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BastiansMomma
55 years old
Gender Not Set
Cleveland, Ohio
Born Dec-5-1968
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Joined: 4-May 05
Profile Views: 1,169*
Last Seen: 15th May 2005 - 08:04 PM
Local Time: Mar 28 2024, 04:45 AM
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BastiansMomma

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6 May 2005
This week has been an emotional roller coaster. Work actually has given me solace since I can think of something else other than Bastian. I find that going home is another story, especially when I am going to bed since she slept with me, which I know people can relate.
this will be my first weekend with out her. I am so afraid to face these two days. I feel numb and this whole awful thing is surreal. Of course Sunday being Mother's day will be hard too. My kittys used to send me mothers day cards and i know this year it will only be from one. Monday will be a week since she has gone to the bridge and I can't believe it's been that long or short. It feels like forever then it feels like just yesterday as I relive everything.
I know I am doing better like I have said in my last post, but today is a hard day, and I know Monday will be the worst. I talk to her everyday and I hope she can hear me. I also identify with not wanting to vacuum, not wanting to wash my robe where her fur is. I did find some old pictures of her when she was younger and healthier. It was bittersweet, I plan to make a picture book of my dear baby.
I was reading some older posts today and my heart goes out to all of you with your loss. I have cried when I have read your stories and find comfort that these pets were and still are loved immensely as mine is. Thank you all for posting supports when I know your wounds have not even healed. your support and love is felt through these posts.

Jen
5 May 2005
Today I received a letter from my vet.
Inside was a piece of paper folded, on the front was Bastian's pawprints and the vet wrote Sweet Sebastian under them.
When I opened the paper there was some of her fur as a rememberance and a poem. I am sure you have heard this one before but I thought it appropriate to post:

Poem for Cats

And God asked the feline spirit
Are you ready to come home?
Oh, yes, quite so, relied the precious soul
And, as a cat, you know I am most able
To decide anything for myself.

Are you coming then? asked God.
Soon, replied the whiskered angel
But I must come slowly
For my human friends are troubled
For you see, they need me, quite certainly.

But don't they understand? asked God
That you'll never leave them?
That your souls are intertwined. For all eternity?
That nothing is created or destroyed?
It just is...forever and ever and ever.

Eventually they will understand,
replied the glorious cat
For I will whisper into their hearts
That I am always with them
I just am...forever and ever and ever

Author Unknown

I thought this was such a kind gesture on the Vet's part. Seeing my baby's fur, made me cry again, but it also felt like I had a part of her with me now. I dreamt about her and in it she was healthy and happy and let me know it. Maybe that's my sign from her. I have felt a bit more at peace after that, but I still ache with longing for her. My other kitty, Fred(bubby) knows things are just not right. They never got along, but he knew she ruled and they would chase each other around. (she was 6 pounds and a runt, he is like 25 and a moose) so that was a sight, but he knew her place was the bed, that she got to lay on Mommy's robe, and that she was the spoiled princess. He now jumps on the bed and looks around wondering when is Bastian going to jump up there and shoo him down. I talk to him and let him know she had to go play with the angels, that she was sick, but she is here with us still in spirit.

This site has really helped me to begin to heal. I don't feel so alone in this anymore. The first few days were the hardest. The what if's are still there and the I am going to miss.... but I am beginning to accept that her physical body is not here. She would want me to go on, love more, live more. When the time is right, I know we will get another furbaby and I think Bastian would like that, for her legacy to live on in the love I have for all the animals in this world.

Bastian was only a few weeks old when my roommate brought her to me. She was so small, you could fit her in the palm of your hand. A black ball of fluff. Some horrible person, had put her and her siblings in a bag in the middle of a busy intersection and she was the only survivor. The MINUTE I saw her she was mine. She never left my side, we became as one. She saw me through so much and helped me at my darkest points. I turned to her for solace and she was there. Comforting me as only my little one could do. She would give us headbutts all the time to our chins too. I miss that.

Love to all

Jen
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4 May 2005
I stumbled upon this site last night while trying to cope with the loss of my kitty, Bastian. It was touching to read other posts and know I am not alone in my sorrow. Bastian was 13 years old and was diagnosed with kidney failure about 2 weeks ago. I was devestated. She was my best friend, confidante, my angel. They wanted to do fluid therapy, but told me it would only prolong her life a little. I chose to keep her at home with her mommy and daddy, where she felt safe and cared for. I fed her and made sure she drank a lot of water. I even gave her water in a syringe when needed. She started to zone out, walk differently, not sit right. I knew that my kitty was dying. I came home Monday from work and my husband said she was acting strange all day. She had not been the kitty I knew in a while, the spunk had left her. I could tell it was getting close to her time. I did not want her to suffer so I had to make the most painful decision ever. We had her put to sleep that night so she can rest and play and have no pain. We stayed with her while it happened so the last thing she heard and saw was us. A part of me died that night. My little boo was gone. I keep crying and keep looking for her. She slept with me every night and now she is not there. I miss her so much, it's such a physical pain. My husband is upset too, but I had raised her from a little kitten and she was my princess. I know she is at peace now and I did the best I could with her. I know she had a good life and she knew she was loved and that she loved me. Still I want her back. I want to curl in a ball and disappear. I have dreamt about her these past 2 nights and to wake up with out her little paws touching my face, breaks my heart. I know this is a bit of a ramble, but I want to say thank you for all that have helped with a kind word, story or support. My heart goes out to everyone and their loss. I just wish I could stop this hurting, this hole in my soul, the ache that my body feels knowing she is not here.
Bastian kitty, mommy loves you and misses you more than you can imagine. Go play and have fun my angel and I will see you soon.
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