Knowing It's Inevitiable, Anticipatory Grief Options

[1991Baby]

My precious little girl is still with me. I've had her since she was 6 weeks old in 1991. She is a nearly all-white Co*cker Spaniel. Her name is Kahlua. She has been my furry friend, my playful pooch, my lovable and loving licker, my happy most bestest most amazing most constant companion in my life since college.

Kahlua will be seventeen in the next few months. I know I am very lucky to still have her. I've read many posts here from others who lost their most precious pets well before seventeen.

I don't know how much longer Kahlua has. I don't know for sure if she'll actually see seventeen. Then again, she may make it to eighteen or longer. The veterinarian says she is in "remarkably good health" for a lady her age. Kahlua can't hear worth a darn, hasn't been able to jump on the couch with me since she was fifteen, doesn't long to sit by my side touching some part of me like she used to, has a hard time getting up from a good sleep, can't control her soiling like she used to, is much more particular about her food and doesn't come to me when I wave her over anymore.

But, she still has great vision, has her curiosity about the world around her, plays with her toys, has a healthy appet*ite, walks over to me for plenty of pats, strokes and kisses and loves it when guests come over to play with her. When she does get her little muscles and bones going it is hard to get her stopped. And she's been medication-free until I recently decided to experiment with Selegeline, an anti-dementia drug the vet says has the possibility to help with her midnight pacing and staring at corners and walls she recently started.

I am posting not because I heard any bad news from the vet, yet, and I'm no where near considering putting her down yet. But, I've seen enough aging in the past couple of years to be keenly aware that day is out there, closer than I want it to be, but before the stark reality of it is shoved in my face. I want to continue to enjoy Kahlua without dwelling on the decision I will one day have to make. But it will be my first decision like that in my life, and I know I am currently ill-equipped to deal with the grief that will accompany it.


This thread is t*itled pet loss and impending pet loss. I don't know if Kahlua has three days left, or three years, so I'm not sure if this qualifies under the t*itle. But I know I need to begin to confront the journey with her that we have left together and I want to do it the best I can, without regrets or guilt creeping in. If I don't glean as much as I can from support groups like this ahead of time I know I'll be an absolute basket-case and will sink into a deep emotional abyss when the time comes for her to cross that bridge. When the vet is calling her a miracle dog I know it is too soon. Then again, I don't want to make her wait any longer than she needs and make her suffer when she wants to let go but is holding on for me.

Kahlua has lived longer than most of her kind born in 1991. How long can "miracle dogs" in "remarkable health" live as Co*cker Spaniels? What is the oldest the breed can go without indicting the owner for torture? I had a friend with a small mutt that he kept until she was 21 or 22. My friend's companion had been on medication since she was 12, was blind and deaf by 16 and only slept and pooped by 18, when she was incapable of reciprocating any affection in her last 3-4 years.

And, looking back on the loss of your treasured baby, what do you wish you had done differently with him/her when they were at a similar juncture as Kahlua is today? I look forward to your replies.