Alone With My Thoughts, Death of my best friend Options

[asorryone]

I lost my bestfriend and family member 6 year old Tyson to a tumor two weeks ago. She had been vommitting for 10days previous and we had left her into the vets for an x-ray. We did not entertain the thought that we might lose her - but the vet then called with the news that she had a tumor in her gut the size of an orange and nothing could be done to save her. We buried her alongside the deceased dogs of a family friend. Unfortunately I was not there for the burial or to take her home as I am in College which is an hours drive from my home and so I got the news via telephone and could not come home for a few days.

I miss her physical presence so much! Everything from the jingle of her collar to the noise of her sprinting up the stairs. Her hairs still lie on some of my clothing. Her bed and toys lie untouched in the shed. There is a void within me i feel can never be filled. To think she is no longer of this earth terrifies me.

My family loved Tyson as much as I did and so they understand what I am feeling and I can talk to them. However, they seem to cope better with it all than me. My father has been diagnosed with heart failure 5 years ago and since has retired. Since my mother works and myself and my sister are in College my father is alone each day and Tyson offered companionship, regular exercise, love, loyalty, safety and of course entertainment. She was a very special dog, she knew our family inside-out and it was as though she was especially tailored to us.

Losing her has provoked deep thoughts for me - thoughts of death, loss, the afterlife, being alone...I feel as though im exceptionally vunerable/sensative. Since we lost Tyson I cannot stop crying and I am overwhelmed with thoughts of losing my father due to his heart failure. I think about God and the afterlife. My faith isnt strong, I want to believe in God, I want to be certain that I will be reunited with my loved ones in the afterlife never to be parted again - but mordern secular society bombards me with messages of disbelief. None of my friends of family members understand this state of reflection that has struck me. I am turning 20 and studying Law in College. On weekdays I live away from home and due to these recent events i feel exceptionally home sick. I am so scared of losing my parents that i want to spend every minute with them. I have no interest in going out to clubs, bars..i have even lost motiviation to do my essays/go to class. I am stuck in this depressive, reflective state.

I joined this website after reading some posts similar to my situation and have been touched by compassionate responses by people who seem to be like me - a love of animals, of all life..people who has compassionate, loving and reflective. I just hope for conversation with people who can maybe shed light on my current state. i appreciate any helpful, friendly comments. I feel lost and unsure. I have lost a companion, a stable loving soul in this unstable world. Ive even asked myself - what is the point in living, if we live to see our loved ones die?

[Jon730]

Losing her has provoked deep thoughts for me - thoughts of death, loss, the afterlife, being alone...I feel as though im exceptionally vunerable/sensative. Since we lost Tyson I cannot stop crying and I am overwhelmed with thoughts of losing my father due to his heart failure. I think about God and the afterlife. My faith isnt strong, I want to believe in God, I want to be certain that I will be reunited with my loved ones in the afterlife never to be parted again - but modern secular society bombards me with messages of disbelief. None of my friends of family members understand this state of reflection that has struck me.

A secular way to describe it is that the life and love were "Information", and only "Information" is real.
My past friends were real and factual. They exist, independent of, and outside, Time.

Or another way:


"On Death
Kahlil Gibran

You would know the secret of death.
But how shall you find it unless you seek it in the heart of life?
The owl whose night-bound eyes are blind unto the day cannot unveil the mystery of light.
If you would indeed behold the spirit of death, open your heart wide unto the body of life.
For life and death are one, even as the river and the sea are one.


In the depth of your hopes and desires lies your silent knowledge of the beyond;
And like seeds dreaming beneath the snow your heart dreams of spring.
Trust the dreams, for in them is hidden the gate to eternity.
Your fear of death is but the trembling of the shepherd when he stands before the king whose hand is to be laid upon him in honour.
Is the shepherd not joyful beneath his trembling, that he shall wear the mark of the king?
Yet is he not more mindful of his trembling?


For what is it to die but to stand naked in the wind and to melt into the sun?
And what is it to cease breathing, but to free the breath from its restless tides, that it may rise and expand and seek God unencumbered?


Only when you drink from the river of silence shall you indeed sing.
And when you have reached the mountain top, then you shall begin to climb.
And when the earth shall claim your limbs, then shall you truly dance."

[Norton's Mum]

Hi

I recommend you read There are no goodbyes by Paddy McMahon. It is a lovely book and it may help you at this time in your life. My thoughts are with you at this sad time.

[asorryone]

Thank you so much for your kind replies. That poem was beautiful. I want very much to get back to god. This experience offers me a chance to re-evaluate my life, my faith. There has to be a god, there must be a realm where we all meet again.

I really appreciate your replies! It helps to know compassionate others

asorryone.

[moon_beam]

Hi, asorryone, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of you beloved Tyson. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstaces or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions on this side of eternity - - at great sacrifice to ourselves - - so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

Asorryone, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling in your deep grief is very normal - - very painful, yes, both physically and emotionally -- yet still very normal. This grief journey is filled with so many emotions with what seems like endless ups and downs, twists and turns and turnarounds that it can sometimes literally make us feel like we are going insane. It is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. But I promise you, asorryone, that it will not always be like this, although right now it does.

This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Tyson, and it is a very painful journey both physically and emotionally. We live in a physically oriented world - - sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell. When our companions come into our hearts our lives are changed for the better. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without reservation and without fear of rejection. They are totally dependent upon us for their every need - - medical care, feeding, exercise, and emotional nurture. The love bond that we develop with them goes beyond the physical - - it becomes a permanent part of us. When they precede us to the angels, our lives are changed again. We are faced with the incredibly agonizingly painful task of adjusting our lives without their physical presence. This is a very painful adjustment for we are now having to "re-invent" our lives because our beloved companions no longer need our physical care of them.

The good news is that the love bond we share with them is eternal. It is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Tyson continues to share your earthly journey just as he always has and always will. Your beloved Tyson's sweet Living Spirit is forever a part of you, asorryone. He is always and forever in your heart and your memories - - he is forever and eternally a heartbeat close to you.

One of the many things we struggle with during our grief journey is our faith beliefs because this grief journey brings us to our knees and leaves us feeling so vulnerable. The things that we "thought" we were so sure about now become questions instead of answers, and this world - - as you have so aptly stated - - does little to offer us the reassurance we so desperately need at a time that we find ourselves the most vulnerable and least able to cope.

I, personally, believe in a living and loving God who is Creator of all that lives - - even when it may seem to us in our very limited ability to understand - - there is no apparent sign of life. The love bond we share with our companions is an example of the eternal love that God has for ALL of His creation. It is a perfect kind of love that we do not share with our human family members or friends because there are always expectations with our human relationships. With our companions, all they ask is that we love them and take care of them to the best of our ability. They accept us for who we are - - not for what "society" expects us to be. Love does not die because we may not be blessed with the physical presence of someone we love - - whatever the life form. Love is eternal. Love is a LIVING and GROWING part of us, and this includes our beloved companions when they must precede us to the angels. Each of us must find our own path to what we believe. Please know that this is a journey you do not travel alone. The physical loss of a beloved companion can shake the faith of those who profess to have the strongest beliefs. Unfortunately there are no "easy answers" to the myriad of questions that overhelm us. On our own we can feel like we are adrift in a very angry ocean - - a "perfect storm" -- with no sign of escape. Together we are able to try to offer each other our support, encouragement, comfort, and hope that there is a "safe harbor" beyond the raging waves of the deepest sorrow we will know on this side of eternity. God promises us that we will be comforted in our time of deep sorrow. This wonderful forum is one of His answers to those of us who need a "safe harbor" from the relentless storm of this secular world that offers little comfort or tolerance for the deep sorrow we are feeling. It is a safe place where we can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds without fear.

I know there are no adquate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of loss and uncertainty you are feeling in your heart right now. I can only hope that the words I share with you will bring some level of comfort, support, and encouragement as you travel your grief journey.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Tyson with us. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture(s) of him with us - - but only if / when you want to. I hope today is treating you kindly, asorryone. Please know you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[asorryone]

Dear Moon_Beam,

I cannot express to you enough how grateful I am to you for writing to me, for taking the time to try and comfort me. You offer me a glimmer of hope in this world that is so very cruel and hostile. You are a good person and I wish you happiness and blessings.

Your reply to me was very inspirational and thought-provoking. I feel i am on a par with you and your thoughts. Life seems like such a long road complete with unexpected events and stomach-churning losses. My heart aches. Tyson is my first real experience of deep loss. I now live in anticipation for the worst - i cannot console myself. I think of my parents leaving this earth, my fathers heart troubles, i want so bad to be able to do something, or to know for certain that i shall be reunited with them again. I know i should not dwell on these thoughts but i cannot snap out of it. I hate being away from home, I feel as though I should be around my parents every minute, creating memories and telling them every second that i appreciate and love them very much. This state of reflection that I am in isnt allowing me to live my life normally - i have no desire to see my friends, to leave the house at all. My friends seem to not care about my situation. Whilst in college during weekdays I live in a house with 3 other friends and as these thoughts haunted me I cried most of the day and wanted to talk about my thoughts and worries but they did not want to listen and made that very clear.

I fear time - growing older, my parents growing older and facing loss of those i love. I feel that i could not live in a world without my family. I do not know how I will cope - i almost feel as though i cannot withstand with world and its harsh realities, i feel like when loss consumes me I will forever weep alone and cut myself off from the rest of the world. I am very scared.

I want so very much to get back to god. My youthful ignorance has lead me down the secular path. I look back on my years disgusted at my materialistic ways. But that was all youthful bliss and inexperience.

I look forward to further conversation with you Moon_Beam! I wish you all the best!

[moon_beam]

Hi, asorryone, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I am so sorry that your friends at college are unable to offer you the comfort and support you need in this time of deep sorrow. Clinical professionals now recognize that the deep sorrow we experience in the physical loss of a beloved companion is identical to the deep sorrow experienced in the physical loss of a human family member or friend. Unfortunately our society in general, and as in your case with your friends, do not accept this, which only adds to our burden of grief. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here for us to come to where we can share what is in our hearts and on our minds with others who truly do understand what we are going through.

Asorryone, please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling - - the desparate need to be with your family along with your fears -- is all a normal part of this deep grief. When we are experiencing a loss it does make us "re-evaluate" what is important to us. The "secular world" tells us one thing, the people who are in our lives tell us something different, and our hearts struggle to know what we "should believe." Scripture tells us "faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen." And "we walk by faith, not by sight." It takes a LOT of faith to trust in a Spirit beyond ourselves. It means surrendering our "control" of what happens to us to a Higher Being, who I call God. Believe me when I say this is a CONSTANT BATTLE and one that, for me, has more defeats than accomplishments. The good news is that hope does spring eternal - - and each battle brings us to a greater awareness of who we are - - both for better and for worse - - and who we would like to be. NONE of us will ever achieve perfection on this side of eternity, BUT the triumph comes in ENDURING through the journey and finding a faith that will help us carry on. King David's great song of praise "though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil" is truly an inspiration to me, and which I hold onto tenaciously each and every day.

The deep sorrow from the physical loss of your beloved Tyson has turned the life you have known and enjoyed upside down, and this is a normal part of the deep grief. Eventually as the deep sorrow eases in your heart you will begin to feel a reassurance again that life does have a meaning and a valued purpose, and you will once again find a "normalcy" return. This will be a good thing, asorryone. You will be changed from this experience, though, which will also be normal, for we are changed by each experience we have during our earthly journey. Hopefully as your deep grief eases, you will find your path on solid ground once again and a reassurance in the course of your continued earthly journey.

Asorryone, it is an honor for me to be a part of this wonderful forum and among our wonderful correspondents to try to offer comfort to you at this time of great sorrow in your life, and I hope that the words I share with you will continue to offer you comfort and inspiration in your journey. Please know you and your father are in my thoughts and prayers, and look forward to knowing how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[DannysMom]

Hello asorryone, please allow me to express to you my sincere sympathies on the loss of your dog Tyson. I am very sorry that you lost her at such a young age and so unexpected. It must have been difficult for you not to have been there for her burial, but it is a good thing that she was buried at a friend's place so that you can always visit her graveside. When our furry companions die it does really shake our world and we feel so lost and wonder if we'll see them again. Asorryone, I do believe there is a God and that there is an afterlife. God did not create anything temporal, including the animals. It would be such an act of cruelty for a loving God to create these beautiful creatures who give us so much love only to have them vanish forever after their death. It makes no sense, and there is evidence in the Bible that these beautiful creatures do have souls and that their souls live on. See Job 12:10 "In whose hand is the soul of every living thing, and the breath of all mankind." See also Revelation 5:13 "Then I heard every creature in heaven and on earth and under the earth and on the sea, and all that is in them, singing: "To him who sits on the throne and to the Lamb be praise and honor and glory and power, for ever and ever!"

Every creature includes the animals. In the initial creation all animals and humans were vegetarians, and so it shall be again one day, and the curse shall be lifted. Asorryone, I hope that this will give you a small measure of comfort. The grief journey is erratic and sometimes we take two steps backward before we take another step forward. Tyson was a very special dog, and she was deeply loved. Take time to grieve her death and to remember her.

Hugs,
DannysMom

[Gretta's Mom]

Hello asorryone,

Please accept my deepest condolences on the passing of beautiful Tyson. Almost exactly a year ago, my Gretta, the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived, passed into the Perfect World, from which she came. Moon Beam also helped me greatly both then and now. One things she said that reassured me that life, whether human or animal. DOES go on after the one on this earth was to let me know that Gretta was NOT gone, that she was only a breath away. I just couldn't see her. Over the past year my beliefs have enlarged and someday your suffering will ease to the point where you might be interested in them.

Another person who greatly influenced me was a elderly Black Baptist preacher who pointed out, with absolute conviction, that faith was a CHOICE. We CHOOSE to believe. Like MoonBeam says, we walk by faith and not by sight. Many years ago, my sister was what every single doctor at several major medical centers said "certain to die." Like you, in college I became the world's greatest atheist - partly in rebellion against my parents' strict Catholicism, partly because I was majoring in chemistry, which taught conservation of matter. But at the moment, that horrible crisis moment, I needed a miracle. And there was only one place I knew to go to ask for that and only one Person of whom to ask it. Sis's best friend took me to her Black Baptist church, where the sermon was "Give God a chance". I knew she must have tipped the preacher off but she swears to this day that she didn't. The next week the sermon topic was "Is there anything too hard for God?" I felt like he was preching directly to me. In my natal faith we didn't learn about things like this or talk or think this way.

SorryOne, you are such a young person to have to take on all of this intense sorrow. And you are at the point in your life when you DO question and change and go back and forth about your beliefs and about how the world works and what the meaning of life is. Now you have this excruciating sadness on top of all that. Listen to your own heart, no matter how painful and sad that is right now. The spark is there - you said it yourself, you want to find god. And that's all you have to do. He - by whatever name one calls him or it - will do the rest. This is know, yes know, that beautiful Tyson IS nearby you, only, as Moonbeam says, a breath away. Love is forever. It never dies. (There are lots of cheap songs about this but waht they don't realize is that they are speaking the truth.) Your love for Tyson and Tyson's love for you will always BE.

Right now your parents are giving you a great gift, the gift of an education, even if it means you are far from their physical presence. They do this because they love you and know that your education will make it possible for you to live a decent life in this oh-so-materialistic world. Keep good contact with them. If your father illness becomes critical, by all means go to him. Until then, honor him by using his gift of education in the best way possible. Other 20-year-olds, namely your housemates, do not yet know about such deep sorrow. Until they experience it for themselves (and they will, for this life is a vale of tears) their souls won't be pierced like yours has been and thus they will not be crushed into the deep life reflections you are experiencing now.

Sorry One, life is good... but Oh does it hurt sometimes!!!!! Is there a meditation or centering group on your campus? That's a way to connect with the spiritual without having to accept a specific set of beliefs. Plus, the relaxation practiced in meditation really does help to calm down your agony a little, for a while.

And, please, please keep us up on your journey. You've come to the right place. Everyone here has gone or is going through what you're going through now. Unfortunately, the welcome ceremony to LS is an extremely painful loss experience. But blessedly, we're a band of brothers and sister that truly understand and CARE about each other. Welcome, my friend.

In peace,

Gretta's mom

[asorryone]

Moon_Beam, DannysMom and GrettasMom there are no words that can describe how thankful and grateful I am for your very touching and comorting replies. I will be forever grateful and forever remember what each of you have shared with me and in turn taught me!

GrettasMom your comment that I am so young and my friends have not yet experienced such events is so very true. I struggle knowing that I have many more years in which those I love will be taken from me and I will have to live my life without them. Your suggestion that I join a meditation group is very interesting to me and I will follow up on it. I also am thinking about requesting a meeting with a college consellor, I know that i must reflect and talk about my emotions in order to grieve properly.

All of your religious comments are very endearing and further my want for a connection with God and a deep trust in him. I find you all exceptional people and I am so glad that i came across this forum!

My grief about dear Tyson has become easier to deal with as I am content that we gave her a very good life full of love and security. The most physical pain she endured was a scratch on her nose from a thornbush and she was fussed over for some time haha. I can look back fondly on such memories. There are no regrets, just pain from the loss of her phycial presence however now I feel content that she is waiting for us to join her one day and we will never have to worry about being parted again!

My difficulty lies in anticipating further loss. My parents are quite old in comparison to my friends parents and so my thoughts turn quick to losing them whlst my friends do not understand. My mother is 58 and my father is 63. My fathers heart condition has struck me with the death of Tyson and this state of deep sorrow and reflection consumes me. (please forgive me if i keep repeating myself in each post by the way!) I have even purchased a juicer recently and a book containing recipes for those with heart failure which helps lower blood pressue, colestorol etc ..i would do anything i could to restore health to either of my parents.

I am just so scared and confused. I feel unsure about everything - about the whole world around me. I feel as though the only people who truely care for me are my parents and one day they will not be here and I will be broken and unable to cope with it. These are horrible thoughts and I know my parents would not like me to be feeling this way. I keep trying to tell myself to spend as much time with them as possible now, create memories, tell them at each opportunity that you love and appreciate them and ensure no regrets! However this does not console me for long as my mind quickly turns to those burdensome thoughts once more.

I do not know what to do. I do not know what I am expecting of people, I dont know what I want you guys to say to me..i just know that i am helpless.

Thank you all for engaging with me! I am in a very sorrowful place right now but I feel safe and cared for here in this forum. Please know that you have all touched me deeply! I wish all the happiness and blessing upon you all and all of your situations/circumstances!

[Gretta's Mom]

OH, Tyson IS beautiful!!

I'm glad you're feeling a little better about one day seeing Tyson again. Your idea of seeing a college counselor is an excellent one. Tyson's passing has brought on a much larger dread - the loss of your parents. You're right about that being a problem for a professional. Good for you for thinking about it and doing it. Even if the counselor isn't perfect, he or she can point you to a person who maybe specializes in grief counseling. Do you have a med school at your campus? If so, that's a very good place to look for a professional to help you.

Please know that we are always ALWAYS here to support you, our new sister.

Have the best day possible my friend.

Gratta's mom

[xxForeverxx]

Hello asorryone

I just wanted to add my sincerest sympathies for your loss. It is never easy especially when they are still so young. He sounds like a beautiful boy and I am sure you gave him the best 6 years you could have. I am sure all of our babies are playing together at the rainbow bridge as they are all free of pain and sadness. One day you will meet again and I am sure there will be more love than ever before.

The one thing I notice with this site is just how many loving and caring pet owners there are out there. After hearing so many stories about pet neglect it is nice to come to a site where peoples pets are like their children. I am sure your Tyson was your child too.

All my love.

xxForeverxx

[Pippin's Mom Kel]

asorryone,

I've been reading this thread, and trying to think of the right thing to say. Firstly, let me say that I'm so very sorry for your loss of Tyson. I am so glad that you're now able to look back on Tyson's life and know that it was a good one. Let me also reassure you that what you are feeling right now is so very normal.

Your fears regarding your parents are also very normal. Once upon a time, we all think our parents are invulnerable. Of course they'll always be around! And then, for whatever reason, it strikes us that "Uh oh. Maybe... not." Sometimes it's the death of a family friend. Sometimes it's the death of a beloved animal companion. Sometimes it's someone's illness. You are at a stage in your life, as Gretta's Mom says, you really are in that questioning stage of life! You're figuring out who you are, who you want to be, what you believe - and what a terrible, precarious time to suffer such a great loss as that of your sweet Tyson. It sounds to me like your housemates may not be ready to try to understand this type of loss; it takes a great deal of love and maturity to experience and acknowledge what you're feeling. One thing that I am glad for, for you, is the lessons of love and kindness your Tyson has taught you. It is hard to believe it now, but you will have a happier, better life for it in the long run. I have no doubt that little Tyson is watching you right now, wishing she could comfort you, and thinking how lucky she is to have someone who loves her so much, still.

I feel weird giving advice, but I would like to give a little regarding your parents, and echo what others have said: your parents want you to get an education. Honor them by continuing to do so. If your father grows more ill, certainly go to be with him, but for now, honor him. At the same time, try not to leave things unsaid. After college, I lost my dear friend JT to testicular cancer. I never told him I loved him. I regret that. I learned from that lesson. So it is that when my father died at 49 from a sudden heart attack, my last words to him when he was being wheeled out the door by the EMTs were, "I love you." Those were his to me, as well. The next time I saw him, they were giving him CPR and trying to shock his heart back to life. That was so hard, and hurt so much - but I knew I said what I needed to, and that my father knew he was loved. Sometimes that's all we can do - let our loved ones, be they human or animal, know how dear they are to us.

Hang in there. The pain becomes less constant, less sharp over time. You will never stop loving Tyson, and you will always miss her - but it becomes easier to bear.

[asorryone]

Thank you all so much! I am so grateful for your help Please know that youve all helped me a great deal.

Pippins Mom Kel - Thank you so much for sharing with me! You are so right that all we can do is let them know how dear they are to us. I know I cant live in a constant state of anticipation for the worst. I must embrace what I have while I have it. Everyone has to go through loss at some stage. I just hope we will be reunited in heaven never to be parted again. The loss to Tyson was my first deep loss - someone that was a part of my everyday life. It just led me to spiral into thoughts of how tough life really is. Youve all helped me a great deal, Thank you for understanding and taking the time to share with me!