A Long Journey Update

Just wanted to say I have felt much better since I posted my story and read the lovely replies. I've started to think more positively and trying not to feel so bad about things I got wrong. I can't change anything in the past and I know I would never have hurt my beautiful Norton on purpose. With hindsight I would do some things differently but I know Norton knows how much I loved him. I was thoughtless and selfish but I am only human, and as such I have made mistakes. But I have learnt from my mistakes and I am trying to heal. This journey has been a long hard one but I hope now to start healing. My family have all told me Norton had a good life and I shouldn't beat myself up but its always easy for someone else to say that. Anyway, my thoughts are with you all who are going through this awful grief and I pray you all have some peace.

Norton's Mum

Hi, I've been coming to this site for quite a while now and reading the posts has helped me feel less alone. I now would like to share my story with you to see what you think. I got my labrador Norton when he was two years old from a lady who wanted to rehome her two dogs as she had a young baby. Norton settled in with us straight away and was loved from the second we got him. He had been an outside dog with his previous owners, only going in the house at bedtime but he soon loved being given the run of the house and garden with us. We live not far from the beach and glens and Norton loved swimming in the sea and running in the glens. He started limping not long after we got him and I thought he'd just jarred his leg because he loved having us throw his ball so he could chase it. I took him to the vets and after x-rays he was diagnosed as having degenerative bone disease, and the vet said it was likely he was born with it. The vet tried several different medications but they either made Norton sick or gave him diarhea; even his pain relief tablets gave him an upset stomach. Anyway, he seemed fine and I opted for putting him on Cortiflex from the pet store instead of anything from the vets. The vet told me he'd probably get bad round about age 6-7 but Norton lived to be 11 1/2, so I feel I must have done something right. I got used to him limping about, he'd done it since I got him. He was always keen to go for walks and play with his ball for many years. The trouble is I feel I let him down in the last 6-8 months of his life and I have carried this guilt for 3 1/2 years. I am now starting to forgive myself and feel better but it has been a long, long journey. I was so glad I found this site as at times I felt almost suicidal. The vet put Norton on Metacam when he was about 9 1/2 - 10 year old and that seemed to help him as he was showing signs of being in pain - the cortiflex obviously wasn't working so well then. At age 10 Norton had to have a big operation as he had a large fatty lump which by now was starting to press on his internal organs. This operation cost me £1,000 but was worth every penny as he seemed happier afterwards. The Christmas before the August Norton was put to sleep I had to put my Christmas presents on my credit cards as I didn't have the cash to buy them. I'd been a single parent for many years and had to rely on my credit cards as my ex-husband never paid anything for my two sons. I'm not using that as an excuse though. After Christmas, having large credit card debts, I decided to not buy the cortiflex and keep Norton just on the Metacam, and this is where part of my guilt lies. Norton started to go downhill but I didn't notice until the vet sat me down and told me it was time to let him go. I'd arranged for the vet to come and cut his nails at home as I knew I wouldn't be able to get him in the car - this was just one week before he had to be put to sleep - what was I thinking! I always worried about his nails getting long in case they hurt him. I felt like he'd gone downhill because I stopped the cortiflex and I felt like I'd helped him die. On top of that I rushed him on his walk some mornings because I had to get to work and on a night I marched him up and down on the grass wanting him to do his business and I should have taken him down the lane where we always went. Whether he would have managed that by this time I don't know but I just didn't think. It was as if part of my brain knew he wasn't good and the other part just carried on as if everything was fine. I loved Norton with all my heart and will always love and miss him. I know I gave him a good life but I have tortured myself over the things I got wrong. Sorry for the long post. Please don't judge me too harshly.