I Love You, Larry

You were so tiny when the neighbors gave you to me. You looked like a little bird. So I had a habit of calling you Larry-bird, long after you had grown. Now, my little bird, you are gone and I miss you so badly, it hurts sometimes like I don't think I can stand it. I miss you cuddling next to me, the way you could do that in your special way that only you could do. Today, darling-bird, I held your little plushy bed that Daddy called your "hat" close to me, and cried so hard. When you were not sleeping with me, you were sleeping curled in your "hat." You are so missed.

But I take out this picture of you and remember how young and healthy you were then, and I read this poem. I say it like a chant, the way the mountain people worship, chanting hyms.

If you could see me now!
I'm walking streets of gold.
If you could see me now!
I'm walking, strong and bold.
If you could see me now,
You would know
The pain's erased.
If you could see me now,
You would know
I've seen God's face.
You would never want me to leave this place,
If you could see me now!

Rest high on that mountain, little bird. I love you.

Picture Of Larry

My sweet fur son, I love you sweetheart. Mommie misses you so much, but don't worry baby, I know that you have a new body now just like this one, and the one you have now will never hurt. We'll be together again one day, Love.

A Broken Heart For Christmas

My baby would have been 17 years old this spring. He was always so healthy and looked so good...I couldn't have known that this was going to happen.

Last month he began to lose some weight and was eating poorly, but after a vet check he seemed to be doing better with antibiotics for a bladder or kidney infection and some medication to help an overactive thyroid. Then late Christmas Eve he seemed to take a turn for the worse. For the sake of the sensitive and loving people who are reading I will not say how I could tell this...it was bad.

We rushed to the Emergency Clinic, where they placed him on IV fluids and began checking for whatever could be wrong. At 4:30 am the doctor called and said that on the ultrasounds and radiographs she had found cancer all spread through his lungs and upper body. They could keep doing more, but I had to say no, just please leave his IV in place because that would save him from having to have another needle. So about 5:00 am, I stayed with him, with his head cupped in my hand, and the vet slipped the euthanasia drug into the IV port. I told him I loved him so much, and that he was going to a place where there was no hurt, ever, and not to worry, I would see him again someday. I spoke the names of his loved ones who had passed away before him and promised him that he would see them.

Right now I wish that I could have gone with him. But better I hurt than my baby who deserved no hurt in all this world.