First Time Dealing With Pet Loss

hi everyone,
new at this, as well as new at grieving for my best friend, einstein. she was said to be a chow-mix, but if you google "swedish lapphund" you will see pictures that look exactly like her. she was 15 1/2, 108 in dog years, and we lost her suddenly, last tuesday morning. her labored breathing woke me around 3:30 a.m. - i tried to comfort her, and calm her down - noticed her tummy was kind of bloated - called the emergency vet, had to carry her to the car because she couldn't seem to walk. the vet said she was in shock, and noticed her gums and tongue were almost white - she was bleeding internally and the vet estimated she had lost half her blood into her abdomen. of course the option of blood transfusion, exploratory surgery, etc, etc - what could one do?? how could i subject my 108 year old baby to this medical treatment at her age? my wife and i just looked at each other, and knew we had to make the hard decision...

i first got einstein even before i met my wife, teresa. she's been a very special part of my life. this is the first time in my life, that i've had a pet from "start to finish". we had pets when we were kids, but my parents always seemed to find a reason to get rid of them before they got old - so here i am at 51, having to deal with the death of a pet for the first time ever.

been a horrible week, had to take a day off from work, very hard to stay focused, can't seem to get anything done at home, been scanning through old photos, almost anything dog-related makes me want to cry...

not sure how this all works, but any thoughts, comments, ideas, suggestions, are most welcome. from the way this feels, i doubt if anyone ever really can get used to these feelings, but maybe some of you have found solace in something.......

thanks,
steve g
seattle