pain
Frank
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