I've cried a river since yesterday and am physically sick at this point. I guess it gets better? Baby, our beautiful 16yr. old girl, mixed collie, had to be put down yesterday. She had pyometras, which is not treatable. Her story: She was found tied around a pole in front of an apt. building 15yrs. ago, flea-ridden, pitiful, half her teeth rotted. My oldest son, then 26, brought her home. We had, at that time a mixed breed mut, Mickey. I was LIVID, and told my son I WASN'T KEEPING THIS SECOND DOG AND HE HAD TO FIND HER A HOME!!!!!!!!! HMMMMMM.......You heard right (: I did not want her, and refused to even look at her. Well, my son, at that time was doing work that involved being on the road a bit. So my youngest son and I were the ones who were taking care of her until I finally took her to a vet to be checked out. Vet claimed she was approx. 1yr., and the lack of and bad teeth were from malnutrition, which made her tongue hang out!! Blood tests proved she wasnt sick with anything either. So I brought her back to the house and it was obvious no one was "finding a home for her" and I didn't want to take her to the pound. So this is my Baby story. And I'm so sad and sick and can't eat, can barely move. I didn't want her 15yrs. ago and now it's been only 2 days and I need her, I want to pet her, I want to feed her from the table, share my breakfast with her....I'm probably being dramatic, but I can't imagine life without her. She waited for me to survive a horrendous cancer operation in Jan. 2012, for an esophagectomy. She waited in the window and cried for my sons who were here with her. When I came home, she laid at my feet on my blanket. She always followed me from room to room as I did chores. When I left the house at any time, she laid in the window waiting. Oh, and no, I won't be getting another dog. I said once Baby was gone that I wouldn't raise another .

I'm holding her pillow, and a lock of her hair, with tears running down my face, and it kills me to walk thru the hall where she chose to lay.

Thanks for listening and pray every day gets easier for me and anyone else who has or will lose their beloved companion.

I am so sorry for your loss. It really hurts when we lose our sweet furry babies.

BabySweets, my sincerest condolences for the loss of your precious Baby. I know what you are going through and that you will always miss her. I will pray for you, that the coming weeks somehow lighten your burden.

I am so sorry for your loss. How lucky she was to have found you! I had to put my sweet rescue girl Penny to sleep at the end of August. I still miss her immensely and some days the pain still shocks me. She was a huge part of my life for so long. I too am praying for you.

Hi, BabySweets, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Baby. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

BabySweets, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. During the deep grief we have little control over our emotions - - it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. This grief journey is one of adjustment to the physical absence of your beloved Baby, and it is a very painful adjustment both emotionally and physically. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your own time. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months for you are now on a journey of all the "first withouts" and "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" - - and on and on and on - - and your heart breaks anew.

Even though you were not fond of the idea of having the responsibility of another companion to care for, there is no doubt from what you have shared with us that you and your beloved Baby formed a deep bond with another. The good news in the midst of all this pain is that the love bond you and your beloved Baby share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Baby's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as she always has and always will. She is always and forever a part of your heart and your memories, BabySweets - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you. And you have the honor and privilege of being her Forever Mom.

I know there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow that is in your heart. I can only hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

And no, BabySweets, you are NOT being dramatic. Clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a beloved companion is as painful, if not more so, as the loss of a human family member or friend. Unfortunately, our society in general, and sadly some of the people who are closest to us do not. But I assure you, BabySweets, that each of us here do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Thank you so much for sharing your beloved Baby with us. What a beautiful little girl she is. And you have the honor and privilege of being her Forever Mom. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, BabySweets, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi BabySweets,

I am right there with you. I lost my 11-year old girl this past Saturday night, so we’re talking…five day now? It’s still very raw and fresh. From what I hear, the pain comes and goes with time. On Sunday and Monday, I was wiped out and probably partially in shock, so while of course I was having crying spurts and missing her terribly, the grief wasn’t as acute as it was on Tuesday after I had gotten some more sleep. Strange, don’t you think? I had a near breakdown at work on that day. Then yesterday and today, I was a little bit better. But you know, I don’t expect it to keep getting better without having more crying spurts. It’s like an unpredictable rollercoaster. I’m telling you this because it WILL get better, but you might also feel the grief again from time to time for who know how long, and…it’s okay. It’s all perfectly normal. It’s a sign of our love for them, that we cared so deeply that their absence is having a profound effect on us.

I find that to be the hard part too, walking around the house and doing my ordinary routine, and half expecting her to be laying where she usually laid and looking up at me. It’s very hard to come to the acceptance that she’s physically gone. I really like the what moon_beam puts forth, that our bond with our pets are eternal, and that just because they’re physically not here, it doesn’t mean they aren’t with us in spirit. Baby was a beautiful girl. I pray that it will get easier for you, and just know that you are not alone in this.

-Laura

Hi, BabySweets here: Thanks for the responses. Baby's ashes are at the vet's ready to pick up. Can I go get them? I'm thinking, maybe have my son run up there for them. And the blanket we took her there in. I paid the bill over the phone today. Today, here in Ohio, it is the the most gorgeous Fall, Indian Summer day you could ask for, near 80! Or so they say. Anyhow, starting Thurs., it will drop into 60, 50, then high 40's and rain rain rain. At least that's the prediction. I've NOT been out of the house since Sat. when we took her. I go out on the porch or patio for air and look around, but that's about it. I WANT to go out today, just to get out of here, BUT: I'm afraid I might break down in a store or if someone says something to trigger my sadness!!! Am I being silly? I'm still having trouble getting food in, more so than usual (esophagectomy in Jan.), I think it's nerves, of course, thinking of her so much. This is soooo insane, but I am happy to have found this site to write when and what I want to, to get it "all out". Thank you again, this is helping me, I believe in the coping. I am soooo glad I don't have to report to work somewhere, I'd be a basket case. And I feel for anyone who has to do that. I thought dealing with that surgery was the absolute most horrible thing (and it was) but, this is a different kind of pain and suffering.
Take care everyone and I look for others posts and stories...God Bless
Thanks for the responses everyone!

Laura, thank you for sharing with me. We sound like we are in the same boat, well, many of us are. Do you have any other pets? My oldest son just got in from work and my youngest brought Baby out to see him. (I like saying that) They did a beautiful job from the pet cemetery. I didn't know what to expect, as I didn't do this with my other pets.(if you read my earlier post about it) I'm feeling those "spurts" like you said, but I'm fortunate I don't have to report to a job and I sympathize with you. I hope you have supportive family and friends who understand your grief. Yes, the imagining that you hear them or see them in the house is horrible, a very weird feeling, like a spirit, and maybe that's what it is, you know. Tonite I was cutting bread and caught myself again, wanting to give her a bit, and I quickly threw it in the basket. Blessings to you for a peaceful night and days to come.

So sorry for the loss of your precious baby. It is as difficult to lose a pet as a family member as they are part of the family. Time will heal the wounds and time will heal but she will always be a part of your heart!

Hi, BabySweets, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I read in your other topic that your beloved Baby's ashes are now back home. Getting our companion's ashes back is a two-sided coin: the one side is that it can be quite a comfort having their ashes back home where they belong while the other side is yet another blatant reminder that they are no longer physically with us as our hearts long for them to be.

There is no rush to change anything until YOU are ready to do so. I still have toys scattered about the house that my beloved companions used to play with during their earthly journeys. Our companions are a very integral part of our families, - - and they remain an integral part of our families when they precede us to the angels. Love is a growing, living bond - - it doesn't cease to exist just because we no longer have the privilege of a loved one's physical presence.

I hope today is treating you kindly, BabySweets, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Baby's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi BabySweets,

I'm glad you have Baby's ashes back with you. I'm still waiting to get Zena's ashes back. The vet said that it would take about a week and then he'll drop it off. Well, tonight will mark exactly a week since she passed. I may hold off for a few days to contact him if he doesn't contact me first. I'm on the east coast and am expecting Hurricane Sandy to hit by tomorrow night, so I'm going to wait until that's all over with.

My avatar is an old picture of the last two dogs I had, Zena as a little puppy and Zeus a year older than her. We had to put Zeus down this past June because he was having seizures that were growing closer together, and he had other health problems too. I had another dog before them that was also around a bit concurrently with them at the beginning. He died at the age of 13 years at home naturally, or…well, I don't know what the cause was, but it was rather quick. There was another dog I lost before him. I think a small part of what is making me grieve harder is that this is the first time we had no dogs in the house at all since 23 years ago. With every dog that I lost, I always had another one or two dogs in the house until this time around with Zena. Now it's empty save for the humans. There is more to it than that though. As much as we love every pet that we've ever had, I have to admit that I had a closer bond with Zena, maybe because she was the only little girl out of the bunch, I don't know.

My family and co-workers are being supportive, but it's still hard to be around people at times. My husband shared an article with me about a book on pet loss: The Last Walk: Reflections on Our Pets at the End of Their Lives, by Jessica Pierce. I ordered that as well as another book: Goodbye, Friend: Healing Wisdom for Anyone Who Has Ever Lost a Pet, by Gary Kowalski. I can't recommend either one of them because I haven't even received them in the mail yet, but I will try anything to achieve a greater understanding and to help me cope through the grief.

Is it possible for you to take a solitary walk somewhere so you can get out of the house but also spend some alone time? Sometimes the distractions of nature can help, and then you wouldn't have to worry about breaking down in front of people either. I hope you're doing well today. I'm making it through the week anniversary alright. Maybe this Hurricane Sandy is taking up part of my thoughts. Talk about nature distracting you!

Take care,

Laura

Hello Laura: Thank you for the note. Like you, Sat. was a week that Baby is gone. It started out rough for me, but, you know, my sons have to see me crying and looking sad..and that day I purposely threw myself into a project that required lots of moving around, sorting and shredding at times. When I'm here alone, it's the hardest. I think too much, and look around and imagine she will come to me and want to go out. When I'd be on the computer, she would come to the left of me and cry to go out and wait for me to get up out of the chair. She "woke" me every morning, now I look around and feel so empty. BUT/ once again lots too be thankful for. She didn't go while I was convalescing from the surgery. When I do watch tv, I hold her one pillow she used to pull around and put her chin on. She loved making "beds". Just give her a peice of cloth of any kind. If I didn't say it before, Baby is resting on my mother's 1940's vanity chair, on the blanket we took her to the vet in, with her leash, collar and the paw imprint from the vet, surrounding her and a couple pictures. I've kissed her resting place and always say good nite to her. Sometimes I feel like I will just fall to peices, and other times, I stop and catch myself and think, hey, she was a lucky girl to be found by my son and lived a good life. (This coming from a person who didn't "want" her back then!) Life is funny. I do hope your safe. I can only watch so much about the devastation and pray for all. It is unbelievable what is happening up East. I live in Ohio, waaaaaaay away from Lake Erie. We have had raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaain!!!! Cold!! over and over. Our power went out last nite and came back on around 6a.m. today. NOTHING compared to those states. Again, I hope you and yours are safe. And I hope each passing day gets better for you (for us all). I'm soo thrilled I found this site.
Maryann (not sure, I think I goofed and sent this to myself!!, we'll see (:

Hi Maryann,


I am all for doing whatever we need to do to keep our pets in our memories. I love your idea of keeping Baby on the chair surrounded by her familiar objects and her pictures. I keep up pictures of Zena and Zeus on my computer so that I can look at them whenever I want. I even pet Zena’s head and run my fingers through Zeus’ fur on the monitor and I talk to them. Someone who wouldn’t understand might see that and think I’m crazy, but I don’t care. It’s what I do to keep them close to me while I’m going through this grieving process.


You got it worse than we did then. We didn't lose power, not even a flicker. Others in my area did from what I heard, but Maryland as a whole wasn't as hard hit as New York and New Jersey. It looks like we're going to have to rethink how we live nowadays. I asked my husband if the shutters on our house actually closed, and he said no, they were for decorative purposes only. He used to be in construction, and in all the years he built houses, he never added real shutters in Maryland. I said it's about time we made some changes along the east coast because the weather is changing too quickly for us to assume that we don't need to take extra precautions. I'm glad to hear you and yours are safe as well, and like you, I'm keeping the others in my prayers.

-Laura

Hi, Maryann, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please let me try to add my encouragement that what you are experiencing is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes - - still very normal. It is good that you are doing what brings comfort to YOU -- and TOTALLY agree that it does not matter what other people may think.

As I mentioned to you in your newest topic, clinical professionals recognize that the physical loss of a companion is as painful, if not more so, as the loss of a human family member or friend. Unfortunately, our society in general, and sadly some of the people who are the closest to us, do not - - or don't know how to be supportive. I sincerely hope and pray that you find comfort, encouragement, support, and hope from each of us here - - for we DO understand what you are going through. During the deep grief our emotions are completely uncontrollable, which will ease with time. It is important that you give yourself the opportunity to release your grief for the tears you cry are literally healing tears -- they literally release the toxins that build up in the body from the stress of grieving. I know right now it seems like your tears are endless - - but as one of our correspondents once shared they are diamonds that reflect the beautiful prism of eternal love you and your beloved Baby share.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Maryann, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Baby's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi, Maryann, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing in your "I'm still crying" post. Unfortunately many people do not understand that sharing an earthly journey with a companion is a RELATIONSHIP. While other people may come and go in our lives like a revolving door, our companions STAY with us regardless of what happens. Those whom we love - - whoever the life form - - are not "replaceable". While clinical professionals now recognize that the physical loss of a companion is as painful, if not more so, as the physical loss of a human family member or friend, sadly sometimes the people who are the closest to us physically and emotionally do not. I am so sorry that your sister is not able to offer you the comfort you need at this time of great sorrow. It is important that you release your sorrow as you feel comfortable doing, for the stress of grieving if not released can add to the physical pain already existing with chronic medical challenges.

Maryann, the bond we share with each companion is unique because each relationship we have with them is unique -- because they each have their own distinct personalities. This does not mean that we love them "less" or "more" -- it simply means that we love them for each individual relationship we are blessed to share with them. It is YOUR decision as to when / if you are ever ready to embrace a new companion into your heart and life, and whatever YOU decide is the RIGHT one for YOU.

Maryann, thank you so much for sharing your beloved Baby with us. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Baby's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam