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A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.
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Emmaa
Age Unknown
Female
Norwich
Birthday Unknown
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Joined: 3-November 10
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Last Seen: 18th November 2010 - 01:13 PM
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Emmaa

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5 Nov 2010
My 3 year old sprocker spaniel was put to sleep on Wednesday. I honestly feel like I buried half of my heart with him and I don't feel complete anymore. We got him just after me and my mum moved into our new, having left my brother, dad, and 9 year old family coccker behind, we needed something with a bit of life in them to make our house feel like a home. It was the school breaks and I spent the majority of my 6 weeks with him. Training him, loving him and creating that bond which people without pets don't understand. He helped me through their divorce and the sad times. When I broke up with my boyfriend at 17, he was there to give me a warm hug. He Always listened, always laid on my lap. Just patiently sitting by me, comforting me when i felt so low. When I came home my mum would go 'Where's Emma?' And he'd run and sit by the dog, tail wagging waiting to welcome me home.
Although he was naughty I loved him so so much. When my mum was out with her new boyfriend, he was there to look after me. A companion for life. We'd walk for hours and hours, always trotting at my side, healing like a good boy.

I don't feel like going into details of why we put him down. It was a combination of a disease called 'Addisons' which mimics kidney failure and epileptic fits. He was on 6 tablets a day for his addisons, otherwise he would collapse and his blood pressure would drop and his internal organs would shut down within a few hours. His fits were gradually getting worse and worse. Closer and closer together. There is nothing more heart wrenching than watching your loved one thrash about, throth at the mouth and soil themselves. Then wake up not knowing who they were, and where they are, and their feet not supporting them. On the Monday night he had his first fit in 7 weeks. 9 more followed throughout the day. I'm sure that he was brain damaged. He was never the same after the 5th one. He would screech and whine for food. He was ravenous. Even though we'd fed him plenty and more. He constantly paced, even though he had had a sedative and i was trying to sooth him. My Alfie had died that Monday night, not the Wednesday.
The car journey to the vets was like a bad dream. He sat in between my legs with his head resting on my knees. His big brown eyes looking at me trying to apologise for all the noise he'd been making, and for scaring us. But also trying to tell me that his body ached, his head hurt and he didn't feel well. Part of me died on that table with him. I feel like a huge chunk of me has been taken away.

I now sleep with his blanket next to me, his scent helps ease the pain and ache in my heart. His little tag which was on his collar is now on my keys, a constant reminder that he's still here with me in my heart and mind. I miss him every minute of everyday. He's the first thing I think about in the morning, and the last thing at night.
I need to talk to people who understand. I don't think people realise the bond an owner makes with their pet and how hard it is when this bond is broken.

Does it get easier?

They say memories are golden
well maybe that is true
I never wanted memories,
I only wanted you.

A million times I needed you,
a million times I cried.
If love alone could have saved you
you never would have died.

In life I loved you dearly,
In death I love you still.
In my heart you hold a place
no one could ever fill.

If tears could build a stairway
and heartache make a lane,
I'd walk the path to heaven
and bring you back again.

Our family chain is broken,
and nothing seems the same.
But as God calls us one by one,
the chain will link again.
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6 Nov 2010 - 2:17


5 Nov 2010 - 18:24


5 Nov 2010 - 17:41

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Emmaa
Take me where my need they'll tend,
And please stay with me till the end.
Hold me firm and speak to me,
Until my eyes no longer see.
I know in time that you will see
The kindness that you did for me.
Although my tail its last has waved,
From pain and suffering I've been saved.
5 Nov 2010 - 16:13

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