Three weeks ago I lost my little soul mate Gizmo to heart disease, she was a small tabby cat with big green eyes. She was only 10 years old. It all happened over two weeks.

Im finding it very difficult, as I live alone, and she was my soul mate and companion. A couple of years ago my husband and I separated and she was always there for me.
She was not your every day cat. She would follow me around everywhere - the house and the garden. She would drag my bras around the house when I was not home.
She was so cute!

I have deliberately not put up any photos of her at home, because it is to painful to look at. I have some nice pictures of her which I will have framed, but not until I feel stronger.
I wish I had taken more photos of her. I have her ashes in a little wooden box.

When she used to lay beside me at night, sometimes I would dream that I was carrying her around in my arms. Now she is not with me, I no longer dream of her,
and that makes me sad.

I still miss her terribly, and I spun into a deep depression when she passed away. Im still not quite out of it, work forces me to get up in the morning. I work two jobs to keep
the house and pay the mortgage, but it was all for Gizmo, so that she could be at home safe and warm. The sunny conservatory was her favourite place.

Every now and then you hear of an older person who has lost their life long partner as they have passed away. Then their partner dies of a broken heart like Johnny Cash.
I prayed the night I lost her that I would be taken away too, my heart feels so broken that I could die, but when I open my eyes in the morning, Im still alive, and Im disappointed.

Im angry at the angels for not taking me so I can be with her again. And Im also angry that they took her so young, especially because I was praying every day for her to get better
and they did not listen.
Im angry that I don't know what happens after death, I want to know so badly.

I will take each day as it comes, I still have my horse, her name is Shinto, and she needs me more than ever as she is getting older too. She is a very angelic creature, she has a
white body and dark mane and tail.

A friend of mine had her Rottweiler dog pass away, and she could still feel it jump up onto the bed even after it had gone. This happened for a little while, and then it stopped
happening. She thinks her father who has passed away is looking after all of her animals.

I don't want Gizmo's spirit to leave me, but I want to be able to hold her, and kiss her sweet smelling fur.

I am feeling deep, deep sorrow.

Teresa

Hi, Teresa, please permit me to offer you my sincerest sympathies in the physical loss of your beloved Gizmo. Losing a companion is never easy regardless of the circumstances or how long we are blessed with the privilege of their company.

Teresa, this grief journey is one of the most painful experiences you will know on this side of eterinty. It is a journey that is filled with many different emotions that can overwhelm us all at one time - - it is a journey that is frequently referred to as a horror roller coaster ride. It is a journey that can only be traveled one day at a time, sometimes one moment at a time, in your own way and in your time, for you are now on a journey that is filled with all the first withouts and the memories that can be all too painful right now that include "this time yesterday, last week, last month, last year" to endure.

Please let me try to reassure you that what you are feeling is very normal deep grief - - the loss of energy and interest in every day activities, the lack of control of emotions, etc.. The things and routines that used to bring us joy now seem to be meaningless. Our hearts ache to be with the ones we love who are now with the angels, but instead we find ourselves having to endure through the deepest pain our hearts can ever know. But I promise you, Teresa, it will not always be this way. One day when you least expect it you will find yourself smiling - - truly smiling - - and your heart will fill with the warmth of the many treasured memories you and your beloved Gizmo share. But until this day comes for you, please know you are among friends here who truly do understand what you are going through, and we are here for you for as long and as often as you need us.

Even though your beloved Gizmo is no longer physically with you, there is one thing that will never change, and that is the love bond you and your beloved Gizmo share. Love is eternal - - it is not restricted to the physical laws of time and space. Your beloved Gizmo's sweet Living Spirit continues to share your earthly journey as he always has and always will for he is always and forever a part of your heart and memories, Teresa - - he is always and forever a heartbeat close to you.

I know all too well from firsthand experience that when our hearts are filled with deep grief there really are no adequate words in any language that can soothe the seering pain of sorrow. Still I hope the words I share with you will be able to offer you some measure of comfort, support, encouragement, and hope as you travel your grief adjustment journey.

Thank you so much for honoring us in sharing your beloved Gizmo with us, Teresa. Please know you and your precious Shinto are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Thank you Moonbeam for your kind words, I will try to attach a picture of sweet Gizmo, I think I have attached it right?? let me know if it doesint go through

Hi, Teresa, thank you so much for these wonderful pictures of your beloved Gizmo. He is soo handsome. There is a saying, "A picture paints a thousand words" - - and this is true of your beloved Gizmo.

I hope today is treating you and your precious Shinto kindly, Teresa, and that you will have a very peaceful evening blessed with your beloved Gizmo's sweet Living Spirit to comfort you. Please know you and your precious Shinto are in my thoughts and prayers, and please let us know how you're doing.

Peace and blessings,
moon_beam

Dear Gizmo's mom,

My heart is aching for your Gizmo's going home. I'm a solo, too, and when a soulmate goes home, it is the loneliest feeling on earth. Please know that our furbabies do live on, they have souls the same as we do. They go on to a place I call the Perfect World - other people call it Heaven. There they are well, safe, always in their prime of life, have good food, clear water to drink and gobs and gobs of friends. The new comers always get to hold court and tell how wonderful their moms or dads are. Even though all the other animals have the same thought, huge rounds of appplause go up.

Gizmo is still with you - as a spirit he CAN be two places at once. He is right by your side where he hs always been. The only difference is that you can't see or hear or otherwise sense him. But he can see and hear you. And he's on his job just like he has always been: looking out for you, guiding your steps, and most important sharing a love like no other in the history of the universe with you.

You belong to a very special group of people - those whose animal soulmate had found them and lived with them. When Gizmo went home to the Perfect World from which he came, he took a piece of your heart with him to cherish until you join him. And he left a part of HIS heart for you to do the same. Oh, it's hard, VERY hard, to be without his physical presence. My gretta - the kindest chocolate lab who ever lived - went home almost 3 years ago and I cry a little for her every day. Then Rufus - a half black lab half Newfie went home when I was half a continent away and couldn't be with him and help him on his journey. But I know he loves me just like before, and so does Gizmo love you just like before.

Some people talk to their heaven-babies. I do. I tell them how much I love them and miss them and right now Rufus, with his strong back and protective spirit is being my partner in having to parent a hugely disfunctional and serious ill family of origin. Oh I could probably do it myself, but with Rufus at my side and having my back, I KNOW I can do it.

Gizmo's mom, grieve in your own way and at your own speed. We solos can get away with doing things that people in families can't. I was so sad when Gretta went home that I slept on her beautiful big orthopedic bed for over a week , just to feel closer to her.

But rest assured: Gizmo IS alive and he is having a perfect life except for one thing - you're not their yet.

God bless you.

Gretta and Rufus's mom