Cosette Love

I picked up Cozy's ashes after work tonight. There was a slight mess up with the billing, but we'll straighten that out on Monday.

Then I walked her home from the vet for the last time. I placed the shiny cherry box on my bookshelf, next to the paw print and the crystal cat my dad gave me the year I couldn't have her in SF.

Cosette, in loving memory:

I didn't want Cosette when my mom first told me about her. A few days prior my cat Oliver had been put to rest, he was riddled with kitty leukemia. I wasn't ready, but my mom convinced my sister that this was Oliver come back. So my sister kidnapped me from school telling me that we were going to a movie, telling the school we were going to the doctor. She'd done this before, so I wasn't surprised. Then she drove downtown to the pound, parked, and told me I could either sit in the -6degree Rochester weather, or come inside. I decided to go inside. When we entered the pound she had to practically drag me into the cat room. And then I saw her. She was sitting on the shoulder of a tech, and I made an aww noise. She immediately perked up, cooed, and leapt...barely making it onto my jacket. She settled against me and purred like an outboard motor. I was hooked immediately. My mom had already put us on the list to get her, but they warned me that she was pretty sick and only a few weeks old, so I might not be able to take her home.

The day she was due to be released my mom went to the pound at 7am. There was already a line of people waiting for her and if she hadn't been there Cozy would have been gone. Mom brought her home and I stayed home from school to acclimate her to her new environment. We had several cats and a dog already so she stayed locked up in my room for the first few weeks, not even meeting the rest of the animal kingdom until we knew she was ok. I didn't name her right off the bat. She spent most of those first few hours running about, but luckily she was litter box trained right away and pretty much just wanted to curl up against me and purr between scampers. It was late that evening and I was practicing my choir songs from Les Miserables when the name came to me. I was singing the verse from Castle on a Cloud that goes "she says Cosette, I love you very much" and she kept making the coo noise. She was christened Cosette Love immediately.

Over then next 4 years Cozy adapted to life with other animals and people fairly well. She grew to be fairly strong and goofy with only a couple of remnants from her young abandonment: she was myopic and not fully weaned. She took to sucking/needing on her teddy bear at bedtime, and occasionally walked into walls. Cozy loved chasing fake mice and would often run in circles after them till she was so dizzy she'd fall over. We had oriental carpets all over the house and she was convinced that the patterns were 3-D, so many a day I'd find her laying on the floor slapping at the carpet. She'd do this non-stop till we laughed too loud then she'd wander off in a huff.

Eventually I had to go to college and I couldn't have her in the dorm. For two years she lived with my folks, but she was miserable. Every time I came home on break of for a weekend she'd be really mad at me for about 3 minutes, but as soon as I lay down on the bed with her teddy bear she'd be right up with me needing away and purring. Within 20 minutes from walking in the door my little shadow would be right there with me. Most cats like their independence, Cozy liked being always in sight of me. She was fine with the dog and the other fluffy cat sharing our twin bed, but only if they slept at the foot. It was rather crowded.

My junior year of college she moved to Ohio with me. Suddenly she was the darling pet of the entire theatre department and all my dorm friends. Folks who didn't have pets would occasionally knock on my door at odd hours asking to come in for some cat time. Many a girl and more than a few boys cried into her fur as she purred and soothed their broken hearts and damaged egos.

Senior year of college Cozy played the cat in the Diary of Anne Frank. For all of the performances she was excellent, until the very last show. It was a Sunday matinee and something spooked her. In her last scene she jumped out of her basket and ran through the audience and under the seats of the black box theatre. She absolutely refused to come out, so we finished the show and the struck the set. The entire cast and crew helped, and we even had a few friends standing by all the doors in case she came out and darted. As everything was struck there was still no sign of her and I started to get worried. I started calling for her and she meowed back at me. Everyone got really quiet and sat down in the seats, waiting to see what would happen. I kept calling her and she'd meow, but every time someone moved she would stop responding. So I sent the whole group out, one friend went to get me some food, and I sat down and waited. After Katie returned with dinner we talked for a bit, hoping she'd wander out on her own, but there was no response. So I started singing. On my 5th verse of You Are My Sunshine she trotted out from under the deck like she didn't have a care in the world. For the next week we had a constant stream of visitors to check on her, she was the darling of the theatre.

And Cozy was a mouser. We had mice a lot in my parents’ basement but we always thought Baby was the one killing them all and bringing them up stairs. Then I had a mouse problem in my place senior year. Over the course of the year Cozy captured and brought me over 35 mice (most in the first month). This from a myopic cat with no front claws. My parents were ever so grateful at Christmas for our return; they had been overrun by mice in the basement.

My move to San Francisco required another separation of a year, but as soon as I could get cat friendly accommodation my folks flew her out to me. She was drugged for the flight and when they landed she was just coming out of it. As we reached my apartment she started to open her eyes and when she saw me her little eyes lit up, as much as they can through a drug induced haze. As soon as we were inside I let her out of the cage and she climbed all over me. As far as she was concerned the separation had been 6million years, but as long as I cuddled her nonstop for the next 3 years she'd forgive me.

Over the next 4 years Cozy made more than a few friends. My former roommate Kim was probably her biggest fan, to the point where she got a Cozy-like cat when she moved to Oregon. The move to DC was tough on her, but overall I think she liked our second apartment quite a bit. Between the sun room and being at bird height, it was perfect for her really.

Our last few days together were tough. All of that is chronicled elsewhere and I won't repeat it now. Her last hours were very very difficult. Cozy passed away from cancer in her lung area. It was not in the lungs, it was surrounding her lungs and heart. It came on suddenly and would have been her end if I'd waited just 24 hours longer, which is why I made the choice to let her pass on that night. It was a kinder way to go then what she was going through. I won't go into details on all the tests and her fear and my fear, but I will say that we ran just enough tests to know that it was the only option. The vet and the techs very kindly kept double and triple checking till I had to accept their answer. When the time came to make the call I looked at the vet and made him tell me how long she had naturally and what would happen to her. I had to be sure that I was making the choice that would cause her the least pain.

I asked them to give me some time and I held her in my arms and sang to her. She was frightened and pissed off, but she calmed down some. Then they took her in the back to put the catheter in her leg. When they brought her back I was wailing. I couldn't handle it. I sent my sister out of the room, took some deep breaths, and took Cozy in my arms. They gave me another 15 minutes with her, but then it was time. They came in and she curled up against me. We rotated her enough to give them access to her leg, she hid her face under my chin, and I cried and sang to her and she nuzzled me. It was over fairly quickly and they gave me as much time as I needed to hold her after.

For 13+ years Cozy was my constant companion. She was my best friend, my teddy bear, my biggest annoyance, my love, my sanity, the thing that drove me insane, my baby. I loved her to distraction and I won't pretend I didn't also get annoyed by her some too. But when you're with anyone that long, you're bound to be annoyed sometimes.

I believe in fate. I believe that we were as meant for each other as any pet and person can be. I believe that was shaped each other’s natures and that I would be a completely different person if she hadn't stolen my heart that cold January day. Cosette was with me through some of the toughest and best days of my life. She took me from pre-teen years to adulthood. She helped me fight some of my toughest battles and was a discerning judge of character. She was my familiar.

Cosette, baby girl, sugar-butt, angel, couscous, Cozy: thank you for giving me so much and letting me give you so much in return. You'll be in my heart forever. I love you.