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oliver's mama
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oliver's mama

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22 Jun 2010
Hello everyone,

I lost my Max today. I don't know what happened...a blur of not wanting to finish treats, to not wanting any at all and to hiding all in maybe a week's time is all I can remember. I took him to my boyfriend's Sunday night so that I could keep an eye on him and get him in at the vet's quicker since they're less than a dozen blocks apart. On Monday morning I awoke to him panting and drooling and we zipped over. Severe anemia (5% of his red blood cells left), sharp intermittent pain and complete weakness with absolutely no idea why...risky 2 unit transfusion but a poor prognosis. I brought him home last night to keep vigil and checked him back in this morning. From what I gather, he had a general rapid crash and most likely a stroke at 2:15 today. He would occasionally decide he wanted a new kind of treat so that wasn't entirely indicative but I should have called the vet's when he was sleeping in the closet this weekend-Doc has given me his home phone for any any-hour emergency. I know the would/could/should of but this will weigh heavily on me forever. Maybe it wouldn't of made a difference..but maybe it would've. I lost my Max today and it's all BS!

I lost my Lily to kidney failure on April 28th and I had written about her in other posts back when she was first diagnosed. We fought the good fight for 2 years of fluids and in the end had to balance congestive heart failure which requires an impossible balance of hydrating and dehydrating (Doc said like balancing a pencil on your finger) which we narrowly mitigated. Painful ulcers in her mouth forced me to decide to risk anesthesia to do a good dental and surgery to remove a mass...10 harrowing days later and she was gone. I miss her insanely much. She required a great deal of attention, because of her medical needs but also because she was the most social cat I have ever known, and she loved me from never more than 3 feet away. I was on here once before after she died and found a post where I had a dream she was gone and awoke to her looking at me and it was just too much to put anything into words and I just couldn't even talk about it.

Part of the reason I tried not to jump to conclusions was because I was trying to force rationality by second guessing my instincts due to the absence of a "medical" kitty. What I failed to think of was this very scenario. Even if people thought I was crazy, it would still have been in HIS best interests. It also didn't even occur to me that God would take two back-to-back at the age of 13. It's something He and I will be discussing in depth numerous times, starting probably about time that the shock wears off and I collide with the imminent freight train of profound, pure and absolute loss and disbelief. Some days, I still can't believe Oliver is gone and I feel like I have only BEGUN to semi-adjust to life without Lily. It's not FAIR to either of them that I am now prematurely greiving for Max after Lily, and even in one post. My Lily is gone and I lost my Max today. I wish I could kill the sentence and I hate the very world in which it's true. I got my Oliver, Lily, Max and Daphne within a year of each other and all as kittens when I was but a baby of 23. It's both the loss of treasured friends, but they were also of the first of my adult family. Even though I've been with the same man and have been raising his child together as mother for 10 years, my cats are mine and mine alone. I feel distinctly sad but protective of the fact that I alone know what their passing means. To turn and say, 'and then there was Daphne'...it makes my stomach turn and I have that familiar and distinct sense of having an ice crean scooper carve out my chest.

I was going to post notes to my babies but I'm simply just too exhausted and horrified right now. There's so many things I miss and am angry that I don't have anymore that the post would be a book anyway, except to say that I will love them ALL the days of my life. Thanks for anyone reading and I am so sorry for your losses too...if there's any comfort to be had, it's that people out there know the power behind saying how incredibly sad I am and the world is not a better place.

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31 Aug 2008
Is anyone else worried that people aren't going to take their pets with them again? After reading all the Katrina horror stories and seeing it on the news and internet, I just hope that people exercise common sense and can find accomodations. I can't imagine thinking that if there was a chance that my house would be gone when I returned that it would be ok to leave my pets. It's sickening to remember that little white dog on the news that someone had to leave behind to board a bus...and the backwoods cop that shot all the pets in a makeshift shelter. Everyone say your prayers that this time that people have learned their lesson (I thought about adding a for God's sake warning to anyone reading this who is planning to evacuate...but then I realized where I was at and figured that people who read and/or post here are people who know it goes without saying. rolleyes.gif laugh.gif )
16 Aug 2008
I took my Lily in to get bloodwork done as I plan on doing for Max and Daphne as well (hindsight is always 20/20 I guess.) Lily's BUN came back high, but the vet said that my timing couldn't have been more perfect because it's the very beginning. I have read about it and he compassionately confirmed that it will be terminal but told me I may have years left, optimally. I have switched to prescription food and give it to them all since Lily and Daphne are 12 and Max is 10. I am administering fluids about once a week give/take a few days (150-200 mLs.) I know that many people here have done this and am wondering if you have any advice on what to watch for or what to do/not do. I hate that I have to wait for signs of dehydration since damage is done by then, but know that overhydrating is hard on her kidneys too.

I love on them all as much as possible and fear the terrible inevitable. I had a terrible dream two nights ago that Lily had died, that I had seen her lifeless and that I was at home swallowed up in her absence. When I awoke, I was sooooooo relieved that it wasn't real. I looked down at her grooming by my legs and she stopped, looked at me as if to ask, "What?" and then went back to her bath. laugh.gif Thanks for any replies.

Sarah (Lily's mama too wub.gif )
8 Aug 2008
I just wanted to remember my Pumpkin. He died on Thursday, Aug 7, 1998 at roughly 1:00 in the morning.

I got him from my work, his mother stashed him and his litter mates on the property, and my then boss (he was a pig) was going to call the pound. My best friend took 3 of them, all varying colors of tiger and I took him. I had just gotten Oliver and Lily when I took him in, and in just 3 months, I had 3 kittens tearing up my house. I tried to hide him from my mom when she came over soon after, but he shot his hand out from under the closet door and was feeling around. My sister and I were trying to frantically hide it, but I got busted anyway.

I used to affectionately refer to him as my red headed kitty. His full name was Peter Pumpkinhead Moonlit (last name here.) He was an orange and white cat with an orange spot on his right cheek in the shape of Africa. My lips fit perfectly there, and he had a great face smell. His back legs were fuzzy and bow-legged. His brown eyes always looked roundly dilated and people-like and they had blue flecks in them. He had thin, short whiskers and a soft and steady purr.

He used to sleep in a red glass bowl as a kitten until one day he reached 16 pounds and broke it. He was an ornery cat with a loving and proud dispostion. He used to crawl into bed with me and my bf at that time every single night and burrow as deep in between us as he could. When he would routinely knead, he would leave his claws out. This is how he earned the nickname Punkinator. He would snack loudly on my hair and I remember thinking even then that I should appreciate all of it, as he was a FeLV kitty and I feared his days were shortened.

He was my first experience with inner circle grief, and I took his loss very hard. It was actually because of him that I got on the internet for the first time and found this place. He is buried in my mom's back yard with a marker of an angel holding a kitty. Most of all I remember how much he was cherished. I smooshed a lifetime of love into the two short years he blessed my life. I have one picture only of him that I would like to post in the next few days.

Kisses and hugs for you, Punkadoo. You were a wonderful cat and I hope that you have found Oliver to keep him company until we meet again. Mama remembers and loves you very much. That will never change, not for any of you.

9 May 2008
I can't even believe that I have to type this out. I lost my Oliver on Tues. (May 6, 2008) and I think I have died too. Friday he was fine and Tues. morning he was gone. I noticed some small brown crust that kept forming on his lip but I just got his teeth cleaned on March 31 and he seemed otherwise fine for a 12 year old cat. Vet says maybe bone cancer, definitely anemic and in renal and liver failure this weekend, but it was just so quick. I feel like I got robbed, WE got robbed. I miss him sooooo much, it feels like my chest has been spooned out with a giant melon baller and my arms physically ache to hold him. Sat. he was kind of hiding and walking just a little bit weird. I called the hospital and they said if he isn't in pain, try to hold off till Mon. since the bill would be astronomical. I got the carrier out just in case and Sun. at noon he crawled in it and howled twice. We were out the door right then. I visited him that night at the hospital for an hour and he seemed himself (nurse saw him laying with his legs out like sticks like he always did and said he was doing it out of his cage, even with his little IV) and I transferred him to the vet on Mon. morning (behind an ambulance, coincidentally.) They said he was blocked, put him under to insert a catherter and he never really recovered after that. I took him home that night to be with me just in case and tended to him all night, and he made it through. That next morning I just laid there face to face with him and told be how much I loved him and begged him to fight while he purred real faintly. He died pretty much right after I took him back to the vet's on Tues. morning and the crematory got him before I even got to say goodbye. I cry all the time, I think of all the things that he won't do anymore, no more treats or people food stalking, no more laying sprawled out on his back in the summer or laying on his belly with stick legs or head butts or putting a paw on me when we sat next to each other, the list goes on. I am drowning in utter despair. People say that he wouldn't want this, well I don't want him gone either so that makes two of us. When I don't cry, I lay there is silent horror at what has become my life. I can't eat, I wake up and cry throughout the night and sometimes I honestly think this has to be a huge nightmare because there's no way he could even possibly be gone. I have three others all the same age but I can barely stand to be at home right now, there is still evidence everywhere of our last night together that I can't bear to clean up so I sleep at friend/family houses. He was my first and loved me dearly. A few weeks ago we were sleeping (he slept with his head on my pillow next to me) and I woke up to find him studying my face with huge round people eyes and he looked so lovey and intelligent. I said "well, hi" and squeezed him but now I wonder if he knew then. My mom said he was just studying my face on Mon. night too. I have this insane urge to scream out to Heaven what I think of this and to go somewhere and tell someone in charge that there's been a mistake and I need my cat back. The world should stop turning and it fittingly has rained from Tues. on. Someone great left this earth and no one knows his loss more than me. I'm sure you all know EXACTLY how this feels and thanks for listening. It really is horrendous.
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