How To Savor The Time With A Dying Pet?, It's hard... Options

[ladywolf]

Hi All--

Darnnit, every time I look at Ladywolf now, I'm thinking, "she's dying, I wonder how much more time she has...?" I keep staring at her swollen back leg and wondering if it hurts her, if it's growing or shrinking, if, if, if. When I take her for a walk, I watch her movements constantly to see how much she's being affected by the tumors as she walks. I wonder how much she is missing Poppers. I feel as if I am not doing enough for her, when in fact, I am more or less dedicating my LIFE to her right now.

But there's little pleasure left in my interactions with her, because I am spending all my time with her WORRYING now! All this has happened since the vet confirmed that she has cancer--everything changed, somehow. I'm moving through all the stages of grief constantly, and don't know how to be with her in a "normal" way anymore. Does any of this make sense to you folks? I hate this. I don't want to look at my beloved beauty and see only "dying wolf." It's all making me a little insane, and very very sad.

Help, please! Thanks!

Margi and Ladywolf

[sissycat]

I can't say i've been in your shoes, but I can only imagine I would be doing the same thing. You just have to be strong for her. Animals pick up on how we are feeling. So maybe if you could think about that it may help? I just don't know. Maybe someone else will have better advise.

Hope you get the advise you are looking for.

Hope, HUgs, and prayers for you both!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[madi]

Gees Margi, I do feel so sorry for you. I can only relate to your situation in as much as I have nursed a close family member with terminal cancer. I am familiar with the grief you talk about, you do start grieving before they go, you are trying to be strong for them because you want them to have as much quality time as you can give them in the time they have left, but underneath your heart is breaking. There were times when I thought "I just can't this anymore" but somehow I did. I wanted his suffering to end and thought the relief of him going and knowing he was no longer in pain would make his loss easier to bear. Of course that wasn't the case, I immediately wanted him back and the true grieving for this young man was only beginning.
Margi, all I can do is support you as much as I can through this, it's not going to be easy for you but there is no other way but to get in there and do the best you can for dear Lady Wolf. You will go through this and come out the other side, I know you will because you have us here who will be with you every step of the way. Hugs xx

madi xx

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Margi
I'm sorry for what you're going through. Sammy wasn't well from last May until she was gone on December 7th. I was like you and worried about her constantly. I went from crying my head off to feeling calm again because all of the Vets said it was IBD. Now that I visit with them they think it probably was unconfirmed cancer - which is what I was thinking all along. I went through all the stages of grief too -- I watched her like a hawk for every little thing she did that seemed different. I got very little sleep during this time as I had to give her several meds and also as I mentioned I hand-fed her. I don't know what to say to help you feel normal around her -- when I read your post I realized that I wasn't "normal" around Sam all summer. But I can tell you that now that she is gone I am so grateful that I devoted my life to her like you are now to Ladywolf. I gave her the best chance she had to recover and I hope she now knows that. I don't think you'll regret it. I know you won't. I'm still praying that she'll have alot of time with you. I'm sorry that I can't be of more help to you.
Sharon

[Rhapsedy]

Hi Margi,

I know exactly what you are going thru. Callaway was sick for 6 months and I went thru all of the same emotions that you are feeling. My whole life revolved around him... I cooked him breakfast and dinner everyday, drove home from work M-F to check on him, I took him everywhere with me because he loved to go for rides, I walked him 3 times a day, I watched every move that he made to make sure he didn't have a new symptom and when he did I would take him into the vet right away... I think my vet thinks I'm crazy. ;-)

I too was grieving this whole time and I'm sure Callaway picked up on it but I was being true to my feelings. I was sad and worried and I couldn't hide those feelings. But I also treated him like a king and tried to do everything for him to make his life better. I didn't do everything perfect or maybe I did, the not being sure if I did everything perfect is what I'm dealing with right now, but we need to realize that everything we do is out of love and we do our best to make everything right. The problem that I had and that you are having is that you aren't sure what the right food and medicine is to prolong Ladywolf's life. You need to go with what you feel, you know Ladywolf, so I think you will make the right decisions.

I wish I could be of more help, I wish I could give you the "right" answer but I think if you just follow your instint you will do the right thing for Ladywolf.

Love and hugs to you and Ladywolf,
Rhapsedy


Hi All--

Darnnit, every time I look at Ladywolf now, I'm thinking, "she's dying, I wonder how much more time she has...?" I keep staring at her swollen back leg and wondering if it hurts her, if it's growing or shrinking, if, if, if. When I take her for a walk, I watch her movements constantly to see how much she's being affected by the tumors as she walks. I wonder how much she is missing Poppers. I feel as if I am not doing enough for her, when in fact, I am more or less dedicating my LIFE to her right now.

But there's little pleasure left in my interactions with her, because I am spending all my time with her WORRYING now! All this has happened since the vet confirmed that she has cancer--everything changed, somehow. I'm moving through all the stages of grief constantly, and don't know how to be with her in a "normal" way anymore. Does any of this make sense to you folks? I hate this. I don't want to look at my beloved beauty and see only "dying wolf." It's all making me a little insane, and very very sad.

Help, please! Thanks!

Margi and Ladywolf
[/quote]

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Rhapsedy - you said it way better than what I was trying to say -- Amen to that! Well said!

[ladywolf]

Rhapsedy - you said it way better than what I was trying to say -- Amen to that! Well said!

Thanks, everyone, for understanding, and for your kind words.

I too nursed a sick relative--my father--through dying of brain cancer. He was my last living relative and I was the only child and his sole caregiver, except for Hospice at the end. Because he had brain cancer, he was in an altered reality, and although that was very weird, it did help a little, because I "lost him" way before I really lost him. But I was on the verge of cracking up all the time, and his death was a great relief when it came, as well as a great sorrow.

Ladywolf is different, because she is still fully with me and still pretty healthy. But she has these visible THINGS that are probably going to get her. Keeping her on a really healthy diet, that I am going to do til the very end, though it's a lot of work and money spent, but there's not much more than that that I can do--except love her to pieces and walk her and talk to her and take her with me everywhere I go, because she too loves to "ride-ride."

But I've lost that sense of "you and me against the world together, kid" (or WITH the world), because now she's become a patient, and instead it's "you and me against your cancer." Sigh. I'll just have to do the best I can, which feels inadequate sometimes...

Thanks again for all the support--I really need it, as do all of us here!

Margi and Ladywolf

[ladywolf]

Here's what NOT to do to make your life happier: get so preoccupied with your animal's well-being that you back into a brand new commercial trailer in a grocery store parking lot!!! Darnnit!!!

The butcher had just given me six pounds of fatty meat for Lady, and I was so happy about that that I got in the car and backed right into this brand-new trailer that was pulling in behind me!

Luckily, the other guy called the police, but since it was on private property, there was no police report filed...but my insurance will have to pay, and my rates will go up, and the whole ball of wax.

Ladywolf, I love you madly, but please keep me DRIVING SAFELY!!!

Margi

[luvmypets]

Margi,

I am so sorry to hear about Ladywolf. I know exactly how you feel because last year my black Lab mix, Dakota was diagnosed with terminal bone cancer. I knew every day with her was a gift, but I could not stop crying knowing that our time together was very limited. Please try to enjoy your time with Ladywolf as much as possible. I know how hard that is--but as long as she is comfortable, her time left with you will be less painful for you. I hope I'm making sense because I can't stop crying as I write this--remembering that just last year I was where you are now. Dakota passed away on January 25th.

Try not to even look at the "visible" things that are hurting her--just look into her eyes and know that she is happy being with you.

[moon_beam]

Hi, Margi, right now you are in shock at learning about Ladywolf's cancer, and of course this is going to be a "focus" now. When Oslo was diagnosed with Laryngeal Paralysis in September 2007 I thought he would not be alive for long from the information I read about LP. It took me quite awhile to "relax" and let Oslo live. He lived for 2 years and 2 months beyond the "expected" prognosis for LP. How to tell if Ladywolf is in pain: Is she limping? Can she weight bear on her leg comfortably? Is she licking and biting at her leg - - could be a sign of discomfort or pain. If / when she is in discomfort or pain there are medications that can help with that to still give her "quality" time. Take one day at a time, Margi, and enjoy each day that you have with your precious Ladywolf. I know it is hard - - all too well. Anticipatory Grief is as hard as the grief journey that comes when our beloved companions are no longer physically with us. Let Ladywolf show you what she needs as she needs it. She is still your precious furchild as she always has been. None of us knows "how long" we have on this side of eternity. The same is true for our furkids, even when we know their life journey is being shortened by illness. Just try to make each minute you have with her the very best quality time as possible. And - - please know you and Ladywolf are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how things are going, okay?

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

[tanbuck]

Margi, I know just how you feel and I'm so sorry you're having to go through it. I so wish I had something to tell you that would help in any way but unfortunately, I don't. When Frasier was diagnosed with megacolon last December, it wasn't necessarily a death sentence but somehow I just knew. I knew my baby and I knew he wouldn't handle it well. And he didn't. For 8 long months I stared at him and tried to will him better. Either my husband or I would come home at lunch most days to check on him and when we'd come home at night we would race to the door in hopes that there would evidence he was having a good day. My husband is the eternal optimist in these situations and I am completely the opposite. I worried myself sick and to no avail because he died anyway. Everything in our home was centered around him and our dog, Buck, because he was sick too.
So, like I said, I don't have the magic answer to help you. I wish I did! I did read a chapter in Cesar Milan's recent book devoted to his oldest dog, Daddy, who will probably pass away pretty soon. I don't know what your feelings are about Cesar but I found his words comforting. He said that when Daddy isn't around, he will discuss his feelings and let his emotions out. But when Daddy is around, he is only trying to give him the best last days he can and won't allow himself to transfer any negative energy to Daddy. I thought it was interesting that he said there will be plenty of time for his grief when Daddy is gone so for now he will fake it until the end. I am now trying to keep that in mind for when Buck and our other kitty, Niles, decline.
I also was watching a show the other day and a woman who was talking about when her mother passed away. She said that she wanted her mother to go quickly so that she wouldn't suffer but she wanted her to stay for her own self. That sentence really kept running through my mind. Isn't it so true as we watch our furbabies go that we want them to stay only for ourselves? We sometimes prolong their lives only for ourselves because we know that they won't recover to their old selves. I'm not accusing or speaking of anybody other than myself. I tried everything I could for Frasier and would've gone to the ends of the earth for him. But in hindsight, I can see that Frasier gave up long before I did. Being medicated was his biggest fear and I crammed so many things down that baby's throat in those last weeks just trying to keep him with me. In his last days he developed one complication after another almost as if he was trying to find something that I couldn't bandaid. Forgive me, I am rambling. I wish you peace through this awful process. My heart goes out to you and I truly understand being so distracted by what is going on that everything else in your life begins to crumble away. I pray that you will have wisdom to know the right thing to do and the courage to do it.
-Donna

[madi]

Gees Margi, you really needed that didn't you? I'm so sorry about your accident, way too easy to do, I think we have all done that at least once during our driving life time. How is Lady Wolf? I hope she enjoyed her meat after all you had to go through to get it xx

madi xx

[ladywolf]

Gees Margi, you really needed that didn't you? I'm so sorry about your accident, way too easy to do, I think we have all done that at least once during our driving life time. How is Lady Wolf? I hope she enjoyed her meat after all you had to go through to get it xx

madi xx

Yeah, Madi, I really needed that! (Not!) First accident I've been in in many years--but still an ACCIDENT.

I'm doing the best I can with Lady, but it continue to be very hard. Perhaps if her illness wasn't VISIBLE it wouldn't be so bad--but every day I am checking to see if her tumors have gotten larger or smaller. Her whole back leg is swollen, so I SEE it everytime I look at her. I remember it being much easier with my dane-shepard Poco when she had terminal leukemia, because there was nothing I could actually see...

(Ladywolf and I have already gone through a bout with a hideous, open, bleeding tumor a year ago. Talk about something you DON'T want to see and have to deal with, dress twice a day, etc. That tumor was finally removed, but these can't be--they're too invasive. Anyway, I went through months of horror with the last one, to the point where I finally ended up in hospital myself, thinking I had had a stroke because I couldn't afford to pay for Ladywolf's surgery. I hadn't--I was "just" having panic attacks, but they were severe. Finally, I thought of a friend who might pay for the surgery, and she did. My point is that this is not the first time that I have had to fear for Lady's life for months and months--already been there!)

My vet put her on Rimdyl for pain. In the first two days, she drank gallons of water and I freaked and went to look up the possible side effects and freaked even more! But the vet and her tech have persuaded me that the risks are worth the benefits, however, I am watching her VERY closely for anymore sides. (I posted about this on the pet illness sub-forum.)

I'm pretty much keeping my grief under wraps when I am with Lady, but since that is almost all the time, it's hard. I've only cried once so far, and that was away from her, after I hit the truck (!), but I can't keep the sadness out of the house. I will be SO alone when she leaves. Yes, I have friends--but she is my life-PARTNER, more than any man ever has been! (I have a bad track-record in that department.) I can't even imagine it, so I try not to...

Thanks for all your supportive words and stories and love and encouragement. The beat goes on, even if it has a big stutter in it right now....

Hugs--

Margi and her Wolf

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Margi
How is ladywolf tonight? I'm still praying up a storm for her and for you --- I hope you get to have her in your life for quite awhile yet. I was like you with the meds Sammy was on -- I read all the side effects and didn't want her on anything -- but then after awhile I would have given her anything just to make her better --
My thoughts are with you -- hang in there.
Blessings
Sharon

[ladywolf]

Hi Margi
How is ladywolf tonight? I'm still praying up a storm for her and for you --- I hope you get to have her in your life for quite awhile yet. I was like you with the meds Sammy was on -- I read all the side effects and didn't want her on anything -- but then after awhile I would have given her anything just to make her better --
My thoughts are with you -- hang in there.
Blessings
Sharon

Hi Sharon--

Ladywolf is doing just FINE tonight, and that's what I need to remember--that my horror about what MAY happen hasn't much to do with what's actually happening today. We took a walk and she was frisky and she's not limping and she LOVED her meals, and all of this is what's really important...

Thank you for asking--it reminds me to focus on the here and now.

Yeah, I know...meds. You love 'em and hate 'em both at the same time! There's nothing else to give to Lady except something like Rimadyl to help with pain--I'm glad I'm not having to turn down a whole lot of expensive meds I don't want her to take...

Margi and LWolf

[goliath]

Hi Margi................Just wanted to let you know I have kept you and ladywolf in my heart and prayers. You can count on my support as you struggle thru this sad time of your life. It's such a hardship when one reaches a time such as this, but then again, what would we ever have done without the endless love they brought into our lives that enriched ourselves so much when they were well and soooooooooooo happy?

I miss my Goliath more than words could ever express. But, despite the agonizing pain and depression I carried for so long after he passed away, I am sooooooooooo glad that he left me with the greatest treasure of all. Ten years and 8 months of the greatest times of my life were spent with him. HE left me with that gift! He was not my loss, but the greatest blessing I have ever been given and I will always be thankful that he spent his life with me. I feel his spirit walking right beside me each and every day..............and his warm loving spirit has helped carry me thru the heart breaking times we are now going thru with Gidget.

May you and Laywolf be blessed, comforted, and enjoy the love you have with each other now and forver!

Huggers,
Beth

[ladywolf]

Hi Margi................Just wanted to let you know I have kept you and ladywolf in my heart and prayers. You can count on my support as you struggle thru this sad time of your life. It's such a hardship when one reaches a time such as this, but then again, what would we ever have done without the endless love they brought into our lives that enriched ourselves so much when they were well and soooooooooooo happy?

I miss my Goliath more than words could ever express. But, despite the agonizing pain and depression I carried for so long after he passed away, I am sooooooooooo glad that he left me with the greatest treasure of all. Ten years and 8 months of the greatest times of my life were spent with him. HE left me with that gift! He was not my loss, but the greatest blessing I have ever been given and I will always be thankful that he spent his life with me. I feel his spirit walking right beside me each and every day..............and his warm loving spirit has helped carry me thru the heart breaking times we are now going thru with Gidget.

May you and Laywolf be blessed, comforted, and enjoy the love you have with each other now and forver!

Huggers,
Beth

Darnnit, I just wrote a long post and lost it! A LONG one!

Thanks, Beth, for the reminder that Goliath CHOSE to spend his life with you--and you with him. What a gift! Ladywolf picked me...ME, of all scatter-brained disorganized artist kind of people she could have chosen. We lived on the road a lot, it was chaotic, but she loved it.

I've changed her diet radically, and it is such a pleasure to see her truly ENJOYING every meal. Tonight, for example, was: brown rice, sweet potato, cottage cheese, tuna fish, fish oil, lots of supplements, and a chunk of raw beef. Lucky girl! (I get the leftovers.) She practically gets a wedgie every morning and night now just waiting to see what the food bowl will have to offer, and I am getting so much pleasure out of this. I am very poor, but I will somehow figure out how to keep this going as long as necessary. I have become a quasi-expert on canine cancer nutrition in the past couple of weeks...

I'm a bit bummed by losing my last post, so I'll say good night. But thanks again for all the great support. Lady is comfortable tonight, and so am I...

Hugs to everyone--Margi

[Brutus]

Hi Margi...I bet Ladywolf just loves those wonderful meals you are making her. When I made the appt to have Brutus euthanized, it was for a week from the day I made that call...so I had the whole week of everytime I would look at him...I knew...I know how awful that feeling is, I really do.

Hugs to you and Ladywolf,
Sonya

[magdalene]

Take pictures, lots and lots of pictures. I treasure the pictures I have of Eileen so much but I don't have very many of them and I would give just about anything for more.

And then just spend lots and lots of time with her, holding her, petting her, loving her. I'd give all the world for one last day with Eileen, just to pet her and kiss her little head one more time.

Magdalene

[Westiesam/Sharon]

Hi Margi
Hope you and Ladywolf are doing great! I just read that post you had over on the Poem to All of us that Anna wrote--wow- I can't believe you had nine dogs in your life. Sammy was my one and only. What you said though about not getting another dog for awhile struck me too - we have decided not to get another furbaby because we're getting to that age where we're thinking of retiring and want to travel more. We devoted (lovingly and would do it again in a heartbeat) 11 years to Sammy and when I get another dog I want to be able to give it that same amount of love and attention -- and I was thinking - maybe that's what's hard about all of this too -- knowing that the house will be empty alot longer. I still hate coming home from work to the empty house -- but your post made me feel like there is hope -- it's only been a little over 5 weeks now -- but I'm hanging on to your words of wisdom and trusting that I too will heal and feel better and happy again.
Take care
Sharon