This is my first post. I wanted to share my love story. My sweet black Labrador was born on September 12, 2008. My husband brought him home when he was six weeks old. We were immediately inseparable. Every minute spent with him was an adventure! He was the sweetest funniest puppy I have ever had, and he grew into the kindest, most loving and wonderful dog I could ever hope for. I lost him to cancer on April 30, 2012. The saddest day of my life. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath and I felt my heart shattering. The sun has not shined the same for me since that day. My best friend no longer waits for me to come home at the end of the day. He isn't here to give me a hug when I am sad. No more cuddles, no more walks, no more handshakes. No more unconditional love for me. I feel so achingly lonely. I miss you so much Donnie. Sleep tight my angel

Oh Donnie's mom

My heart is crying with yours today over Danny's passing into the Perfect World. My Gretta (the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived) went home in April a year ago and I well remember (with the sword to the heart) the first day I came home and she wasn't at the door with her sweet face - I used to call her "Nose-Dog" when she did that. Donnie's mom, it's doubly sad that Mr Donnie had such a short time on earth. I know every day was precious and irreplaceable with him. More than any other animals, I think doggies worm their way into our hearts and live there in such a deep way. Soon you will hear from Moonbeam, sort of the mother of us on this site. She will have wonderful, spot-on words of consolation for you.

The first days are hades on earth - everything is a "no more". And every "no more" shoots that rifle of grief into your already bleeding heart. "Shredded" is a word used by many people here. I think it describes perfectly the experience of the first days, week, months - sometimes even years of separation from our beloved.

There is nothing you "have to" do - just keep breathing - and sometimes it seems like even that is too much. Express your grief and love in whatever way you need to. (I slept on Gretta's dog bed - a big orthopedic one - for over a week right after she went home.) As Moonbeam will explain much better than I can, we humans live in a world of senses. That means when we can no longer see or hear or touch someone, we say they're "gone." But they aren't. Donnie is still right there beside you doing what he always does - romping, playing, guarding you, guiding your steps, teaching you life lessons when you don't even know it. He's just a breath away. At the same time, his spirit is also in the Perfect World (I don't know how spirits can do this but they can) where it is always 68 degress and sunny with plenty of shade, cool water, yummy food and LOTS of friends. Gretta and my sister's dog Trevor and our friend's dog Mickey are on the welcoming committee and by now they taken Donnie under their paws (maybe angel-dogs Do have wings!) amd have shown him all around heaven already.

Love never fades or diminishes. Donnie and you shared the most special love there is in the universe - and it WILL endure - forever. Someday you WILL be reinuted with lively Mr Donnie, never to be parted again. There's little book written by a Franciscan monk called "Will I See You in Heaven?" that explains from a religious viewpoint that the answer is definitely "YES." Donnie is, like Gretta and Trevor and Mickey and all the millions of other fur- fin- and feather-babies, living and still on his job - guiding your steps and caring for your heart.

Be very kind to yourself, Donnie's mom. especially during these first days and weeks. You're in the shock-and-awe period and sometimes the most one can do then is breathe out and breathe in. It's OK, Donnie's mom. Everyone here understands - from experience. We're a band of brothers and sisters united by having the rare experience of having been found by our soul-mate animals and sharing life and love with them. You've come to the right place, Donnie's mom. Thank you for sharing beautiful Donnie with us.

Gretta's mom

Hi, DonniesMom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Donnie. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Your beloved Donnie transitioned home to the angels surrounded and embraced by your love.

DonniesMom, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is filled with so many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time to the point where we can begin to believe we are literally going insane. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

As our wonderful forum friend Gretta's Mom has already compassionately shared with you, our companions live with us in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, sound, smell, and hearing. Every time they touch us and kiss us they are physically imprinting themselves onto us so that they can identify us out of all the other millions of people that inhabit this planet. When they precede us to the angels not only do we grieve emotionally but we also literally experience a physical withdrawal, and it is very painful. This is why it is so very important for you to find healthy ways to release your deepest sorrow. For awhile you will experience uncontrollable heart-wrenching sobbing and it is important that you allow yourself the opportunity to let the tears flow - - for they are literally healing tears that release the toxins that build up in your body from the stress of grief. When the ache to hold your beloved Donnie seems unbearable, hold one of his blankets or toys or collar -- something that belongs only to him as this will help bridge the very real physical pain you are feeling in your deepest grief. No, it isn't the same as holding your beloved Donnie in your arms, but it will help. Some people find comfort in keeping a journal particularly during their deep grief, so this is another option you may want to consider.

For awhile you may find yourself feeling totally lost - - unable to concentrate, disinterest in life in general, going through the motions, etc.. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. You will find that things still get done, bills get paid, jobs get done, groceries are purchased and put away, etc., but in what I call functioning on "automatic pilot." This is the body's way of helping you cope with a traumatic event in your life - - and losing the physical presence of your beloved Donnie qualifies as a traumatic event. Eventually you will find yourself being able to once again focus on what you're doing, but until that time comes for you it is important not to try to make any major life changing decisions unless they are absolutely necessary.

In the midst of your most anguishing sorrow, there is good news: The love bond you share with your beloved Donnie is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Donnie's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. He is forever a part of you, DonniesMom, - - he is forever in your heart and your memories - - he is forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss that is in your heart, DonniesMom. I can only hope and pray that the words I share with you will help bring some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope to you as you travel your grief adjustment journey. And as Gretta's Mom has so comfortingly reassured you, please let me affirm her words: You are not alone in your grief journey. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Donnie with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, DonniesMom, and that I look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

To Gretta's Mom and Moonbeam, thank you both very much for your kind words. It is nice to know I am not alone in feeling this way. I just miss my baby so much it really hurts. I still have one living fur baby, Donnie's best friend Damien, my four year old kitty. Though they were different species they were brothers =) I can tell Damien misses him terribly, he still looks in Donnie's kennel every morning as if hoping to see him there. On my saddest days I just stay in bed all day snuggling with my precious kitty. I know I need to stay strong for him but its so hard to keep it together sometimes. Thank you both again for understanding

hope this works I want to share a picture of him

This is him the first day we met

Hi, DonniesMom, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Damien are doing, and the wonderful picture of your beloved Donnie. He is sooo handsome.

Yes, I personally know about the feline / canine family bond, and know so very well how your precious Damien is missing his big doggie brother. It is important for you to do what you feel up to doing, DonniesMom, and if staying in bed cuddling with your precious Damien is all you can handle, then that is all you need to do. Comforting your precious Damien will also bring comfort to you in return. Please do not be afraid to share your deepest sorrow with your precious Damien. He knows how deep your sorrow is and he needs to share it with you -- for the tears you cry are not just for you but for him as well. And clinical studies prove that suppressing sorrow only makes matter worse, so for your own health you need to express your grief.

I truly wish there were an easier way through this grief journey, DonniesMom. If I knew of one I would most certainly share it with you. I know I stress this but it is vitally important for you to know you are not alone in your grief journey. Grieving can make us feel so totally alone, abandoned, isolated even when we are surrounded by caring compassionate friends and family. Once again please know each of us are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Donnie with us. I hope you and your precious Damien will have a peaceful evening. Please know you and your precious Damien are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Oh Donnie's mom

What an absolutely adorable puppy - and big dog, too! After my Gretta went home, she sent me a half black lab/half Newfie - a 7 year old rescue dog named Rufus. So like Mr Donnie's first picture - don't they have just incredible eyes! And they can see right into your soul. Gretta and Donnie are having a good time teasing all the other dogs about "labs are the best." Every dog is the best in heaven - and on earth, too.

I echo what Mother Moonbeam says - only do what you CAN do. And if that means spending whole days snuggling with Damien-the-Kitty, then do it. Our special soul-mate animals can read hearts - they understand our TRUE thoughts, intentions and feelings. Be assured that Donnie-the-Lab is right there with you. But because he is now in spirit form, he can see and hear and tocuh you but you can't see or hear or touch him. NOT FAIR! Moonbeam has pointed out so often that we humans live in a world of senses. When we can no longer sense something, we experience it as gone - not existing. NOT SO! It's just an accident of our nervous system. Donnie Dog is still on his job - watching over you, reading your thoughts, guiding your steps and - most important of all - loving and being loved by you.

You gave your heart to him - and he did to you also - AND, you gave him the ultimate gift of love - a mother's loving arms to ride in to the perfect World. He felt then and feels now your great love for him. And, know what? True love - like yours and Donnie's for each other - does not diminish. It only grows. So with you and Donnie the love will continue to grow until the day you leap into each others' arms at the bridge to the Perfect World.

He's already made it. You still have many hard days ahead. After 15 months, I still cry every time I post on here or sing a Gretta-song. Reecently I came across a review of a book called UNSAID, written by the husband of a vet. One part of the book deals with having to send their own dog over the rainbow. To save his wife the grief of having to send yet another animal over, he had her fill the syringe and then he actually gave the shot. At that moment, he writes, "Something deep inside my heart and soul "shifted." I think this is the perfect way to express our feelings when our best friend goes on before us. Something deep inside has shifted - and we will never be the same. Maybe there will come a day when all our tears have been shed (though I doubt it), but our hearts and souls will never be the same - we've shifted. Thank God for the amazing beings who can shift a human heart!

Be in peace tonight, my friend.

Gretta (and now Rufus's) mom

Gretta's Mom, I know just what you mean about their eyes looking into your souls. I know his did for sure =) his eyes happened to be the exact same color as mine, and I was always bragging that my son got my eyes. I miss looking into them, they were always so kind and understanding. My sweet prince. Since I don't have him to hold, I have to settle for cuddling with his stuffed polar bear at bedtime. He brought it with him on that fateful day at the vets. As we were saying goodbye, I held him, and he held his bear. He always had to hold a bear when he was scared. I'm glad I chose to be there for his last minutes, I know he felt safe with me there. I just hope he knows how much I love and miss him. he meant the world to me, and if I could have taken his place to die, I would have done it in a heartbeat. I know he is still with me, sometimes I swear I can feel him around, but life is just not the same. I feel as though the color has gone out of my world :*(

Donnie's mom

What a sweet and loving picture - your ultimate gift of love - a mother's arms, the safest place to be, holding you and you hold your "baby bear" as you go to your eternal home. One hundred percent true - the color goes out of our lives as we struggle to accept that "senseless" life. Meaning, we can't sense our beloved ... but the good news is that Donnie CAN see you and love you .... and guess what? I have it on good authority that Gretta and Donnie are new brother-and-sister up above. Donnie is getting introduced to Gretta's "Pack" - the special animals whose stories are told here, the special animals who don't have anyone on earth to mourn them (isn't love wonderful - the more you give the more there is!).

Have a restful day today.

Gretta's mom

Dear Donnie's Mom: Please accept my sincere sympathies on the loss of your precious Donnie. My heart goes out to you during this difficult time. I can just tell how much you miss him by looking at his pictures. What a handsome boy! And he has such gentle eyes. Your post was so hard to read, especially when you told us how he held his polar bear toy at the vet. I had to fight back tears when I read that. It reminded me of the day when I had to let go of my sweet Danny boy, a beautiful Tuxedo kitty. It is good to know that you and Damien can comfort each other. The grief journey is a hard one, and as moon_beam would tell you, can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes even only one moment at a time. Please make sure you get enough rest.

Sorry to hear about your loss----

My pretty puppy, asleep in the bathtub with his stuffed toy duck

Hi, DonniesMom, thank you so much for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Donnie. There is nothing like the coolness of the tub with your toy duck (what else would he have in the bath tub?) to enjoy a nap!!! I know every minute of every hour of every day right now are endless with the torture of your deep sorrow. Just take one day at a time - - one moment at a time, and please remember we are here for you.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Damien kindly, and that you both will have a peaceful evening. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Donnie with us. Please know you and your precious Damien are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing how you both are doing, and your treasured memories of your beloved Donnie.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Donnie's mom

What an adorable picture of Little Donnie and Me Duck in the bathtub. Donnie has to be pretty resourceful to get into the bathtub safely - and with the duck. My dad has the exact same duck and I'm going to send it to my younger sister Bobbie for her two c-spaniels: Dreamer and Kelley. The one-year anniversary of the homegoing of her ultimate spirit-dog, soul-mate, Trevor, is in 15 days. No matter who, how, where or when our beloved baby goes home, it puts a wound in the soul which will be a void until we meet them again - in the Perfect World. I know Donnie will be front and center at Trevor's party.

How are you doing? Are you in a place that's "hotter than hades"? I guess if you live in the USA that's pretty much everywhere. Just another concrete block for one's heart to drag around. Some days seem just too much to bear - yet we get through them - slowly. Please know that Mr Donnie IS - the hurt comes from his changing form - from something you can see and hear and touch into pure spirit. When we try to hold a spirit, it's like holding air - so we humans say they're gone. But Donnie is NOT gone. He's only a breath away - or as Moonbeam says - only a heartbeat away. The picture you use as your LS ID is ADORABLE!! Every time I look at it I smile - through a tear.

Please know that we are with you and every one of us would bring Donnie back to you if only we could.

Try to stay cool, today.

Gretta's mom

Hi Gretta's Mom. Thank you for thinking of me, and your support. It helps a lot. I am doing okay today, usually I am saddest first thing in the morning, since I am used to being woken up by Donnie creeping under the covers so he could lick my face to wake me up. Best alarm clock ever! So my mornings are pretty boring now. But I am okay. And yes it is very hot where I am at. I live in southern New Mexico, and we have hot days all the way through November! Such a drag!
Tomorrow I am planning on baby sitting my friends two Boxers. They are very sweet and I am looking forward to being able to participate in doggy stuff again, even just for a day. I even miss the doggy smell! And I'm sure my Damien will be happy to have somebody to play with. He seems very sad most of the time. It just breaks my heart to see him like that. So I hope tomorrow will be a good day for him.

Oh Donnie baby, Mama needs you to do her a big favor. Look around your heaven and see if you can find a new arrival, a border collie named Tula. I hope I spelled his name right. This poor sweet baby just died in surgery after some evil soulless thing shot him with an arrow in the heart. Mommy just saw this on the news and her heart is broken. How can people be so cruel? Donnie honey please go find Tula and give him a nose kiss and please tell him that he is in a place now where no one can ever hurt him again. Mommy wishes she was up there with you guys. This world is full of people like that and it scares her so bad. Please send me some strength and love to use today. Give Tula a big hug okay?? He sure needs one. I love you both.

Hi, DonniesMom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Damien are doing. I hope your baby sitting of your friend's Boxers today will go smoothly for you both. I can so understand how sad your heart feels seeing your precious Damien so lonely. It is heartbreaking seeing our companions grieve for the physical loss of their housemate. Still I know he is comforted by your love for him, and the blessing of you comforting each other.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Damien kindly, DonniesMom, and that you both will have a peaceful evening. Thank you so very much for sharing your beloved Donnie with us. Please know you and your precious Damien are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing how you both are doing, and your treasured memories of your beloved Donnie.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you moon beam, for keeping Damien and I in your thoughts and prayers. Your words are very comforting to me. Well baby sitting got canceled today, so that was kind of a bummer. But Damien and I snuggled all morning, and then I gave him some catnip, fed him some treats and spent some time brushing out his long hair, which he loves. So it was a good Mommy-and-kitty day. I cherish his company now more than ever. He is such a good boy. Thank you again for thinking of us.

My dearest darling Donnie. Good morning my sweet boy. Mommy is missing you very much today, same as every day. Your Daddy and little brother have been very good to me, helping me get through the days and comforting me when I get hysterical, which is pretty often. I just miss you so bad. Life is not the same without your smile. I look at your pictures every day and try to remember the happier times. You were always so full of joy. That was one of my favorite things about you. That, and your velvet ears I just wish I could hold you and kiss you one more time. I am glad that our last moments together were spent doing just that- I was holding you and stroking your soft silky ears and kissing the top of your head. I still remember the way you looked at me, as if to say, "What's wrong Mama? Please don't cry. Here, have a kiss." Even in your last minutes you were more concerned about me. My big brave boy. I am taking good care of your polar bear until I see you again. He sleeps with me every night. I miss you so so much honey.