I Am New To This Forum.

Hello my name is samantha.Two days ago I had a horriable thing happen.Let me start from the beginning.I own two pitbulls Dozer and Muppie.They are like my kids.Well my landlord lost the house i was living in so i had to move.I moved in with my mother in law and i didnt have room for both of my dogs so Dozer went to stay with a friend of mine.I went to visit him evey week he was very happy and got along with the other dog great.Him and the other dog became very close.He really adapted to his new temp home.
Last week my friend called me she was concerned because dozer had a couple of seizures.I called and made an appt for the vet.The day of the appt the vet had canceled due to an emergency surgery.I didnt reschedule my friend said Dozer seemed ok and hadnt had any more seizures.
Well two days ago i got a message on my voice mail saying Dozer was in bad shape.So I rushed over there and found my dog in a coma like state convulsing covered in vomit.It was the most horriable thing i have ever in this life had to see.It was beyond horriable.I cant tell you the terror I felt.I picked my dog up and put him in the car he was still seizuring non stop.I drove him to the emergency vet and the vet told me that there was a 20% chance that my baby would survive.I just collasped.This couldnt be happening.This was my worse nightmare come true.The vet said they could put him on i.v pump him full of anti seizure med and see if he ever comes to.They wanted $3000.I did not have that kind of money.I didnt even have $100.So the vet advised me to put him asleep.I didnt want him to suffer any longer than he already had.So i went in the room where he was ,still seizuring and I laid my face against his while the vet gave him the shot.I told him I loved him and that mommy was so sorry,i told him he was a good boy and again how sorry i was and he took a deep breath and then he was gone.I wanted to die from the pain i felt inside.I was so sorry that I didnt take him to the vet the week before.The guilt overwelmed me.If I wouldnt have left him with someone else this never would of happened.I was sick inside.I couldnt stop crying.I went home and cried and cried.I later found out that at my friends house Dozer laid on the floor that day for 24 hours before i came and took him to the vet.The thought of him laying there suffering is more than i can stand.I cant get the picture of him laying on the floor that day seizuring covered in vomit out of my head.when i close my eyes that is all i see.I didnt know that anything that disturbing could happen to a dog.I feel so regretful that i didnt get to him sooner.I am so angry that no one took him to the vet or tried to get him any help.The guilt and sadness over this is killing me.