I haven't been here in awhile, but I wanted to share some thoughts about Sasha today....it's the 3rd anniversary of her death and I'm missing her so much. I rescued her as a 5 week old puppy from our local shelter when I was only 14 years old and she was with me for 16 wonderful years. I can't believe it's been 3 years today since I last held her. I can still remember how her fur felt, how she smelled, the sound of her 'voice'.....I can't believe I have actually survived this long without her. I sure didn't think it would be possible, but somehow I have. I was so devestated by her death( and the guilt of being the one to decide that it was time), in the beginning, that I thought about joining her. I couldn't remember what life was like without her, and I didn't really want to. I had to accept that she was gone, and try to adjust to my new life without her....it was so, so hard...still is at times....she was...is...my canine soulmate. My special girl that noone will ever be able to compare to. I have other furkids...a Great Dane, 2 cats, 3 horses...but, although my love for them runs deep, they aren't her and it's just not the same. I know in my heart I will never love another like I love her. I still think about her everyday. I still have all of her pictures up...she is still the screen saver on my computer...I still wear my teardrop pendant that holds some of her ashes around my neck every day (I never take it off). <sigh>I miss her so much...
Although my struggle with the grief of losing her has been long and hard (and I'm not anywhere near the finish line) the pain has begun to subside. I still have my 'bad days' when I have cry fests because I miss her so much that it hurts, and I still cry when I hear certain songs, or something sparks a special memory for me, but over the years my tears of pain have been slowly replaced by tears of pride...tears of grat*itude that I was so blessed to have been chosen as her mommy and given 16 long years with my girl....for that I will be eternally grateful. My sister-in-law has never shared her life with an animal (poor girl), and made the remark to me "If this(referring to my level of heartbreak) is what happens when a pet dies, I don't EVER want one...it's not worth it!"...not worth it...to me it is more than worth it....worth every tear, worth every sleepless night, worth every bit of crippling guilt, worth every ounce of pain....and I would do it again a thousand times if given the chance....she was that special...I love her that much....

Dear Kim & Family

Please know that I am thinking of you Kim, and that you and your family are in our prayers. I know in my heart that your beautiful girl, Sasha is ALWAYS & FOREVER, right in your heart -- she's always with you.



We truly are the lucky ones -- aren't we?? To be "chosen" as our precious furkid's parent's -- It's a gift beyond imagination.

It's like that old Garth Brook's song, "The Dance" ....



God Bless You & Yours,

Denise, Ben, Ms. Lucy & Mr. Yoster xo

Dear Kim, Whenever I saw the picture of your Sasha I could immediately see how
this was a special dog, just by her expression you know how greatly sensitive and intelligent she was. I am sure that she already had the potential when you rescued her, but I do believe that the great love that we bestow on them makes them grow that much more, on all levels. Sixteen years, what a blessed sixteen years for both you and Sasha! And may I compliment you by telling you that you did an exceptionnal job of being Sasha's 'all'. Take care, I know how hard it must be, Sasha must be so so proud of her mistress.

Kim,
I remember when I first came here I was always so calmed and reassured by you when you would post when I was having a bad day or thought I couldn't make it. You helped me so much and your words and shared pain helped me know at the beginning that I wasn't losing my mind. It was such a mind-numbing time when I lost Magic, I never thought it could hurt so badly. It helped to know I wasn't alone.

I guess this is an evening of remembering Garth Brooks songs. Not that I'm a huge fan of his, but when I lived in Wyoming, he was one of about 25 people you ever heard on the radio. He has a song called "These Are the Good Old Days." I told a friend recently that the idea of that song meant a lot to me when I went through my bad times, about wanting the past to be back again, and things to be the way they were again. But deep down I knew they wouldn't, and I had to accept that.

Kim, thank you for helping me accept that. My deepest sympathies are always with you for your loss, and my deepest grat*ititudes are always with you for helping me, along with so many others, through the initial ache of my loss. Thank you, for letting us all know that like you, we all have the strength, with each other's support, to make it in the darkest times, to the light.

Thank you all for your kind words.

Denise, it is so strange that you mentioned that song...it is one that always makes the tears flow for me...it is so fitting isn't it. Another song that always gets me (and they play it all the time) is by Kenny Chesney. I'm not sure the name of the song, but the beginning of the song just kills me....

Sunny days seem to hurt the most.
I wear the pain like a heavy coat.
I feel you everywhere I go.
I see your smile, I see your face,
I hear you laughin' in the rain.
I still can't believe you're gone.

It ain't fair: you died too young,
Like the story that had just begun,
But death tore the pages all away.
God knows how I miss you,
All the hell that I've been through,
Just knowin' no-one could take your place.
An' sometimes I wonder,
Who'd you be today?

Or the LeAnn Rimes song 'probably wouldn't be this way'(this is the chorus)..

I probably wouldn't be this way
I probably wouldn't hurt so bad
I never pictured every minute without you in it,
Oh you left so fast,
Sometimes I see you standing there
Sometimes it's like I'm losing touch
Sometimes I feel I'm so lucky to have had the chance to love this much
God give me moments grace
Cause if I'd nevber seen your face
I probably wouldn't be this way


That one really gets me crying!

"I Believe" by Diamond Rio is my all time Sasha song. It actually played on the way home from the crematory<sniff> and has strangely played at the most 'convenient times' ever since, so I call it 'our song'....

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin
I feel you come back again
And it’s like you haven’t been gone a moment from my side,
Like the tears were never cried,
Like the hands of time were pulling you and me.

And with all my heart I’m sure we’re closer than we ever were,
I don’t have to hear or see I’ve got all the proof I need.
There are more than angels watching over me

I believe
Oh I believe

Now when you die and life goes on,
It doesn’t end here when you’re gone
every soul has found a flight
It never ends if I’m right.

Our love can even reach across eternity.

I believe
Oh I believe

Forever you’re a part of me,
Forever in the heart of me,
I will hold you even longer if I can.
Oh the people, who don’t see the most,
See that I believe in ghosts.
If that makes me crazy then I am

Cuz I believe
Oh I believe

There are more than angels watching over me.

I believe
Oh I believe

Every now and then soft as breath upon my skin,
I feel you come back again
And I believe.

An equally emotional song for me is also by Diamond Rio....

Last night I had a crazy dream
A wish was granted just for me
It could be for anything
I didn't ask for money
Or a mansion in Malibu
I simply wished, for one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

First thing I'd do, is pray for time to crawl
Then I'd unplug the telephone
And keep the TV off
I'd hold you every second
Say a million I love you's
That's what I'd do, with one more day with you

One more day
One more time
One more sunset, maybe I'd be satisfied
But then again
I know what it would do
Leave me wishing still, for one more day with you

Leave me wishing still, for one more day
Leave me wishing still, for one more day
There are so many others...I just love music. If it weren't for music, I wouldn't have made it!

This post could go on forever with songs that remind me of my girl....I just love music....my journey would have no doubt been even worse (if that's possible) without it.

Toonie, your words about Sasha really touched me. Thank you for seeing in her exactly who she was. I know I am lucky to have had her for so long....I wish everyone could be so lucky with their furkids...but ya know, it never seems long enough does it. Thank you for saying that Sasha must be proud of me. I hope she knows what I did was done out of love and nothing less...I hope she forgives me.

5catsmom, Thank you for your kindness. When I first lost my girl, I wasn't very computer savy and I didn't even know that places like LS existed. I had to struggle throught the first 8-10 months on my own...pure hell it was. When I finally found LS, it was such a lifesaver. I came here everyday, several times a day for quite awhile...I couldn't function without it. It was my crutch that got me through each day. Although my friends and family were more than supportive with my loss, they could never truly understand the pain of the guilt I was carrying...that was...still is...the worst part of losing her. I have to accept that when I take in an animal, I know that they have a limited life span...I accept that (even though I don't like it)because that is just the way it is. What I can't accept is that I chose to end her life. Even though I did it to end her pain, I just can't come to terms with it....even after all this time. Just another price I have to pay for loving her so much.

I was reading over the site this weekend (went on a journey from my first post here...I see now that I have definitely come a long way!) and I saw that you had a traumatic time a short time ago when you lost Shadow. I am so glad that you were reunited! You know, I saw a show on animal planet called animal miracles the other day. One of the stories was how a cat that went missing showed up 8 YEARS LATER!! Just amazing!

I did have a difficult issue (how odd to call it an issue now when a month ago it was a heartbreak that brought me to my knees so many times each day) with Shadow about 3 weeks ago. The fact that I got her back was so unbelievably miraculous and incredible that thinking about it still stuns me. But, once again, LS helped me through the ordeal, friends I've made here, were the only reason I didn't lose it , seriously. I received so much care and concern, and so many people responded with sympathy that I couldn't get from my family ( since most of them were out of town anyway) that it was overhelming. So through the grace of God and strangers I'll never know Shadow is back home and I'm a 5catsmom again. I'm just blessed in this, I know. I hope to pass it on one day.

Hi Kim,

I think about you and Sasha often and wonder how you're doing. It's good to know that you're healing and can look back on your time with Sasha with pride and grat*itude.

Qorqui would have been four tomorrow. I realized that when I got home from work today and instantly the tears started flowing and I had to stop in here.

It's so strange that they can be gone for so long, almost 2 years and five months for me, yet the feelings are still so strong.

Take care,
Tim

OMG!!! TIM!!!!! You have no idea how good it is to hear from you! I think about you often as well and hope that you are coping well with all the loss you have endured.....unimaginable. It feels so good to hear from some of the 'old crowd'. It makes me feel so 'at home'. It's nice to know I'm not a lunatic for still 'pining' over her after all this time.

Happy Birthday sweet Qorqui. You and your daddy were both blessed to have each other during your short stay here on earth....time I know neither of you will ever forget....but you had to go so you could be there for your Mommy when she arrived. Now the two of you will have each other while you wait for Daddy's time to join you....

Hi Kim:


I've never seen the lyrics before --- how very beautiful.... Even in my heart, I can see where it is 'your song'.... ....

Keeping you and yours in my prayers,

Love, Denise

Hey Kim,
Good to see you again. I still have my beloved GSD Shauna. As before I will give her a big hug from Sasha and if it's
ok from you. God Bless.
Steve

Kim, Thank you for sharing your heart felt feelings. It describes so well how I feel about my furbaby and I'm sure it does alot of others. Take care k9pal

Kim,
You have no idea how often I think of you and Sasha and your menagerie, whatever I'm in the middle of - cleaning rabbit cages, putting out food for the ferals, loading hay, feeding or chasing cats to put them in time out. I'm working on the hubby to adopt a greyhound now. He may go to Afghanistan in Oct, perhaps a 'hound will fall in my lap. Anyway, I remember you both so fondly and all your wisdom. Bless you both. Sasha watches over us all, I'm convinced.
Best wishes to you both,
Barb

I was having a pretty rough day today...recovering from a surgery without my girl to get things for me when I need them...gosh I miss that...she was the best nurse ever . Anytime I was sick she would always get me the remote, tissue, my blanket if it fell to the ground...yet another reminder that there will never be another like her . My cat and my Dane are great company, but helpful they are not! Not only are they no help in the department of retrieving items I need, but they act annoyed for disturbing them when I have to drag myself across them to get what I need ! Gotta love em!

It has been a few weeks since my last visit at LS and I just really needed to be in the company of others that understood me. I never expected to see such uplifting replies on the most needed of days .

Steve, I always welcome a hug to your girl in memory of mine. Hug her every chance you get for every reason you can...the days just pass too fast...

K9pal, thank you for your reply. It is so hard for us to put into words how we feel isn't it. No matter what I write about my girl it never seems to be good enough. It never seems to do justice to my true feelings for her. I guess something that magical just can't be captured in print, eh?

Barb, you know you will always hold a special place in my heart. Whether you realize it or not, you held my hand through the roughest of times just as tightly as I did yours. You were a great comfort to me and continue to be for so many others. It truly warms my heart to know you think of us often, and your last sentence brought heartfelt tears to my eyes...thank you for always knowing just what to say.

I'm so glad I decided to "drop by" tonight...thanks guys...I needed that

Hi Kim R.
Gosh it has been some time.
When I came across your post, I remembered how much you have helped me since I joined LS, and it made me so sad to see your thoughts and song reminders of your Sasha girl.
You might remember that I lost my Coco in June, and then had to work a very demanding and complex summer job. I have to admit that the job was a great distraction from my own pain, but it ended yesterday for the season, and I am left a bit numb from everything. Here is the link...
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...wtopic=4036&hl=

When I saw your post, I just had to reply to let you know that I understand your feelings, no matter how much time passes by. I know how much you love your girl.
I also had a few tears in reading your topic and the replies of others, and I'm hoping it will help bring out some emotions that are stuck inside of me.

It was also great to see you, Tim. It has been a while!

I know we just try to keep going day by day, but none of our kids will EVER be "here" again, and none of our new kids will never be like them, but I love them all anyway, and they each get a kiss!
You are right about music, it helps pull things out of us when we need it the most. What better honor for our lost loved ones, than a great song that encompasses our feelings.

Peace, Love, and Prayers,
Michelle