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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum _ Death and Dying Pet Support _ Me, Myself, And Loki

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 23 2011, 11:22 PM

I'm starting a new topic to put my occasional updates on life with Loki, things that are not directly about Dzambala, but just Loki and me in this new stage of life.

Don't have a lot to say today. One of those lovely Northwest summer days that reminds me why I moved here. Tomorrow I'm going hiking to Ramona Falls on Mt. Hood, one I've been meaning to do for a couple years now.

I'm just going to start off by posting the pictures of Loki that went bye-bye with the server dump, followed by a few more new ones.

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 23 2011, 11:27 PM

New picture. Lying around watching people work is hard work:

Posted by: Kristina Jul 24 2011, 12:07 AM

That is one gorgeous cat! I love cats that have that type of coloring. I especially love fuzzy exposed belly shots.

I have to say I am jealous of your hike. It has been way too hot here to do any type of outdoor activity. I did go play disc golf one morning before it got too hot but even that was pushing it. Yuck.

I don't think I have read any of your previous threads, but I am always up for jumping in to see how people are doing daily. I will search when I am finished posting here. I always look to people that are further along in the grief process than I am, it gives me something to look towards when my days and nights are complete messes because I miss Dixie so much.

I hope the day has been good for you. Much love.

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 24 2011, 01:47 AM

Thanks Kristina. Your Dixie is a beautiful girl herself.

I lost my Dzambala just five days before you and Dixie parted. My thread Haunted by Golden Eyes is where I was posting about him and my grieving process, unfortunately lost the last two weeks like everything else.

I'll keep posting there as things specific to his memory come to mind, but this one is strictly about me and Loki.

In Dzambala's declining days from time to time I felt a touch of guilt toward Loki because he was not getting as much attention. I felt I'd always treated him as an afterthought compared to Dzamba. At one point I mentioned to someone that Loki might be starting to think his name was "Not You" because I'd say that to him when he came to me when I called Dzambala. He also had to endure getting shut in the bedroom when I fed Dzamba his prescription food (of course I'd give him his own food at the same time, and of course both cats wanted what the other one was getting). If not for Dzamba's passing, though, it might not have occurred to me to feel badly about some of those things.

It was the product of different personalities and different circumstances that brought us together. Dzambala was the cat with whom I experienced "finding each other" for the first time since a black cat named Ivan I'd had as a kid. Loki was adopted as a kitten by my ex-wife right around the time that she decided to leave me. I always liked him, and he and Dzambala really bonded during the two months that my ex and I were still in the same house after the break up. But Loki went with her and her other cat Kali at first. Loki came back into my life a few months after that. My ex had adopted a third cat, and both of the female cats disliked his, shall we say, physically gregarious nature. So Loki came back.

Thinking back now, I could almost say that Loki's return marked my reaching acceptance of the end of my marriage. Whatever the case, I have resolved to love Loki as fully as I did Dzambala. The resolve part of that has been somewhat unnecessary, as it's just begun to flow naturally. I'm finding Loki can be just as affectionate as Dzamba was. He just isn't as much of a clinging vine. If we are lucky, we will have many more years together, but the loss of Dzamba has taught me to cherish every moment I have with Loki, because I can never know the time we have.

Posted by: leejaye Jul 24 2011, 02:20 AM

Hi Chris, Thanks for another great Loki moment! Mischief had the same kind of belly fur - does Loki get a winter coat? As soon as it started getting cold here Mischief looked like she'd added a pair of fluffy trousers to the outfit...really good to hear you and Loki are settling into your life together, give him his favourite pat for me and enjoy your hike! Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 24 2011, 02:27 AM

Leejaye,

Yeah, Loki does that. He's medium-hair in the summer, long-hair in the winter. His coat is very similar to my mom's cat Violet (except he's twice her weight). Mischief always reminds me of Violet.

Posted by: moon_beam Jul 24 2011, 09:23 AM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for starting this new topic on you and Loki, for sharing with us how you both are doing, and for the wonderful pictures of your precious Loki.

Chris, when a child - - fur child or human - - is not well, our focus is on them - - because they need our primary attention. And it does feel like other beloved companions get short-changed in the process, but they do understand what is happening. I had to be firm with my two little tykes Noah and Abbygayle when my number one kitty son Eli was in his final journey and needed assistance with his food. When my beautiful Abbygayle was in her final journey I had to stand guard over her at meal time so that Noah would not pinch her food as well - - for as long as she had an appetite to eat something. So, please don't be upset with yourself about separating Loki from your beloved Dzambala during meal time. You weren't denying Loki anything except getting into serious mischief.

Chris, I hope you and Loki will have a very pleasant day together, and a very peaceful and blissful evening blessed with your beloved Dzambala's sweet Living Spirit to cheer you. Thank you again so very much for sharing with us how you're doing and these wonderful pictures of your precious Loki. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 26 2011, 04:32 AM

Tonight I found myself noticing Dzambala-like mannerisms in Loki. Something about the look on his face and the tone in his voice as he crouched on the chair back asking for love. Of course I've been paying closer attention and spending long summer vacation days alone with him. But I know there's more to it than faces in the clouds. The "more", to me, has nothing to do with anything supernatural. Loki spent all but 4 months out of his 6 years with his older brother. He couldn't help but pick up on those ways, and it is those ways in which Dzambala carries on his existence in Loki, while Loki is no less himself.

Meanwhile I am almost done with the first stage of packing. All the superfluous belongings packed, or at least as much as will fit in the boxes and bags that I have. A carload shipped off to collect dust elsewhere. The more I go through all the stuff around here, the more of it really seems superfluous, non-essential. Tomorrow, I vacuum, something I've been neglecting for WAY too long.

Oh, and the hike Sunday was great. 7 miles roundtrip, temperature upper 70s -- enough to work up a good sweat, and for a good endorphin high. I can't remember sleeping as well as I did last night in a while.

I look kind of indistinct in this photo, but here is where I was when I was there...

Posted by: Kristina Jul 26 2011, 03:41 PM

What a fantastic picture. I am glad you were able to get in a good hike. I think it will be quite a while before many outdoor activities can be done here, it is just way too hot.

I feel you on the mannerisms thing. Macy sometimes will do things that Dixie would do, and honestly it freaks me out because Macy is sort of like a slug. She just lies in the bed and that is about it.

Good luck with the packing. I despise packing and unpacking. I am not moving again until I can afford for someone to come move and pack everything for me!

I hope the day is treating you good my friend. Much love to you.

Posted by: moon_beam Jul 26 2011, 04:58 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for letting us know how you and your precious Loki are doing, and for the beautiful picture of your hike. That looks like it should be on a postcard.

It is not uncommon for other companions in the household to take on traits / behaviors of loved ones who are no longer physically present. A part of it does come from their living together, but it's also a part of the "survivor" characteristic inherited from their wild cousins - - a means of "carrying on" the established unit of the "pack" or "pride." But it also happens when a new companion comes into the household. Time and again I hear stories of how a new companion will "do something" or "sound like" a beloved companion who is now with the angels. I do believe our beloved companions who precede us to the angels are still very much a part of us and our ongoing lives. It is quite awesome some of the accounts I have both heard and read about.

So, enjoy your precious Loki, Chris - - and your beloved Dzambala when he comes to visit, as I know you are already doing.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Loki kindly, Chris. I hope the rest of your packing goes well, and your move goes smoothly. Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Jul 28 2011, 12:59 AM

Hi Chris, Another fantastic photo - it reminds me of some rainforest about an hour and a half's drive from where I live - it's the perfect place to hike on a hot summer day, it's always cool and the climb to the top of the waterfall is your workout for the next week! Last time I moved I did a mega-cull, so much of my stuff seemed irrelevant or downright useless clutter, I gave or threw away so much of it - although, in hindsight, I got too gung ho, there are a few things I regret tossing...still they're just things at the end of the day...I'm so glad Loki is getting his time in the sun, my mother had 2 dogs - one was diabetic so needed a reasonable level of care, he was also the bigger dog and a more dominant personality, when we lost him to bone cancer the other smaller dog really came into his own, his personality came out in a way it hadn't been able to before...hope you guys are enjoying lazy summer days, Leejaye PS Give Loki a pat for me!

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 30 2011, 09:13 PM

Going up to my mom's cool hillside home above the Columbia tomorrow. Loki is making the trip with me again. And this time, I'm taking my real camera, not just the phone, so I hopefully will get some good photos of him in the garden.
Peace,
C

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 3 2011, 10:36 PM

Loki once again enjoyed his time up at the garden home. He was allowed to explore with supervision. Then he was begging to get let out yesterday before my mother and I took a trip. Thankfully, after bringing him back to my apartment he has shown no desire to go outside here - he obviously knows the difference.

As promised, here are a couple choice photos of Loki enjoying my mother's garden:

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 3 2011, 10:48 PM

Loki and Phantom seem to get along -- from a distance, at least. That is, Phantom wants to be buddies (as he does with every other cat), and Loki may not care to but he's too mellow to make a big drama out of it. I was sitting in the grass as one point on a triangle with the two of them, they were about 10 feet apart here, having an intense but peaceable stare at each other.

Posted by: moon_beam Aug 4 2011, 12:55 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us these wonderful pictures of your precious Loki. I am so very glad you are becoming closer to one another. With each of your posts I can so relate because of the journey my little Noah and I have gone through these past 17 months since his baby sister, Abbygayle, joined the angels.

Chris, I hope you and your precious Loki are having a good day. Have you moved yet? I'll be interested in knowing how you and your precious Loki get acclimated to your new digs.

Please know you and your precious Loki are close in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and I look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 12 2011, 04:36 AM

Just a brief update tonight.

I've learned two interesting things about Loki recently that I didn't know before. One is cute, the other is useful.

The cute one is that he is afraid of his own reflection.

The useful one is that since I started feeding him canned food in the morning, and putting the food away when I go to bed, he will bug me quite persistently to get out of bed to feed him. I started this as a weight control regimen, but I can see a use in it. As someone with really rough awakening, this new habit of his will help me keep a routine of getting up at a regular time. Now, I just have to adjust that to a reasonable (earlier) time before school starts back up.

I'm moving out in a week, next weekend. I'm putting my stuff in storage and staying with my mom for a few weeks. School starts the last week of September, so I will be moving into a new place about 7-10 days before that. I'm still figuring out the cash flow situation, so it will be a little while before I know exactly where I will be living. But I've settled on a broad area - within a mile of a streetcar or light rail stop that lies within the free rail zone of central Portland, so my commute will be both free and fast enough. There are two buildings I have my eye on in particular, that hopefully still have openings by the time I'm able to put down my deposit.

Posted by: Cheryl83 Aug 12 2011, 07:04 AM

Hi Chris,

Thanks for the recent pictures -- I so enjoy looking at them. The one of Loki and Phantom having a "stare-out" really made me giggle.

I want to wish you all the best with settling into your new wake-up routine with Loki (I know exactly what you mean about sleeping patterns -- I'm currently in my summer break from school, and I'm too used to late nights and late wake-ups, but I have to get used to waking up early again before school resumes at the beginning of October), with your move, with your studies, and with life in general.

I also want to thank you for expressing yourself so eloquently, and for being so candid. I really enjoy reading your posts.

Take care of yourself, and of the fuzball

Cheryl x

Posted by: moon_beam Aug 12 2011, 01:09 PM

Hi, Chris, it's always a blessing logging in and getting caught up with how you and your precious Loki are doing. I'm chuckling about your Loki's reaction to his reflection. And oh how so true about the feline alarm clock. My Noah knows exactly when his meals are supposed to be served - - rain or shine - - week day, holiday, weekend - - matters not. But the truth is I am happy to be his "servant" - - and on the weekends and holidays when I don't have to go into work, we go back to bed after his breakfast and have a nice cuddle - - which is heavenly.

Chris, I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you that you and Loki will have a place to call "home" when you go back to school in the exact location that you'd like to be. Sounds like a wonderful arrangement with the free transportation. Will look forward to sharing your news as this new transition in your life evolves. Please know you and Lok are close in my thoughts and prayers, Chris.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 18 2011, 04:01 AM

Moving time!
Thursday: finish packing and stacking.
Friday: Move stuff to storage.
Saturday: Cleaning day.

Some good monetary news has come through which should mean that I will have money in ample time to get one of the better places. Thank you, US Department of Education. It also means I will be able to pay off a debt at my old school (or turn it into a lower interest debt, anyway) so they will release my transcript that has been holding up my Grad School admission. Some of the worst financial aftermath of my drinking days is finally starting to clear, and I can give my undivided attention to my studies. {Correction: attention only divided between studies, and Loki}

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 18 2011, 04:13 AM

Hey everyone again. I finished typing that last post an hour or so ago and neglected to hit submit...

Just a few minutes ago, I got struck by the cat health worry bug.
Loki's pupils are different sizes. It is not a radical difference, but it is distinctly noticeable. I looked it up, and it can be caused by neurological issues...or a tumor. It could be nothing, but I'm going to have to keep my "eye" on it and hope it doesn't persist and necessitate a bunch of tests, not to mention being an actual serious medical issue for him.

I've occasionally had this symptom myself, which turned out to not be anything serious. In my case it's just part of what I refer to as my G.O.D. (General Oddness Disorder). Hopefully Loki just takes after me in that way...

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Aug 18 2011, 04:23 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. CONGRATULATIONS on getting the funds from the Dept of Education, and on being able to afford better living quarters for you and your preciuos Loki. HURRAY!!!

You're doing the right thing on keeping an eye on Loki's eyes. Information on the super highway tells us worse case scenario. Like you, I'm hoping it's just a transient event and will resolve by itself.

I wish you and Loki every happiness in your new home, Chris, and the very best of good wishes in your studies. I hope you and Loki will have a very peaceful evening, and that tomorrow will go very smoothly with your move. Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Aug 18 2011, 06:14 PM

Hey Chris, That's fantastic news about $ from Dept. of Education - I hope you and Loki find yourselves the perfect abode! Thanks for the pictures of him and Phantom, excellent smile value again! Purszi and I have fingers and tail crossed that Loki's eye issue is nothing to worry about, please let us know how it's going and give him his favourite pat for me Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Aug 26 2011, 03:04 AM

Thanks once again for your replies, moon beam and leejaye.

Well, Loki and I made it up to my mom's house Sunday night. We somehow managed to cram about 3/4 of my stuff into a 5' x 8' storage unit, with the help of my friend who assisted me in schlepping and thus saved me the guilt of overworking my mother. Got the old apartment pretty clean - not smoking indoors, and not being a messy drunk while I lived there helped make it a much easier clean than that last few places. In the last couple days Loki has finally settled down here. In his world, it seems wherever he stays for a few days is home. He has been sleeping a lot -- I think he was pretty exhausted from the stress of moving out and the overstimulation of coming back up here. Now that he has this house pretty well mapped out, he can finally relax. He's found a few favorite spots. He gets supervised garden time a couple hours a day. It is so great to sit out there in the fresh air with him nearby. Violet allows Loki to approach her a few inches closer each day without growling. Then at night, we watch movies in the living room, me on the sofa, my mom on the loveseat, and Loki in the armchair.

I had a brief worry when he slunk off Monday evening. As opposed to Dzambala, who would dash out the door like orange lightning, he just nonchalantly strolls out, so you don't think anything of it. Then, getting distracted by something in the house - this time it was the buzzer on the dryer going off, coming in to fold my clothes, next I looked out, he'd vanished. We looked around for about 20 minutes, combed the whole house and grounds. Then he finally showed up about an hour later. He's not accustomed to the outdoors, and he was never known to go far except when he followed Dzambala. His lack of fear of strangers and inexperience kind of concern me - though I've had a few incidents before to show that his instincts are good enough to get him back home. My biggest concern is that he might get into something with a wild animal, and his shots are not up to date. So, in other words - no going out without direct supervision.

Anyhow, I get some time to relax. I just have a few loose ends before the fall term starts at the end of September, but otherwise can take it easy until we move the stuff out of storage into the new place.

Cheers,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Aug 26 2011, 05:23 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. So glad you made to your mom's place, and that your friend helped out with the storage of belongings.

I'm glad you're only giving Loki "supervised" quality garden time. Even if his vaccinations were up to date you still would not want him wandering off with the potential of getting into a situation that he would not be favorable for him. It has been 15 years since I last moved -- thank goodness - - but I do so remember how hard my furkids assisted me with supervising the packing, the loading of things into the car and the moving van, the unloading, the unpacking. They were truly exhausted until the last box was unloaded and removed from the living quarters. I hope you have been able to put a deposit on the :upgraded" living quarters, and will look forward to knowing how things go for you and Loki moving into your new digs and getting settled in.

Chris, your beloved Dzambala is so very proud of you - - I hope you know that - - and he will be with you in your endeavors to obtain your Masters, cheering and encouraging you every step of the way. I hope you and your precious Loki will have a very peaceful evening with your mom and Violet, and that each of you will have a very pleasant weekend. Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and look forward to knowing how you both are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Aug 26 2011, 08:39 PM

Hi Chris, I think that's the worst part of moving - the cleaning at the end! Glad it went smoothly for you and that you should have some time to relax before getting back into the study world...Loki sounds like he is enjoying the garden time (supervised for sure) now he has settled in - Mischief and I moved house quite a few times, so long as she was with me she didn't care where she was, I think she would have lived in a cardboard box quite happily if I had decided to take up residence in one! I hope Violet is nice to him, especially since you said he seems a bit scared of girls...Purszi is yelling at me for his outside time (also supervised) so I better go, thanks so much for letting us know how you and Loki are, I look forward to your next update!! Take care and give Loki and Violet their favourite pats for me (does Phantom live there too? if so, pats for him too!), have a great weekend Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 1 2011, 05:47 PM

Thanks moon_beam, leejaye

Having a semi-lovely day. Just about perfect weather here on the hill by the Columbia, about 75 F and not a cloud in the sky. I am sitting on the comfy loveseat on the patio. Loki is presently sleeping on the pavement under a chair. Violet just came over the fence from outside the side garden, hissed at Loki, and went back over. She really doesn't care for him, especially since he seems to have lost most of his fear of her and wants to make friends. So he's been violating her personal space, which is currently about a 2-3 yard radius, and she won't have it.

The only thing that's preventing this day from being fully lovely are the bureaucrats at my University. Just when I thought I'd jumped through all the hoops a couple more pop up. They are giving me a headache over transferred coursework. I have a BS in Physics and they are actually telling me I am missing a term of General Physics?! It's required for my new major in Chemistry so I can be officially admitted into the master's program. Anyhow, I'll probably be able to resolve it but it is going to mean yet another packet of paperwork, probably another signature from some other rubber-stamper who isn't back from vacation yet. I hate how this stuff eats up time and energy when I just want to get on with doing some actual science.

Anyhow, life goes on...

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 1 2011, 06:06 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. Bureaucracy - - ain't it grand???? So sorry you're having to jump through these hoops. I have found when I have attempted to take various college courses that each facility has its own recognized courses to obtain a degree. And if they determine that your existing credits do not "match up" to their requirements, and if you want to take courses with them to continue to pursue your field of interest, then you have to take the courses to "make up" for their determined "deficiency." It's part of their mandate to justify the professor's salary in that particular area of interest and the curriculum they offer for the degree you want. I so agree with you, Chris: "I hate how this stuff eats up time and energy when I just want to get on with doing some actual science." Please let us know how things go for you.

So Miss Violet is playing "hard to get" with Loki? Poor little Loki - - all he wants to be is friends. Hppefully Violet will come to accept him before you and your precious boy head into your new chapter together.

Chris, it's always good to share your news as to how you and Loki are doing. I do hope that all works out with the registrar and that you will be able to "get on with doing some actual science." Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for the both of you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 1 2011, 10:08 PM

Hey Chris, Hmmm, Violet sounds like Mischief not just in looks but in nature also - the hissing at Loki really reminds me of her, I really think she had a firm belief that she was the only cat in the world, so she could be quite rude to other cats... poor Loki, I hope he's not taking it to heart when he just wants to be friends... ah the joy of the bureacracy, good luck with the paperwork - I hope they can get it sorted quickly for you so you have some time to completely relax with Loki, hope the world is nice to both of you today Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 6 2011, 05:47 PM

Since Violet has been coming into my anecdotes, I thought I'd share a picture, below, which I took just a couple hours ago.

Violet came into my life at the age of 6 weeks in the spring of my junior year in high school. We adopted her and her brother Vimmy at the same time. The two of them were inseparable with complementary personalities. Violet was always the dignified, independent, and territorial one, whereas Vimmy was the clownish, playful puppy trapped in a kitten's body. During one terrible week a few days after I had been involved in a car accident that claimed the life of the other driver, Vimmy was hit by a car near our home. He was only 8 months old. For a long time there was a part of me that felt some cruel force had punished him for my negligence. (It took me even longer to accept that the accident was just that, but that is another story). Nevertheless, deprived of the cheerful presence of Vimmy, I drew even closer to Violet's calm dignity and quiet affection.

Violet mourned Vimmy's passing in the usual way, but like so many animals was much more resillient than us humans. A few months later, my mother brought home the black and white boy, Phantom, who immediately picked up playing fetch with elastic hair-ties just as Vimmy had done.

The two of them have been a part of the family, the two kids who never left my mother's house, ever since. Whenever I come to visit, there they are, and for now I can't imagine it any other way.

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 6 2011, 06:07 PM

As far as life today, summer has finally come to the northwest. Looks like a streak of 90s over the next several days is in store. I used to live in New Mexico, but it takes so little time to lose perspective living in such a mild climate. My last apartment was terrible because it was upstairs, with lots of west-facing windows, no air conditioning, and no cross ventilation. Mom's house stays relatively cool, though.

It looks like I was prematurely griping about my school transcript issues. I emailed my advisor in the Chemistry dept and apparently he can fix all those problems himself.

On the other hand, the timing of funds availability for moving into a new place is stressing me out a bit. I am going to view places toward the end of the week, hopefully I will know the specifics on the money by then, or at least by next Monday, which I figure is about the time it will take them to review my application. Not much more I can do about it at this point than crossing my fingers, though. I try not to worry when I've done everything in my power, but this anxiety is really deeply ingrained, it seems to run in my family. It makes it difficult to do anything that feels productive, like reading, so the best I can do is distract myself with cat watching.

Here is a new shot of the boys:

And Loki found another place to, well, be Loki:

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 6 2011, 09:20 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and Loki are doing, and sharing Violet and Phantom, and your beloved Vimmy, with us. You are blessed to have cherished memories of Vimmy and your beloved Dzambala. And I can't really think of any better way to put things in perspective than to focus on our minds on whatever our precious companions may be doing at any given time - - even if it is to just be mesmerized by watching them sleep so peacefully.

I'm glad your advisor can help you with all the nonsense paperwork, and hope that things will work out for you and Loki in finding suitable lodging - - the lodging of your first choice.

Thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your Loki, and of Violet and Phantom. I hope you and your precious Loki will have a very pleasant evening, and good day tomorrow. Please know you and your Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how things are going for the both of you.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 6 2011, 11:52 PM

Hey Chris, Cat watching is a great distraction! Thanks for sharing Violet's story and another photo of her, she sounds more and more like Mischief. Mischief was also very dignified and quite lady like, she had a carefully delicate lady's walk, I have been laughing at the contrast with Purszi the last few days -he charges around, propelled by these big floppy feet that just seem to slap down...Fantastic news that your trek through the paperwork jungle has been averted, hopefully your housing hunt and funds coordinate themselves as neatly...I know I say it every time, but Loki is really such a photogenic cat! Thanks for the pics of him and Phantom, hope the weather lets you relax with them, please give them all a pat for me!! Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 9 2011, 04:31 PM

Thanks moon_beam, leejaye

So, it looks like I'm probably not getting one of the apartments I was thinking of before. I'm getting a better one!

The federal funds came through overnight. My deposit refund from my last place came in the mail today and they gave me everything back except for a small deduction for my portion of August's power bill, which I was expecting. I went down to the city to look at a studio today. It is about 2 miles from campus, as opposed to 6-7 miles that I was before. It is up on a hill behind the medical school, with a big, forested nature park a block away filled with hiking trails, about a mile walk to a panoramic hilltop view of the city and surroundings. Anyone who has seen Portland knows how awesome that is, especially when Mts. Hood and St. Helens are out of the clouds. It's got hardwood floors, a ceiling fan and north-south cross ventillation as well as bathtub, none of which my last two places had.
With the elevation and surrounding woods, it is a great bird watching area -- Loki is going to go nuts.

One other unique thing. I can take the regular old bus, which is only a 10 minute ride to school, or if I want to take a little more time, I can ride the aerial tram down the hill and walk or take the streetcar the rest of the way. Last but not least, it's not much more than I was paying before, and it's ready by next weekend so I have a week to get settled in before schools starts - and don't have to worry about crossing paths with my jerky step-dad when he comes back from his cabin.

Also today, I met my advisor and had those transcript issues settled. He also gave me some very useful (and encouraging) advice on my grad school plans.

This has been the best day in a long time.

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 9 2011, 07:53 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. I am so VERY THRILLED at your news about your and Loki's new lodging and that your advisor was able to get those pesky transcript issues resolved. The views sound magnificent. I am so very happy for you and your precious Loki, and wish the very, very best for you in your new endeavors.

I hope you and Loki will have a very peaceful and blissful evening, Chris, and a wonderful weekend whatever you do. Please know you and Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, and am looking forward to knowing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 10 2011, 03:49 AM

Hi Chris, Sounds like things are falling into place very nicely in your world - your new accommodation sounds perfect for you and for Loki, so glad you will have time to settle in before the study grind starts and get to avoid your step father!! Give Loki, Phantom and Violet a pat for me and I hope you have a lovely weekend now that you know you have everything sorted, Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 13 2011, 08:42 PM

Well, my plans hit a little snag. Someone with cash up front swooped in and rented that apartment out from under me. Luckily, the property has a nearly identical unit in a building across the street from the one I viewed, so it's no biggie. Only it won't be ready for move in until next Tuesday or Wednesday, so that puts the kibosh to moving this weekend and having the full week back in the city to unpack and get oriented before school starts. I had a feeling I should have offered to put down a deposit but I wasn't 100% decided at that point. Oh well, it should be fine. And it gives me this weekend to maybe do another hike before busyness commences.

Loki and Phantom have become buddies, if still a little reticent around each other. Loki was singing Violet a love song yesterday and following her. She stopped only to hiss a few times as she fled over the fence and out of the yard. I hope he does okay at home alone when I am at school and lab this fall.

Tomorrow I'm going down to talk to my research advisor. I'm pursuing a career in solar energy research, and I will finally be in a lab working with a group that is developing technology for the next generation of solar cells and solar hydrogen generation.

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 14 2011, 04:25 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. I'm glad you were able to find another suitable apartment. Does it have the same view - - or close to or better than the view - - as the other apartment does? I'm sure Loki will be just fine with his dad - - and there will always be visits home for him and Phantom and Violet to share each other's company.

Your studies sound so very interesting. I wish you the very best in your endeavors, Chris, and I know your beloved Dzambala is very, very proud of his dad.

I hope life is treating you and your precious Loki kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and look forward to sharing your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 14 2011, 10:01 PM

Hi Chris, A minor hiccup with your apartment, glad it was easily sorted...Great to hear Loki and Phantom are making friends - I love the idea of Loki singing to Violet, maybe his gentlemanly ways will wear down her resistance! My nephew has been involved with a solar car project at UNSW as part of his degree, it's definitley an industry for the future (and right now as a matter of fact)...enjoy your hike and give the cat tribe pats for me Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 15 2011, 02:36 PM

I want to thank you again, moon beam and leejaye for following and responding to my posts. This thread has been very therapeutic for me charting my course forward and sorting things out for myself and Loki. It wouldn't be the same without your responses to let me know someone is reading and to make it a conversation rather than just a journal. Left to my own devices talking to myself, I sometimes spiral off into pretty crazy places.

moon beam, out the window of either apartment, all you can see are trees, shrubs, and bits of other buildings. Which is pleasant enough but not breathtaking. The change of apartment doesn't make a difference there. There actually might be a good view to the east from this apartment - I won't know for sure until the huge tree there sheds its leaves. But there are great views along the short walk to the tram terminal, as well as on the tram itself, and points around the Oregon Health and Science University Campus and the rest of the hill top. The highest vantage point in Portland, on the next major hill to the west, is a 1.7 mile hike from my door - which I plan on doing regularly for exercise and spiritual rejuvenation.

Leejaye, I am surprised that you have a nephew in college. Surely he must be the son of a brother or sister who is much older than you I'm aware that there is a lot of great research in solar energy going on at UNSW. In fact, I have considered applying there at several points, either for a PhD program or later on for a Post-doc. The cost and logistics of moving to Sydney would be difficult, but if I was accepted it would be totally worth it for the awesome opportunity, both in career terms and the life experience of spending some time outside of N America.

Today I feel fall in the air. It is cloudy and cool but hasn't started to rain yet. I can see a few yellow leaves on the trees. Hopefully there will be a few more sunny days for hiking before the rainy season kicks in. But summer is pretty much over. School is still a week and a half off, but I already have homework from my advisor! Articles to read, safety training tomorrow, group meeting next Wednesday. I'm going to take one of these articles outside and give Loki some garden time now.

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 15 2011, 06:29 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing today. Sounds like you have a good location for lodging. Are you getting a bit anxious to move in and start making it "home sweet home" for you and Loki - - and your beloved Dzambala? Remember - - wherever you are he is with you, too.

Sounds like you're getting busy with your studies already -- getting a jump on articles and such to read. I am so thrilled for you and Loki with your new adventures ahead of you, and look forward to sharing how things are going for you both whenever possible.

I hope you and Loki are having a good day enjoying your mom's beautiful garden, and that Phantom and Violet will be kind to Loki as he shares their "space." Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and look forward to sharing your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 15 2011, 08:52 PM

Hi Chris, I thought you might know about the research going on at UNSW - if you think about studying there in future, let me know!! Although, could you leave Loki? My nephew is sort of an adopted nephew, his dad is actually about the same age as my parents...! Your apartment surrounds sound beautiful, very conducive to study...I always feel a bit gloomy when i realise summer is over - but you have so much to look forward to right now, I'm guessing gloom is nowhere on your radar!! Enjoy the garden time and the articles, and give those lovely cats a pat for me, again, I am so pleased things are finally heading in the right direction for you, Leejaye

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 24 2011, 08:17 AM

Hi, Chris, just stopping by to say hello and to let you know that you and Loki are in my thoughts and prayers. I hope your move this week into your new digs went smoothly, and that you know your beloved Dzambala is with you wherever you go and whatever you do.

I also imagine you are busy with your pre-semester reading and preparations for on-campus classes. I hope this semester goes well for you, and look forward to sharing your news whenever possible. Out of sheer dumb curiosity, how many courses do you need to complete your Masters?

I hope you and your precious Loki are having a good day and weekend. Please know you and your precious little boy are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to sharing your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 27 2011, 01:52 PM

Hi leejaye and moon_beam,

leejaye -- I hadn't thought about the issues with bringing a pet into another country. I looked up the info for Australia and it's pretty heavy - would probably run close to $3000 for all the expenses, not to mention putting them through the stress of 30 days quarantine. So suffice it to say, I would only do that if I was confident I wouldn't have to put Loki through that more than once in his life and the opportunity was just too good to pass up. It's a fairly remote possibility, although I really do have a desire to spend some time unchained from this landmass of North America. If nothing else, I will definitely get to travel professionally as a scientist.

moon_beam, I think I only have to do four formal, 4-5 unit courses, but a total of at least 45 units is required. Most of that will be research and thesis credits. I'm actually applying into the PhD program, which is how it usually works in the natural sciences, with the MS as the fallback. So I'm basically going to complete my required courses, start on research, then see how promising the research looks versus prospects for jobs in either industry or government with the MS to decide whether to stick it out for the full dissertation and PhD.

So, I've got about 95% of my stuff moved in, with a car-trunk full still at my mom's place. I took a walk in my neighborhood on Sunday. About 500 feet and I'm in a forest of maple, fir, and hemlock. There were a few things that I didn't like at first about this apartment compared to the first one I viewed, but after thinking outside the box a little, I've come up with a nice arrangement of my furniture for a good flow between my three main stations: bed, kitchen, and study area. There is a vacant lot overgrown with grass and brush - including some wild blackberries - that I get to look at out my kitchen window. And riding the tram - I've taken to calling it the "flying silver egg" - can hardly be beat as a method of commuting.

Loki was freaked out the first couple days and would start howling as soon as I stepped outside, but he got a lot happier after his stuff (you know, everything of mine, which I'm actually only borrowing from him) came out of storage. The first morning I woke up and stepped outside, just as I was about to go in, a cat that looks a lot like Dzambala walked from directly across the street and came right up to me on my porch. I took that as a signal from the collective cat consciousness that this is the right place for me right now.

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 27 2011, 06:34 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing, and for sharing the process of getting your MS and PhD. Sounds like you've got your work cut out for you, and that you have a plan to put it into motion. Good for you!!!!

I'm chuckling at Loki's initial reaction "YIKES!! Are you SURE this is where we're supposed to live, dad?" I remember when my furkids at the time (dog and cat) and I moved back to Virginia several years ago. My poor kitty found the darkest places in the house to hide because she was so frightened for awhile. But she finally realized that it was okay for awhile. She REALLY loved it when we moved to a more "country" setting. Am so glad Loki is feeling more "at home" in his new digs.

How so very special you had a visit from Dzambala's "ambassador" to greet you - - welcome you to the neighborhood, and to let you know he's there with you. This is truly very, very special.

I hope you and Loki will be able to settle down for a peaceful and blissful evening. Please know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you and your precious Loki are doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 28 2011, 06:09 AM

Hi Chris, Great to hear from you and Loki! I know whenever I moved with Mischief she was always happiest once surrounded with familiar smells and belongings (yes, also hers, not mine!). And definitely a welcome from the cat mind with the first morning visit you had... have you found a window for your Dzamba glass work yet? I thought Australian quarantine conditions were fairly restrictive, but had no idea that much cash was involved! As you say, perhaps work, or a holiday, one day? For now, I hope you get that last 5% unpacked and settle into this new bit of life with Loki, give him his favourite pat for me, Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 28 2011, 12:52 PM

Thanks moon beam and leejaye

I am going to try to get some good pictures of the views from my new neighborhood in the next few days.

In the meantime, I wanted to share these shots from the second to last day at my mom's house. This is the closest Violet allowed Loki. In between these two shots, Loki pawed her, getting a well-earned hiss and swat. He bounded off that table so fast, and then came back to a wiser distance.

She may be little more than half his weight, but she's about twice as tough...

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 28 2011, 05:53 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing these wonderful pictures of your precious Loki and your mom's precious Violet with us. Your description of Violet reminds me very much of my beloved Abbygayle. Although she and her brother, Noah, were inseparable, there were times when Noah would solicit interaction and she was not in the mood - - and she let him know about it in no uncertain terms. It made me a little sad for Noah, but invariably within minutes I would find them curled around one another in loving affection. Perhaps someday Violet will accept your precious Loki's attention - -and affection. I hope so.

I hope today is being kind to you and your precious Loki, and that the both of you are beginning to feel more at home in your new digs. It takes awhile for a new place to feel like "home sweet home". I hope you and your precious Loki will have a very peaceful and pleasant evening, and that I always look forward to sharing how you both are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 29 2011, 03:51 AM

Hi Chris, Thanks for the fantastic photos! Poor Loki - he's just trying to be friendly (he looks kinda hopeful in that 1st photo - "aww come on, you know we can be friends..."), and Violet sounds quite similar to Mischief in the personality field, I really feel for him!!! Hope you guys have a great day, Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Sep 29 2011, 03:03 PM

So yesterday on my way home I stopped off on the tram platform to capture this image of the gorgeous day. In it you can see my "ride" pulling up, the with the fancy condo highrises on the waterfront, the Willamette River in the middle and Mt. Hood on the horizon. On days like this, I know exactly why I came here. Today's even nicer, so maybe I'll get some more photos.

Things are going to be getting really busy, so I won't be on as often but will stop in from time to time to update on life with Loki.

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Sep 29 2011, 05:50 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for the wonderful picture of your and your precius Loki's new surroundings. Whenever you need to rest your mind from the intensity of your studies, just look out your window - - and if possible - - hold Loki in your arms and I guarantee you all will be right with your world again.

Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and will look forward to sharing how things are going with you both whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Sep 30 2011, 07:05 AM

Dear Chris, That's a beautiful view - ditto moon_beam, a moment of peace is seconds away with those surroundings and Loki by your side and Dzamba in your heart...stop by whenever you have time - I look forward to it my friend, Leejaye PS Best of luck with your studies, but I don't think you need it!

Posted by: ChrisL Oct 10 2011, 05:20 PM

Hi,

So my laptop went into a coma. I wisely bought an insurance plan when I got it, so I will have a computer whether they are able to fix it or not, without having to pay anything else. Only I have to adapt my routine to use campus computers while it's in the shop.

Loki is being really demanding. Yesterday he was pulling back on the door with his paw wrapped around as I tried to close it. He is losing his fear of feet and just shoving around and over to get outside when I come in or out. Then he has decided that my new work table is his personal lounging spot - specifically the very center of it and especially when I need to work. Being home all alone, with neither me nor Dzamba there, is still new to him. I am pretty sure his adaptation has been to sleep most of the time storing up energy to raise the devil when I get home.

I am getting started in the lab working on theoretical/simulation stuff. It is kind of disorienting to be in a position where my "boss" actually wants my input and expects me to decide what I should do rather than just issuing orders from on high. Exciting and a little scary at the same time.

Anyway, hopefully my lines of communication will soon be back to normal. In the meantime, you all take care.

Peace,
Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Oct 11 2011, 06:42 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. Our techno wiz gadgets are great when they are working, but when they don't it can be a royal headache - - and cause of panic. So glad you're being able to "connect" with a campus computer, and hope your computer is back up and running quickly.

I am soo o o o o chuckling about your precious Loki's assertiveness for attention. He misses you, daddy. He's used to having your undivided attention, and to giving you HIS undivided attention. So o o o o - - - welcome to the world of feline persistence.

Sounds like your studies are very interesting - - and will be helping you to develop the creative "try and try again" side of developing new technologies. This is so exciting - - and look forward to sharing your discoveries as you wish to share them with us.

I hope you and your precious Loki are having a very peaceful evening, and that your little Loki will be your "creative assistant" in your studies. Plesae know you both are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and always look forward to sharing your news.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: leejaye Oct 12 2011, 04:56 AM

Hey Chris, Ain't technology grand?! At least you have the coma covered with your insurance...I have to admit Mischief sat in the middle of my work all the way through uni - no matter where I set up my work space she found her way to sitting in the middle of it. Purszi has the same habit with newspapers and the laptop keyboard, definitely an attention thing, but how you cure them of it?? I've just been removing Purszival to a furry blanket (I bought it for myself, but I'll reference the furniture you are borrowing from Loki - you know how it is...), trying to convince him this is his spot - maybe you could make a spot for Loki near your work space? Your studies sound great, especially the opportunity to utilise some initiative, isn't this what good science and relevant discoveries come down to? Have a game with Loki for me, or give him his favourite pat (depending on how much energy he has saved up til you get home) - looking forward to hearing from you when you get a chance, Leejaye

Posted by: ChrisL Nov 15 2011, 03:50 PM

Looks like its been more than a month since I was last on here.

Studies and research have been so busy. For once I am feeling, with the research, that I have found my "niche", somewhere where I can do the kinds of work that suit a wide cross section of my interests and inclinations. I still hate taking tests though - some things never change!

Loki is settling into his life as THE Cat. He continues to reveal more dimensions of what a big furry ball of love he is. I've had a few restless nights stressing out over projects and plans - and he is there by my side in bed purring and radiating warmth easing me back to sleep.

I still get twinges of pain - mainly impressions of the sorrowful atmosphere I was immersed in in Dzamba's last month. I still feel there is some bit of unfinished business there - not that I expect it ever to be totally complete. But something that I need to attend to that won't quite reveal itself...

Well, I don't have as much time as I'd like. Hopefully there will be some stretches, especially around thanksgiving, that I might get a chance to get up to date here. Meanwhile, thanks again to everyone who either responded or silently read my responses - words can't explain how much knowing there was a place to share helped keep me from going into a dark spiral.

Peace,
Chris L

Posted by: moon_beam Nov 15 2011, 05:06 PM

Hi, Chris, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. I have been thinking about the both of you recently and wondering how you're getting along with your studies. I'm so glad to know that you are finding fulfillment in your studies, Chris, and am so very glad that Loki is there by your side to help you and inspire you in your studies and projects.

I hope you and Loki are continuing to enjoy your new digs. You have been through many major adjustments over the months of your beloved Dzambala's illness and the ongoing adjustment to his physical absence, and now the HUGE adjustment of a new home and studies, deadlines, exams, etc.. No wonder you are feeling like there may be some "unfinished business". If / when you find yourself finding it hard to breathe, just take Loki in your arms and take slow deep breaths, and exhale slowly. And please remember we are here for you as well, Chris.

I look forward to knowing how your studies are going, and how you do on your exams, Chris. Your beloved Dzambala is very proud of you, Chris, and is cheering you on, as I'm sure you already know. Please know you and your precious Loki are in my thoughts and prayers, Chris, and that I always look forward to knowing you and your precious Loki are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Posted by: ChrisL Jul 8 2012, 09:53 PM

So, it has been a looooong time, and so busy a time at that.

Just finished that chemistry major, and now off to a doctoral program at Washington State in a month. It's gonna be a big change, and I'm excited that I feel I'm finally rejoining the main path in my life after some detours, moving toward a real, meaningful career. In other good news, I'm finally getting paid something for my work this summer as a research assistant, and there is a good chance my work here will be published - perhaps even as first author.

Loki continues to be a constant source of affection, steadfast company, and comic relief. The poor guy came down with a flea infestation. I always cringe when I put that poison on - I keep swearing I will try a milder alternative next time. Anyhow, doing summer weekend yardwork at Mom's house, and just chugging along one day at a time.

Friday the peachy orange cat hasn't shown in a while. Hopefully he just moved away with his human. Right around the time I stopped seeing him, a flaming red cat - with a tag announcing his name as Fireball - showed up. He likes to roll on the ground a lot - so along with the color that's an apt name.

Anyway thought I'd check in after posting my latest remembrance of Dzamba. Peace all,

Chris

Posted by: moon_beam Jul 9 2012, 11:28 AM

Hi, Chris, thank you so very much for sharing with us how you and your precious Loki are doing. Congratulations on your doctoral program at Washington State!! And I am so happy that you are getting paid for your work this summer as a research assistant, and that there is a good chance your work will be published - perhaps even as first author. I am sooo oo o happy for you and Loki, Chris.

I know what you mean about the "poison" treatment for fleas and ticks. It's a necessary "evil" when our companions visit the outside realm. It does not surprise me that your precious Loki's behaviors also reflect your beloved Dzambala's. I know your beloved Dzambala is there guidng your precious Loki "this is the way it's done, - - this is the way dad likes it", and so forth - - all the while your precious Loki's sweet precious nature is shining forth in his own way.

Thank you again so much for stopping by and sharing with us how things are going for you and your precious Loki. You and your precious Loki are frequently in my thoughts and prayers hoping that life is treating you both kindly. Good luck on your continuing endeavors in your career path, and please let us know how you and your precious Loki are doing whenever possible.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam