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41 years old
New Zealand
Born Nov-25-1978
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Joined: 2-January 14
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Last Seen: 12th January 2014 - 11:43 AM
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Pet Lovers

My Content
3 Jan 2014
Three weeks ago I lost my little soul mate Gizmo to heart disease, she was a small tabby cat with big green eyes. She was only 10 years old. It all happened over two weeks.

Im finding it very difficult, as I live alone, and she was my soul mate and companion. A couple of years ago my husband and I separated and she was always there for me.
She was not your every day cat. She would follow me around everywhere - the house and the garden. She would drag my bras around the house when I was not home.
She was so cute!

I have deliberately not put up any photos of her at home, because it is to painful to look at. I have some nice pictures of her which I will have framed, but not until I feel stronger.
I wish I had taken more photos of her. I have her ashes in a little wooden box.

When she used to lay beside me at night, sometimes I would dream that I was carrying her around in my arms. Now she is not with me, I no longer dream of her,
and that makes me sad.

I still miss her terribly, and I spun into a deep depression when she passed away. Im still not quite out of it, work forces me to get up in the morning. I work two jobs to keep
the house and pay the mortgage, but it was all for Gizmo, so that she could be at home safe and warm. The sunny conservatory was her favourite place.

Every now and then you hear of an older person who has lost their life long partner as they have passed away. Then their partner dies of a broken heart like Johnny Cash.
I prayed the night I lost her that I would be taken away too, my heart feels so broken that I could die, but when I open my eyes in the morning, Im still alive, and Im disappointed.

Im angry at the angels for not taking me so I can be with her again. And Im also angry that they took her so young, especially because I was praying every day for her to get better
and they did not listen.
Im angry that I don't know what happens after death, I want to know so badly.

I will take each day as it comes, I still have my horse, her name is Shinto, and she needs me more than ever as she is getting older too. She is a very angelic creature, she has a
white body and dark mane and tail.

A friend of mine had her Rottweiler dog pass away, and she could still feel it jump up onto the bed even after it had gone. This happened for a little while, and then it stopped
happening. She thinks her father who has passed away is looking after all of her animals.

I don't want Gizmo's spirit to leave me, but I want to be able to hold her, and kiss her sweet smelling fur.

I am feeling deep, deep sorrow.

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