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Lightning-Strike Pet Loss Support Forum _ Death and Dying Pet Support _ Two Months Without Lacy

Posted by: drifty1027 Apr 22 2005, 06:13 PM

I haven't written for sometime because it has been so hard for me but I have
read so much of what all of you have said and it sure hits home.
I lost my Lacy 2 months ago. Yes, it is easier than the first few weeks but
sometimes the pain is still unbearable. I still catch myself looking for her
and waiting for her little command to let me know when she was hungry.
Or just any little bark to let me know she was there. I also feel like
Abby's mom, I don't think I can get another baby . I don't think I can take
this pain again.I have had other dogs that I lost when I was younger and I don't
remember that hurt being this bad. Maybe because I am older, 44, that
has something to do with it.

We have 2 other dogs , Weimaraners, Duke and Roxy who are 12.
When we took them for the yearly shots in march, the vet took blood just
to check to make sure all was o.k. Well, Roxy's liver numbers were up
and we had to wait about a month for a recheck. We did that this week
and now the Vet says the numbers are still up and she could possibly
have Cushings disease. I have to take her for a test in 2 weeks. He said if that
comes back negative, we are probably looking at Liver cancer. She doesn't even act like anything is wrong. She is eating and drinking like normal.

I really wasn't ready for this bad news. I am still grieving over Lacy being gone
and just the thought of losing another baby this soon is just killing me. My life
feels like a roller coaster. Just when I think I am doing o.k., I just lose it.

Lacy is buried in our backyard and I went to her grave today and just cried
my eyes out. Then just the thought of her little body being buried in the
ground hit me so hard. I just don't know when this all will end.

Reading all of these post at LS have been so helpful because I know we all
can relate to each other. I just feel myself in so many of them.

Thanks for being there,
Julie

Posted by: FurBabyMom Apr 22 2005, 06:19 PM

Sorry to hear you got bad news about Roxy. I will keep positive thoughts that everything will turn out good.

Hugs,
Dawn

Posted by: CheriAnn Apr 22 2005, 06:31 PM

I am SO sorry to hear that Roxy may be very sick now. I KNOW you must feel devastated!!! There are others here that have been forced to deal with such sad events so close together. I'm sure they will offer you some valuable advice. For now I just wanted to let you know that I am thinking of you and sending my prayers.

Cheri

Posted by: Nanpacific Apr 22 2005, 09:23 PM

Dear Julie,

I am so sorry about Roxy. I hope and pray it is not cancer.

My heart goes out to you. I lost my Sasha to cancer, and my other dog Skipper, is almost 13. I worry about her constantly as I am not ready to go through that emotional roller coaster again. It has been about 2 1/2 months for me and it has not been easy.

Keep us posted on Roxy. I am thinking of you and sending positive thoughts your way.

Nancy

Posted by: Jazzygirl Apr 22 2005, 11:21 PM

Hi Julie,
I'm so sorry to hear your news. I worry constantly that my other dog will fall ill suddenly just like Jasmine, or that something will go wrong. I will send out positive thoughts that Roxy will be okay. Perhaps it's just old age??
I love Weimeraners...they are "cousins" to my breed, German Shorthairs. That pic you posted is beautiful.
I too face uncertainty about getting another dog. Bailey is 8 and just knowing in time I'll have to deal with his passing is a nightmare to me. He's my cuddle bug and I've never known another dog like him. I couldnt' bear it.
I'm sure Ann will post in here and perhaps she can help you through this since she lost 2 of her babies close together. But in the meantime, we'll just keep thinking positive thoughts.
Audrey

Posted by: Ann H Apr 23 2005, 03:10 AM

Dear Julie, I know you must be missing your precious Lacy so much and the heartbreak of thinking about losing Roxy feels almost more than you can take. The loss of one is just terrible to live through but a second one just about destroys the heart, soul, and mind. The pain is horrific and more.

We lost our little Chili Bean a sweet chihuahua. We did not even know that she had cancer. She was being treated for asthma and for congestive heart failure. The day I took her to the vet she was suffocating. The cancer hit a couple of nerves in her face, she had cancer of the upper pallete. She had just turned 10 and the vet said he could do surgery but that he didn't think she would pull through given her age and health. He recommended putting her to sleep. It hurt me so bad to have her put to sleep.

Months before that my little Snookie was so sick she had to go into the hospital and we were afraid she would not make it. Up until that day she was eating and playing like a puppy. After many tests such as blood work, ultrasounds, biopsies and other test she was diagnosed with liver cancer and cushings disease. Whenever she would throw up green bile I would rush her back to the hospital, she also had slimy dark red blood in her poo poo when she became so sick.

Later the cancer spread to other places I ran her from vet to vet they all said no operation could save her. They said she might live to August. She was in and out of the hospital but would always recover. Then she got diabetes which the vet said was most likely caused by the cushings. She could not hang on, her pancreas shut down and the day after Christmas she left this world. Snookie was almost 11.

So we lost both our babies just 6 weeks and 3 days apart. I thought I would lose my mind. I might have had it not been for all the wondeful people here at LS. I have never had such pain in all my life, my world crashed in all around me.

I have never been the same since. The first few weeks after Snookie died I lost over 30 pounds. I could not eat or sleep. I had a secret desire to go be with my girls. I tortured myself with the pictures I took of Snookie when she was sick, and of those I took after she died. My grand daughter asked me if I was going to die like Chili Bean and Snookie die. I looked at those tears streaming down her face and knew I had to do something so I went to the doctor.

The pain of not knowing when my Snookie might leave me was so terrible I cried every day for almost 11 months. I clung to her, stayed with her almost 24/7 I was so afraid she would die without me. I took many pictures, cut some of her hair off to put it in a locket, made a foot print of her and things like that. She was already spoiled rotten but I spoiled her every more. I sniffed her hair often so I would never forget what it was like.

I know the torment you are feeling and I am so sorry if they can't save your little girl. Should you baby be sick we will help you all you can. It will be the worst pain you have ever felt in your life should you lose Roxy too. But we will help you and as horrific as the pain will be you will make it through.

Oh I meant to say that unless Snookie was having a real bad time she ate and ate and ate. The vet said she was famished because of the cushings and I let her eat all she wanted. Poor baby could never seem to get full because of it, she was hungry all the time. I know this is long but I wanted you to tell you the whole story. I know the pain and torment you are feeling.
Hugs, Ann

Posted by: jzzlvr13 Apr 23 2005, 09:34 AM

Hi Julie,
I know what you are feeling. We took Sam in for his annual exam and when the bloodwork came back were told he had kidney disease and was given four months. Your world changes in an instant. We were able to keep him for eleven months but it was a tough go. Our other girl, Trouble, lived to be eighteen. She had Cushings for probably five years and did fine. Hopefully you will find that it is something treatable. I can't imagine going through this twice in a short period and hopefully you won't have to.
Good luck.
Barbara and Sam

Posted by: drifty1027 Apr 23 2005, 06:58 PM

Thank you all for your comforting words. It helps to know there are others
out there that feel the pain. I will keep you posted when we find out
the test results. Please keep us in your prayers.

You are all such a wonderful and compassionate group of people.

Julie

Posted by: Dawn Apr 24 2005, 04:58 AM

I am so sorry to hear of your loss, i too have lost several loved ones. The last just a week ago. Both of my last babies were very ill, and it took alot of strength watching them go. You have my thoughts with you and just know that whatever love you can give them is the best that you can do sometimes. Keep fighting. There are alot of animals out there that do not have a home or the love that they need. That helps me to get threw the tough times. I hope things work out, i'll be watching for postings to hear what happens.
Dawn

Posted by: luv_my_catz Apr 24 2005, 09:15 AM

Dear Julie,

My heart goes out to you , I can identify with the feelings you have expressed regarding Roxie ~ of"what if"~ I am relating this same feeling state in thinking about my remaining pet also ~ I was just remembering of what someone once reminded me during this time of personal devestation and grief ~that the level to which we are able to love and feel joy ~ it the level that we grieve ~ It did not take away my sadness ~ however it does help me to know and remember that it is the LOVE that in the interwoven golden thread in all of my sorrows ~ we all have LOVED and continue to love even more ~ and in the end it will and already has made the universe sing ~

The reason I have brought this forward today is because I too get pulled into the shadows of my pain ~ Something I have noticed is that my heart actually does ache ~ a whirl of cold smoke blows in my soul ~ I hear your fear ~ because it is also mine ~ I have to think that remembering and then fostering the love is really the underlying thing that is getting us through ~ that God is holding us in the hollow of his hand ~

I also wanted to say something about the pawprint that Ann mentioned ~ because I never thought of this in my hours of grief nor at the end ~ yet ~ last night in the mail I did receive one from my Vet ~ I just cried such tears of so many emotions sitting there in the car by the mailboxes ~ It cleansed my heart ~ that is still so heavy with sorrow ~

I continue to find strength here ~ everyone is a ray of light and hope ~ please know my thoughts are with you ~ I wish You Comfort, Peace and Healing , Kathryn