Saying Goodbye

Hi my name is Nadine and on Saturday my beloved dog of 14 years will be put to sleep. I hate that word "sleep" like she is coming back but I know she is not. Binky has many medical problems that outweigh extending her life. I feel horrible because I am the one that made the final decision because she is my dog. I feel like she is on death row right now and I don't even believe in the death sentence! My husband doesn't know how I feel becasue he never had a pet. But Binky is a part of me and when she dies a part of me will be gone and I feel horrible for making this decision but I know that I couldn't be selfish and let Binky live for a couple years or months whatever it might have been in pain, I know that is not right but it doesn't take away from the pain in my heart. Binky was my baby when I was a child I would carry her on my hip like a baby when she was a puppy and she wuld sleep right next to me on my pillow when I lived at my mothers house. This is such a horrible feeling and I don't know what to do. I told my mom that I didn't want to go to see her being put down because I can't take it I know when I go to my mothers house and she is not there I am going to break down and people are going to think I am silly for crying over a dog but they just don't understand. It is nice to share feelings with people who know how you feel.
Thanks