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> Bob Lost His Battle With Fiv...devastated, missing him every minute of every day
BobsMama
post Dec 1 2012, 03:47 PM
Post #1





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 26-November 12
From: New Brunswick, Canada
Member No.: 7,839



First off I will say this is a very long story and I apologise, but I feel I must get it all out. Thank you to the creators of this forum, it has helped me just reading others' stories and experiences this week.

I still cannot believe he is truly gone. We said goodbye to the love of our lives, Bob, only 8 days ago....he was the most special cat I have ever known. I know most people say that about their pet, but he really was the most awesome friend anyone could ask for. When we'd come home, Bob was always there at the door waiting to greet us. He slept on our laps, always wanted to be under the covers at bedtime, could fetch and hit paper balls better then most baseball players...and snored louder than most humans. He never meowed, and I only ever heard him hiss twice, both times when I accidentally stepped on his tail (sorry buddy), and afterwards he felt so bad he'd run right back to me for a cuddle.

Bob was only 7.5 yrs old, and was in fairly good health. We found him at age 3 at the local SPCA almost 5 years ago, and he was truly meant to be our cat...the first time we met him, he had been at the SPCA for a very long time, came in as a stray un-neutured, pretty beat up looking cat with scars on his nose and chunks out of his ear, this cat definitely had a story, and was exactly what I was looking for. I didn't want a "pretty" or perfect cat, I wanted one that had little chance to be picked by a "normal" family...the SPCA was super over crowded being springtime, and this was back when they still put some to sleep due to over-crowding. Never having a pet before, my fiance and I discussed..were we ready to take on a fur kid? Could we afford it? We felt a strong connection with Bob, but we decided to go home and think about it. Later on in the week we decided to go back to the SPCA and adopt Bob, but he was gone...we asked and although dissapointed that he had been adopted, at least he was not put down. We were crushed, and met another nice kitty, but didnt feel that same connection we did with Bob. Again, we left empty handed.

Three weeks later we headed back to the SPCA for another look. Still super over-crowded, we made our way through all the kitty rooms...so many sweet little faces. Still feeling unsure, we started to leave...but my fiance stopped and looked in the small kitten room just off the main lobby, we hadnt looked in there before since we werent looking for a kitten, but decided to stop on our way out. I looked to the very last cage in the room and there was the most handsome cat I have ever seen. He looked so firmiliar....that half moustache...and chunk out of his ear...Bob...?! I read the card..."BOB" had been returned to the SPCA, due to being a little too rough with the other cats at the home where he was adopted. I was so happy I almost cried...."Bob, he's back!" I shouted to my fiance. We took him to the meet and greet room and that was it, Bob would be coming home later in the week with us.

We had almost 5 wonderful years together as a family. About a year or so after coming home with us, Bob got very ill, and we believed at the time he may have ate something in the porch (he was an indoor only cat, although I did take him out on a leash in the backyard occaisionally). We thought he may have gotten into a bag full of gladiola bulbs that were just dug up from the garden. He was vomitting and we took him to the vet, were his liver was determined to have been damaged by possibly eating something (we had a liver biopsy, multiple vet visits, etc) he was on pills and special food for almost a year and finally his liver returned to normal. Then about a year ago in January 2012, he was diagnosed with FLUTD after we found some blood by his litter box, and we started feeding him the vet food and everything returned to normal, however he did gain some weight during this time, he was a pretty big boy at about 17 pounds.

3 weeks ago his appetite decreased (not like him at all) and over the long weekend he did not had a bowel movement, after 5 whole days and still nothing we took him to the vet when they reopened on Tuesday, he was given an enema, xrays, blood work, everything appeared normal except his creatinine was way up...kidney problems? Xrays showed kidneys were enlarged and there were two very small dots on the xrays not really attached to anything, calcium deposits? Cancer? The next day he was still not eating, not drinking much so back to the vet for appetite stimulant, pain meds & sub-q fluids, and the vet showed us how to do them at home which we starting doing twice a day. I begin force-feeding with a syringe. 2 days later he still was not eating, back to the vet for fine needle aspirate to culture his urine to check for infection..the test took 48 hours and it was Wedsnesday night, we wouldn't have the results until Monday sad.gif
By Friday he still awsnt eating, nor drinking...back to the vet for IV fluids for 4 hours and an anti-inflammatory/anti-nausea pill. Monday rolls around and the test results are here: no kidney infection sad.gif This was bad news and we knew it. By Tuesday morning he was very groggy, I think it was the first time he had slept in days since we think he had a reaction to the pain meds given earlier in the week, he just seemed to sit and stare, never sleeping. Wednesday morning was the beginning of the end, we awoke and Bob was very confused, staring at walls, wedging him between the bed and the night table, just pointing his nose in the corner, unable to figure out how to back it up, pacing around the room, repeat. Howled out in pain twice, and now is sniffing like he has a cold on top of everything else and we rushed him back to the vet (#4 time). Two tests given: Feline leukemia-negative, FIV - positive. Definitely an upper respitory infection the dr. says and tells me since he is an FIV cat that the anti-biotics we gave him earlier in the week never would have worked and this could turn into full blown pnumonia quickly, so we give him a stronger anti biotic and more pain meds...kidney levels has strangely returned to normal. She said by Friday if things do not seem to turn around and he is still not eating, or going to the bathroom we should make a decision if he is still very confused, etc. She said FIV is definitely not a death sentence and many cats have it and lead normal lives, but if the confusion and dementia continue they are signs of FIV and there is definitely something else going on most probably cancer of the stomac since FIV cats are more likely to have those and we can continue to do procedures but in the end we may not be able to cure him since he does have FIV. The FIV did explain many of the small issues we had with him over the years: runny eyes that never seemed to clear up, stuffed nose, teeth loss and bad breath.

The rest of Wednesday and Thursday are pretty much a blur, with Bob's condition rapidly deteriorating, and Thursday evening my fiance phones the vets office to make Bob's final appointment so we can say goodbye at 2:20 on Friday. Thursday night stayed with him and he didn't sleep a wink, still pacing around and around the room and when he'd stop he would just stare at the wall. It was horrible to see my best friend like this, at one point I put him up on the bed with me and just held him and told him it would be okay. Later on he decided it was time to pace some more, but instead of using the small tables/chairs I had around the bed to get down, he tried to jump, but ended up landing on his side and could not get back up sad.gif I was pretty much hysterical at this point. My poor, poor sweet Bob. What was this? Why could I not help him? At around 6 am he tried going to the bathroom (#1) for the last time...and it just dripped out, he could barely stand up to go...and by the end was falling over and I had to help him out of the litter box. At this point I made the decision we could not wait any longer, he needed to go to the vet now. I could not stand seeing him suffer like this any longer and losing his dignity. Up until this point I had never even heard of FIV. I couldn't believe I had lost my best friend so quickly to this disease.

Going to the vet last week was the hardest thing we have ever done. I've never said goodbye to a pet like this...the dr. says we made the right decision, but I still have my doubts. Did we really do enough for him? Should we have gone to the vet more then 5 times? Would it have made a difference with the FIV?? Did I do the right thing? Did I force feed him enough? Was there any other tests? Was it really dementia or was he having a worse reaction to the pain medication? Would he have snapped out of it had we waited? He definitely seemed like he was gone in the last couple days, not even a glimmer of himself though. Last but not least, did he really have FIV? I read that if cats are vaccinated against it already they will forever show a false positive result...and if it wasnt FIV, was there anything else we could have done. Since we couldnt bare to have a post-mortem done on him we will never truly know what the cause of the sickness was (cancer, tumour, etc). I miss him so much.

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sad_debra
post Dec 2 2012, 04:25 AM
Post #2





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 16
Joined: 3-January 09
Member No.: 5,409



I'm so sorry about the loss of your Bob. I am up at this hour because my kitty, Tess, has end stage cancer. We are getting near the end now and nights are difficult sometimes. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Bob was saved once by you when you brought him home from the shelter and he had many wonderful years being loved by you. I feel much the way you are feeling...if I had only done more for Tess. If I'd had decided to put her through more surgery and treatment would she be better and live longer? Is there something I could do now that would buy her more time? But then I realize that I'm just a mortal, I don't have the power of life and death. I can only do the best I can when dealing with all this. I might make mistakes but ultimately, nature is going to take it's course regardless of what I do. I think we should remember this is all out of our control and not beat ourselves up about the what ifs. Take it easy on yourself. You have enough to deal with without the pain of all that guilt.
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BobsMama
post Dec 2 2012, 10:08 AM
Post #3





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 26-November 12
From: New Brunswick, Canada
Member No.: 7,839



QUOTE (sad_debra @ Dec 2 2012, 05:25 AM) *
I'm so sorry about the loss of your Bob. I am up at this hour because my kitty, Tess, has end stage cancer. We are getting near the end now and nights are difficult sometimes. I'm sure I don't have to tell you that Bob was saved once by you when you brought him home from the shelter and he had many wonderful years being loved by you. I feel much the way you are feeling...if I had only done more for Tess. If I'd had decided to put her through more surgery and treatment would she be better and live longer? Is there something I could do now that would buy her more time? But then I realize that I'm just a mortal, I don't have the power of life and death. I can only do the best I can when dealing with all this. I might make mistakes but ultimately, nature is going to take it's course regardless of what I do. I think we should remember this is all out of our control and not beat ourselves up about the what ifs. Take it easy on yourself. You have enough to deal with without the pain of all that guilt.


I'm so sorry to hear about Tess. sad.gif *hugs* I know the nights are hard aren't they? Its difficult not to ask all these questions and wonder if we could have possibly done anything else....or would those things just have made things worse. Its the not knowing that drives me a bit crazy I think...
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moon_beam
post Dec 2 2012, 10:40 AM
Post #4


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Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, BobsMama, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Bob. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

BobsMama, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Among the many different emotions we all experience is guilt / remorse, which are among the hardest to reconcile. Unfortunately we are not omnipotent - - we do not have the privilege of foresight - - only the wisdom that comes from hindsight, and it is from the looking back AFTER we come through an experience - - like the physical loss of a beloved companion - - that we sometimes can then understand some of the things that didn't quite make sense at the time they were happening - - which then become the source of our guilt / remorse. It is a part of this grief journey to ask all the "what ifs" and "whys" - - because our hearts are trying to make sense from the deepest pain we will know on this side of eternity - - the deep seering pain of sorrow of having to adjust our lives that no longer includes the physical presence of our beloved companion.

This grief journey is one of adjustment, and it is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" - - and it can feel that with every minute of every hour of every day your heart will break anew. And with the holidays upon us you may find your deep grief intensifying because what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" is now in reality "the most horrible time of the year". It is hard to feel jolly and festive when your heart is breaking in deep sorrow.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Bob share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Bob's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories, BobsMama - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. This journey can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time, BobsMama. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bob with us, BobsMama. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, BobsMama, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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BobsMama
post Nov 21 2013, 08:27 PM
Post #5





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 7
Joined: 26-November 12
From: New Brunswick, Canada
Member No.: 7,839



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Dec 2 2012, 12:40 PM) *
Hi, BobsMama, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Bob. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Euthanasia is the last gift of love we can give to our companions at great sacrifice to ourselves so that they can be restored to their former youthfulness in the company of the angels.

BobsMama, this grief journey is filled with many different emotions that usually overwhelm us all at one time - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. Among the many different emotions we all experience is guilt / remorse, which are among the hardest to reconcile. Unfortunately we are not omnipotent - - we do not have the privilege of foresight - - only the wisdom that comes from hindsight, and it is from the looking back AFTER we come through an experience - - like the physical loss of a beloved companion - - that we sometimes can then understand some of the things that didn't quite make sense at the time they were happening - - which then become the source of our guilt / remorse. It is a part of this grief journey to ask all the "what ifs" and "whys" - - because our hearts are trying to make sense from the deepest pain we will know on this side of eternity - - the deep seering pain of sorrow of having to adjust our lives that no longer includes the physical presence of our beloved companion.

This grief journey is one of adjustment, and it is a journey that will not be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" - - and it can feel that with every minute of every hour of every day your heart will break anew. And with the holidays upon us you may find your deep grief intensifying because what is supposed to be "the most wonderful time of the year" is now in reality "the most horrible time of the year". It is hard to feel jolly and festive when your heart is breaking in deep sorrow.

The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Bob share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Bob's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories, BobsMama - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will somehow be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey. This journey can only be traveled in your own way and in your own time, BobsMama. One of the many things you need to remember is that you are not alone. Each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Bob with us, BobsMama. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only when / if you want to. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, BobsMama, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam



moon_beam I just wanted to say thank you so much for your kind words. Its been almost a year to the day since we lost Bob and I am still grieving. I really wanted to respond to you when you replied, but honestly I couldn't find the words/strength to do so. I have thought about this website many times over the past year and can't imagine what I would have done without it. I still feel/felt very alone, but it did help to know others had gone through similar situations and I tried to stop doubting myself and my decisions. I still miss Bob every day and will continue to do so until the day I die. At least one good thing came out of this, I'm not afraid to die anymore, because I'm really hoping when I do he and I will be together again when that day comes. We have since adopted another tuxedo cat, and he is a real sweetheart. But Bob will always be the most special to me. I honestly feel like I would grieve less over most of the humans I know, that's probably terrible to say, but its true. He truly was my little side-kick, and that part of life just feels empty now that he's gone.
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moon_beam
post Nov 22 2013, 03:41 PM
Post #6


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Group: Moderators
Posts: 8,088
Joined: 20-July 08
From: Virginia
Member No.: 4,861



Hi, BobsMama, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal when you share with us: "I honestly feel like I would grieve less over most of the humans I know . . ." Clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend. When our companions come into our hearts, our lives are changed for the better. They give to us their unconditional love and undivided attention, and we in turn surrender ourselves to them without hesitation or fear of rejection. With our human relationships there are expectations - - some we can meet and some we cannot. Depending on the expectations we cannot meet determines the course of the human relationship - - if it will thrive or if it will fail. Our companions do not care what our limitations are, if we are independently weathly or financially destitute, if we live in a mansion or a modest structure or a tent or under a highway overpass, they don't care if we are stunning to look at or bear scars of life's experiences, - - they just love and accept us for who we are. This doesn't mean we love our human family members and friends less - - it simply means that our relationship with them is entirely on a different level from our relationships with our companions.

Just because the calendar indicates that a year has transpired since our beloved companions preceded us to the angels does not mean that our sorrow automatically disappears. It simply means that we have endured through the "first withouts" in our continued earthly adjustment journey. Of course your heart will continue to miss your beloved Bob - - the good news is that your beloved Bob's sweet Living Spirit is forever with you continuing to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will - - for he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And he wants you to enjoy your new precious companion. No, your relationship with your new little companion is not the same as you share with your beloved Bob - - it isn't meant to be. Your new companion just wants to have his own special place in your heart - - a place that belongs only to him.

I hope today is treating you kindly, BobsMama, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Bob's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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MaryB
post Dec 30 2013, 12:07 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 15
Joined: 18-December 13
From: The Crossroads of America
Member No.: 8,178



I've lost two FIV+ cats and I have another now.
I'm not an expert on FIV...But it has seemed to me that they can live happy, healthy lives until they get sick. And when they get sick, they get really sick.

Skinny was very sick when we found him. Just a weakened walking skeleton really. We took him in and nursed him back to health as best we could. He was happy and loved, but he never really recovered. He was with us for about a month when he started to get weak and confused and sick again.

When we moved into our house, everybody in the the cat family caught some type of URI. And everyone got better - even my 19 year old - except for Kingsford. He got sick and he wouldn't eat or drink. We thought about a feeding tube, but he weakened so quickly they weren't sure he could survive the surgery. I would feed him little licks of canned food and all-meat baby food and syringes of water, but it just wasn't enough to keep him going. He died one morning in my husband's arms.

Which brings us to Cosmo the Microcat. He's also FIV+. Perfectly healthy at the moment and rambunctious as anything. I hope he has a long stretch of years with us, but I know that we'll love him no matter what.
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