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chimom
post Aug 26 2013, 10:03 AM
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Group: Pet Lovers
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Hello,
My name is Wendy and I was Jake's mom. He died last Sunday and I still cannot breathe, see, work, sleep etc. Almost all of the posts I've seen here are rather old. Does anyone visit this site?
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moon_beam
post Aug 26 2013, 10:42 AM
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Hi, Wendy, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Jake. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Wendy, please permit me to try to comfort you in this time of deep sorrow by first of all reassuring you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - very painful both emotionally and physically, yes -- still very normal. All the symptoms you are feeling - - inability to concentrate, difficulty sleeping, lack of appetite, etc., are all a part of this very painful deep grief journey. It is very important that you try to eat something and drink plenty of fluids during this time as grieving is very stressful and takes a toll on your immune system, and can cause you to become dehydrated quickly which can lead to more serious medical problems.

This grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm you all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that cannot be reconciled in a minute, an hour, a day, a week, a month, or even 6 months - - for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the "first withouts" and the memories that right now are probably all too painful that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year," etc., to endure.

But I promise you it will not always be this way, Wendy. One day when you least expect it you will be thinking of your beloved Jake and you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and you will feel your heart fill once again with the warmth of all the many treasured memories you and your beloved Jake share. But until this time comes for you, Wendy, please know you are not alone - - for each of us here do understand what you are going through and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

The good news in the midst of your deep sorrow is that the love bond you and your beloved Jake share is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Jake's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will, for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Wendy - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still, I hope and pray the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us by sharing your beloved Jake with us, Wendy. Perhaps sometime you will feel up to sharing a picture of him with us - - but only if / when you want to, and we are here to share whatever is in your heart about your beloved Jake - - whatever you feel comfortable sharing with us.

And please let me reassure you that this is a very active website, Wendy. Once a topic is started it continues on so that you do not have to start a new topic each time you write. Once you add a post to your topic, everyone who subscribes to the topic forum will get an e-mail notice that you or one of the forum responders have made a post to your topic, and at some point in time you will receive a reply on your topic. I hope this helps to reassure you.

Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Wendy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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LS Support
post Aug 26 2013, 11:16 AM
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QUOTE (chimom @ Aug 26 2013, 11:03 AM) *
Hello,
My name is Wendy and I was Jake's mom. He died last Sunday and I still cannot breathe, see, work, sleep etc. Almost all of the posts I've seen here are rather old. Does anyone visit this site?


hello and welcome to the forum. by the topical nature of this site (death and sickness), it is quite ordinary for people to arrive, share their feelings with others for a while, and then move on to continue grieving or healing. that is why you are seeing older dates.

but rest assured, the forum has posts daily, more when the 'regulars' are visiting. right now almost every forum category has a post or posts only a few days old. create your own story and i'm sure you'll get some responses other than this one.



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While all people here help each other, there are
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chimom
post Aug 26 2013, 12:34 PM
Post #4





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 26-August 13
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Thank you for the kind words and warm welcome. I still haven't been able to look at pictures yet. I'm sure that time will come and when it does I would be honored to share his beautiful face with you all.
I think my grief is compounded because of my overwhelming guilt. Jake is dead and not only is it my fault but, in actuality, I killed him twice. Please allow me to explain....
My family camps. We have a camper that we ended up storing at our favorite campground at the beach since we would be going frequently this summer and wouldn't have to tow it back and forth. I have a plastic storage drawer that goes back and forth with bathroom items in it (soap, shampoo, medicine, etc.) that we keep in the bottom of my linen closet at home. Over the course of a few weeks with my family members digging in there for something they left, my prescription pain medication bottle ended up going up over the back and getting squished between the drawer and the wall. It creased it so hard that the top came off and the pills were on the floor. I'm sure you can see where this is going.
I always had such a hard time getting Jake to take his own prescibed medicine (antibiotics and whatnot) that I cannot imagine him eating those pills off the floor. But he did and our best guess is that he ate upwards of ten of them. That's over 5,000mg of Tylenol. This happened Friday a week ago probably while I was gone to the eye doctor. I didn't notice anything unusual until around 9pm. His tongue and gums were blue and he was having difficulty breathing. He was 10 years old and his sister (my mother's dog) died a few months ago from heart problems. We immediately thought he was having heart trouble too and rushed him to the emergency vet. He was put into an incubator for oxygen and given fluids. His blood was the color of chocolate. There is only one condition that causes that and it is Tylenol poisoning. We couldn't imagine how he had gotten into Tylenol at that point but that is what they treated him for. He never really recovered and he fought hard all weekend. Last Sunday we had to make a decision about his care. The emergency vet wasn't open during the day on Monday so my choices were to take him back and forth to his regular vet during the day or move him to a larger animal hospital that is 30 minutes away from our home. He seemed to be a tiny bit perkier and we had high hopes when we moved him to the larger facility. That was around lunchtime on Sunday. At 4pm they called to tell me he was taking a turn for the worse. His liver was failing, respirations shallow, and he was in pain.
My husband would not make a decision on putting him to sleep. Our options were few but included several transfusions and there were no promises of recovery. He would always have trouble with a failing liver and potential brain damage due to lack of oxygen. I asked to see him and as soon as they brought him in to me I knew. His eyes were searching my face for peace. He was hurting and there was only one way I could help him. With the slightest nod to the vet, I ended his life. I hope I brought him the peace he wanted.
My guilt over the medicine and choosing to end his life is something that I will carry with me every day for the rest of my life. My devoted friend is gone and it is my fault. He never asked anything of me and I failed him. He came to live with me as an 8 week old puppy during a very sad time in my life and he helped me heal. He protected me from threats both real and imagined with the bravery of a lion. He greeted me at the door every day and slept behind my knees at night.
I didn't know it was possible to hurt this much. My friend is gone and I am lost.
I got a tatto with his name and paw print on my foot last Monday. Brand new experience for me (first tattoo). Now he will walk with me everyday. While on the chair I heard an old song by Metallica (not my usual music preference) called The Unforgiven. I downloaded and listen to it frequently. I am unforgiven....
Wendy
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LS Support
post Aug 26 2013, 01:00 PM
Post #5


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hi Wendy, i went ahead and moved your post to the forum where it will get seen the most.



--------------------




click map


Visit Our Website

Support This Site

Pet Loss Blog

Pet Loss Books







While all people here help each other, there are
times where an advanced degree of help may be needed.

If at any time you feel overwhelmed or consumed
by grief, it is always best to seek professional help.
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moon_beam
post Aug 26 2013, 01:56 PM
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Hi, Wendy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing with us what happened with your beloved Jake. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief. Guilt / remorse is one of the hardest emotions in this grief adjustment journey to reconcile, and it is an emotion EVERYONE experiences because it comes from looking back and trying to make sense of the events that led to the physical loss of our beloved companion - - overwhelmed by the "how could this have happened", the "whys", and the "should have / should not have", and on and on and on.

Wendy, what happened with your beloved Jake was a very sad and unintentional accident. From what you have shared with us there is absolutely no doubt that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Jake a happy and healthy earthly journey. Once you realized that your beloved Jake was in need of immediate veterinary care you took him to the ER vet where critical intervention could be immediately started. Sometimes veterinary medicine can restore our companion's health so that they can continue to enjoy a good quality of life. And sometimes - - as is the case with your beloved Jake - - sadly the only thing you and the veterinary care provider can do is release your beloved Jake from his failing painful physical body so that he could be restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Wendy, at great sacrifice to you, there is no greater love than this.

I know right now your heart is shattered with the deepest seering pain of sorrow that you will ever know on this side of eternity, and you are feeling like you "should never" be happy again. But this is not how your beloved Jake wants you to feel - - filled with guilt and remorse. Instead, he wants you to feel the warmth of his eternal love - - and to have your heart filled with the warmth of the many treasured memories you share. No, your life will never be the same again - - it isn't meant to be - - because your life is forever changed for the better because of the eternal love you and your beloved Jake share. I hope someday as you travel your grief adjustment journey that you will be able to find peace and comfort in your heart again.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Jake with us, Wendy. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jake's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Wendy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Scarlett's M...
post Aug 26 2013, 02:31 PM
Post #7





Group: Pet Lovers
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Joined: 12-July 13
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Wendy,

I am so very sorry for your loss. I read your story and it is obvious that you did everything you could possibly do to save Jake and he knows it. Me and my husband lost our furry baby Scarlett suddenly on July 11th - she was only 7 1/2 years old and we are completely devastated. The weeks following her passing we were drowning in our guilt as well - Speaking to the ER Vet helped us release some of the heaviness we felt in our hearts. The what if's and should have's continue to overwhelm us but we are dealing with our loss one breath at a time and that is all we each can do... breathe, try to stay present and take it one moment at a time.

This site has been incredibly healing for us - what others have written have been of great comfort to us. You will see others will reach out to you, we all understand the depth of grief that comes with losing a furry baby - I am still in deep grief - as I type this tears are streaming down my face but just wanted to let you know I am thinking about you and sending you healing thoughts.

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chimom
post Aug 26 2013, 03:05 PM
Post #8





Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 8,082



Scarlett's Mom and Dad,
I just read about your loss and I am so sorry. I appreciate your kind words and know the devastation you feel. I've been poking around on the site today and have found nothing but warmth and acceptance. I'm glad you have shared your story and opened the door to help others. This is much harder than I ever could have imagined.
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chimom
post Aug 26 2013, 03:09 PM
Post #9





Group: Pet Lovers
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Member No.: 8,082



QUOTE (moon_beam @ Aug 26 2013, 02:56 PM) *
Hi, Wendy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing with us what happened with your beloved Jake. Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief. Guilt / remorse is one of the hardest emotions in this grief adjustment journey to reconcile, and it is an emotion EVERYONE experiences because it comes from looking back and trying to make sense of the events that led to the physical loss of our beloved companion - - overwhelmed by the "how could this have happened", the "whys", and the "should have / should not have", and on and on and on.

Wendy, what happened with your beloved Jake was a very sad and unintentional accident. From what you have shared with us there is absolutely no doubt that you did everything in your power to give your beloved Jake a happy and healthy earthly journey. Once you realized that your beloved Jake was in need of immediate veterinary care you took him to the ER vet where critical intervention could be immediately started. Sometimes veterinary medicine can restore our companion's health so that they can continue to enjoy a good quality of life. And sometimes - - as is the case with your beloved Jake - - sadly the only thing you and the veterinary care provider can do is release your beloved Jake from his failing painful physical body so that he could be restored to his former youthfulness in the company of the angels. Wendy, at great sacrifice to you, there is no greater love than this.

I know right now your heart is shattered with the deepest seering pain of sorrow that you will ever know on this side of eternity, and you are feeling like you "should never" be happy again. But this is not how your beloved Jake wants you to feel - - filled with guilt and remorse. Instead, he wants you to feel the warmth of his eternal love - - and to have your heart filled with the warmth of the many treasured memories you share. No, your life will never be the same again - - it isn't meant to be - - because your life is forever changed for the better because of the eternal love you and your beloved Jake share. I hope someday as you travel your grief adjustment journey that you will be able to find peace and comfort in your heart again.

Thank you again so much for sharing your beloved Jake with us, Wendy. I hope today is treating you kindly, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jake's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, Wendy, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


Thank you for your caring reply. I know in my heart that I did everything I could for Jake after I realized he was in trouble. I'm having the most trouble with the fact that it is my fault that he was in trouble in the first place. A careless mistake, an accident, and my whole world changed. The nod to the vet is another reason I feel guilty. The "what ifs" and "if onlys" literally keep me awake at night. I thank you for your understanding and acceptance. I appreciate your kindness more than you know.
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Gretta's Mom
post Aug 26 2013, 07:01 PM
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Hello Wendy

Can't breathe, can't see, can't sleep, can't sit still, can't stop crying. Your heart feels like it's been shot through with a high powered rifle and is bleeding all over the world. The love of your life is nowhere to be seen. The "someone" who did everything with you ... the someone who was so in tune with you that you knew what each other was thinking ... the someone who laughed and played with you ... the someone who wiped away your tears when you were sad ... the someone who had a thousand tendril entwined into your life. it's like having your head and your heart stomped on by an elephant!

On top of all that, which every single person who has loved and been loved by their soul-mate animal, you are overwhelmed by guilt. I know you are going to disjcount this when I say it, but what happened was a total unforeseeable accident. You loved Jake so much that you would (and did) move heaven and earth for him - your love would NEVER allow it to be anything else. But the human brain wants to whip us a little more when we're already down: it keeps chanting "why?" and "what if" and "if only". Wendy you did EVERYTHING you possibly could for Jake. Animals are much more spirit than we are, especially when they go home to the Perfect World, where Jake is now. They can see our hearts - Jake knows FOR SURE that you did every you possibly could to save his earthly life - and he loves you greatly for it.

And as spirits, animals can be in two places at once. As Moonbeam so eloquently points out, we humans deine what IS with our senses: we can see something, hear it, smell it, touch it or taste it so we call it real. And when our sense can't "sense" these five things, our brain tells us "it's nothing". But spirits are NOT like that. Jake is, at the same time, in the Perfect World where the sun is always shining and the water is always cool and the food is always good and there are many many friends and everybody nderstands each other and where there is no sickness, no sadness, no accidents, no dying. And he is also right where he has always been - right at your side. He's still on his job - watching over you, guiding your steps, and, most important, loving you and being loved by you. None of this has been affected because your weak human senses cannot perceive it in the same way as before. I guarantee this - if you keep your heart open (and your great love will always keep itself open for Jake), there will be instrnaces when you "sense" Jake - maybe lying at your side while you read, maybe walking slowly across the room, maybe even lying on your bed. Tinay but hugely comforting signs that Jake IS HERE!

I share your "if only's". Last spring I had to leave my Rufus, a half black lab/half Newfie, with the wonderful woman who had been his foster mother before I adopted him and go halfway across the continent to help take care of my sister who has terminal cancer. One morning the foster mom called and said Rufus hasn't eaten his supper the night before and had thrown up that morningShe'd taken him to a rural vet in Wisconsin but I told her to rushhim to my UPenn-trained vet in Minneapolis, where they diagnosed him with cancer of the spleen (which is not a sold tumor but masses of tangled newly-formed blood vessels and as such is inoperable). it had spread to his heart, which ws five times its usual size. My vet rushed him to the vet school where they confirmed the diagnosis with their hig-resolution ultrasound. And then they called me to ask me what I wanted them to do. it was the saddest phone call of my life. There was nothing I could do but let them go ahead and give him the pink medicine and send him to the perfect World. I wil NEVER, EVER get over him having to die alone.

These sorrws we carry with us only because we gave our hearts so freely and completely to a creature of God. We will only be happy when we meet again in the Perfect World and never have to separate again.

Yes, Wendy, this is a VERY active site, in my opiinion the most active one on the net. People realy care - because every one of us has been there and knows intimately what each new shredded heart feels like. Alone, we cannot bear the pain, but together, as a band of brothers and sisters, we can be strong for each other and march forward into "the ladn where we never grow old."

Please have the most restful night you can and know that your beloved Jake is watching over you and protecting you fro all hurt, harm and danger ... and will be right there when you eyes open tomorrow morning.

Gretta and Rufus's mom
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moon_beam
post Aug 27 2013, 08:57 AM
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Hi, Wendy, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Yes, - - the restless and sleepless nights whlie your heart is breaking from the weight of the deep sorrow. Unfortunately there is no easy way to navigate this grief adjustment journey, Wendy - - but I promise you are not alone. We are here with you, for you, and beside you through every step you take - - to share the not so bad days - - when they finally come - - the difficult days that seem to have no end, and the days when you all you want to do is curl up in the corner of a room and cover your head feeling like you just cannot go on anymore - - feeling as though you are going insane from your grief.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Wendy, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Jake's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam


--------------------
In heaven's perfect garden there is no grief or pain, and all of God's creation join the angels' sweet refrain.

The most blessed way I have of knowing God's comforting love and grace is to look into the eyes and heart of God's creatures' sweet angelic face.
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Scarlett's M...
post Aug 29 2013, 02:39 AM
Post #12





Group: Pet Lovers
Posts: 107
Joined: 12-July 13
Member No.: 8,044



QUOTE (chimom @ Aug 26 2013, 01:05 PM) *
Scarlett's Mom and Dad,
I just read about your loss and I am so sorry. I appreciate your kind words and know the devastation you feel. I've been poking around on the site today and have found nothing but warmth and acceptance. I'm glad you have shared your story and opened the door to help others. This is much harder than I ever could have imagined.



Chimom,

It really is so much harder than words can express, isn't it? They are our babies, our responsibility - I am beginning to understand that the guilt comes from the fact that we take that responsibility seriously. They are angels here on earth and we are the lucky ones to be in their lives. Sending you healing energy.
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