When I was 12 I was bullied at school, I left school and was deeply depressed and lonely. My mum brought me a beautiful cairn terrier puppy I called Phoebe.
She saw me through so many awful times. My grandad had cancer and had to have his voice box removed, my grandad was my idol and the dad I never had. She was there for me, even through a close friend dying and then when I was 17 my grandads cancer came back and I saw him die. Phoebe was there to cry into and cuddle, she had a look in her eye which said she understood. She would cuddle up to me every night and knew her side of the bed although she would try to cuddle up to me as close as she could. I would wake up in the night with awful nightmares and I would cuddle her and fall back asleep. I haven't been well myself the last couple of years, she would lay down with me in the afternoon and we would spend all our time together. I collapsed a couple months ago and when I came around I was asking for Phoebe, she was everything to me. On Monday she didn't seem herself. She went to the vets and had a blood test but all they could find was a minor infection so was given antibiotics. When she came home she had some water and chicken. That night I was up most the night, she seemed really flat but I thought the antibiotics had warn her out a bit. I cuddled her all night and tucked her in, keeping her warm. I must of fallen asleep for no more then a hour and when I woke at 5.45am she was looking at me cuddled up in my arms. I was stroking her face and didn't get a reaction, I pulled the covers back and rubbed her belly and I realised my worst nightmare had come true, she had passed away. Know I'm left heart broken, I can't eat, sleep or feel like I can cope without her. I need her, she is my rock and I don't feel I can get through this. What is life if it's just full of heart break? It seems who ever I'm close to dies and I can't cope with it.

Phoebe's Mom, I am SO very sorry about the physical loss of your precious Phoebe !!! There is absolutely nothing like this kind of pain. Grief is the most awful thing many of us have ever experienced. I know several people who have said they would never put themselves through it again ... but then they end up adopting again (and thank God people do adopt or else precious souls like Phoebe would never have been lucky enough to find a home).

Phoebe passed on from her physical body being held in the arms of the person she loved more than anything or anyone. How cherished and comforted she must have felt!

Between her medical care that you made available to her, and your love, you are the best of Pet Moms. So many animals never get to know what Phoebe knows. You both were, and are, lucky to have each other. And your Bond will never be broken by anything; the bond is just "minus" the physical form right now, and I know that is so hard!! She is still there with you---but not in her precious physical form that you want so much to cuddle. She's in a blissful realm, where there are no time / space limitations, where she can be with you and anywhere else she wants at the same time. She just wants YOU to be okay. You are her Mom even now that she is a free spirit.

There are a lot of compassionate people, and helpful things to read, on this site. I am very glad you found this page. We will help you through this excruciating pain.

Would you be open to rescuing another needy little soul? (Some people do after a long time, and some do immediately. Either way, it would be in Phoebe's honor and of course no one else could EVER replace your Phoebe. But I have a strong feeling that Phoebe wants you to have someone there with you---someone who needs you as much as you need them. If this is what you decide, I know Phoebe would be proud.)

Please continue to check in here. I hope you will let us know how you are doing---often. Share anything. We have been there and we understand.

Sending you heartfelt prayers and a warm hug. Will look for more notes from you.

Kathy
P.S. Phoebe is just about the most adorable little soul I've ever seen!

Hi Kathy,
Thank you for taking the time to read and reply to my post, your kind words are a real comfort to me.
I'm still finding it extremely lonely, nothing seems to look or feel the same anymore. My family sympathise but I'm not sure they understand the true grief I'm feeling. Phoebe did so much more for me then any human could, she was with me 24/7 which know other person could. She let me cry on her, she sat with me when I didn't feel well, she got hyper and playful on our good days and we would go for a walk and she would just sit with me quite contently.
I hate the thought that with every day that goes by it's a day further away from when she was last with me. The grief runs so deeply, I can't remember life without her.
I can't sleep, eat nor do I want to go out. I feel frozen in the pain. I've never felt so alone, it's strange how you can have people around you but still feel desperately alone and sad.
I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do from here.

Hi, Phoebe's Mom, please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Phoebe. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company. Losing a companion so unexpectedly intensifies the grief.

Phoebe's Mom, this grief is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eternity. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time sometimes one moment at a time for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year to endure. It is a journey that is fillled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time which is why it is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief when you share with us "it's strange how you can have people around you but still feel desperately alone and sad. I'm not sure what I'm suppose to do from here." Clinical professionals recognize that the grief journey for the physical loss of a beloved companion is the same as for a human family member or friend. Sadly, however, our society in general - - and sometimes the people who are closest to us emotionally and geographically - - do not. This is one of the many reasons why this wonderful forum is here as a safe place where each of us can come to share what is in our hearts and on our minds with people who truly do understand what we are going through as we travel the deep grief of our loss.

I totally agree with our forum friend Kathy's comforting words to you when she shared with you "Phoebe passed on from her physical body being held in the arms of the person she loved more than anything or anyone. How cherished and comforted she must have felt!" I hope in time you will be able to find comfort in your heart that this is a blessing for both you and your beloved Phoebe.

This grief journey is very painful both emotionally and physically, Phoebe's Mom, so it is important that you allow yourself the opportunities you need to openly grieve for your beloved Phoebe even if you need to find a private place away from other people to do so. It is also vitally important that you take nourishment even if it's a cup of broth frequently throughout the day. Grieving takes a lot of energy and is very stressful on the body, so it is important that you take special care of yourself.

As painful as this grief journey is adjusting to the physical absence of your beloved Phoebe there is one thing that will never change - - the love bond between you and your beloved Phoebe. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit is always and forever a part of your heart and memories - - she is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know so very well from first hand experience that when our hearts are entrenched in deep grief there are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the searing pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so very much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Phoebe with us. She is sooooo adorable, and you are so blessed to be he sole, and soul, heir to her eternal love. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Moonbeam,
Thank you for your reply, your words are a comfort in such a horrible time. It will be a week tonight and it's getting more difficult by the day. My life seems so lonely without her and feel I have so many struggles ahead that my stomach drops all the time wondering how I face it without her. We have done her a little patch where she is buried outside my window, I'm always looking out at where she is and my mum have put lights there for her too. I keep trying to upload my favourite picture of her but it won't upload. I'm doing a memory box for her and thought I would put pictures all throughout her life in order. I sleep every night with her teddys but I can't turn over to her side where I would cuddle up to her. I feel like the better half of me is missing and it's so lonely.

Hi, Phoebe's Mom, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. I'm so sorry you're having difficulties uploading your favorite picture of your beloved Phoebe. You can contact the Lightning Strike Administrator and ask his help with this. He is always willing to assist. Look forward to seeing your favorite picture soon.

I can so relate to how you're feeling when you share with us "I feel like the better half of me is missing and it's so lonely." When our beloved companions precede us to the angels they take a part of us with them - - a part that belongs only to them - - to hold onto until it is our appropriate time to join them in eternal joy. It's like the broken heart charm - - our beloved companion is holding one piece and we are holding the other - - and the heart will be one again when we are reunited with them. Until then we are blessed with our many treasured memories that bind us to their sweet Living Spirit through eternal love.

Your memory box sounds like a lovely tribute to your beloved Phoebe and organizing her pictures is also a wonderful idea. Hopefully as you work on these projects you will feel her close to you.

I hope today is treating you kindly, Phoebe's Mom, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Phoebe's Mom,

Just wanting you to know that I am thinking of you. I've not been able to be on this page as much in the past few days but am still sending prayers your way. Have you had any luck uploading pictures for Phoebe's memory box? What a great idea!

It sounds as though your mum is being supportive. You deserve everyone's compassion and understanding and support. You are experiencing one of the absolute worst circumstances life dishes out. And we will continue to be here for you.

Warm hugs,

Kathy

Hi Kathy,
Thank you so much for your thoughtful words, it really comforts me. It's been 12 days now since I lost Phoebe and it doesn't seem easier, I can't understand how I've gone this long without her. I miss her so much, even my cat sammy can't settle and seems lost. I had a cushion made with her picture, I've also done a photo album, a memory box and got her a plaque where she has been burried and decorated it with fairy lights, pink flowers and found a dream catcher which says "phoebes garden". I feel so lonely, as things in my personal life is so up and down she gave me comfort and stability and I just don't know what to do with myself.
Thank you to everyone for all the support and kind words.
Maddie.

Hi Maddie,

I am glad you checked in and updated us on how you're doing with this almost unbearable grief. I love the sounds of the cushion, the memory box, the photo album, and the plaque decorated with the beautiful flowers, lights, and the personalize dream catcher!! They all sound really amazing, and very special. I would love to see pictures of those things if would like to show them to us and if you are able to upload some. (If they won't upload, let us know and we can try to help with that process.)

Is anything else helping at all? Are you and Sammy finding any comfort together? I am glad you have her. Who else in your life is supportive and understanding? And are there any activities (games, movies) you do for periods of time that at least give you somewhat of a temporary rest from the pain? Are you eating and sleeping any better?

Phoebe really is okay, she's still with you and always will be, and she wants you to have as much comfort as possible.

I really feel for everything you are going through. Please check back when you can and share more.

Thinking of you!

Kathy

Hi, Maddie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you and your precious Sammy are doing. Even when we have other precious companions still with us we must allow ourselves the freedom and opportunities to openly grieve for the beloved companion who is no longer physically with us. Scientific studies prove that each living being has its own unique "energy" - - and when this "energy" is no longer present in the family unit there is literally a energy "void" that happens in the family unit. It can even feel like the house structure itself is grieving. It takes time to adjust to the physical absence of a beloved companion - - because we live in a physically oriented world governed by the five senses of taste, touch, sight, sound, and smell. This is one of the many reasons why this grief adjustment journey is so very painful - - both emotionally and physically. Hopefully in comforting Sammy you will also be comforted as you both travel your grief adjustment journeys.

Your memorials for your beloved Phoebe sound lovely. Like our forum friend Kathy it would be nice to see some of your memorials if / when you would like to share them with us.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Sammy kindly, Maddie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all your thoughts and kind words 🙂 I think I've been able to attach my favourite photo of Phoebe but struggling to upload the photos of her little place. We have decorated her patch with lots of fairy lights and some special plants for her. I've been keeping myself busy organising her photos into an album. I go outside to her patch every night and tell her how much I miss her and how precious she is too me. It's been a difficult week personally and I've needed her so much 😢 My cat Sammy stays we me every night though, she has been a real comfort to me. The other morning for a brief moment I thought it was all just a nightmare and asked my mum where Phoebe is and realised she isn't there cuddled up asleep. I miss her so much. Like my family say to me though, I can't wish for her to be here in body and be in pain, that would just be wrong and selfish of me but if only we could turn the clock back in life and make more of the moments we have that are so precious to us.
Thank you all again for your continued support.
Maddie x

Hi, Maddie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and for sharing this wonderful picture of your beloved Phoebe with us. She is sooooo adorable.

As difficult as it is to adjust to the physical absence of our beloved companions, we are always blessed to have their sweet Living Spirit with us at all times knowing they are always a heartbeat close to us. It is a painful adjustment both emotionally and physically not having them physically with us - - but as your family so comfortingly shared with you "I can't wish for her to be here in body and be in pain. ." I hope in time you will be able to find a peace in your heart that your beloved Phoebe wouldn't change a thing in her earthly journey with you - - for her only desire - - both during her earthly journey and now - - is to love you and have the blessing of your love. Love is eternal, Maddie.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Sammy kindly, Maddie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi Maddie,

Have been wanting to check in with you. The picture of sweet Phoebe is just adorable!!!

If you can describe the trouble you're having uploading the other pictures, I might be able to help.

Sorry it's been so rough. I understand this kind of pain so well. What seems to be helping you the most? Are there certain times of day that are more difficult than others?

I'm really glad Sammy is there with you.

I'm glad you keep in touch here. Know that you're in my prayers every day.

Kathy

Hi Kathy and Moon Beam,
Thank you both so much for thinking of us. I still feel Phoebe is coming back, you realise what a huge part of your life they become. I miss Phoebe snoring in my bed in the morning and not being able to make my bed until mid day! I miss her telling me when the postman is here, I miss her running up the garden, her cuddles, there is so much to list!
I found this beautiful poem that sums her up:

I might not be able to talk,
But I have two ears to listen,
I might not be able to tell you I support you,
But my eyes can speak volumes,
I might not have a shoulder to cry on,
But I have fur you can wipe away your tears on,
I might not have to arms to hold you,
But I'll stand steady by your side just the same,
I'll try my best to make you laugh,
Although you feel like crying.
With love that is unconditional, and loyalty everlasting.

Whoever wrote these words sums up the depth of a friendship. A friendship that we all on here have been lucky enough to experience and as the words say, everlasting.
As I write, I have Sammy on my lap, she doesn't move far from me at the moment and it means so much to me she is there to support me. She really has a heart made of gold. She lays on my bed looking so sad, it breaks my heart. I feel her pain but she can't tell me.

Thank you all again, please keep in touch.
Maddie x
Ps I think I've managed to upload a photo of Phoebe's memorial and a picture of Sammy x

Maddie! Sammy is adorable! She looks so cuddly. I was so pleased to see her picture. You and she are the best of supports for each other. You are helping each other to get through this grief.

And the picture of Phoebe's memorial is soooo beautiful ! You put so much heart and love into making this---wow. Phoebe is smiling on you and Sammy.

The poem is really touching. I'm glad you shared it.

Really good to get these updates from you. Keep sharing when you get a chance.

Kathy

Hi, Maddie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing, and the wonderful pictures of your memorial to your beloved Phoebe, and your adorable precious Sammy. As our forum friend Kathy has said it so well "You are helping each other to get through this grief."

Thank you also for sharing the wonderful narrative description of our beloved companions' unconditional love for us. You are blessed to have your beloved Phoebe's eternal love even though she is no longer physically with you, and you are blessed to have your precious Sammy there to comfort you now.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Sammy kindly, Maddie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Hi everyone,
It's been a while since I last checked in. Been wanting to write but finding it difficult.
I talk to Phoebe everyday and missing her so much. I find it hard to settle with her and can't really think straight at the moment.
I've had more heartache as well. A little mini Shetland we rescued 7 months ago with her daughter was in foal when we took her in. Watching her belly growing and the foal kicking there was finally some light in all of the shade. She went into labour but unfortunately the beautiful little foal was stillborn. It's heartbreaking and a imagine I can't remove from my head. Molly is doing ok but calling for her foal. I wish I had Phoebe to cuddle through this awful time.

Oh Maddie, I'm so sorry about the little foal !! I bet just having you around will help Molly through this. Is Sammy an indoor/outdoor kitty? Just wondering-if she does go out, maybe you and she could keep Molly company during these tough days?

There is so much sadness we have to endure in this world and I wish it was not the case! I guess the main thing we can do is comfort each other---both us humans and our beloved non-humans---and help each other through.

Check in here any time! I will be sending prayers of comfort your way.

Kathy

Hi, Maddie, thank you so much for sharing with us how you're doing. Please permit me to add my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of Molly's foal. This additional loss of course will intensify your grief for your beloved Phoebe. I know you are doing everything you can to comfort Molly in her loss - - and in comforting her you will also be comforted. Please let us know how Molly is doing.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Sammy kindly, Maddie, and that you will have a peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Phoebe's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam