Obsessive Heartbreak.

I'm completely depressed right now.
I'm also extremely angry.
I just got into a huge fight with my mother about our dog, Blue.
He passed away last December.
We got him when I was 4 years old.
I'm 18 now and I miss him more than words can describe.
My mother thinks that I should join a support group and keeping a blog and writing on forums has always been alot easier, that is why I joined this site.
My mother refuses to talk about our deceased dog.
She refuses to talk about getting a new dog.
I've become completely obsessed with getting a new dog.
I know the names of all the dogs at local shelters.
I frequent online pet searches like petfinder and kijiji.
I'm driving myself insane and I feel like no one understands me and I have no idea how to stop obsessing.
In no way do I want to replace Blue. I loved him and will always love him.
But I have never been without a pet in my life.
When our first dog, Chester, died, we got Blue 6 hours after.
I've had other pets along the way as well.
I need a pet but I also want to repect the wishes of my mother because I don't want to upset her.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
I'm making myself sick.
I'm withdrawn from...everything.
For a while I used drugs to numb myself.
It's been a few months since I've done drugs or drank any alcohol.
But I crave that numb feeling.
I just don't want to feel anymore because it hurts too bad.
All I do is cry.
I feel like a part of my soul has died.