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Vanaja11
48 years old
Female
England
Born Jan-5-1972
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Joined: 12-August 14
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Last Seen: 18th September 2015 - 10:53 AM
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Vanaja11

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22 Aug 2014
After losing a cat to a car in 1998 I moved to a quieter area away from main roads and bordering a country park.

For years everything was fine. Over the past years I have adopted 3 dogs and 7 cats (officially) and have 2 strays coming to me for food and the occasional ear scratch. I also had a neighbour's cat move in with me for a while.

Since moving, and up to two weeks ago I had lost all the dogs and one of the cats to nothing more sinister than old age. I had been with all of them when they moved on from this life.

Early this year I had to rush my kitten to the emergency vet with pancreatitis. He spent a few days in hospital but was ok.

Two months ago one of my cats came home with a puncture wound in her throat. I rushed her to the emergency vet, who initially thought it was a bite. Then they did an x-ray and found an air gun pellet in her chest cavity. She spent half the following two weeks in hospital but came through ok. I was devastated and angry; reported it to the police but have heard nothing.

It took me a while to settle down from that. I had just started sleeping better when on August 8th I was woken by one of my neighbours banging on my door. She had found a black and white cat on her lawn and said it looked like the cat was dying. I have 3 black and whites so went running down the street to find my Horace lying on his side, unresponsive, mouth open and tongue curled. I'm a nurse so I knew this wasn't good and I was very likely to lose him. My neighbours helped me get him in the basket and I rushed him the the emergency vet, 20 minutes away (actually did the journey in 15, no respect for speed limits that day).

The vet took him off me as soon as the door opened. I had just about held myself together but as soon as he went out of sight I collapsed on the floor sobbing. The staff got me into a side room with a drink and did everything they could. They told me he was still alive but his blood pressure was really low and they needed to bring it up, take blood tests and scan him. They thought it might be an obstructed bladder, common in cats his age (he was about 4 years old).

His blood results came back and indicated that it was most probably something toxic. They had just started to prepare medication to protect his heart when it stopped. They tried to revive him but it did not work. They scanned him anyway at my request and found his kidneys to be nearly twice the normal size. They said it was almost certain that he had had something toxic, most probably antifreeze.

I spent some time to say goodbye but not as much as I wanted as I was concerned about my other cats. I drove home crying to find most of the cats waiting for me. They seemed ok, I went upstairs to wash my face and blow my nose. I came downstairs to find them eating breakfast. One of them looked up at me and had foamy drool hanging from her mouth. I could swear that my heart stopped for a couple of seconds. I then got on the phone to my regular vet who said to take her in. They put her on a drip while trying to contact the main vet hospital. They decided to treat her as though she had alcohol poisoning and admitted her for 3 days. This is the same cat that was shot two months ago.

Later that day, I was sat in the garden with my friend/lodger. My elderly cat (16 next month) had recently taken to living in the garden. My friend saw her at the bottom of the garden and called to her. She looked up and tried to move but couldn't. He went to check on her and found her to be caught up in brambles. He freed her then remarked to me that she was covered in 'yellow seeds'. I went to look and they weren't seeds. They were fly eggs. While we were brushing them out of her fur there were more flies landing on her. I decided to rush her to the vet. The eggs were brushed out and then we found she also had fleas. Turns out fleas are becoming resistant to the treatment I had been using. She was coated in a spray flea killer and I stayed up until 1am combing dying fleas from her.

I got home from this and noticed that my neighbour's cat hadn't come back - she had run way that morning during all the panic and upset. I alerted my neighbour. She saw her the next day but no one has seen her since. I don't know if she's dead too.

I have only just started to think about Bonnie (missing cat). I went through a week of emotional and physical hell after losing Horace. I couldn't eat or sleep and initially was unsure it was my cat as I had forgotten to check for the white patch behind one of his ears. Silly, I know. He was so large he was like a small dog, there was no other cat like him in the neighbourhood.

I had Horace for 2 of his 4 years (the vet guessed his age). I'm 99% certain he was the cat I used to see in a neighbour's window. The house was behind mine and he used to watch my other cats. There was an elderly man who used to watch with him. Horace turned up 2 weeks before my cat Jerry died. I haven't seen the elderly man since.
He was a gentle giant who didn't cause any trouble but would defend his cat siblings if they were being challenged by other cats. In front of these houses is a 'hill' left over from when the foundations were dug out. He liked to patrol this hill. It will forever be known to my friend and I as 'Horace Hill'.
In addition he had a liking for cars and I often watched him from my bedroom window as he inspected all the parked cars in the street and rubbed his face against them.
Oddly, not long before he died I remember watching him and thinking that I wouldn't be surprised if he died early of something car related.

Goodbye Horace. I miss the face nuzzles. You last nuzzled me a couple of days before you died. I wish I had let you do it for longer.
I miss your jumping up and bumping my leg when you were hungry.
Your little brother Ed misses you. He broke our hearts shouting to you after you dies and wondering why you weren't answering. I only wish I'd had the presence of mind to bring you home for a while before sending you for cremation. That way, the others could have seen for themselves and said their goodbyes. Ed seems to be calmer now. Did you come and speak to him?

I'm so sorry that I was asleep at the time you needed me the most. I don't know what you went through. You seemed perfectly healthy Thursday night. Twelve hours later you were gone. I hope it was quick and you didn't suffer. The vet could only give me a 'best guess'. They aren't certain.
I keep telling myself that with you being so far down the street I wouldn't have known even if I had been awake. Where you wondering what was happening, why no one came to help earlier?

Did you feel my hand touching you when I came to see you? Could you hear my voice when we were in the car? I told you to hang on, that I was going to get help for you. The vet told me your heart stopped as, whatever the cause of your collapse, your body had had enough. I want you to know that that's ok. I had spoken with the vet about resuscitating you. I wanted to know what your life would be like if we managed to get you back. I told them to give it one try and leave it at that. I don't believe in life at all costs. I didn't want you to come back and be in pain for the rest of your life. That would have been selfish of me. I couldn't make a clear decision without knowing the cause. In then end, you answered the question yourself.

I'm sorry I wasn't holding you when your heart stopped. Did you know I held you and sobbed after you died? Something in my head was telling me that "you can't do any more here, you NEED to go home and check the other cats". Was that you? I like to believe you sent me home for Cleo and Angus. I know Angus is old but I wouldn't have wanted to lose her to fly strike.

Is Bonnie with you?Its nearly 2 weeks since anyone has seen her. If she is, can you ask her to give me a sign and tell her I'm sorry I haven't thought of her more?

Bonnie, I know you had a hard start in life. Your official mother L told me about you having your kittens in the shelter and you being left behind there after they had all been adopted. I know you don't like stress and crave peace and quiet. L has been watching out for you too. If you don't want to live here any more i understand, but could you come to see me one last time so I know you're ok?

Horace, I hope you are happy in the afterlife. Did you find the old man? Have you crossed the bridge together? Will I get to see you again?
I found your old snake toy when I put your ashes next to Leo's. How odd that I hadn't seen it there before ;-) I have given it to Ed.

Two weeks ago today, my sweet boy. I have been in more control of my emotions the last couple of days. Today, the pain has hit me all over again. I cannot handle the fact that you died so young. I like to think that you got to live the life you wanted, just for a little while.

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15 Jun 2015 - 19:27


12 Apr 2015 - 1:43


16 Nov 2014 - 0:43


19 Aug 2014 - 7:26

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Monique
(too many characters last comment...)... jasper almost as much as i loved him. part of me feels so completely lost as much of my time was filled caring for him.
14 Feb 2015 - 8:23
Monique
i remember you joined not long after i lost mackenzie. i reread your story and i still cannot wrap my hands around all that has happened on your end. i imagine your response would be similar if you knew all the details of my life with my peeps, most of whom are rescues, including jasper. thank you for finding me during this difficult time. in our 18 years together, i fretted and worried about
14 Feb 2015 - 8:22

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