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> Trying To Cope With Loss Of My Cat, buried him yesterday
wittley
post Feb 6 2005, 09:31 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 69
Joined: 6-February 05
From: Cambridge, UK
Member No.: 687



I'm new to this site, but I'm finding it hard to cope with the loss of my beloved cat, Winston, who I lost yesterday. Friends & family are sympathetic, up to a point, but when I return to my home (I live alone with my other cat, Basil) I'm accutely aware that a presence is missing, of someone I loved dearly.
I moved in, with Basil, over 4 years ago. Winston made an appearance that winter, & it was obvious he was living rough. I let him come in the porch occasionally, & gave him food there - I was wary about taking him initially as I felt it wasn't fair on Basil. However, as the weather got colder & he wasn't looking too well, I took him in. I tried to find out, in the village, if anyone owned him, but no-one came forward. I got him checked out at the vet, who reckoned he was about 8 years old, & they gave him all the vaccinations etc; & he became a fully-fledged member of my little household.
In those early days he was difficult to love. He was very aggressive - often he attacked me if I stroked him. Just as often, he would attack me again if I stopped stroking him. He would frequently go for my toes, & I found the best thing was to stroke him briefly, then run quickly! For a smallish cat, he had tremendously strong jaws, & I often had painful bites on my hands! Poor Basil suffered too, & they decided from the start that they hated eachother. I got the strong impression Wisnton may have come from owners that had abused or teased him - although he had obviously been living wild for a while, he must have originally belonged to someone as he had been "done". I felt the best way to deal with his wild ways & his temper, was through love & patience. I didn't want to give him to a cats home as I didn't want to unsettle him even further - he was nervous & insecure as it was. It paid off. Within a year, he was a different cat. He was settled & secure. He was never a really affectionate cat, like Basil, but he had found a home he loved, he had calmed down alot, & occasionally made a grand noisy entrance with little presents for me (of the mouse variety).
Where Basil was/is big, soppy, fluffy & a bit silly, Winston was a real cat's cat - a black, lithe, sleek, lean mean killing machine. He was a very serious cat, but had occasions of being a little more light-hearted - he never did the "goldfish" (that writhing about on the floor thing that cats do) until one day when he saw Basil do it, & saw how the result was getting stroked & made a fuss of. After that he did it regularly. I grew to love Winston every bit as much as Basil. As well as that, I had enourmous respect for him. He was a highly intelligent cat, who had got used to living by his wits. He was survivor. He was also a very regal cat - he had dignity, poise & grace, & was permanently in stealth mode. The 2 cats still didn't like eachother very much, but they learned to tolerate eachother.
Late Autumn last year, he seemed to have trouble eating, & was starting to lose weight. The vet said he had a bad gum infection, plus needed some teeth removing. This was done, & he was then on a course of antibiotics for a while. He improved for a short while, then started losing more weight, & seemed to have very little energy. Blood tests were done, & they suspected thyroid problems, plus a cold. Having previously slept in the living room, he then decided to make a home for himself under my bed. He seemed too tired to move half the time, so I put his food & water under there, & he went out once or twice a day to do his business outside. The day he passed water on the floor under the bed, I knew something was very wrong. He was always such a clean, dignified animal & would normally never do that. More blood tests were done. I thought maybe it was just old age (maybe the vets had got his age wrong) & didn't want to admit it may be leaukaemia, or feline aids. A few days later, the vet phoned me up at work & dealt me the blow that Winston had aids. I was devastated. I read up on it, & found that it's very common in strays & feral cats. Cats can live quite happlily for years with the virus, but Winston now had fully blown aids, & he was catching any cold or infection that was going. He was also anaemic, & by now had lost 2kg in weight. Despite this, he still seemed bright-eyed, & still purred when I stroked him, although to do so, I had to shift the mattress so I could stroke him through the slats in the bed. He now lived under there, & had a litter tray under there, so he was warm, comfortable & self-contained, & refused to come out. He had a steroid injection, & tablets to help get rid of the anaemia. This was about 2 weeks ago. Last week, he stopped eating. I tried to tempt him with everything: beef mince (which he loves), fresh fish, liver; but he wasn't interested. On saturday morning, when I saw he had eaten nothing for the third day in a row, I took him to the vet. Before I went, I carried him around the garden, which he hadn't seen for some time - his old hunting ground. We stood there in the spring sunshine for a few minutes. I had told him many times that I loved him, but I wish I'd told him again then at that point - I didn't realise it would be last time he saw home. At the vet I asked if there was any injection, anything, that could give him some strength back. The vet shook his head, & said his time has come. I could either do it now, or do it in a few days. Winston had lost another half a kilo in a week, & barely had the energy to even stand. Much as I was nowhere near ready for it, I realised it was the kindest thing to do. I find it hard to cry in front of other people, but at that point I just broke down, & just about managed to get the words out - ok, do it now, if you think that's best. I held him for a few minutes, my tears streaming onto his head. I stroked him as they put the needle in, & told him how sorry I was. He went quickly. My boyfriend drove back as I held him to my chest, his tiny body lifeless. We buried him in the garden yesterday afternoon, in his favourite spot. Then we went to a local garden centre, where I bought a couple of plants to put on his grave, & a found a garden sculpture of a proud, slim, upright cat -just the pose he always adopted - & put that on there as well. I've been inconsolable ever since. My boyfriend has been brilliant, & I love Basil with all my heart, but nothing can fill the gap left by Winston. From being a bad-tempered aggressive animal, he had grown into a fine, handsome, well-behaved dignified & loving cat, that I had loved & respected with all my heart. The 4 years he was with me were far too short. I had no idea that the whole time he had been living on borrowed time. I realise now that he knew he was dying, & was just waiting to die, under the bed. My mother said that when she was young, she had 2 dogs, who, when their time came, left the house & went into the woods & lay there. Animals know these things. My only hope is that he knew how very much he was loved. I just wish I had had more of a chance, in those past few weeks, to cuddle him, instead of reaching under the bed to stroke him. And I regret all those times, when he had been healthy, when he had wanted to sit on my lap, but I had been too busy doing something round the house. And I hope he hadn't been lonely, lying under the bed while I was at work all day. I hope that somewhere there is a cat heaven, where he's scampering about, in full health, in the sunshine. He was such a strong character & things aren't the same without him & I just miss him, so, so much, my little soldier.
Thankyou so much for reading this.
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My beloved Winston passed away Saturday Feb 5th, due to becoming very ill from aids. Winston, my little soldier, I love you so very much, and for always. I look forward to the day I will see you again, at Rainbow Bridge
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Caroline
post Feb 6 2005, 09:45 PM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 171
Joined: 12-January 05
Member No.: 659



Wittley- your Winston was a beutiful and loved kitty. I am so sorry for your loss. My dog Lucy passed away on Friday night. We had her euthanised when it became apparent that she was quickly losing her battle with lymphoma. I am still in shock and grieveing intensely. It helps to come on the board and feel supported. I miss Lucy so much...I can barely breathe. She was only five, so like Winston, she was too young to go. I felt she knew it was time, and I could never let her suffer. I just loved (and continue to love) her too much. It sounds like you were able to lay Winston to rest in a beautiful place. I am sure he is at peace. What a loving person you were to take him in. You gave him such an incredible gift...to know that kind of love before the end. I know you must miss Winston...I miss Lucy more than anything in the world. This has been one of the hardest weekends of my life. I hope we both have the strength to get through this. I know Winston and Lucy would want us to. You are in my prayers...
Caroline
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Pamela
post Feb 6 2005, 10:43 PM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 496
Joined: 6-November 04
From: Lynden, Wa
Member No.: 548



I loved your story of Winston. I am sorry he died. I learned about feline aids a few years ago, most are born with it, and they transfer it sexually so you can imagine the number of cats that have it. So the numbers keep building over the years. It was amazing. I was shocked that cats could contract aids!
Winston was so lucky to have found you, I think when they are lost and hungry they can sence out certian kinds of people, the ones that they may have a chance with. How kind of you to take him in and love him. I know it is hard to get used to them not being with us, but I really believe that we all will be reunited on that bueatiful day that is yet to come. Pamela


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Moose, you were a gift for my heart and my soul. I am so thankful to have had you. I love you forever My Mooser.1995-2004
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Ann H
post Feb 6 2005, 11:07 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 1,165
Joined: 31-October 04
Member No.: 538



Wittley, I am so very sorry that your beautiful little Winston passed away. That was a wonderful name for him I really like it. He looks my my daughters cat that is dying from cancer, they didn't expect him to live past September but he is still with us.

Your love for Winston is a beautiful love story it was wonderful to read he went from a cat that was hard to love to the beautiful loving furbaby he became. I'm am glad he was able to come to love and trust you and return your love. It is so sad that you only had 4 short years with him. I am sure he knew the wonderful care you gave him and how very much you loved him. It is very difficult to help them out of their pain but love helps us to do what is best for them and to give them that last gift.
Ann


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My girls went to the Rainbow Bridge 6 weeks and 3 days apart.
Snookie had cushing's disease, and later developed diabetes. Both had cancer, Snookie had cancer of the liver, and Chili Bean had cancer of the pallet. Chili Bean was our son's chihuahua but we kept her often throughout her life and she stayed with us for the last 9 months of her life. Chili Bean also had asthma and heart failure. We will see you in Heaven my precious darlings.


Snookie Lynn Howard
2-04-94 - 12-26-04


Senorita Chili Bean Bubbles Howard
11-05-94 - 11-11-04
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deedee
post Feb 7 2005, 10:50 AM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 234
Joined: 23-June 04
Member No.: 379



I am sorry for your loss. You were both blessed to have each other in your lives. Winston got a great home, got to die with dignity, and had love and companionship because of your love and patience. You got to see how a wild creature became gentler and capable of forming a bond with a human. I know you miss him! It is always so hard to make that tough decision. But you gave him a good life and a good death which was keeping your end of the arrangement.
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jillybromley
post Feb 8 2005, 05:13 PM
Post #6





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 273
Joined: 5-December 04
From: UK
Member No.: 594



Dear Wittley
I'm so sorry to hear that you have lost your dear Winston. He sounds such a brave boy. How happy he must have been to have found such a wonderful warm and loving home with you after a pretty rocky start in life.
It sounds as if you worked wonders with him and his nature. It is not often that you can get a cat to trust again once they have lost trust in humans. But you managed to do it ... you must be a very special person to have been able to do that.

Wittley, you say you hope there is a cats heaven ... there is ... Here's the Rainbow Bridge poem in case you haven't seen it yet. Rainbow Bridge is where all our babies go when they leave this world. It's where they are restored to health again and wait for us. I hope it brings you some comfort.

Rainbow Bridge

There is a bridge connecting heaven and earth
It is called Rainbow Bridge because of its many colours
Just this side of the Rainbow Bridge there is a land of meadows,
hills, valleys with lush green grass
When a beloved pet dies, the pet goes to this special place
There is always food and water and warm spring weather
The old and frail are young again
Those who are maimed are made whole again
They play all day with each other
There is only one thing missing
They are not with their special person who loved them on Earth
So each day they run and play until the day comes
when one suddenly stops playing and looks up !
The nose twitches ! The ears are up !
The eyes are staring ! And this one suddenly runs from the group !
You have been seen, and when you and your special friend meet,
you take him or her into your arms and embrace
your face is kissed again and again,
and you look once more into the eyes of your trusting pet
Then you cross the Rainbow Bridge together, never again to be separated

With love
jilly


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ELLIE, my beautiful precious baby. 1st Sept 2003 - 3rd Dec 2004.
Rest peacefully my little sweetheart.
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