Help! Finding A Way To Live With Her Still Alive =( Options

[michteach1972]

I come to this site looking for help. For many years as a child I could not live with pets because of severe allergies. Due to severe sun allergies I didn't want to be touched as a child.

It is a miracle that I am able to have dogs in my home. I married a dog person and we eventually adopted a golden/lab mix. We took care of her through a house fire and were her forever owners.

When Holly, our first girl started to fail we found Lucy, our current golden retriever to help extend the life of Holly. This helped us accept the laryngeal paralysis diagnosis Holly had and we learned to love Lucy.

We've had here 4 and 1/2 years and also by a miracle been afforded 3 extra months with her as she has a diagnosis of lymphoma. We know full remission is rare in this disease, it runs in the golden breed, and can not afford chemotherapy.

I think I compartmentalized for the past month, and when we were given the final diagnosis yesterday I finally let it all sink in. I was up half the night with my Lucy "baby" Belle and I can not stop crying.

I am a teacher, have nurtured many human beings, even stayed for the event when we had to put down Holly 3 years ago. This is first time in my life that I've raised a puppy to adult hood and then been faced with cancer in a dog of my own. I already know I can't stay with her in the end.

Devastated doesn't begin to describe this, mostly because I have no biological children of my own and that we know of can not have children. She is so young. I'm so in love with her I sing her to sleep.

Can someone help me with living her while she is sick and facing death?

[Cheri]

Hi there, I guess I don't have to ask how you are doing because I truly know. I just had to make the decision to let my beloved 15 year old kitty go yesterday. I too sat with her all day and half the night, never knowing if this would get better. Looking for any sign she would improve, sometimes denying the other signs. I tried pleading with god to give me a miracle that didn't come at first ( more on this later)
I will tell you this about how you let your precious puppy go.......while you still have her, research euthanasia more. Please consider having a mobile vet come to your house. They are so compassionate and caring and patient. The procedure is very peaceful as they give your dog a sedative which has a morphine like pain killer in it. Your dog will still hear your voice and not be in any pain and will dream! My vet told me she has had dogs running while in this deep sleep or even smile as it s a euphoric feeling. You can hold Lucy or have her outside in her favorite sunny spot or even leave her on your bed, it doesn't matter. I will tell you once you are ready for the final injection (and you can take all the time you want alone with her) the dr checks her heart rate, and when you are ready, it will be a peaceful fast ending. No pain, done your way and most of all the final moments won't haunt you with what ifs. This is so tough, I know. My decision was based on my kitty in the end. She was not doing any of her normal things, she laid in one spot just getting up to use the litter box. Her prognosis was poor with little time left. I finally decided I wasn't prolonging life, I was prolonging death because I couldn't face it. Deciding if it is time is the toughest part.... I know I just did it . But this is what helped me decide As in regards to if its to soon or too late, " better to let them go a week soon, then to be a week too late" I've been on both sides of this now and I know how I regret waiting to long because I wanted more time. Deciding to let them go while they are still in very little pain is easier than watching them go down fast in extreme pain, looking at you for help:(
Now for the miracle..I knew when the last ditch effort for sandy failed and the time had come to make a decision, my prayer changed,to please help me get through this. This morning I woke up late, wondering how I even slept at all and as my mind went right to the thought of my kitty Sandy, I didn't cry. Then I remembered my prayers for the miracle. I got my miracle, god gave me the peace and the strength to carry on. And After all the pain I had felt for weeks, it is now lifted. I know this is a miracle . Please read as much on the euthanasia subject and then reassess her ups vs downs. You can do this both your and Lucy's way. My wish for you is that miracle.
Cheri

[moon_beam]

Hi, michteach, please permit me to offer you my sincerest condolences in the diagnosis of lymphoma for your precious Lucy. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief- - it is referred to Anticipatory Grief.

Anticipatory Grief is different, yet similar - - to the grief journey we go through after our beloved companion has joined the angels. With Anticipatory Grief we are teetering between the "reality" that the physical time we have with our precious companion is now limited while our survival mechanisms kick in to protect us from the overwhelming grief while yet another part of us still hopes for a miracle on whatever level that allows our companion to stay with us- - just one more minute, one more hour, one more day . . . one more lifetime. We teeter between not knowing how we will be able to continue on without them yet not ever wanting them to be in pain and suffering. Anticipatory Grief is a horror roller coaster ride all of its own.

Cheri has given you some very good information about euthanasia. Please let me try to reassure you that whatever decision you make about being present at the time is the RIGHT ONE for you. Many people cannot be present while others are compelled to be present. There is no "wrong" decision - - you must do what is best for YOU. Not being present is not being disloyal to or letting down your precious Lucy. Love is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space - - she knows you love her whether you are physically together or not.

As it is with the grief adjustment journey we travel after our beloved companions have joined the angels, so it is with the Anticipatory Grief journey: it is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time in your own way and in your own time. Embrace the good days and comfort one another when the days aren't so good. Quality of life will guide you on what brings your precious Lucy happiness and comfort.

One of the many important things you need to remember is that you are not alone in your Anticipatory Grief journey, michteach. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you through every step of your and your precious Lucy's journey - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

Thank you so much for sharing your precious Lucy with us. Please know you and your precious Lucy are in my thoughts and prayers, michteach, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[michteach1972]

Thanks to both of you for your kind, thoughtful, and helpful words. I was not aware about mobile vet services or anticipatory grief. I am comforted by your experience and willingness to comfort me.

The anticipatory grief comes in waves, hour to hour, and as you said moon_beam, some times are better than other.

Some of the things my husband and I have planned for our Lucy are as follows: visiting Lake Huron, as she can still walk in the water she loves, letting her enjoy some of her guilty pleasure food treats, maybe making a scrap book of her pictures, having a cousin who is a professional photographer take our family pictures (us wtih Lucy and Charley our cocker spaniel).

Right now she is very mobile, tired much of the time, able to still do all bodily functions, enjoys some limited play, and excited to go for rides. My niece is staying with me and that is helping me with this process.

You have made a HUGE difference in my day. I can now see a way to go about living the now. This is better for now!

[moon_beam]

Hi, michteach, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you're doing. It sounds like you and your husband have a plan now that will help you and your precious Lucy enjoy the time you have together as much as possible. Perhaps sometime you would like to share a picture of your precious Lucy with us - - but only if / when you want to.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Lucy kindly, michteach. Please know you and your precious Lucy are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam