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nisey
53 years old
Female
Pennsylvania
Born June-6-1970
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Joined: 8-August 09
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Last Seen: 21st August 2009 - 08:08 AM
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nisey

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8 Aug 2009
sad.gif I lost my Sasha on July 15. She was an 11 yr old golden retriever. I let her outside in the morning and she was fine. When I went to let her back in, she could no longer use her left hip. I rushed her to the vet. It was bone cancer. It had shattered the bone just under her hip. There was nothing they could do for her. We had her put to sleep so she wouldn't suffer anymore. I stayed with her and held her the whole time. It felt like my heart would explode! We brought her home and buried her under the trees in our back yard. I have dreams that are so real that I wake up and my hand is up in the air reaching out to touch her. Then I lost Lucky last Sunday. He was a 10 yr old golden. He was a rescue dog. He had been abused and it took a long time to convince him that no one would hurt him anymore. He never got over his fear of cages though. He had had seizures a couple times over the years but nothing that required medication. On Sunday morning he didn't get up right away when I did. I thought he was having a lazy day. I got the kids some breakfast and walked into the bathroom. He had had a seizure and was laying there in a daze in his own urine. I cleaned him up and tried to comfort him but he didn't really seem to know I was there. Then he had another seizure. He lost control of both his bladder and bowels. He had never done this before so I knew these were worse than the others. He still didn't seem to know me. I called the vet. She thought that maybe he was taking longer to come out of it since he was getting older. She said I could bring him down if I wanted but it would mainly be a matter of waiting to see what happened. I couldn't put him in one of those cages all alone. I decided to keep him home and as comfortable as I could. He had one final seizure and just stopped breathing. I called the vet to see if it was my fault for not bringing him in right away. She said that he must have had something else going on and if he died that fast, there is probably nothing she could have done. Now they are together again under the trees.

I go between feeling like I have a huge hole in my chest that nothing will ever fill to being so full of pain that I don't know if I can hold it all inside without exploding. I feel like I have been dropped into hell!


Thanks for listening. It helps to know that other people know how I feel and that they were not "just dogs".

God bless you all,
Nisey
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8 Aug 2009 - 22:48

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