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> My Answer To A Hurtful Post, So Much Pain
Ann H
post May 1 2005, 02:49 AM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,165
Joined: 31-October 04
Member No.: 538



I was asked here at LS
QUOTE
Ann, I hate to have to say this because I know you are a kind person, but what kind of nutcase takes pictures of their dead animal?!?!?
I have never been called nor has anyone ever implied that I was a nutcase in my entire life nor do I consider myself to be one. I knew that it would be the last time I would ever see the body that housed my darling girl in my grief I took the pictures.

It is my belief I was not being a nutcase for taking pictures and I know a lot of other people who took pictures of their deceased babies too. Perhaps some would say I was morbid for taking pictures but to imply I am a nut case is just plain hurtful and mean.

Then that person told me:
QUOTE
I am sorry to be so harsh but I have little tolerence for people who engage in self destructive behavior and then seek pity for it.


Well I was in no way seeking pity!! It is to bad when I bare my soul and voice my feelings that I had to have such a hurtful remarks made to me. I have been helped by so many others her at LS and I have come to love so many and their babies. Most people here are so tender with their replies to everyone. I thought this was a safe place to say what we really think and feel but this hurts me so much.

Most of my posts have been made in trying to comfort others, to give them hope of the pain getting better in time. To let them know that they will make it and to let them know someone really cares. I have tried to leave no one out, that does not sound like a person wanting pity to me.

I am have always considered myself a strong person who has lived through many things in my life. Maybe I am a little to proud of that strength, but it got me through many horrors in my life as a child that was abused and thrown away. I have never sought pity for anything I have been through. Instead I have tried to count my blessings in life. But now and then we all need encouragement at some point in our life.

I no longer feel safe to post my innermost thoughts here. This is a place where we should not have to guard our thoughts for fear of hurtful things being said to us. My heart is broken and shattered enough already without more daggers piercing it by such words that heap even more pain upon my heart. I don't know if I will continue to post here or not.

This statement was also made to me in that post:
QUOTE
Perhaps you will hate me for writing this, but believe it or not I am doing this to try to help you.


Well not to worry it did hurt me more than you will know, but my heart is not filled with hate that is not the kind of woman I am. I have sought my whole life through to be understanding, to be filled with compassion and considerate of other people's thoughs, ideas, and opinions. To be a forgiving woman who is tender and gentle with others.

There is a poem that I read when I was 17 years old. I have always tried to live my life by these words, and I want to leave it will all of you. Words spoken can never be taken back once they are said no matter how hurtful they are or even if you meant well in what you said. So we must always think carefully before we speak, we never know the pain our words might cause and the damage they might do.
Ann

The knife's sharp cut can be endured
it's ugly gash in time is cured.
But ugly words when they over flow
inflict a deep unhealing blow.
Author Unknown
Attached image(s)
Attached Image
 


--------------------

My girls went to the Rainbow Bridge 6 weeks and 3 days apart.
Snookie had cushing's disease, and later developed diabetes. Both had cancer, Snookie had cancer of the liver, and Chili Bean had cancer of the pallet. Chili Bean was our son's chihuahua but we kept her often throughout her life and she stayed with us for the last 9 months of her life. Chili Bean also had asthma and heart failure. We will see you in Heaven my precious darlings.


Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04


Senorita Chili Bean Bubbles Howard
11-05-94 - 11-11-04
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Faded_Grace
post May 1 2005, 02:59 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 15
Joined: 29-April 05
Member No.: 847



WTF?

Not sure who posted that - not that it matters - but that is a cruel and vicious thing to say to anyone, much less someone who has just lost a very important aspect of their life and is trying to preserve some memory of it. It is not for any one of us to judge how another human being deals with grief. It is a long, hurtful and *EXTREMELY* individual process, as no two human beings are the same! To me, that's just like how non-pet owners view the grieving process of long-time adoptive fur-parents. It's a skewed perspective - one seen from the OUTSIDE - and it's simply not fair in any respect.

Be strong, Ann. You're a good person, and a strong one - that much is evident in your kind (and all-too-sane) posts. Be honest with your heart, and how you feel. Do not let the untutored tongue of one person dictate how you spell out your pain to others for the rest of your life.
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Susanv
post May 1 2005, 06:13 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 12
Joined: 10-April 05
Member No.: 819



Hello Ann,

I've read that awful reply to your post this morning and it truly hurt my heart. I completely understand your motivation for looking at those pictures (and for taking them). In an effort to heal, we must remember the hurtful moments when we realized our furbabies were gone from our lives. For you looking at the pictures of your baby after she had died brought back all the pain. Believe it or not, but that has helped your grieving process. I'm sure you felt a bit better afterwards, right? That is when you are healing. By pushing away all those hurtful memories, we are simply prolonging our grieving.

My beautiful white cat was killed in a hit and run accident four weeks ago and I'm still in a lot of pain, too. The other night I lay on my bed and, as usual, I tried not to think about the Monday when I lost him. I was hurting so badly and then thought maybe I would feel better if I did think about it. So, in my mind I went through every single thing that happened that day. It was painful, but I did it. And then I cried myself to sleep.

The following day it was as if I could function a little bit better. As if I had just a little bit more energy. So, the next time it feels as if I'm going to lose my mind, when I'm missing my cat more than words can ever say, I'm going to sit down and repeat this process. It seemed to help before and I need all the help I can get!

Ann, I also want to thank you for the way you have been supporting the people on this board. You were the first to reply to my first post and you seem to be the first one to respond to all the other posts, too. You deserve a lot more than what you got from that person who responded to your post. You are there for us, we should be there for you. I know that person hurt you, but please know the rest of us on here truly appreciate your support.

Susan
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Kathleen032
post May 1 2005, 07:52 AM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 827
Joined: 30-October 04
From: New Mexico
Member No.: 536



Dear Ann,

I would have to say the majority of the people (including myself) love you, care about you, and want to offer words of comfort and support to you. ALL of the people here have been helped and comforted by you. Please, Ann, don't let the careless words of one individual cause you to censor your thoughts and feelings. This IS a safe place for posting your thoughts and feelings. I'm so very sorry that the words of one have caused so much doubt.

Love,
Kathleen


--------------------
Shiloh and Hobbie, you're both gone from my arms, but forever in my heart.

Shiloh
1999 - Sept. 17, 2004

Hobbie
Aug. 14, 1996 - May 30, 2005
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jzzlvr13
post May 1 2005, 07:59 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 14
Joined: 19-April 05
From: CT
Member No.: 833



Hi Anne,
I was just a surprised as you when I read the post you referred to. It was hurtful and unnecessary but realize that there are so many people out there without the ability to express love and have no patience with others that can. We live in a world that is desensitizing us with almost everything we see or hear and are creating a population with no heart. Just consider yourself lucky that you still can love and can express it so eloquently....and forget those who can't.
Barbara and Sam
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FurBabyMom
post May 1 2005, 08:20 AM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 48
Joined: 21-April 05
Member No.: 837



Ann,
I'm so sorry you were hurt by that post. It is amazingly sad to see there are people who feel grief and pain yet have so little understanding of the pain of others.

On the day my Friskie died I brought him out into the living room and put him in his favorite spot. He was so sick that his back side wouldn't work and support his weight. I took pictures of him while I was waiting for my daughter in law to arrive with the shot that would take him away from me and ease his pain. Friskie fought so hard for life at the end. He loved us and didn't want to leave us. I needed those pictures because I knew I could never have enough. One of those pictures sits next to the box with his ashes.

My heart goes out to you. Please know that I understand.

Hugs,
Dawn


--------------------
Hugs,
Dawn

Furbabies waiting for me at Rainbow Bridge.....

Tigger - 2008 - "My Tig Wee"
Merlin - 2006 - "Goofy Boy"
Gandalf - 2005 - "Little Buddy"
Dorian - 2004 - "Daddy's Baby Girl Kitty"
Friskie - 2004 - "Good Kitty Boy"
Spike - 2001 - "Piggy Puppy"
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CheriAnn
post May 1 2005, 11:21 AM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 353
Joined: 3-October 04
Member No.: 496



Dear Ann,

You are such a caring and giving person! I am SO sorry you have been hurt.

This forum was set up for us all to share and express our pain. It is the one place where everybody understands this terrible pain and void. When the people in our lives don't understand the extreme pain from losing a furbaby, this place is full of people that do! We are NOT here to judge anyone, only offer compassion.

PLEASE don't let the words of one person make you doubt that this is STILL the one place to come for support. Your open heart and honest stories have helped SO many other people here!

I, too, have sent you an email!

Love,
Cheri


--------------------
Rachael Ann
November 18, 1992 - October 2, 2004

My best friend, my daughter, my life
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Rusty's Mom
post May 1 2005, 11:36 AM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 456
Joined: 10-December 04
Member No.: 605



Dear Ann,

I also have sent you an email. I was truly at a loss for words after reading that post last night.

Please know we all need you here and look forward to your continued support and your wonderful heartfelt stories.

Love,
Lynn


--------------------
Rusty, I will always love you and never forget you. Thank you for more than 7 wonderful years.

XXOO
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LJP
post May 1 2005, 01:32 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 30-April 05
Member No.: 852



Ann, I only joined this board last night after searching for some comfort following the passing of my precious girl Cleo on Friday. You were the first to reply to my post and i just want to say thank you. You words meant so much to me.
Take care and do please keep posting.
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Doxiemom
post May 1 2005, 02:00 PM
Post #10





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 2
Joined: 1-May 05
Member No.: 858



I joined this post just a few minutes ago and your message was the first that I read. I can't believe that someone would be so insensitive to anyones feelings. Please don't take that persons message to heart. It is just someone who can't deal with their own feelings so they have to make someone else unhappy too. You sound like a compassionate person and someone who is a big help in others time of need. Please stay around and say what you like. Don't let that person win.
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clair
post May 1 2005, 02:03 PM
Post #11





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 10
Joined: 4-February 05
From: Monroe, Michigan
Member No.: 683



I just read the answer to my wifes post that guy wrote and called her a nut case. I didn't like what he said about the kick her in the @ss. I am very upset about it. I didn't appreciate what that person said about my wife. That is no way to talk to my wife when she is hurting so much. Or to any other woman in pain when she has lost her fur babies. You should be ashamed.
mad.gif Clair


--------------------
Love, Snookie's Daddy
Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04

Love, Chili Bean's Grandpa
11-05-94 - 11-11-04
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kimberlyheide
post May 1 2005, 03:24 PM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 154
Joined: 23-December 04
Member No.: 629



Time out................................

When I firstcame to LS site in December my really special soul mate Bubba had passed away. I posted and basically was blown off.. I was replying to my own posts. It really really hurt my feelings. I was hurting so bad because Bubba died and then when I came here for support I had very few that even bothered with me. Romeos daddy was the only one who reached out to me. Nobody else did. I don't start very many posts in here because of the way I was treated when I first came here. I make it a point to reply to most the new posters because Folks it really hurt me bad. Lets not start a bashing session... This is a grieving forum.....

Kim
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CheriAnn
post May 1 2005, 04:09 PM
Post #13





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 353
Joined: 3-October 04
Member No.: 496



Kim,

In my own defense to your reply, unfortunately you arrived here at the holidays. I was not responding to very many at that time. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings. When I searched back, I see that Kathleen, Jilly and Jim responded to you on the same day you posted. Then others responded the next day, including Ann. I do see that Steve responded and started a conversation with you, but I don't think you were blown off!
http://lightning-strike.com/forum/index.ph...ct=ST&f=4&t=933

In your defense of Steve, it feels to me like another attack on us.

As you stated, this is a grieving forum. Nobody should be judged or name calling anyone in here.

Cheri


--------------------
Rachael Ann
November 18, 1992 - October 2, 2004

My best friend, my daughter, my life
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kimberlyheide
post May 1 2005, 04:25 PM
Post #14





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 154
Joined: 23-December 04
Member No.: 629



Cheriann,

Where in this post did I attack anyone... I was just trying to make peace.....

Time out................................

When I firstcame to LS site in December my really special soul mate Bubba had passed away. I posted and basically was blown off.. I was replying to my own posts. It really really hurt my feelings. I was hurting so bad because Bubba died and then when I came here for support I had very few that even bothered with me. Romeos daddy was the only one who reached out to me. Nobody else did. I don't start very many posts in here because of the way I was treated when I first came here. I make it a point to reply to most the new posters because Folks it really hurt me bad. Lets not start a bashing session... This is a grieving forum.....

kim


TO CHERIANN:
Did you really feel you needed to blast me with the memories of bubba death again? That was real kind of you Cheriann... Did you prove your point by posting me the link to his first days that he died??? I have never done anything to anyone to hurt their feelings. I have never attacked anyone on this forum. Posting that link reopened my wounds to the day he died. Thanks alot
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Norah'sMom
post May 1 2005, 04:29 PM
Post #15





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 133
Joined: 22-March 05
From: Atlanta, Georgia
Member No.: 769



Dear Ann,

All I can say is that especially with all of the kindness and love you have shown everyone here, no one had the right to say what was said to you. Thank you for loving and supporting us all and I'm sorry for the unfortunate word choice that was used. You were clearly not seeking pity, you were just using this forum as it was intended, to seek support for pain and mourning for lost friends.

God bless you and thank you again.
With love,
Jenny


--------------------
Alice Mae Bennett ("Allie") was born around May of 2003. She came home to us in July. On March 10, 2005, she became ill with a condition called mesenteric torsion or volvulus. It is a twisting of the small intestine which is nearly impossible to diagnose. Once symptoms begin it is usually too late to save the intestine by surgical means. There are no known ways to prevent it and its causes are also unknown. It is extremely rare, especially in medium-size females like Allie. It is more common in males of large breeds, like German Shepherds.

Allie was a sweet, happy and loving soul. I will miss her every day. Thanks for giving us these last two years, little girl. We'll always treasure them.
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Steph
post May 1 2005, 04:51 PM
Post #16





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 654
Joined: 8-June 04
Member No.: 363



Holy smoke. Who in the name of Hades was so rude to Ann????

Ann, please know that we love you!
wub.gif


--------------------
"My heart has joined the thousand, for my friend stopped running today."
- Watership Down, Richard Adams
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Ann H
post May 2 2005, 05:22 AM
Post #17





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,165
Joined: 31-October 04
Member No.: 538



I love each one of you too and am so glad you have come into my life. You have been a blessing to me before I lost both my girls. All I want is for us to go on supporting each other through this terrible journey of grief.

We all have broken hearts and have come together as one to help each other through the most devastating time of our lives. I want to be there for others and to help in any way I can. This journey is painful enough in itself and our lives are forever changed.

My precious Snookie and sweet Chili Bean would want me to continue to be there for others. Sometimes my first thoughts are to run from things I find hard to deal with. But love holds me there when things are hard to face.

We are all survivors of the worst pain in our lives, the loss of our babies in our arms. We all do and say things differently but one thing is all the same, we loved our babies with our hearts and souls and we all miss our babies so much.
Love, Ann


--------------------

My girls went to the Rainbow Bridge 6 weeks and 3 days apart.
Snookie had cushing's disease, and later developed diabetes. Both had cancer, Snookie had cancer of the liver, and Chili Bean had cancer of the pallet. Chili Bean was our son's chihuahua but we kept her often throughout her life and she stayed with us for the last 9 months of her life. Chili Bean also had asthma and heart failure. We will see you in Heaven my precious darlings.


Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04


Senorita Chili Bean Bubbles Howard
11-05-94 - 11-11-04
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SJ J & S
post May 2 2005, 05:25 AM
Post #18





Group: Moderators
Posts: 661
Joined: 27-June 03
Member No.: 4



Well done Ann,

I dont know what all that had to do with your souls journey but id say you passed with flying colours biggrin.gif

Love Sue


--------------------
Jude & Sadie, too well loved to be forgotten
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jillybromley
post May 2 2005, 07:39 AM
Post #19





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 273
Joined: 5-December 04
From: UK
Member No.: 594



Dear Ann and Cheri Ann

Please know that you are two of the dearest and most wonderful people on this site and are highly valued by us all. You both speak words of love caring and compassion and I am heart broken to think that you have both been hurt so badly by unkind words.

The first post of this person was not ignored. The date they posted was 24th December and I expect a lot of people had put their computers to bed for the Christmas period and were travelling, visiting or having visitors to stay or visit. A little understanding of that fact might have been nice.

Despite this fact several people replied on the same day including myself, and there were more posts later in the week. I can't understand why anyone should feel this way. If there had been no replies at all, then maybe yes.

It's all very very sad, but please dear Ann and Cheri Ann, stay with us and continue to give us your wisdom, and love you are much beloved.

Ann
When I carried Ellie in after she had been hit by the car I layed her out in her special bed which I lined with a soft pink towel. I had to lay her very carefully because her poor little face had been very badly damaged, but I laid her in a way that it didn't show, so that only the side of her that was okay was showing. I put flowers and her favorite mouse toy in her bed with her and then I took a picture of her.

I wanted a memory of the last time I would ever see her before I took her to the vets the next day for cremation. Some people may not understand this, but it was something I needed to do at the time, and I did it. She looks as if she is peacefully curled up asleep and I treasure that picture.

My love and support to you both
jilly


--------------------
ELLIE, my beautiful precious baby. 1st Sept 2003 - 3rd Dec 2004.
Rest peacefully my little sweetheart.
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Snickster
post May 2 2005, 09:00 AM
Post #20





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 163
Joined: 9-February 05
Member No.: 694



The author of the post in which Ann quotes from (and I have no idea who it is since I've been off line a few days) seriously doesn't belong posting in a place like this. Period.

Ann, I don't know if I'm allowed to say this in here or not, but.... SCREW 'EM hon! And to Clair.... WAY TO GO HUBBY!!!!!!!! WOOOOOHOOOO TO YOU!!!! Now that's one awesome husband!

Hugs,

Pat


--------------------
INKY November 26, 1991-February 5, 2005
TAZ April 1, 1992 - July 27, 2009

Our special boys will be forever loved.
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