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> My Beloved Noah
moon_beam
post Nov 15 2017, 01:57 PM
Post #21


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Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your thoughtful comforting support. I feel broken and wonder if the "pieces" will ever fit together again. I know how my beloved Noah's heart felt when his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle transitioned home to the angels - - heartbroken almost beyond repair. I tried introducing him to a little buddy who he could mentor - - like his big adopted kitty brother Eli mentored him - - but he wouldn't have anything to do with that. So it was just my Noah and me for 7 years together - - and I am sooo thankful for that dedicated time we had together. I knew my Noah would be my last fur child due my age and health challenges. But even in my most worst case scenario I NEVER anticipated that his transition journey would be due to such a horribly cruel health crisis. I don't know if I will ever be able to get past that, or if it will forever haunt me the rest of my days.

I don't feel guilty - - at least I don't have THAT to contend with - - because I realize how much was literally taken out of my control. But this still doesn't stop the piercing heartache realizing how cruel this life can be to sweet innocent souls whose sole, and soul, purpose is to bring joy and happiness to the humans who embrace them into heart and home. Hopefully in time my heart will feel whole again with the many treasured memories I have of my beloved Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 16 2017, 01:36 PM
Post #22


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It has been a busy Thursday here. The sunbeams are shining and hope my beloved Noah is enjoying them in heaven's perfect garden. He always enjoyed laying in the sunbeams.

A crew was here this morning to do a routine service on the security system. I'm so glad my beloved Noah didn't have to contend with the noise and having his home "invaded." This afternoon my regular volunteer will be here to help me with the weekly chores. Have been working on financials - - getting the final payments made for his emergency medical treatments and his cremation. So everything is up to date now in my checkbook. Am waiting to get notified that the plaques are ready for my beloved companions' urns so that I can go pick them up. But staying "busy" doesn't mask the incredible emptiness in my heart and home. How does one "adjust" to such emptiness?

Numbness is setting in now - - the tears are more manageable now - - I can talk better now without always sobbing - - the tears are more inward now. But there is no "spark" to my days and nights anymore because the LIFE that brought meaning to me is now transitioned to a place I can't go yet. This grief adjustment journey is a real test of endurance for sure.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 17 2017, 11:49 AM
Post #23





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Moon_beam,

I've been thinking of you a lot.

When you make the move to be closer to Bedford, is there any possible way you might foster a sweet needy soul? NO one could ever be like Noah, Abbygayle, or Eli, but some precious little guy/girl could sure use a moon_beam to cuddle up to. wub.gif I do realize Noah was to be your last fur companion in this lifetime, but I couldn't resist at least asking you about fostering. No pressure intended. I just envision the benefit to you and to a kitty somewhere out there.

My Cubby Girl is the biggest blessing in my life right now. She is seeing me through this nightmare.

I wanted to share with you what a close friend of mine told me. He'd had a "near-death" type of experience and came away absolutely knowing that our loved ones---human and non-human---are truly in bliss and are right here with us and want more than anything for us to be okay, at all costs. He said what you and I always tell people, about it being as seemingly quick as the blink of an eye, when we will fully join them in that blissful realm. It really is true. This assurance (second to Cubby's presence wub.gif ) has helped me more than anything.

Sending you prayers of comfort.

Kathy


QUOTE (moon_beam @ Nov 16 2017, 01:36 PM) *
It has been a busy Thursday here. The sunbeams are shining and hope my beloved Noah is enjoying them in heaven's perfect garden. He always enjoyed laying in the sunbeams.

A crew was here this morning to do a routine service on the security system. I'm so glad my beloved Noah didn't have to contend with the noise and having his home "invaded." This afternoon my regular volunteer will be here to help me with the weekly chores. Have been working on financials - - getting the final payments made for his emergency medical treatments and his cremation. So everything is up to date now in my checkbook. Am waiting to get notified that the plaques are ready for my beloved companions' urns so that I can go pick them up. But staying "busy" doesn't mask the incredible emptiness in my heart and home. How does one "adjust" to such emptiness?

Numbness is setting in now - - the tears are more manageable now - - I can talk better now without always sobbing - - the tears are more inward now. But there is no "spark" to my days and nights anymore because the LIFE that brought meaning to me is now transitioned to a place I can't go yet. This grief adjustment journey is a real test of endurance for sure.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 17 2017, 03:04 PM
Post #24


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Hi, Kathy, thank you so very much for your most comforting support. From time to time I have thought about fostering. I will have to wait to see how things go with the relocation to Bedford as well as my own health. I am so very thankful that for the last few weeks of my beloved Noah's life we were able to share a better quality of life with me no longer crying and screaming in excruciating pain thanks to the medication the rheumatologist prescribed. I finally regained enough strength in my arms so that I could him close to me. And I am very thankful I had the strength and ability to drive him to the emergency hospital where he could receive the medical care he desperately needed.

I'm in the "numbness" phase of this grief journey, and I'm thankful for that. My body is no longer shaking from the extreme shock and stress of this event. I can't believe it's been a week already since my beloved Noah finally relinquished his body to the ugly cancer that was ravaging his body. I thank you so much for sharing your friend's near death experience with me. It truly is my sincerest hope to be reunited with my beloved Noah and all of my beloved companions in eternal joy when it is my appointed time to transition from this earthly realm.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Cubby kindly, Kathy. Please know you also are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 18 2017, 12:08 PM
Post #25


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I found a gray stuffed toy cat online today and purchased it so that I could hold something that reasonably resembles my handsome beloved Noah. Of course NOTHING can ever replace the blessing of holding my beloved Noah in my arms, but this will help ease both the physical and emotional pain of adjusting to my beloved Noah's physical absence. I have his stroller cushion and blanket on my bed along with his collar and leash. These help not make my bed feel so lonely. I have survived the first week of "first withouts" but I know the upcoming weeks will be a challenge as many more "first withouts" are coming. I hope I can stay in this "numbness" phase as I struggle to endure re-inventing my life that no longer includes the physical presence of my beloved Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 18 2017, 05:55 PM
Post #26





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Moon_beam, I'm so pleased to hear that you ordered the stuffed kitty! What a great idea!! When will he arrive? Remember--Noah wants any and every kind of comfort for you this second and always !

I'm scared of the "firsts." Cubby is helping me to face things. She is just beyond words. I hate to think of you "alone" (though your babies are right there.. but you know what I mean sad.gif ) and I'm sending some intense prayers your way right now. I also hate to think of the physical pain you have been enduring!

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 19 2017, 11:07 AM
Post #27


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Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your kind comforting support. It will be a HUGE adjustment for not having a companion now in my senior years, but I know that it is the best for the precious souls who need a Forever Home - - which I know I can no longer provide both because of my age and my medical challenges. I need to focus on enduring the grief journey of adjusting to the physical absence of my beloved Noah. Every moment of every day is a reminder of how much my life revolved around him and how the hours, days, weeks, and years just zipped by. Even while my beloved Noah was still with me over these past few months I wondered how the 14 years had gone by so quickly - - never anticipating that our journey together was quickly coming to a close. Right now, the hours, days, just drag by hurting my heart each and every moment. I am so thankful I am blessed to cherish our many happy memories together, and this helps to soothe the tears of sorrow.

I'm so glad you have your precious Cubby to hold and enjoy as you both adjust to the physical absence of your beloved Sunny. Thank you again, Kathy, for your always most comforting support, and please know you are in my thoughts and prayers.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 20 2017, 02:38 PM
Post #28


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I picked up my beloved Noah's and other fur kids' urns this morning. The house was so sllent when I got home. Even though my Noah was not always upstairs to greet me, I still knew he was in the house waiting for the appropriate time to welcome me home.

The urns are wonderful, and I'm looking forward to putting each of my beloved companions' remains in their respective urns when I have them ready. I am working on pictures to put on the front of the urns. I got some magnet picture frames with some heavy duty magnets to attach to the front of the urns to support the picture frames. I am looking forward to working on this project. I looked at some of their pictures this morning and all I could do is smile - - no tears, just smiling. I'm so thankful for that.

Being able to smile doesn't mean my heart stops grieving for the physical absence of my beloved companions, but I do believe being able to smile is their gift to me for all the treasured memories we share. And I'm so thankful and honored to be their sole, and soul, heir to each of their many cherished memories.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LoveMyMickey
post Nov 20 2017, 06:12 PM
Post #29





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Hi moon-beam, I just want you to know I never stop thinking of you and Noah. Sounds like you have a nice creative project going with your precious angels' urns and pictures.

Yes, it is good to smile with the memories. I can look at each picture of my little angels and think of something to smile about. My hubby says, 'you have a good memory" and I say, "mamas are like that."

moon-beam, you are always in my thoughts and prayers. And I know all our little angels are watching over us.

(((HUGS)))

LoveMyMickey


--------------------
"Love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."
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moon_beam
post Nov 21 2017, 01:31 PM
Post #30


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Hi, LoveMyMickey, thank you so much for your most thoughtful and welcome comforting support. Our treasured memories are what holds our beloved companions close to us in our hearts - - while their sweet Living Spirits are always a heartbeat close to us. Holding onto this has helped me as I travel this grief adjustment journey.

LoveMyMickey, may you always feel your beloved Mickey, and all of your beloved companions, close to you, and may each memory bring joy to your heart.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 21 2017, 01:49 PM
Post #31


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I have just finished working on the pictures for my beloved Noah's and Abbygayle's urn, as well as my beloved Eli's and Oslo's urns. I scanned separate pictures of Noah and Abbygayle together and managed to blend them together using my photo picture editing program. It turned out nice, as well as Eli's and Oslo's pictures. I want the glossy photos to dry a couple of days before I cut them to size and place them in the photo holders.

I'm still thinking about what I'm going to do for a tribute memorial for my beloved Noah. The one I did for Abbygayle also tells Noah's life journey, except for the last 7 years of his earthly journey as Abbygayle's surviving sibling. I hope I can think of something to do for him - - just for him.

I miss my sweet little boy, but I'm so thankful he is no longer suffering - - trying to disguise a horrible illness ravaging his sweet precious physical body so that I wouldn't worry about him. This still saddens me a great deal, and I believe it always will, but I want to focus on the many happy treasured memories my beloved Noah and I share.

I thank each of you for all your support and comfort as I travel my grief adjustment journey. I couldn't do this alone, and it's comforting to have you here - - to be able to share with you what is in my heart knowing that each of you are kindred hearts as you have cared for and grieve for your beloved companions.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 21 2017, 05:57 PM
Post #32





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Moon_beam,

The urns sound wonderful. I love the idea of the magnets and picture frames... And your smiles are a gift to Noah, who is right there with you to see. wub.gif

When the urn projects are done, would you want to share pictures of these treasures with us? I would love to see.

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 22 2017, 12:15 PM
Post #33


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Hi, Kathy, thank you so much for your most thoughtful and comforting support. I'm not sure I can get a good enough picture of the finished plaques to share, but I'll try. I recently tried to get a picture of something my sister asked for but that turned into a royal disaster. I'm not very good with "technology" things, and that includes using digital - - or any other form - - cameras. But again, I will try and will let you know how I do.

The days and nights are now so quiet without the physical presence of my beloved Noah with me, but at least I'm able to function now without being overwhelmed with the consuming grief. This doesn't stop the deep sorrow in my heart - - it only helps me do the things that need to be done and stay focused on doing them a bit better. For this I am thankful, particularly when it comes to keeping track of my medication schedule.

Thank you again, Kathy, for all your support and encouragement. This truly means a lot to me. I hope today is treating you and your precious Cubby kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LittleGirl's...
post Nov 23 2017, 06:53 AM
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Moon_beam,

I am thankful that you are able to function now without being overwhelmed. That is how it is for me too now---but I'd have to say easier than what you are going through, thanks to Cubby.

Do you have Thanksgiving plans?

Will check back here often for any updates from you!

Kathy


--------------------
Compassion for all animals. www.earthlings.com
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moon_beam
post Nov 23 2017, 02:22 PM
Post #35


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It's a big "first without" today as this is the first Thanksgiving Day without my beloved Noah to share it with me in his physical presence. It's so quiet here without his "energy" filling up the house. Even when he was sleeping his "energy" was felt everywhere. Now I must rely on my memories for his "energy" to fill my heart. If anyone had told me a month ago that I would be spending Thanksgiving, and all the rest of my days, without my beloved Noah I would have thought it strange to be told that. I would have preferred my sweet baby boy telling me he was not feeling well and needed to see his doctor. I miss my sweet precious beloved baby boy, and all of my beloved companions. It's a day of blinking back the tears while remembering my sweet beloved brave baby boy Noah.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Nov 23 2017, 03:39 PM
Post #36





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Hello moon_beam.

We are thinking of you on this first Thanksgiving Day without your precious Noah sad.gif Unfortunately, I know all to well how you must be feeling about it. We are sending all our thoughts and prayers your way today.

Tracy, Anne and Tang.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Nov 24 2017, 03:55 PM
Post #37


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Hi, Tracy, thank you so very much for your most kind and thoughtful support. Today is a little better day, perhaps because it's just a continuation of the adjustment journey - - rather than a major landmark angel-versary such as a holiday. I have been working on a couple of memorial projects for my beloved Noah and am happy with the way they are setting up. I will most certainly share them with you and Anne when I get them finalized, if you would like to receive them.

Thank you again, Tracy, and Anne and Tang, for your most thoughtful and most appreciated support.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Tom's Dad
post Nov 24 2017, 04:31 PM
Post #38





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Hello moon_beam.

Glad to hear you are doing a little better. I'm sure the video tribute to you precious boy will do him justice if you want to send it. Thoughts and prayers.


--------------------
Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.
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moon_beam
post Nov 25 2017, 01:56 PM
Post #39


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Hi, Tracy, thank you so much for your much appreciated thoughtful and comforting support. I can't believe it's been 2 weeks already since my beloved brave little boy went home to the angels. It feels like a deep dark eternity here without his sweet physical presence. When I think about how much he hid from me not feeling well all during the many months I was in agonizing pain, it breaks my heart again. I do remember all the wonderful memories and smile, but there is no denying in my heart how bad he must have felt with that horrible cancer invading his precious body, and this, too, is a part of my memories.

I'm not dong a video of him as much of his life has already been shared with the video I made of his beloved baby sister Abbygayle. I'm doing a picture collage with a brief summary of his life focusing on the last 7 years of his earthly journey as he would tell the story. The pictures are already shown in Abbygayle's video, with the exception of one picture which is what I chose for Noah's and Abbygayle's urn. I scanned the two pictures together and then cropped it so that it would fit into the 4 x 6 frame attached to their urn. And I'm doing a memorial bookmark for him as well. So I'll send you a finished copy of them when I get them done. I want the collage laminated, and there's a place close by that does that. Just need to check to see how much that would cost.

My baby boy has such a sweet Spirit - - he truly was a joy to my life during his earthly journey, and I truly treasure the many wonderful memories we share. No matter how long we traveled this earthly realm together it would never be long enough.

I thank you again, Tracy, for your comforting support. I hope today is treating you, your precious prince Tang, and Anne kindly.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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moon_beam
post Nov 29 2017, 01:37 PM
Post #40


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I couldn't get back to sleep early this morning thinking about my beloved Noah's memorial collage, so I was up around 4 a.m. to start working on it again. I am pleased with the way it has turned out. It's more of a memorial booklet now with a picture of him on the front cover accompanied by two pictures of him with his beautiful baby sister Abbygayle, and a picture each of his big adopted kitty brother Eli and doggy brother Oslo. There is a dedication page which summarizes his life with his fur family members and how he and I were together for the remainder of his 7 years written from his perspective as he would tell the story. The rest of the booklet has poems. the Blessing of The Animals prayer by St. Francis of Assisi, and my favorite song by The Beatles, "In My Life" which has a "family photo" at the end of the lyrics.

Working on this project has helped me to feel close to him - - inspired by him as to what to include in his memorial booklet. Now all i need to do is print it out. The items I had to purchase to do his memorial bookmark are scheduled to be delivered on Saturday, so I can resume working on that project. And I can now put the pictures I printed off a few days ago into the picture holders for the urns. So projects are progressing.

As I proceed with sorting through all the things I have acquired for my beloved feline companions over the years it still brings a heavy sadness to my heart that I am no longer able to have a companion in my life, - - it's just one of those "bitter" adjustments that are a part of this grief adjustment journey for senior guardians.

Yesterday evening when I got home from my infusion treatment I had to swallow hard not to break into sobbing because my beloved Noah is not physically here to greet me anymore. The tears are welling up in my eyes now as I"m writing with the eerie silence that is now a part of this home that once had great joy. These memorials I'm doing are the last things I can do for my beloved Noah - - the last - - how sad and lonely that feels. I now have to try to find joy in other ways for the rest of my earthly journey - - this will be a very difficult task indeed. Still I'm thankful that my beloved Noah is no longer having to wait for me to be able to get him his meals because of my medical appointments that now very seldom cooperate with his meal schedule.

I want to thank each of you for all your comforting support and encouragement as I travel my grief journ

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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